Love Conquers All ~ Chapter 22 ~
“Ryan, why are you here?” Gillian asked. “Because I know
your last story was a lie. Did you follow me here?”
“Gilly, I -” Ryan began.
“Just tell me the truth, Ryan,” Gillian said, earnestly.
“We’ve been through too much together to be playing these
games.”
“All right, yes. I knew you were here with Jake. Yes, I
came here to find you.”
She felt a rush of happiness, and hated herself for it.
“Why?”
“Because......Because...I don’t like the thought of you with
Jake,” Ryan said.
“You don’t like...” she repeated in amazement, trailing off.
Looking up at him carefully, she asked, “Why?”
“Because, Gillian, because I care about you,” Ryan said
softly, looking into her eyes. “I still have feelings for you, Princess.
Feelings that never went away.”
Tears began to well up in her eyes.
“My God, Ryan. Are you saying you want us -”
“I don’t know what I’m saying,” Ryan began. “I just, I just
remember the way it used to be. And, I wish we could go back. I
know I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but I’m sorry. And I -”
“Dammit, Ryan, just stop!” Gillian yelled, incredulous.
“You can’t do this. You can’t come back, after all this time, and
say you’re sorry; you wish you hadn’t done the things you did. It’s
too late for late for that, now. What about when you signed the
divorce papers? Were you sorry then?”
“Gillian, you know, I always wanted to be with you,” Ryan
said.
“But not badly enough! Not badly enough to stay, when I
begged you not to leave me!”
The tears were now rolling down her face, uncontrollably.
All the anger, all the pain she’d held on to, all this time, had finally
exploded - and there was no way to stop it.
“Not badly enough to stop you from kissing Hayley that
night on the beach! Not badly enough to keep you from chasing
after her for months, while I sat waiting for you, praying you’d
change your mind.”
Gillian seemed to slump down against the table, defeated.
All her anger had been spent. There was nothing left but pain.
Ryan looked at her with tears of his own moistening his
eyes. He hated himself, even more then she did, for everything
he’d ever done to hurt her. Every unwarranted pain he’d ever
caused her. She’d shown him nothing but love, though his darkest
time, when everyone else turned their back on him. She’d fought
back agaisnt her own family, and slept out in the cold, risking her
own life, just to be with him. And what had he given her in return?
He truly didn’t deserve her. He was sure of that, now more then
ever. But maybe, there was a way, over time, that he could grow to
deserve her.
“Gillian,” he said, his voice full of tenderness and love, “I
just want to be with you, more then anything in the world.”
Gillian looked at him sadly, as another tear rolled down her
check.
“This isn’t fair, Ryan. Not now,” Gillian said. “I’ve finally
gotten my life together again. And Jake, he’s been there for me, all
the times you weren’t. He’s a good man.”
“I know he is, Gillian,” Ryan said. “But, that doesn’t change
the fact that something still exists between us that’s too strong for
any amount of time or distance to break. When we were together, in
that cabin, I know you felt it, too. It was just like before. Don’t you
want that again? Don’t you want me?”
Gillian looked into his eyes.
“Of course I do,” she said, truly meaning it. “I want you
with all my heart.”
Ryan reached across the table and took her hands in his.
“But,” she said slowly, shaking her head, “not badly
enough.”
“What?” Ryan asked.
“I don’t want you badly enough to hurt like that again. To
constantly wonder if maybe this is the night when you decide, all
over again, that you can’t be with me, that you’ll only hurt me,”
Gillian paused, wiping away a tear. “God, Ryan, you still aren’t
sure of who you, or what you need. You followed me all this way,
for what? To make up some story, once you found me, instead of
just telling me the truth.”
“Gillian, I only did that because I saw you with Jake. And I
thought that you really did love him. That maybe you were better
off without me,” Ryan said.
“You see? Ever time we have a fight, are you going to think
the same thing, and just run away?”
“Gillian,” Ryan said, “I’m not going to ever run away from
you again.”
“That’s what you said before.”
“I was upset, Gillian, about my brother, and my family. I
was hurting,” Ryan said.
“So was I,” Gillian said, softly. “Are you even sure this is
how you really feel, Ryan. And you don’t just want what you can’t
have. You came here, telling me how much you hated seeing me
with Jake. But, you never once said, ‘Gillian, I was an idiot. I was
crazy to let you go’.”
The tears began falling again. Ryan watched her, feeling
like someone had just ripped out his heart.
“‘I took your love for granted, and I threw it away. I treated
you terribly, and hurt you more than you ever deserved’,” she
continued. “‘But, I’m going to spend the rest of my life making it
up to you’.”
She paused, trying to gain some semblence of control.
“Or,” she went on, “how about just, ‘Gillian, I love you’.”
She put her head down and wiped away her tears.
“What is it that you really want, Ryan?” Gillian asked,
praying that he’d tell her only half the things she’d just said.
Ryan looked at her and slowly said, “I want you to be
happy.”
“I am,” Gillian said, sadly. “Can’t you tell?”
She got up from the table and walked out of the bar.
Love Conquers All ~ Chapter 23 ~
Gillian entered their hotel suite, much like a hurricane
swirling into the small room. She sauntered, determinedly, across
the room to the window, where a startled Jake was standing.
Grabbing him, she kissed him violently. Knocked off balance, he
fell down onto the bed. Jake, more than a little befuddled, couldn’t
understand her erratic behavior.
“Gillian, what’s going on?” he asked.
She pushed him down onto his back and clumsily scooted
on top of him. Then, began kissing him again.
“Make love to me,” she whispered, her face close to his.
“Gillian, have you been drinking?” Jake asked.
“Just do it,” she said, ignoring his comment.
“Gillian, I can’t. Not until I know what’s the matter with
you.”
Gillian ceased her movements and looked down at him.
“Oh, God!” she cried, suddenly coming to her senses.
She quickly jumped off the bed and stood with her back to
the wall.
Jake didn’t know what to do. He wanted to go to her and
say something, anything, that might calm her. But, she looked like
a frightened deer, caught in headlights, and he feared that at any
moment she might bolt from the room.
Not knowing what else to do, he simply said, “Gillian, I’m,
I’m sorry.”
Her face crumpled, and she began weeping. Covering her
face with her hands she ran from the room.
*************************************************
Jake stood in the room in silence. After Gillian left, he ran
to the door to see where she’d gone. When he saw her, siting
outside on the balcony, he decided she’d be okay, for now. He’d
give her a few minutes alone before going out to speak to her.
Now, he looked out the window again.
Gillian was sitting, curled up, with her knees drawn to her
chest. She stared blankly out at the beach, shivering against the
growing breeze.
Grabbing a blanket, Jake went out the door. Silently, he
walked over to her and sat beside her. He picked up the blanket
and spread it across her shoulders, but she still didn’t look at him.
He reached over and lifted her hair out from beneath the afghan,
then she looked at him.
The tears were still rolling down her face and, from the
look of her red eyes, they had been for quite some time. Jake’s
presence only made her cry harder. He loved her. She had no doubt
of that. But, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t love him
back, not the way that he loved her.
“Gillian,” he said, softly so as not to frighten her, “what’s
wrong?”
She looked at him wide-eyed, but didn’t answer.
Jake knew anyway.
“You saw Ryan, didn’t you?” he asked.
Gillian looked away from him, back towards the beach.
“You did. What happened?”
Jake could sense her hesitation.
“Gillian, I can’t help you unless you tell me why you’re
crying.”
She turned to look at him.
“I, I haven’t told you the whole truth,” she said.
“About what?” Jake asked.
“That night in the cabin....Ryan,” she trailed off.
Jake recalled his conversation with Ryan after he found the
two of them, in that very compromising position.
“You just stay the hell away from her,” Jake said.
“Is that supposed to be a threat?” Ryan asked. “Well, what
if she doesn’t want me to stay away? Or is that what you’re afraid
of? Because, before, I thought Gillian was better off without me. I
told myself, she’d be better off with someone like you. But now I
know that’s not true. She belongs with me. We belong together.
And you better damn well believe that I’m gonna do everything I
can to win her back,” Ryan said.
“What happened at the cabin, Gillian?” Jake asked.
“Ryan, he’s not in town on vacation. He came here on
purpose.”
Jake knew all this by now, but he let her tell him.
“He knew we were here,” she continued. “He came to, to
see me.”
“He wants you back.”
It was a statement, not a question.
She looked at Jake, “I know.”
“What happened at the cabin, Gillian?” Jake asked.
“There was only one bed,” she began, feebly.
“Did you sleep with him?” Jake asked, his voice suddenly
harsh.
“No. No,” she said, firmly. “But.....we kissed.”
Jake absorbed this as best as he could.
“When I came and found you two,” he began, “what
happened to your clothes?”
“I told you the truth, Jake. We used them to tie the
windows shut.”
He looked at her, doubtfully.
“Honestly, we did. But...he did kiss me, again. Things got a
little out of hand, just before you walked in. But, I didn’t sleep
with him,” Gillian added, intently.
“Why don’t things ever get out of hand between us?”
She looked over at him, and he knew immediately that it
was an inappropriate thing to say.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “But this isn’t easy for me......So, what
happened tonight?”
“I went down to the bar, to have a drink,” she said.
“Ryan was there,” Jake finished for her.
“Yes. He told me something about not wanting to see me
with you.....He said he missed me,” she added, as an after thought.
“He wants you,” Jake said. “I guess the question is, what do
you want?”
Without hesitating she answered.
“I want to be with you,” she said, earnestly. “I want to love
you, and be loved by you.”
She only wished she could. Maybe, over time, someday she
would.
“Are you sure, Gillian?” Jake asked.
“How could I not be? Ryan, he just came here and confused
me. You’ve been everything to me these past months. You were
always there when I needed someone, all those times that Ryan
wasn’t. To help me get over the pain that he caused. You’re kind
and honest. You’re a good man. And I can trust you, with my
heart and with my life. I know you’d never hurt me. After
everything you’ve done for me, how could I not love you? I’d have
to be crazy to even think about going back to Ryan. Do you forgive
me?” she asked.
Jake pulled her to him, holding her close.
“Oh, thank God, Gillian. I’m so glad,” he said, kissing her
forehead. “For awhile there, I was worried that maybe you still
loved him.”
Gillian looked gravely over his shoulder, out into the
distance.
“Come on,” he said, pulling her to her feet. “Let’s go
inside.”
Love Conquers All ~ Chapter 24 ~
Gillian stood outside on the balcony, leaning against the
railing, as the breeze softly blew through her hair. Jake was still
inside, packing up the rest of the luggage. They were leaving in
only a matter of minutes. She glanced out over the parking lot and
noticed that Ryan’s car was already gone.
So much had changed since they were last in Pine Valley.
She had left town unsure of her feelings for Jake, but committed to
moving on in her life with him. Yes, she had still harbored feelings
for Ryan, somewhere deep inside, but that just wasn’t a possibility.
Now, suddenly, it was. Or was it? He’d said he missed her, but he
had told her all that before.
“Gillian, ready to go?” Jake asked, emerging from the
room.
“Yeah,” she said, pulling her gaze away from the beach.
******************************
“Ryan!” Hayley said, as he walked into SOS. “I’m so glad
to see you! So, tell me. What happened?”
He slowly walked up to the bar, sitting on a stool.
“Nothing happened, Hayley.”
“What do you mean nothing happened? Come on, Ryan.
Out with it!”
“She didn’t want me,” he said, flatly. “She didn’t want
me.”
“Ryan, I -”
“Look, Hayley, if you guys don’t need me tonight, I’m just
gonna go back to the apartment,” he said.
“Yeah. Sure,” Hayley said. “With Adrian and Tina both
working here now, along with the other staff, Mateo and I really
have all the help we need. In fact, you can go back to WRCW
full-time now, just like you wanted.”
“That’s great, Hayley,” Ryan said, showing some
excitement for the first time. “Well, I know how badly you wanted
to take that new producer’s position Liza offered you,” Hayley
said.
“Yeah,” he said, pausing reflectively. “Liza’s offered me a
lot of great opportunities since I’ve been in town.”
“Look, Ryan -” Hayley began.
“I’m just gonna go now, all right?”
“Sure. Scott’s been looking for you, anyway. After you left
town so quickly, we were all worried.”
“Well,” Ryan said, “there’s nothing to worry about.”
**********************************************
Gillian sat on the couch at Wildwind, slowly sipping the tea
one of the servants had just brought in. Eugenia sat beside,
regarding her suspiciously.
“So, you say Ryan followed you there?” she asked.
“Yes, Grandmama,” Gillian said. “I already told you that. It
was the most peculiar thing, his sudden change of heart. But,
really, I don’t believe him.”
“And, what if he’s telling you the truth?” Eugenia asked.
“Grandmama, anything between Ryan and I is in the past.”
“Oh, I see,” Eugenia said, skeptically. “You have no
feeling left for Ryan at all.”
“Yes, I have fond feelings towards him and the times we
shared together. But, those are all just memories now,” Gillian
said, firmly. “He’s just a memory now. That’s all I’ll allow him to
be.”
“Gillian, Gillian. You forget, I know you too well,”
Eugenia said. “I know your heart - and so do you. You can’t shut
Ryan out of it, no matter how hard you try.”
“Well, Grandmama, I already have.”
“We shall see, my petite. We shall see.”
Love Conquers All ~ Chapter 25 ~
Ryan, Gillian, and Jake’s return to Pine Valley brought the
end of summer, and the beginning of fall. September came and
went, uneventfully, without Eugenia’s prophetic words coming
true.
Then, October brought black cats and witches. But, it
wasn’t ghosts and goblins that frightened Gillian that Halloween
night. It was the memories of what had happened on another
Halloween, not so long ago. And, how it had changed her life
forever.
Time kept moving on, and soon it was November. Gillian
and Jake grew closer, Jake always proving to be the reliable,
steadfast man that she knew he was. He clung to Gillian tightly,
while she wished she could feel half as much as he seemed to. But,
she was getting good at convincing herself that, maybe, she did
feel something for Jake. Other then the polite conversation one
makes in public, she hadn’t really seen or spoken to Ryan since
they returned to town. Consequently, she hardly thought of him at
all anymore.
Ryan, on the other, thought more of Gillian with each
passing day. He was becoming convinced that he had made a
terrible error in judgment by letting her go. He had excepted the
producers job down at the station, at it really was going well. But,
other then that, time had not been kind to him. He felt Gillian’s
absence just as much now as he did the first day after he signed
those damned divorce papers. Thanksgiving came and went,
unnoticed, for Ryan couldn’t find a single thing to be thankful for.
Next, December came to Pine Valley, blanketing the town
in a layer of snow. And, then, it was Christmas.
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