"DRUMMER JAN THE MAN LOST IN BREWERY"

      Recently the drummer for STONEHENGE was invited to a special beer sampling in a private brewery on a multimillion dollar estate. Unfortunately he never returned from this special event.

      The band, preparing to depart for their forty one city tour, had packed all of their equipment and was preparing to leave for Vegas when they received the news from their Road Manager, Steve Andersen, that their tempo man had mysteriously vanished from the estate which housed the private brewery.

      Apparently, feeling overly generous with the use of the household personel, Jan ordered one of their limo drivers to take him to the airport for he had a plane to catch. The inebriated drummer miraculously made it to the airport in time to catch his flight. The rest of the worried band members were relieved at his arrival.

      But in the commotion with a Swedish flight attendant and some rather crude comments about whipped-cream and boarding for a flight to a heavenly encouter of the most intimate kind, he was momentarily dazed by the impact of her hammer-like fist that collided forcefully with his temples. Confusing the word Vegas with the word Tahiti he boarded the wrong plane.

      It has been rumored that there have been Jan-sightings all along the coast. It has been reported that he has been seen numerous times eating roasted drum sticks and sipping on Mai-Tai's while walking the beat.

      If you see this individual do not try to approach him, especially if you have food or drink on your person. Instead, notify the nearest music store so that an experienced drum salesman can be brought to the scene.

Order Your STONEHENGE "Portable Luggage" CD's Today! Just Click Here...

STONEHENGE on Safari

(Read in an English accent)

      They came at me, there was nothing else that I could do. As the first 5,000 mounted men came at me I lashed out with my staff. They fell asunder. I continued on. The mounted men engaged me; I was swift and rutheless.

      As the last of the native tribesmen, those either mounted, pike men, archers, and the dregs of the community, came at me I had to act without thought, pure instinct alone would save them from a most certain and horifying death at my hands.

      Noting the geometric positions of the archers I lashed out with my trusted sling. With those out of the way I engaged the Pike men. Extracting several bungee cords I furiously swirled them about, over my head. Then, with the speed and agility of the gazelle, I released them; they were ensnared!

      Those that I could not entangle I dealt with swiftly by releasing the MitoCondusAnctoMotharipus, the quickest, and most hungry, termite in the world. It is known only to a few trusted minds throught the globe, I being one of three.

      They devoured the wooden shafts of the pikes at an alarming rate; I had not fed them in days in case of just such an emergency. Those on foot I dealt with just as ruthlessly. I withdrew my gardening shovel from the bright pink knapsack slung loosely over my right shoulder and dug a series of pits to ensnare the rushing natives. They, taking notice of my preparations, prepared to call a halt to their charge but, through ventriloquism I was able to throw my voice into a nearby cave which echoed it, making it sound as though thousands upon thousands of blood-thirsty enemies were close on thier heels.

      Overwrought with fear they recklessly drove themselves like cattle for the slaughter into the pits that I had prepared for them; they were helpless!

      The local native wenches, maudlin and overcome with gratitude, rushed forward to reward me in the traditions of their cultures, with immeasurable quantities of intricately administered procreational maneuvers- we had a lot of bed time.

      Several weeks later, as they slept soundly, exhausted from our debauchery, I was able to willfully slither out from the camp where the 7,000 native women contently rested off their exertions. I, still unsatisfied but having assuaged my carnal lusts for the evening, needed to be on my way, we had a gig to perform and I did not wish to be tardy. So, to avoid tearful goodbyes, I left them as they drifted through their unconscious mental states, slumbers rich with the vivid imagry of how I had saved them from the peril that had presented itself to them.

      So I flew back to the states, boy my arms were tired. The plane had blown an engine and I had to climb out on the wing and manually turn the propellor to keep us aloft.

      Seven hours later when we landed the crew rushed to my side to help me from my perch on the wing of the airplane. All were amazed to see my composure. "Wow!" they exclaimed, "it's incredible!" "It's a miracle!" said others. But I brushed them all aside and said that it was nothing of the sort. I credited it all to long lasting Mouse, yes, my hair was as neat as it was when I had first combed it that morning. The women swooned at my feet. I was man. I felt good. It had been a satisfying week but now there were others to help, other poor souls in need of me. I turned from the crippled airplane and headed toward the car that I knew would be waiting for me. There was important work to be done! It was time to tune up for our next performance at the Silky Stallion- the natives were growing restless, and you know how dangerous that could be...

      We hope that you have enjoyed these humorous articles featured in our newsletters. We will be bringing you more of them as we expand.
Thanks for visiting!
Come back soon.

Come Visit Us At Our Most Recent Site. Visit our Guestbook, leave a message or hear what someone else has to say. Read some Articles featured in our Newsletters. Hear about the Band's Sponsors. Find out when they're back in town and Playing Locally. And even Order Music through through their Order Form. You can Vote for your favorite song or leave them a Message. Our Foreign Friends can visit our German Page or join the Fan Club!
Just click on the item below and it will send you where you want to go!

[Newest Site] | [Guestbook] | [Newsletters] | [Sponsors] | [Local Appearances] | [Order Form]
[Favorite Song Vote] | [Leave A Message] | [Fan Club] | [German Page] | [Photo Album]
[Main Page] | [Fan Mail] | [The Songs] [Listen to Music]

The Band does occasionally drop in to see how many people have visited so don't be shy tell your friends to say hello and enter themselves in the Band's Guestbook!

Order Your Stonehenge "In The Woods" Cassettes Today! Just Click Here...