SPANISH GUITAR

I don't know what it was about this man that drove me crazy. This beautiful seed of God had my heart in the palm of his hand.  I've loved this man ever since I first saw him on television in 1994.  He was so fine, so cute, so innocent. God blessed him, it was a sin to look as good as he did. I was under a spell.  I was obsessed.  It was an addiction.  Jeff was like weed.  Once you start, you can't stop.  Jeff was like alcohol and I got drunk all the time, if you know what I mean.  This wasn't an ordinary obsession.  I recorded all of his matches and would watch them over and over.  I usually masturbated to them every night.  My love for Jeff was crucial.  I wanted him so bad.  He seemed like the perfect man to me.

Everyday I lived in a daydream.  I would make believe that Jeff was my boyfriend and we lived together.  My brother thought I talked to myself but the truth I was talking to my "imaginary" boyfriend.  I talked to Jeff all the time in my Dream Land Station.  If my dreams were the only place I could have Jeff, then that's the place I was gonna be. I always walked around and told everyone I was Jeff's girlfriend.  I made-believe I did Jeff's nails, his hair. Hell, we did it all.  Still, I knew it was only a dream.  If it weren't for Jeff, I wouldn't be making good grades in school.  Before, I was a bad ass.  I didn't listen to my mama, I hated life, I made bad grades, drank and did tons of weed but when I saw Jeff for the first time, that all changed. He was my "man" and I loved him.  He was just so beautiful.  

Out of my Dream Land Station, I had a serious depression.  You see, in the real world, I was just another fan.  In other words, Jeff didn't even know I was alive. Sometimes, I had a split personality when I was angry. I'd get mad when other girls talk about Jeff.  When my friends say how good he looks, I usually end up cussing their asses out.  In my Dream Land Station, I was also a very jealous girlfriend.  

Today, I didn't have any homework so I got on AOL.  I had tons of mail from all the Hardy eGroups I was in.  The thing I loved doing the most online was checking out the Hardy sites. I found one called "Poetry In Motion."  I skimmed the main page and all of a sudden, I felt as if my heart wasn't beating.  What I just read couldn't be true.  I squinted my eyes to read what it said again.  The words said "We have pictures of Jeff's girlfriend, Beth."  My mind went blank.  I just stared at the screen and my mind started spinning.   My house was filled with silence. A tear fell from my eye as I kept reading it over and over. I fell on my knees.  The crying was uncontrollable. After all these years of addiction and obsession with this man, it turned out to be worthless.  My inspiration was now my depression.

I crawled on the floor to my room as I kept crying.  Now I knew the truth. Jeff had a girlfriend.  I got to my room and got up.  I looked at all the pictures of Jeff on my wall. I got furious.  I ran up to them and tore them of my wall frantically.  He was nothing but a bitch.  I hated him!  I hated him!  These thoughts filled my head. My split personality had taken me over.  How could Jeff do this to me?  Does my love mean anything to him? Obviously, some bitch named Beth could love him better than I could...no! If I couldn't have him, no one could.  

I ran back to my computer and went to wwf.com to find out where Jeff would be this Monday for Raw.  He was gonna be in New York.  I wrote down the arena on a little sheet of paper and shoved it in my pocket.  I grabbed my Nike bag, went to the bathroom and got my brush, toothbrush, some lotion and toothpaste.  Then, I went to my closet and got my leather and red snake skin halter tops with cowboy hats and tight pants to match.  That should be enough.  I wouldn't be here long anyway.  Finally, I went to my drawer and pulled out my gun.

***********

I walked into the airport.  Jeff still haunted my mind but that would end soon.  I shoved past every one else in the line.  I was looking fucked up but I didn't care.

"Can I...help you?" The lady asked.

"When's the next plane to New York?"

"In one hour."

"Are there any seats left?"

"Yes, ma'am.  There's a few still available."

"Do you take American Express?"

**********

I didn't get into New York until one in the morning.  I quickly got a rental car, threw my stuff in the back and took out that paper with the arena on it.

"Madison Square Garden." I said as I read.

It took me awhile to find the damn arena but I got there at around 10:00 PM.  I had gotten a room at a hotel earlier so I was there for awhile.  If Jeff Hardy thought he could take advantage of my feelings and my heart for nothing, he was wrong and he was gonna pay.  There was a lot of cars out front but I parked all the way in the back.  I changed into my red snake skin stuff.  I had my plan figured out.  I couldn't wait until I saw the bastard.  I wanted to hear him beg.  Raw was almost over so I made my way backstage.  I just walked around to the back of the arena and no one said a word.  The security guard was gone.  I've seen plenty pictures of Jeff's car so I looked for it and it was parked beside a limo.  I sat down and got comfortable.  It was gonna be a long night.

      **Two hours later**

      Wrestlers started leaving thirty minutes ago.  Where the hell was that damn North Carolina boy?  Lita and Matt Hardy already left.  The rumors must have been true, they're a couple.  I looked at my watch, it was 12:09.  Jeff finally came out talking to Mick Foley.  I got up slowly and made sure I looked good enough to seduce him.  I was straight.  Mick walked away and now, it was just me and Jeff.  There were some more cars there.  Hopefully, they wouldn't interrupt me.  I walked up to Jeff.

"Hi." I said.

"Hi, I'm Jeff."

"I know who you are.  I enjoyed your match."

"Thanks.  I like your outfit."

"I can tell by you staring straight at my breasts."

"Sorry."

"Oh, I don't mind.  You're looking good yourself, as usual."

"Well, thank you, sweethart."

"Do you mind if I ask for a hug?"

"Not at all."

Jeff gave me a hug.  I made sure it was long.  He tried to get out of the hug but I wouldn't let him out of my arms.  He looked at me liek I was crazy.  I forced myself on him and gave him a hard kiss.  I could tell he was nervous and scared.  He tried to pull away but I was a little mad at this faget so I was pretty strong.  I ended the kiss but held him tight to me so that I could whisper something in his ear.

"Are you afraid of death?"

I let Jeff go as he looked at me only to see that I had a gun in my hand pointing straight towards him.  He threw his hands in the air slowly.  I looked at him with lust in my eyes.  He was under my control now.  I had him right where I wanted him.

"Get your knees, bitch!" I yelled.

He got on his knees.  The fool started crying to my amusement.  I laughed.

"Don't do this.  Think of what you're doing." He said.

"Shut up!  Don't say anything to me!  Who do you think you are?!  You think you can use me?  You think you can break my heart and get away with it?!"

"What do you mean?"

"Beth is what I mean.  Some bitch you call your girlfriend.  How dare you? Millions of girls love you and return the favor to us by telling the world you have a girlfriend?  What the fuck is your problem?!  I loved you once.  I used to worship the ground you walked on.  You gave me hope.  You gave me inspiration but I can see that you could careless.  You're cruel, selfish and I hate you.  You used me and you're gonna die for it."

Jeff continued to cry.  He tried to dry his eyes.

"Keep your hands up!  I wanna hear you beg.  I wanna hear you plead for mercy.  Nothing would make me more happy.  Do it!  Beg!"

"I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to hurt you.  I never knew that I meant so much to people like you.  Please don't kill me.  I didn't even know you existed."

I gasped as my eyes got huge.  I couldn't believe the audacity of this fool.  He wanted to contribute to my depression by rubbing it in.  He didn't even know I existed?  Oh, hell no.  I slapped him and made Jeff look in my eyes.

"Wrong answer, motherfucker.  Tell Beth I said hi.  See you in hell, my love."

I pulled the trigger.  The bullet took him out.  Blood stained his yellow shirt.  He fell to the ground.  I laughed evilly.  Jeff Hardy was dead and I liked it. I did it.  I committed murder and I didn't feel bad about it.  The bullet went straight through his heart just like he had broken mine.  Fuck the world.  I didn't need anybody.  Jeff was my only reason for living and now, he was gone because of me.  I had no reason to live anymore.  I put the gun to my head and...

I sit out in the crowd

And close my eyes

Dream you're mine

But you don't know

You don't even know

That I exist