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"Up up" i think in my head. i look at the tallest tree top and can't help but think to myself the word, "up." then i quickly glance to my left and see a small bird taking off, flying up past the trees. i lay my jealousy to rest and continue walking. hearing the sound of the lawn mower off in a distance, i know the direction to wander, leaving the murderous sound behind me and approaching the grass that will stay safe from its knife. i curse my keen sense of direction and ability to always find my way back to the world i would prefer to avoid. this little patch of trees which used to be the woods and long ago a forest has just grown too small for me to maintain a long walk inside of it. i dig as deep as i can into my diminishing imagination, sit crosslegged in the dirt, and begin to draw in it with a nearby stick. i draw swirls and stars and comets and picture the beautiful sky beneath me. then, eyes closed, i rise and twirl in circles around it, weightless up in space dashing from star to star and admiring the protection of having the heavens above and below me. i'm awakened by the sound of a tree crashing behind me. firewood. must keep the family warm. paper. must be able to write and draw stories. packaging. must provide packaging for the numerous products at the chain stores. lumber. must build many many many huge houses and buildings. toothpicks. must keep our teeth clean after meal time. teardrops seem to fall from up at the top of my tallest tree and splash onto the stars in the ground. i look up through the openings in the trees to the sky above and see only a deathly grey as another teardrop falls on my face and mingles with my own. i thank my sense of direction and start to leave until i look back up to my sad tree. i sit down against his trunk and he keeps me dry between the crying sky above and the disappearing sky below. i resolve to stay and comfort my tree and remain a child, lost in the forest. in the woods. in the small patch of trees in my backyard, beside the new parking garage.
jonelle kelly
December 30, 2001 |