Silence

By Susan Dunn
December 2000

For G.H. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SILENCE “Under all speech that is good for anything, There lies a silence that is better. Silence is deep as Eternity; Speech is shallow as Time. -- Thomas Carlyle

Finally I got around to reading a book about grief someone sent me,

It’s been lying around here for a year now.

It’s about losing a child, by 2 authors who each lost a child,

And about 10,000 other parents who have lost children,

And it’s just not what I need right now.

I guess I’m still not ready

For the death of my son to become a statistic,

To be lopped in with everyone else’s.

In this life of mine, which has been difficult at times,

Something must be sacred,

And if the death of my son can’t be sacred,

Then what can?

My son, the Jewel in My Crown,

My comfort in the past, and my hope for the future.

I read in this book some of the things I’ve said –

Apparently everyone feels like a wounded animal in a corner,

Apparently for everyone the pain is “searing” and “physical”

And “crushes your chest” and “hits you in the stomach,”

So, I guess it’s just more of the same old thing?

Whatever.

But it’s not,

And in this I know I’m not unique either,

It’s not.

Because it was Chester

And Chester was special,

And Chester was mine.

Thank you for your silence when you listened,

For honoring, on my behalf,

The inadequacy of my words to convey my feelings,

And perhaps yours to respond,

In this situation,

So special, so terribly special, to me.

It was the times when you were silent

That I felt your presence the most

And it is your silence that I will always remember.