It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
Moody bitch seeks nice guy for love-hate relationship
Support mental health or I'll kill you
Sometimes I wish life had subtitles
If you're happy and you know it see a shrink
DAMM - Drunks Against Mad Mothers
Don't drink and drive-if you hit a bump you spill your beer
If I'm driving funny its probably becuase I'm drunk.
Beer isn't just for breakfast any more.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
I don’t suffer from insanity,I enjoy every minute of it.
Moody bitch seeks nice guy for love-hate relationship
Friends don't let friends drive naked.
I drive this way just to piss you off.
Go on speeding, we'll cut you out of your car -Your Fire Dept.
Go on, I'll see you at the next traffic light.
Get in. Sit down. Shut up. Hang on.
Caution I swerve and hit people at random.
So many pedestrians, so little time.
Lost your cat? Look under my tires
Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it..
I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.
Don't steal. The government hates competition
Learn from your parent's mistakes - use birth control
Stop Inbreding! Ban country music.
Of course you're faster, but I'm driving in front of you.
I drive the speed limit. If you don't like it call a cop!
If you can read this, you're in phaser range
Too Close for Missiles, Switching to Guns
If you come any closer, I'll eat you.
Grow your own dope, plant a man.
Good Girls Go To Heaven, Bad Girls Go Everywhere.
I'm the person your mother warned you about! !
If men had periods, they'd brag about the size of their tampons
Worry, God knows all about you.
Jesus loves you! (everyone else thinks you're an asshole!)
Suicide is a way of telling God 'you can't fire me, I QUIT!'
I have nothing against god, it's his followers that I can't stand
Heaven doesn't want me, and hell is afraid I'll take over
Many many years ago when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown up daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy.
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown up daughter
Who, of course, was my stepmother.
Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my grandma too.
If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!!