This story begins in the Australian city of Bathurst, at 11:15 pm on November first, 1980. A voice was heard on high, proclaiming- "for on this day in the fair town of Bathurst, a child is born who will one day be the savior of all mankind- oops, sorry, wrong place. My mistake." And with that, I was born.
My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon... Luge lessons... In the spring we'd make meat helmets... oops! That wasn't me, that was Dr Evil- my mistake. MY childhood was also quite typical, though I have never been to Rangoon.
Bathurst is known for one thing- car racing. So from a very young age, I was exposed to extreme stupidity in all its forms. This was to become an important aspect of my life.
When I was four, my world was rocked by the arrival of my younger sister, Clare. Finally, I had someone to beat up. AND my parents gave me a Fisher Price music set when she was born. I thought it was a pretty sweet deal. (Little did I know that the instant I moved away from home, the conniving little trollop would steal my room).
In a desperate bid to get me off their hands for half an hour a week, my parents started sending me to piano lessons at the age of seven. This was a mistake. My parents were now forced to listen to excruciating renditions of 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' during the news. Thankfully, I've improved. Just last week I managed to get it right!
The next major event in my life was my entrance into high school. It was at this time I also discovered makeup applied three inches thick, ugly checkered leggings, miniskirts, and lurid tribal jewelry. The result was that I looked like a cross between a lampshade set on a couple of venetian urns and a Zulu. I also became an avid fan of truly forgettable pop music. East 17, anyone?
High school flew by. Well, not literally- schools can't fly. Except maybe pilot school.
Finally, the year of extreme stress and angst arrived- year 12, the year of the Higher School Certificate! Much of the year is a little blurry due to the caffiene/alchohol/guarana/genetically altering chemicals I imbibed at the time. Still, I came out of it alive with  a lot of truly wonderful friends, a complete lack of fashion sense, a mark of 90.05, and a taste for beer.
I auditioned for the Newcastle Conservatorium of Music at the end of that year. After hearing my stunning rendition of 'Mary Had A Little Lamb', they were clamoring to admit me. Since entering the course, I have learned all about photocopying, all-nighers, cask wine, and getting lost in the main library. The finer things in life, really.
After three and a half years, I still haven't graduated. D'oh!

Cecil Sez- "I've known Michelle for about a year now. She used to wear me with those stinky Doc Martens of hers. One night, at about 12:30am, she sewed eyes and a tongue onto me, and transformed me into the devastatingly handsome sock puppet I am today.
We have an understanding, she and I. She lets me live with her and turns a blind eye to my illegal pornography ring, and I don't tell everyone about 'the custard and wetsuit incident'. So, I'd just like to say that Michelle is the most wonderful, thoughtful, beautiful person I know. And she was out of town when that Dairy Farmers depot was robbed. Really."