I try
TOLERATE
Good-bye
Take me...
Take me...
Take me...
Take me...

Look at you, I can't
You don't see the whole picture
take my bed of dirt
cold and empty I'll stay
what's the point of trying
To stay above the surface
Take my life from me
Help me to ease my pain

I try
TOLERATE
Good-bye
Take me...

Try to see the way around you
I can't find it
Try to take the path behind me
Can't rewind it
Stick your finger in my face and
I will break it
Leave me with an after taste

I try
TOLERATE
Good-bye
Take me...
Take me...
Take me...
Take me...

Back to the top

2: COME AGAIN:

You push yourself on me
Force yourself on me
Free yourself through me

You better save yourself from me
Every time you want me to be
Something I could never be
Guess you'll have to wait and see
Till the next time that you have to

COME AGAIN!

I hate myself for you
I break myself for you
I'd kill myself for you
I'd better save myself from you
Everytime you want me to be
Something I could never be
Guess you'll have to wait and see
Till the next time that you have to

COME AGAIN!

If you have to walk my way
Have something to say
Get the fuck away
Can't take one more day
I cannot conform
COME AGAIN!

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3: BREAK:

I walk alone
I am alone
I think alone
I'll die alone
Don't think I can make it on my own
I think I need someone to SAVE ME!

Such is life
So sad but true
Kill everything
That's close to you
Try to decide what not to do
You know you cannot CONTROL ME!

I don't see the point in
Going any further
Than we've gone already
Can't keep my hands steady

Sadness
Everyday for me
You can't
Take that away from me
All these fuckin thoughts inside my head
Are almost more than I can take
You push and pull on me
Your gonna keep pushin
Till I break

You think you control me
Have no chains to hold me
Only thing that saves me
Voices just might kill me

Sadness
Everyday for me
You can't
Take that away from me
All these fuckin thoughts inside my head
Are almost more than I can take
You push and pull on me
Your gonna keep pushin
Till I break

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4: PAINFUL:
I light another cigarette
Stop to think about it
Come to no conclusions
Take each step as it comes
Hold no prisioners except myself
Painful thoughts denied

Try to explain
My loss of words
Fuck you I piss upon you all

My head is a barricade
Filled with peaceful thoughts
With evil outcomes
No one understands
Try to break the barrier
I see no outlet
No ones there to catch me when I fall

Try to explain
My loss of words
Fuck you I piss upon you all


Back to the top

5: NAMELESS:

The walls around me caving in
Cracked and grey
Remind me of myself, I need some help
There's no one else
I'm empty
Addicted
Pissed off
And still afraid
Of what you
Have left me
To live in
This mess you've made

I feel...
Useless...
Jaded...
Nameless

the ride is over I've come down
Hate to be
Can't rely upon myself, for my own health
I'm so fucked up
Distorted
Dysfunctional
and drained
All my deep rooted
Fears seem to get
The best of me

I feel...
Useless...
Jaded...
Nameless

I hate the way you fuck with me
You can't rely on open eyes to see
I force these painful visions from my head
You won't be happy till I break down

I feel...
Useless...
Jaded...
Nameless

Back to the top

6: MUDSHUVEL:

You take away
I feel the same
All the promises you made to me
You made invain
I lost myself inside
Your tainted smile again

You can't feel my anger
You can't feel my pain
You can't feel my torment
Driving me insande
I can't fight these feelings
They bring only pain
You can't take away
Make me whole again

I feel betrayed
Stuck in your ways
You rip me apart with the
Brutal things you say
Can't deal with this shit anymore
I just look away

Mudshovel...
Mudshovel...
Mudshovel...
Mudshovel...

You take away
I fell the same
All these promises
You promised only pain
If you take away
And leave me with nothing again

You can't feel my anger
You can't feel my pain
You can't feel my torment
Driving me insande
I can't fight these feelings
They bring only pain
You can't take away
Make me whole again

You will feel my anger
You will feel my pain
You will feel my torment
I'll drive you insane
I won't fight these feelings
I will bring you pain
I will take away
I'll be whole again

Mudshovel

Back to the top

7: SEE THRU:

WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM!?"
...You wanna know what my problem is?

Alone, I walk beside myself
Alone, you put me on your shelf
Alone, with my insanity
Alone, no one to blame but me
But if you had told me when I was much younger
That life has a way of pulling you right under
I wouldn't be standing here preaching my hate
I stand at the edge staring into my fate

I see thru you
What makes you think that you're god
Pick up the pieces as I fall apart
Why must you fuck with me

Betrayed, You left me here for dead
Betrayed, By the voices in my head
Betrayed, left my out in the rain
Betrayed, nothing left but pain
I'm sick of the answers
Your cannibal instincts and false dedications
You leave me here cold, nothing left but my shell
To die while I'm living and burn in my hell

I see thru you
What makes you think that you're god
Pick up the pieces as I fall apart
Why must you fuck with me

I pick you apart little by little
Till nothing is left but the look on your face
Once inside our I can get at what's inside
Beneath your facad I can see your discrase
The walls that you build up will crumble around you
The pain you will feel as you wither away
The sun though it comes up will warm you...
No longer

Back to the top

8: QUESTION:

Which way do I go?

Pain I swallow I cannot keep it down
Hate I swallow I cannot keep it down

Down

You I hate you I cannot keep you down
You I'll rape you I cannot keep it down

Down
You before me
I can't take any more
Of what you have to offer
My ears are sore
Leave my feelings
In a heap by the door
Can't go up any futher
Come crashing back down

Down

Back to the top

9: NO ONE’S KIND:

What the fuck's the purpose
I didn't scratch the surface
Immune to what your saying
All along decaying
Can't see thru the fire
Darkness lone desire
Quiet in my corner
Building up the border

Can't stand the way you make me feel today
No One's kind is all you'll ever be

Can't see thru the rain
Too much time
No sublime
loss of energy
No symmentry
Fuck society
Lost in nievate

Can't stand they way you break me...
Can't take the pain you break me....
Can't bite the hand that feeds me...
Can't take away what's in me

Addicted to the feelings
Lose touch with all I've know
The cobwebs on the cieling
Make me aware that I'm all alone

The endless rain washes all away
Makes clean the mess I have made

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10: SELF DESTRUCT:

Watch me suffer
You'll feel better
Stick the needle in my vein
Lost my feelings with my dealing
Thoughts of only you remains
FUCK

Rip and tear
In my dispair
agonizing over shit
Feel the needle burn and tingle
My bad habits deal with it

FUCK
I will self destruct

My light has slowly faded
Broken and degredated
Suffocate in my sorrow
Maybe I'll die tomorrow
This riot that I've sited
Camt to you uninvited
Truth hurts when it's in your face
Are you afraid of it?

Back to the top

11: 4 WALLS:

The thoughts from my mind
Command my lips say I hate you
The thoughts from my mind
Command my hands to cut your silken flesh
The thoughts from my mind
Command my feet to stomp your head
The thoughts from my mind have one question...
When will this ever end?

CHORUS:
Not much to the life I live
Same 4 Walls
I have nothing left to give
Please take it all away....
Same 4 Walls

The thoughts from my mind
Feel the pain as rats claw at my flesh
The thoughts from my mind
Feels the joy as the needls hits my vein
The thoughts from my mind
Smells the stench as shit runs down my leg
The thoughts from my mind ask for sanity
Now for this I beg

CHORUS

The thoughts from my mind
Command my lips say I hate you
The thoughts from my mind
Command my hands to cut your silken flesh
The thoughts from my mind
Command my feet to stomp your head
The thoughts from my mind have one question...
WHEN WILL I BE DEAD?

CHORUS

Back to the top

Hidden Track: FUNERAL:

no lyrics

Back to the top

1: SUFFOCATE:

I feel nothing
Longing for something
Lie in bed to take your clothes off
Show me what you're made of
Drugs to soothe me
Chorus
(All alone)
Leave me here I'm dying
(All alone)
Just kick me in my face
(All alone)
All alone and crying
(All alone)
I suffocate
I'm not gifted
Slightly twisted
Try hard try hard
To see if I can push you any further
Drugs to soothe me
Chorus
Please believe you'll save me, rearrange me
I can feel your feelings running through me
Take away my sorrow my tomorrow
Heal me
Chorus
I'm suffocating

Back to the top

2: Just Go:

I'm kinda numb
It's so distorted
You left me here with this damage that you've caused
My tortured faces
These fucked up places
In my memories none of them I've lost, but...

Chorus
I haven't been here long enough to know
Everytime I feel this I just lose control
Such a cancer on the face of everything that's beautiful
I wish that this would just go, go.

It's kinda sick
I feel so dirty
I'm kinda tragic kinda insecure
But I know that I'm the only
One that can fix whatever's wrong I'm sure, but...

Chorus
I feel so alone
From all I've become
I'll take you down
I'll feel so down
I'm water while you drown
You're lifted while I'm down
I'm cancer in your womb
I'm the needle in your spoon, but...

Chorus
Just go

Back to the top

3: Me:

I hear you talk about your family life
I wish I knew just what that means
I guess my mother never loved my dad
And now I wear it on my sleeve
My sister called me just the other day
It felt so good to hear her voice
My problem is I don't have much to say
I guess she doesn't have a choice, and I'm sorry

Chorus
Look at me I'm so pathetic
I can't believe I'm just an addict
I've never needed anyone to help me
I'm begging you to please come save me from myself, save me from my...
My mothers always tried to change herself
She never learned to let things be
She doesn't know how bad she messed me up
'Cause now she seems so fake to me but I love her

Chorus
If you push me then I won't fall
I've been programmed to take it all
And shove it way down inside
Like my father

Chorus
I hear you talk about your family life
I wish I knew just what that means

Back to the top

4: Raw:

Raw
The pictures left with me won't fade
These images affect me every day
Cause of you I feel I don't deserve
The life I see in her
Just don't leave me

Raw
Inside I'm so cold
Inside I'm so cold
Raw

I've never been someone who knows
My choices haunt me everywhere I go
Finally did something right for myself
My life to you no one else
Just don't leave me

Raw
Inside I'm so cold
Inside I'm so cold
I'm so cold
I feel so cold
I can't take this
Raw
I feel so...
Inside I'm so cold
Inside I'm so cold
Raw
I feel so...
Raw

Back to the top

5: Mudshovel:

You take away
I feel the same
All the promises you made to me you made in vain
I lost myself inside your tainted smile again

Chorus
Cause you can't feel my anger
You can't feel my pain
You can't feel my torment
Driving me insane
I can't fight these feelings they will bring you pain
You can't take away
Make me whole again

I feel betrayed
Stuck in your ways
And you rip me apart
With the brutal things you say
I can't deal with shit anymore
I just look away

Chorus
Mudshovel
You take away
I feel the same
All these promises
You promised only pain
If you take away
And leave me with nothing again

Chorus
You will feel my anger
You will feel my pain
You will feel my torment
Driving you insane
I can't fight these feelings they will bring you pain
You won't take away
I'll be whole again
Mudshovel

Back to the top

6: Home:

I force myself through another day
Can't explain the way today just fell apart like everything
Right in my face
And I try to be the one
I can't accept this all because of you
I've had to walk away
From everything

Chorus
I'm afraid to be alone
Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone
I'm afraid to come back home
Another sleepless night again
Hotel rooms my only friend
And friends like that just don't add up
To anything
And I try so hard to be everything
That I should never take away from you again
Cause I heard ya say

Chorus
I cannot forget
I live with regret
I cannot forget
I live with...
I'll live through this
I can't see through this
I can't do this anymore

Chorus
Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone
I just wish I was back home
Home

Back to the top

7: A Flat:

Trust In me can't trust I'm the whore I don't believe it
All my life so scarred what for who you can't conceive it
Everything you fear I'll be here you couldn't live it
I whisper in your ear so loud, why can't you hear it
I'm OK
All my faith is gone you think I couldn't find it
Pieces falling down shattered now get behind it
In my mind alone, Lost in here I'm separated
Crawl deeper in my hole safe in here from what I hated

Chorus
All the demons in my head won't leave me
I know I can hear them
All the sacrifices made for nothing
Don't show can't believe it
Want to show that I'm good for something
I can't you won't let me
Are you running cause your words won't heal me
Because you can't accept me

And I hate myself
And I hate my face
And I hate my world
And I hate my ways
And I
And I
And I
I'm not OK
I'm OK

Trust In me can't trust I'm the whore I don't believe in
All my life so scarred what for who you can't conceive it
Everything you fear I'll be here you couldn't live it
I whisper in your ear why can't you feel it

Chorus

I don't believe it

Back to the top

8: Crawl:

I'm so lonely
You're so beautiful
Not the only
One that's pitiful

Scratched and torn I lay here in pieces
Craving all of your deadly vices
Like to think that I'm not addicted
But I guess I wear it well

Chorus
And I crawl
While you spit
And I crawl
Through you
Here I am now
Not a lot has changed
Nothing' better
Everything's the same

Late at night I can hear your voices
Talking shit about all my choices
You would think you've known me forever
Just because you know my name

Chorus
Everything falls apart
Everything...
Everything falls apart
Everything

Chorus

Back to the top

9: Spleen:

Can’t breathe!
Shut up
I feel I give everything to you
Can’t breathe!
Shut up
I think there’s nothing left to do
Can’t breathe!
Shut up

(2x) I don't like today, take it all away
Just like what you say - I don't want you
Kinda like the way, everything is gray
Just like what you say - I don't need you
I don't look like you, do the things you do
But I'm fucked up too - I don't need you

Can’t breathe!
Shut up
I feel you are what’s changed my soul
Can’t breathe!
Shut up
I think I'll never lose control
Can’t breathe!
Shut up

I don't like today, take it all away
Just like what you say - I don't want you
Kinda like the way, everything is gray
Just like what you say - I don't need you
I don't look like you, do the things you do
But I'm fucked up too - I don't need you

I don't understand it
You’re killing this planet
The scabs on your face
It’s a fucking disgrace
I blame you
I blame you
Can’t breathe!
Shut up

Back to the top

Hidden Track: Excess Baggage:

Well I know the words, but I can't really speak them
To you
And I hide all the pain that I've gained with my wisdom
From you

And I'm eaten alive by what I hold inside
All the things that I live with I can't easily hide
And I'm left here with nothing, nothing to live for
But you

It's not easy to hide
All this damage inside
I'll carry you with me
Until I'm not alive

When you look at my face, does it seem just as ugly?
To you?

I can't seem to erase all the scars I have lived with
From you

I'm so sick of this place
This taste in my mouth
Cause of you I can't figure what I'm all about
And I'm left here with nothing, nothing to live for
But you

It's not easy to hide
All this damage inside
I'll carry you with me
'Til I'm not alive

Back to the top

1: OPEN YOUR EYES:

As I walk along these streets
I see a man that walks alone
Distant echo of peoples feet
He has no place to call his own
A shot rings out from a roof over head
A crackhead asks for change nearby
An old man lies in an alleyway dead
A little girl lost just stands there and cries

Chorus
What would you do, if it was you?
Would you take everything for granted like you do?

A boy just 13 on the corner for sale
Swallows his pride for another hit
Overpopulation there's no room in jail
And most of you don't give a shit
That your daughters are porno stars and
Your sons sell death to kids
You're so lost in your little worlds
Your little worlds you'll never fix

Chorus

You turn away
As I walk along these streets
Soaking up the acid rain
Underneath the taxi cabs
I hear the streets cry out in vain

Back to the top

2: PRESSURE:

I just need this to be alright
I can't feel this another night
I can't take this I come unglued
I might breakdown in front of you
Necessary to medicate
I'm not sleeping, can't stay awake

Chorus

Can't see through this
Too much pressure
Drowning in this
Too much pressure

If you need me I'll be here
Half unconscious to escape my fear
I can't take this I come unglued
I might breakdown in front of you
Necessary to medicate
I'm not sleeping, can't stay awake

Chorus

My head hurts this shit isn't getting me high
My chest is so tight, am I going to die
My stomach's in knots and the room starts to spin
As I wait for this valium to slowly kick in

Chorus

Back to the top

3: FADE:

I try to breathe
Memories overtaking me
I try to face them but
The thought is too much to conceive

I only know that I can change
Everything else just stays the same
So now I step out of the darkness that my life became cause

Chorus

I just needed someone to talk to
You were just to busy with yourself
You were never there for me
To express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I'm older and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface I am scratching
Is the bed that I have made

So where were you?
When all this I was going through
You never took the time
To ask me just what you could do

I only know that I can change
Everything else just stays the same
So now I step out of the darkness that my life became cause

Chorus

I never meant to fade (away)
I never meant to fade

Back to the top

4: Its Been A While:

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I first saw you
And it's been awhile
Since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it's been awhile
Since I could call you

Chorus

And everything I can remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
And consequences that are rendered
I stretch myself beyond my means

And it's been awhile
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted
And it's been awhile
Since I can say I love myself aswell
And it's been awhile
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do
And it's been awhile
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you

Chorus

Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day

And it's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry
And it's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face
And it's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste

Chorus

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry

Back to the top

5: CHANGE:

If ever you had said to me before that I would live this life
That I am living now I guess it's all so strange
To feel the way I do inside
But have so much that I could feel some pride for in my life
So why is it that I feel like this

Chorus

How do I feel? I've been here before, I've felt this
Retreat to a place, a place within me, I need this
Keep it all down, bottled inside, it breaks me
To torment again and torture me like it used to

I try and try to break away from all the hate I'm feeling
For every one of you that's ever done me wrong
I need to justify the reasons for the way I'm living
I guess I can't cause I don't feel like I deserve

Chorus

So now the waves they have subsided and my soul is bleeding
I can't take away all the shame I feel forgive me

Back to the top

6: CAN’T BELIEVE:

Respect
Respect what is found
Respect should be abound
Respect everything that you leave
I can't believe

Chorus

I can't believe

And I, I can't believe
I can't believe all the travesty
Surrounding me, I want to flee
I want to flee from everything
In front of me here

Chorus

Never again, trusted in you
Fuck everything that you think I should be
I stand, never again, never again

Back to the top

7: EPIPHANY:

Your words to me just a whisper
Your faces so unclear
I try to pay attention
Your words just disappear

Chorus

Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

So I speak to you in riddles
Cause my words get in my way
I smoke the whole thing to my head
And feel it wash away
Cause I can't take anymore of this
I want to come apart
Or dig myself a little hole
Inside your precious heart

Chorus

I am nothing more than
A little boy inside
That cries out for attention
Yet I always try to hide
Cause I talk to you like children
Though I don't know how I feel
But I know I'll do the right thing
If the right thing is revealed

Chorus

Back to the top

8: SUFFER:

The more you see the more you do
The television's feeding you
With what you want to hear
Anger and fear
Because you suffer

The hate you feel won't go away
You're all programmed to feel this way
To live another day within a world
That loves to suffer

Chorus

And then I come to find everything's OK
Seen this all before
But that was yesterday
I try to walk right through
The messes that I've made
Just let me enjoy
The life here that I've made

Chorus

I've tried to give this all to you
Can't take anymore to do
With this it hurts inside
I know why I hide
Cause I suffer

I tried to keep it all inside
Didn't leave me too much pride
I forced it all down inside
Forced myself
To make me suffer

Chorus

And then I come to find

Back to the top

9: SAFE PLACE:

Another day inside my world
I'm married to you and this road
A road that never lets me sleep
Theres no way to escape the demons I am forced to keep

Chorus

And then I find you here
Through your eyes
Everything's clear
And I'm home
Inside your arms
But I'm alone for now

I mean the best with what I say
It doesn't always sound that way
I never learned to work things out
Cause in my family all we ever seem to do is shout

Chorus

And I try to sleep
The drugs I take
Are killing me
I think of you
To ease my pain
But you're so far

Now it's time to say goodbye
I love you baby please don't cry

Back to the top

10: FOR YOU:

To my mother, to my father
It's your son or it's your daughter
Are my screams loud enough for you to hear me?
Should I turn this up for you?

Chorus

Cause I sit locked inside my head
Remembering everything you've said
This silence gets us nowhwere
Gets us nowhere way too fast

The silence is what kills me
I need someone here to help me
But you don't know how to listen
And let me make my decisions

Chorus

All your insults and your curses
Make me feel like I'm not a person
And I feel like
I am nothing
But you made me
So do something
Cause I'm fucked up
Because you are
Need attention
Attention you couldn't give

Back to the top

11: OUTSIDE:

And you, bring me to my knees, again
All the times, that I could beg you please, in vain
All the times, that I felt insecure, for you
And I leave, my burdens at the door

Chorus

But I'm on the outside
And I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
Cause inside your ugly
Your ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you

All the times that I felt like this won't end, it's for you
And I taste what I could never have, it was from you
All the times that I've tried my intentions full of pride
But I waste more time than anyone

Chorus

All the times, that I've cried
All this wasted, it's all inside
And I feel, all this pain
Stuffed it down, it's back again
And I lie, here in bed
All alone, I can't mend
But I feel, tomorrow will be OK

Back to the top

13: WASTE:

Your mother came up to me
She wanted answers only she should know
Only she should know
It wasn't easy to deal
With the tears that rolled down her face
I had no answers cause I didn't even know you

Chorus

But these words
They can't replace
The life you...
The life you waste

How could you paint this picture?
With life as bad as it should seem
That there were no more options for you
I can't explain how I feel
I've been there many times before
I've tasted the cold steel of my life crashing down before me

Chorus

Did Daddy not love you?
Or did he love you just too much?
Did he control you?
Did he live through you at your cost?
Did he leave no questions for you to answer on your own?

Well fuck that!
And fuck her!
And fuck him!
And fuck you!
For not having the strength in your heart to pull through!
I've had doubts!
I have failed!
I've fucked up!
I've had plans!
Doesn't mean I should take my life with my own hands!

Chorus

Back to the top

13: TAKE IT:

I feel like this won't go away
No matter how hard I try to
Squeeze my eyes shut so i can't see the pain
In you this pain in me
In me

Chorus

Everything that I can say to you
Won't help you
Everything you need is right in front of you
Just take it

I know that I'm really not here
To represent what I'm not clear
About in my head sometimes
I feel fucked up just like you do
Like you do

Chorus

Try to make it through the daily pain
That you feel
Maybe tomorrow won't be so bad
I know it

Cause I once felt that way
Nothing I could say
Made it go away
I lived through this
I still feel this
I just live for my tomorrow

Make it go away
Just make it go away
She'll make it go away