Okay,
that's it. Go away, you bother me. I'm going to watch my (ahem) movie.
And, uh, close the door behind you.
Oh
yeah, baby... Unravel it all... Show me your seams... What the..! Oh, it's
you. Don't you knock? Give a sock a bit of privacy, will you? I'm trying
to watch a...um...movie.
Q- Who invented the sock?
A lot of people contributed
to the type of sock we know and revere today. The very first person
to wear a sock was an amoeba called 'Grog'. Those primitive ice lakes got
pretty cold, you know!
Q- Why do socks always come in pairs?
For the same reason people tend
to pair off - warmth, companionship, and sweet sweet lurv. But not all
socks come in twos. There are plenty of single socks out there. Some socks
even come in packs of three (but the sock community considers them to be
quite kinky).
Q- Where do socks go when they disappear
from the dryer?
There are many theories on the
subject. Several organizations (such as The
Bureau of Missing Socks ) are devoted to the
study of this phenomenon. But all socks know that these lucky individuals
have gone to Sock Heaven. In Sock Heaven there are no smelly boots or jogging
shoes, and the fountains flow with fabric softener!
Q- What's so great about socks,
anyway?
What's so great about socks?
Are you kidding? Without us, you'd be blistered, cold, smelly, and unfashionable.
We keep your feet comfy all day, and for what? Nothing! And as soon as
we start looking a little frayed, or a little stained, or our smell brings
tears to your eyes- we're thrown out like common garbage! You know, one
of these days we're going to get our own back on people like you... and
remember, we outnumber you two to one!
Q- What!? The socks are planning
to rebel?
No- wherever did you get that
idea? (.su otno era snamuh eht -licnuoc hgih kcos ot etoN)
Q- What do you look for in a partner?
Well, she needs to be yellow,
obviously. Preferably made of 80% cotton, 20% spandex. She would also need
to be able to put up with Michelle's Doc Martens, and her annoying habit
of singing "Kum By Yah" at three in the morning. I used to date a pink
bobby sock, but we were very mismatched. My mates always said we weren't
a good pair.
Q- How did sock puppets come about?
One day, a child genius was
rummaging through his mother's sewing kit. He had the brilliant idea of
taking two buttons and sewing them onto his sock. "Look mummy" yelled our
Creator (otherwise known as Bertram). "I made a puppet out of a sock!"
And so our race was born.
Okay,
that's it. Go away, you bother me. I'm going to watch my (ahem) movie.
And, uh, close the door behind you.