--TRIGUN THE SECOND DONUTS AUDIO DRAMAS--
Translated by sumire
--WEST SLANG--
Wolfwood: The next thing I knew, I had arrived in Osaka--as Osaka as it could be. There's no place like Osaka, is there.
Vash: Hey! If it isn't Wolfwood! What are you doing here?
Wolfwood: Oh, Vash! Long time no see! It's been three months since I last saw you, hasn't it? Were you able to find Knives?
Vash: ...
Wolfwood: What's the matter?
Vash: Ugh, I think I'm gonna be sick!
Wolfwood: Huh?
Vash: What the hell are you doing, speaking Standard Japanese!?
Wolfwood: Am I?
Vash: Stop that! You're giving me chills!
Wolfwood: I'm not doing anything! I'm the same as always.
Vash: Our good ol' terrorist minister--What happened to that Osaka spirit!?
Meryl: Hey, what are you two guys doing?
Vash: Get a load of this, Meryl! Wolfwood, here, he's talking like a fag--"Boku" this and "boku" that...
Wolfwood: I'm normal! Have some manners, Vash!
Meryl: Ooh, I think I'm gonna be sick.
Wolfwood: Huh?
Meryl: What are you doing talking Standard Japanese!?
Wolfwood: Is it really so strange?
Meryl: It's like fingernails on a blackboard!
Milly: Hey, what are you all doing?
Meryl: There's something wrong with Wolfwood, Milly. Tokyo's gone to his head. He gets just a little popular, and he gets all stuck up... And here I thought he was a friend--I'm hurt, honestly!
Wolfwood: I'm normal, Milly! The suit--it's black, see? Look! I'm carrying a big cross! It's me, your old pal Wolfwood!
Milly: Oh my God! I think I'm gonna be sick!
Wolfwood: Huh?
Milly: What are you doing speaking Standard!?
Wolfwood: Is something wrong?
Milly: Oh, no... This is serious!
Legato: What are you all doing standing in the middle of the street! Did someone drop three million yen?
Milly: Legato! Wolfwood's gone all funny! He's all, "Blah blah blah, you know?" He's a disgrace to Osaka!
Wolfwood: I never said anything like that! You know?
Legato: "Like that... You know."
Wolfwood: Right... You know?
Legato: Ugh! I think I'm gonna be sick.
Wolfwood: Huh?
Legato: What are you doing speaking Standard?!
Wolfwood: What's wrong? Don't look at me like that, you know?
Legato: That Wolfwood's breaking down.
Knives: Hey--is that Wolfwood I see? It's me! Knives!
Wolfwood: Ah--
Knives: --Ugh! I think I'm gonna be sick!
Wolfwood: I haven't even said anything yet!
Knives: And he's speaking Standard--even more disgusting!
Wolfwood: What's your problem? Do you enjoy bullying me so much? You know?
Vash: We sure do!
Meryl: You said it!
Milly:
Legato (laughs)
Knives: Thanks for the freak show.
Wolfwood: I... I hate all of you!
(laughter)
Wolfwood: Don't look at me like that!
(laughter)
Wolfwood: Aren't you my friends?
(laughter)
Wolfwood: Stop laughing! Stop laughing!
(laughter)
Wolfwood: You're so mean! You're all so mean to me! You know.
--INSURANCE #1--
knock knock
Meryl: Excuse me. I'm Meryl Stryfe of the Bernardelli Insurance Agency.
Milly: I'm Milly Thompson!
Meryl: Mr. Legato Bluesummers? You haven't paid this month's insurance premium, so we've come to collect it in person. Would you please open the door?
knock knock
Milly: Maybe he's not home.
Meryl: The electric meter is turning. He must be home.
knock knock knock
Meryl: Hello? Mr. Legato? Mr. Legato...!
Legato: What are you making such a racket about?
Meryl: This voice... Are you Mr. Legato Bluesummers?
Legato: Yes, I am.
Milly: Were you asleep?
Legato: No, I've been watching you through the peephole the whole time.
Meryl: Then open up at once!
Legato: What do you want?
Meryl: You were watching, weren't you? We've come to collect your insurance premium.
Milly: Please pay up and clear your debts.
Legato (laughs to himself): Soon this world will be destroyed at His hand. Instead of doing this, you should live out the remainder of your lives more meaningfully.
Meryl (disgruntled): What are you talking about?
Legato: You two were unlucky, weren't you.
Meryl: It's because of you that we're unlucky!
Legato: That's enough.
Meryl & Milly: Huh?
Legato: I said, you may go now.
Milly: Huh? Ma'am! My body is moving on its own!
Meryl: We're moving away from the apartment!
Legato laughs.
Meryl: This is your doing, isn't it! Your insurance premium--!
Milly: What a clever trick!
Meryl: What are you admiring him for? Pay up! Please pay your bill--!
--INSURANCE #2--
knock knock
Meryl: Excuse me. I'm Meryl Stryfe of the Bernardelli Insurance Agency.
Milly: I'm Milly Thompson!
Meryl: Mr. Nicholas D. Wolfwood? You haven't paid this month's insurance premium, so we've come to collect it in person. Would you please open the door?
knock knock
Milly: Maybe he's not home.
Meryl: I can see him watching TV through the crack in the door. He's just ignoring us.
knock knock knock
Meryl: Hello? Mr. Wolfwood? Mr. Wolfwood...!
Door opens.
Wolfwood: What do you want? Jeez, you're noisy.
Milly: You finally noticed us!
Meryl: You're Mr. Nicholas D. Wolfwood, aren't you? We've come to collect your unpaid insurance premium.
Milly: Please pay up and settle your debts!
Wolfwood: Oh, gee, that puts me in a tight spot.
Meryl: We're the ones who're in a tight spot.
Wolfwood: Okay, see, this is all I have right now.
Jingle of coins
Meryl: Three pennies...
Wolfwood: Yeah. So, this one is for you. This one is for you. And this one is for me. I'm sorry--it isn't much, but will this do?
Milly: Thank you so much! Isn't this great, ma'am?
Meryl: It most certainly is not! Two lousy cecents aren't enough!
Wolfwood: But it's all I have on hand. Come on, give me a break. I'm counting on you. Okay, pretty ladies?
Echoes: Pretty ladies... pretty ladies... pretty... pretty...pretty...
Meryl: Oh. Well. I suppose it can't be helped, can it.
Wolfwood: Really? Thanks!
Meryl: But in return, we'll expect you to pay two terms' worth next month.
Wolfwood: Right, right. Oh, Lord, bless these two merciful insurance ladies... I'll throw in that prayer just now gratis. Okay, 'bye!
Door closes.
Meryl: Such a perceptive, honest man...
Milly: Ma'am, if you look at his bill, he hasn't paid in six months.
Meryl: What?!
knock knock
Meryl: Open up, please! Pay your bill! Pay up!
Wolfwood: May God go with you!
Meryl: Forget that! Pay up!
--INSURANCE #3--
knock knock
Meryl: Excuse me. I'm Meryl Stryfe of the Bernardelli Insurance Agency.
Milly: I'm Milly Thompson!
Meryl: Mr. Vash the Stampede? You haven't paid this month's insurance premium, so we've come to collect it in person. Would you please open the door?
knock knock
Milly: Maybe he's not home.
Meryl: He's only pretending not to be there! This time, we've got to get the money! Who knows what the boss will say to us?
knock knock knock
Meryl: Hello? Mr. Vash? Mr. Vash...!
door opens
Vash: Who are you?
Meryl: You're Mr. Vash the Stampede, aren't you? We've come to collect your unpaid insurance premium.
Milly: Please pay up and settle your debts!
Vash: I don't have any.
Meryl: Huh?
Vash: I don't have any money.
Milly: Really? In your file, it says you make quite a lot as a bodyguard...
Vash: For the sake of love and peace, I give it all to charity. And I'm just a wandering tumbleweed, with no roots anywhere. Money just weighs me down.
Meryl: You live in an apartment! What kind of rootless existence is that!?
Vash: Hey, you're pretty sharp.
Milly (crying): Please pay! Our boss is going to get angry at us!
Vash: It's no good!
Meryl: Don't act cool and refuse us.
Vash: Meryl. And Milly. Listen to me. A villain far more dangerous than any I've ever faced before is coming. I don't even know what could happen in the worst possible case if I fight him. Please... run away!
Vash runs away.
Meryl: Oh! Mr. Vash!
Vash: Run away! Far enough away that you'll be safe if this place is blown to hell! Run away! (voice fades away)
Meryl: I let him go. Why...? Maybe he caught me off guard. Because... it was the first time he ever called me by my name.
Milly: He's gone, isn't he.
Kuroneko-sama: Nya!
Meryl: AAAAAAAH! I got caught up in this stupid monologue and let him get away! We're going after him, Milly!
Milly: Right, ma'am!
Milly: ...That's how hard it is, being an insurance agent.