PART SIX OF "ANGEL IN DISGUISE"

**Denise**

Now, I'll tell you one of the hardest things about being with Jason. The time when I really feel vunerable and worthless is when he's about to go and do these ladder matches and stuff like that. I can't explain to you how sad I get when he tells me he has to do one of those yet again. So much just runs through my mind when he's about to do Pay Per Views like that. There's the risk of him getting injured that just drives me crazy. There's the risk of him messing him up a certain spot in that match that could fracture or break something in his body. When I think about that, I honestly think there's a chance I might lose him and Jason knows that. That's why he feels so bad about putting me through it but I can't blame him since it's his job.

Jason is usually excited about his ladder matches and stuff but at the same time, he feels bad since he knows I won't be too happy about it. I mean, it's like I'm torn between two things. I mean, I wanna support him in everything he does but I don't wanna support him getting injured. We just talk and spend a lot of time with each other to get our minds off of it. He always comforts me and tells me that he'll be okay but in the back of his mind, I know that he's worried too. I remember the first one...hell, everyone does, it was back in September of 1999 when he told me that he was gonna have a Ladder Match with the Hardy Boyz. I was pumped that this could be the match where he, Adam, Jeff and Matt could cemment their spots in the WWF roster since they're so talented but the more I thought about it, I realized that he could really get fucked up in that match. Yet, he assured me that everything would be okay and that he would make me proud.

At No Mercy '99, I was watching everything out of the corner of my eye. It was one of the best matches I had ever seen in my life and it turned out to be better than I thought but whenever Jason showed a sign of being hurt or tired, I cried my eyes out. I wanted to be there to hold him in my arms and just make him feel better. I wanted to take him out of that match and put him right to bed. Yet, I knew that Jason was having the time of his life out there so I was not only crying tears of sadness, I was crying tears of happiness too. When that match was over, I knew that Jason, Adam, Matt and Jeff had made it and I really couldn't be more proud of those four men. He called me like around 2:15 that night and told me that he got a standing ovation in the back and everything like that. I was just so happy for him since he had worked so hard to get to where he is today. He sounded like a little boy who won his first Pee Wee Football game. I was so happy when that match was over since so much pressure had built up inside me and everything turned out better than I thought but that match couldn't even prepare me for the Triangle Ladder Matches and...the TLC Matches.

**Jessica**

Chris always has been the type to be optimistic and the type to always joke around even when everything else is in a serious mood. That's how he is when he's about to have those Submission Matches, Two Out Of Three Falls Matches and things of that nature. He's usually like "Jessica, I'm gonna kick his ass on Sunday! Don't worry about me, baby." That makes me smile sometimes but most of the time, it doesn't. He's just so innocent in my eyes and I just can't stand to see him get hurt or tap out in one of those submission moves. Most of his matches are with Chris Benoit so me and Benoit have met plenty of times. He's a cool man but he's such a vicious wrestler. Benoit tells me that he and Chris will be fine but he says "I can't promise you that we won't hurt each other because we probably will." I respect that about Benoit, he tells me the truth about his matches with Chris and I know he's looking out for him sometimes.

Chris has wrestled in Japan and he always tells me that the shit they do up there is nothing compared to what they do in America. When Chris and me went on our first date, he dscribed the difference between the two countries. We've sat down with each other and have watched some of the matches he's had in Japan. And let me tell you...they are crucial. I've never seen anything like it in my life so Chris tells me that he can take whatever is thrown at him in his big matches. So that makes me feel a little better but I'm still really worried whenever Chris has a Pay Per View like that.

Denise and I usually go over Allanah's house and watch them with each other. Then, we end crying together. We're a mess but we still can't believe that our boys have made it to the World Wrestling Federation. They inspire younger kids out there to work hard and do their best in everything they do and Chris really loves his fans. Therefore, I know that he's happy whenever he takes a big bump and hears the crowd's response. I guess the thing that makes me happy is the fact that I know I'll get a phone call from Chris later that night and he'll tell me every detail about his big match that night. Just to hear his voice assures me that everything is fine and that he's lived to fight another day.

**Amy**

You know, I forgot to mention something earlier. When I was in ECW, Matt and me had totally lost contact with each other. When I was home, he wasn't. When he was home, I wasn't. When I would call him, he wouldn't be there. When he would call me, I wouldn't be there either. So we decided to break up for a little while since we realized that long distance relationships don't (and never will) work. We honestly tried to make it work but I can't have a boyfriend that I never can talk to. When I was at the Funking Conservatory, the only person I talked to was my mother and my little brother. It's not like I didn't think about him because I did but I only shared those feelings with my mommy.

I was on my computer when I saw that a Ladder Match had been announced for No Mercy '99. I was so pumped and excited since I knew that Jeff and Matt wanted to have a match like this for so long. Usually, me and the other 23 guys at the school would come over to the Funks house to watch the Pay Per Views and sleep there too since none of us had any money. Like before, I couldn't get in contact with the boyz to wish them luck so I was just like another fan and just waited until Su to see what they had in store for us. When I was watching the match, I missed Matt like crazy. He and Jeff really put on a match that would never be forgotten.

I've always been a tough girl so I don't cry or do anything like that when I'm watching those type of matches but I can't help but be scared as hell that something might go wrong, especially Jeff. He always has to do that one crazy thing to steal the show, that's the way he's always been. I don't know how Beth gets through it but I help her a little. She is a pretty strong girl to watch Jeff do the crazy shit that he does. Anyway, I got back with Matt when I joined the WWF. Now, we spend every waking moment with each other. The night before his TLC Matches and Table Matches and stuff like that, we usually go out somewhere together and just talk. He knows how to get my mind off of the worries that fill my mind when I think about things an like that. That's what makes me feel better and more comfortable whenever he has to go through with these matches. Back in the day, all I could do was just sit there and watch the monitor. That made me feel terrible knowing that all I could do was sit there & watch him go through a table or fall from a 20 foot ladder. These days, I have to interfere in all his matches but that still doesn't take my mind off of the sadness and the vulnerability I feel when Matt and Jeff get hurt.

**Allanah**

You know, I can remember the days where I almost had a nervous breakdown whenever Adam was just selling an injury at my uncle's wrestling school so you can just imagine how bad I am when it comes to when Adam and Jason have those Ladder Matches and Table Matches. I honestly can't explain to you how hard and difficult it is to watch someone you love dearly, someone who will (hopefully) be you future husband, someone who you can't live without, someone who you would literally die for get put through a table and anything else of that nature. Denise and I make sure we have plenty of tissue before those matches start because Lord knows we'll use each and every one of them.

I mean, I know that Adam is a professional and that he knows how to take bumps realy well but that still doesn't help me feel no better when Adam goes into these matches. We spend so much time together before his big Pay Per Views. It feels like I'll never see him again. It's a terrible feeling. A lot of girls are crazy about Adam and think he's one of the hottest men on Earth but if they only knew the shit I go through, they would never consider being in my shoes.

Another thing that I feel bad about is the fact that I'm Adam's fiancee and I wanna support him in everything he does. It's like...I want to be his cheerleader and cheer him on every step of the way but I don't want Adam to look at me all sad and feel bad about what he's doing since that's his job. That's what pays the bills. That's the one thing that Adam has dreamed of for so long and has worked so hard for too. You just feel a bunch of mixed emotions right before your man is about to have a TLC Match. It's something I really can't explain like I said before but if you could just watch me & Denise while we're watching Adam & Jason's TLC Matches, that would pretty much answer all of your questions.

**Beth**

I think it's much harder for me than anyone else to watch these big matches where tables, ladders and chairs have to be involved. Sure, there's other girls out there who date wrestlers but Jeff (as you know) is unlike anyone else on this planet. He always feels the need to steal the show. I don't know why. He tells me that the crowd is what drives him crazy and makes him want to do the one thing they'll remember for the rest of the night. Sometimes, that makes me wonder...what's more important to Jeff when he goes into these matches? Me or the fans?

Jeff knows he's gonna get injured when he goes into these matches and he knows that I'll be more injured when I watch it happen to him. I mean, I want Jeff to be happy more than anyone else but most of these fans don't understand that Skittles (my nickname for Jeff) comes home to me. I'm the one that has to nurse his battle scars. I'm the one that has to take him to the doctor and listen to him say that Jeff has broken yet another bone in his body. The worse feeling of all about these big matches (and I know some, yet very few, fans can relate) is that all I can do is just sit there & watch. There's nothing I can do about it, it just...happens.

He always tells me that he goes into every match as if it's his last. That makes me wanna cry so much. I don't want Jeff to end up like Droz and never return to the ring again. That would just eat Jeff up inside. Everyone knows how sad and depressed he can look sometimes. Well, I know he would never be the same if he had to retire. I know he will one day but I don't want it to be because of an injury. He just means so much to me. I can't explain how it feels and I don't think anybody else can either unless they've been in my shoes. It's just so...hard.

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