When I mentioned this page to a few of my friends, the standard responses I received were- "What the hell are you talking about?" "Pantomime Horses? What Pantomime Horses?" and "Michelle, have you been tasting the toilet cleaner again?" Their complete ignorance confirmed what I had already known- Pantomime Horses are a dying species. After a surge of popularity, fueled by the rise of costume parties, amateur theatre and British Comedy groups such as Monty Python and The Goodies, the careers of Pantomime Horses everywhere took a severe nose dive. Pantomimes- the Pantomime Horse's chief source of income- were shunned by children in favor of video games, movies, and heavily merchandised, badly drawn Japanese cartoons. Costume parties lost their popularity. As a result, many Pantomime Horses were forced to beg on the streets. Some went as far as prostituting themselves for hay. I interviewed one such individual- a Pantomime Horse named Champion.

(Parts of the following interview have been deemed unfit for publication on this site. These sections have been cut.)

Champion began her career with a brief stint in the acclaimed TV series, 'Monty Python's Flying Circus' and was critically acclaimed for her portrayal of a Pantomime Horse locked in a life or death struggle with another Pantomime Horse. After this, Champion was unable to find a job in the television industry, and was forced to look elsewhere for work.

Michelle- What happened after your appearance on 'Monty Python's Flying Circus'?

Champion- Well, I had a lot of trouble finding work. There was no demand for Pantomime Horses in the television industry anymore. I did a couple of auditions for movies. I was short listed for Black Beauty- until someone realized I was grey.

Michelle- What did you do then?

Champion- I took a couple of parts in amateur theatre productions. Pantomimes were still popular back then. The pay wasn't very good, but I was allowed to sleep in the theatre at night, and one or two of the cast members would bring me some hay every now and then. But then...

Michelle- Then?

Champion- Well, pantomimes were losing their popularity. I had to find a way to survive. I met another Pantomime Horse called Trigger, who was going through the same thing. Pretty soon we were... involved. And that's when  really started to get worse.

Michelle- What happened?

Champion- We were down on our luck. We had no food, no shelter, nothing. So Trigger decided that I should become a prostitute, and he could be my pimp- you know, make sure nothing happened to me when I was on the job.

Michelle- And you agreed?

Champion- I had to! There weren't any other options. So I started work as a prostitute. There are some real sickos out there. One guy took me to a hotel and ----cut----.

Michelle- Oh my God!

Champion- Yeah, it was pretty scary. Anyway, Trigger was starting to hang out with a pretty rough crowd- drug dealers, thugs, Pantomime Skunks- those types of people. We were all living together in a squat, and Trigger was starting to get violent. He used to hit me all the time. One night he'd had too much molasses and ----cut----. When I came to, I realized he'd branded me! The brand said 'Property of Trigger'... (starts to cry)

Michelle- (hands Champion a tissue) There there, you don't have to continue if you don't want to.

Champion- No, it's alright (sniff). That's when I knew I had to get out of there. I hitched a ride on a horse float and headed out of town. I've been running ever since. I'm still terrified he'll catch me. If he ever did... (starts to cry again)

Champion was too upset to continue, and the interview was terminated.

So please, think about the fate of these magnificent animals. You can donate to your nearest Abused Pantomime Animals shelter, or volunteer for the 'Get Pantomime Horses Off The Streets And Onto The Stage' campaign. Just one person can make a difference to the survival of this endangered species.
 

Click here to learn more about the plight of all Pantomime Animals.