Hey, didn't I say January 8th might be a red letter day for me? The results of my last bone marrow are good! I don't have any abnormal marrow and my blood is clean. There is one qualifier, however. There is one aspect of the marrow, technical in nature and understood by my oncologist and the pathologist, but not me, that is causing some uncertainty about the complete accuracy of the diagnosis. So a marrow sample has been sent to the Mayo clinic for one more test. Until that test comes back favorable, I guess, a full-blown remission from this disease can not be claimed. But I'm here to tell you right now, that I'm ever so close to standing on this soap box and claiming that the 2-CDA has cured me. Whoa, now. Let's not get too carried away. In time, people can have recurrence of HCL after treatment with 2-CDA. And there are possible side effects and some secondary cancers are not unknown, but for all practical purposes, I am over this malady. I'll make further entries as the information becomes available. To all the people who have followed my illness, I thank you for your support. To all the people who have been instrumental in my cure, my physician, my oncologist Dr. Thai, the nurses, my wife, my closest friends, I can only say "Without you, where now would I be?" I guess I was somewhat lucky in that the thing was detected early. I didn't lose a spleen, like many of the early sufferers of HCL have. Because I had insurance, I didn't lose my life savings. I didn't lose a career job, like some sufferers have. The chemo caused me not even the loss of one hair. I didn't report this previously in the diary, but before I had even been diagnosed with HCL, I had a dream in which I was shampooing my hair. I looked at my hands and they were covered with soap and great bunches of hair from my head. Upon waking I thought it was a most unusual dream. When subsequently I was diagnosed with HCL, I reflected back on the dream. I figured the chemo would cause me to lose all my hair and the dream was a kind of omen, that my subconscious was somehow preparing me. Shortly thereafter I decided to go to the barber and have my rather long hair all cut off. I didn't have a hair longer than an inch on my head. I figured if I was going to lose it, at least it would come out in small pieces, not the huge globs of it that I saw in the dream. This has been a most unusual disease. It's going to take me some time to sort out all my feelings and thoughts about what's happened to me over the last 7 months. As unsettling as this period of my life has been, there's been much introspective good to come out of it. My health has to become more of a priority now. Not that it wasn't before, but now, it must be a conscious effort, not just a habitual thing like brushing your teeth. The question- What's important in my life? now has a clearer definition. Disease reorders priorities, clarifies unknowns. The long road that stretches now before me has a bend in it some ways ahead. I can't see where it goes. But somehow I've got to think HCL is going to continue to be a part of my life, even if it isn't part of my blood.............
February 6th
