Things To Live By

Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. When you lose, don't lose the lesson. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

Stay with a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling. Don't judge people by their relatives. Talk slowly but think quickly. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

~On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." ~On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." ~On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness. ~On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." ~On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." ~On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."

~On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." ~On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." ~On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." ~On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." ~On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

~On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." ~On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." ~On a Sear's hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." ~On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."