What is your secret?

Standard disclaimer - Yami no Matsuei doesn't belong to me.
Author’s note : The story takes place after the ending of the anime.

“ Hisoka...”
Silence.
“ Hisoka..!”
No reply.
“ Hisoka, pleeeease!”

I lifted my eyes up from a book and looked at my partner. As I expected, he was in his famous puppy form: big pleading eyes staring with hope, palms put together, waging tail and fluffy ears... No, Tsuzuki hadn’t turned into dog. But his appearance was so expressive that even a man with poor imagination would have seen a puppy expression on him.

I sniffed scornfully and, deciding to ignore my partner again, got back to reading.
“HISOKA!” This time Tsuzuki’s sorrowful whimper turned into pitiful howl. “Let’s go! Please! I’m hungry!!”
Sighing, I put the book aside and once again turned to the elder shinigami.
“Ok. Let’s go.”

There were several well-known rules about Tsuzuki running in our Second Department of Enma-Choo. The one of them said that this no-ordinary shinigami must not be left without a food for a long time. Or else there may something much worse than in the case of destruction of the library happen... Another rule said that Tsuzuki never rejects a free food. Only the secretary of our department – Tatsumi – categorically refused to appropriate the extra funds. And only the Earl from Castle of Thousand Candles would offer a free food to Tsuzuki. But the Earl has his own (very specific) plans on the violet-eyed lad.

Of course I had no intentions to pay my partner’s bill. Otherwise there would nothing remain of my month salary of shinigami. Tsuzuki’s appetite was yet another legend in our department. However, sitting at the table of one of small Tokyo cafes, and admiring the eagerness with which Tsuzuki swallowed up his confectionery, I could do nothing but smile.

Casting the glances around suspiciously, as if somebody could encroach upon his pastries, Tsuzuki buried himself in the whipped cream...

“ He looks so stupid!” I smirked. However, being in this cozy room, and sipping leisurely my strong coffee , I remembered that very first time when I met Tsuzuki.

That time I mistook him for a vampire-killer and nearly shot him for that. Only the intervention of one of GoShoShin brothers (I snorted recalling those odd flying creatures, very similar to a hen) had rescued Tsuzuki troubles... Then we both decided to talk over our mission at supper, and at the same time to make the acquaintance of each other. I was so disappointed when I found out that instead of one of the best field agents-shinigami that had been promised to me by the Chef, I was partnered with the one who had been rejected by everyone in our department!

Now I understood why they all had refused to work with Tsuzuki. And why even Tatsumi abandoned him after only several months of working together. Tsuzuki was an open, honest and emotional shinigami. Beside him the cold and calculating Tatsumi, who was aspired to receive a profit out of everything, felt himself as a forgery... Tatsumi had’t liked it. Everyone else felt the same: they felt themselves factitious, full of defects and complexes... And they refused to be paired with Tsuzuki.

At first I wanted to refuse too... But then...

“ No, now I have no regrets that it was you who became my partner,” I thought, looking at the chewing Tsuzuki. “After all you have really turned out to be the best one in our division. No, you’ve turned out to be the best in the whole Enma-Choo’s department!

“ You can summon 12 shikigami! And besides, there are the strongest inthe demonic world among them: Byakko, Suzaku, Tohda, Genbu... While I have no power over even the least and the weakest one...

“You are very strong, Tsuzuki. And you don’t boast about it, like some people from the First Division do. Though they are not a patch on you! Someday I’ll become as strong as you are. I’ll become a worthy partner to you. And then I’ll be able to protect you from any problems which you get yourself into because of your kindness.

“You are strong, Tsuzuki, and you have a very kind heart. After all, what other shinigami – a messenger of death – would rescue people and take care of their well-being, instead of performing a mission and going away? Who else would take so hard every death of those unknown people, whom you tried to protect so hard? Another shinigami would have just shrugged and proceeded to the next mission. I could have been like them had you not become my partner.

“You are kind and caring… Those are very strange traits for a messenger of death. But remembering the first day of our meeting, when I fainted because of the sake that I had drunk (who would have known that I could get drunk so catastrophically fast!), and you brought me to your apartment, I can’t stop wondering. When I asked why you took care of me, you said that we were “workmates”… And that’s after the whole evening at the café I called you a good-for-nothing idiot, refusing to work together with you!..

“I was bewildered. Why had you acted in such a manner? Why had you treated me so well?.. Now I know that it is just in your character – kindness and attentiveness.

“So different from cold and cynical me... You are like a personification of fire. Just as your flaming Suzaku. As for me, then I’m more like ice… However, in spite of that, I’m still attracted to you... I want to be with you, to understand you, to learn to be strong from you... To be like you.

“Sometimes, I’m envious of you, Tsuzuki. You are so open to the world! Every feeling is shown on your face, every motive has it’s reflection in your behavior.

“We turned to be a very interesting duo. Inter-supplemental. While you would be called “senses”, I would be named “logic”. If your heart is opened to each and every, then mine is hidden behind the ice walls of cynicism…

“You are strong, kind, caring, sincere, open…

At the same time, you are so childishly funny!..”

Just look at his tricks! His puppy whines when he wants something... His really inhuman passion for sweets… And his desire to cook something! Never and not at any price I’ll try his cooking again! I did that once, and it was more than enough for me! Only the fact that I’m already dead saved me. Because otherwise, I would have been promptly put into the Great Book of Dead at Enma-Choo’s department…

“Still, in spite of your cheerful disposition, kindness, unselfishness, you are merciless to our enemies... We had so many of them. However, thus far your battlecraft and my logic and empathic abilities always proved to be stronger than their intrigues...

“There is only one our enemy whose power is equal to yours, Tsuzuki. Yes, that is Muraki. I know that it’s as hard for you to think about him as it is for me. For me, it is because he killed me. For you, it is that you nearly killed yourself because of him …

“So far I shudder at the thought that that time, when sacrificing yourself you tried to kill Muraki, you could disappear for good in devilish fire. I know that we – shinigami – are immortal. And only black fire of your shikigami – SohRyu – could annihilate your undying soul… For good… Without any right to be reincarnated…

“I was ready to perish beside you. That is because there is no one in the whole world for me but you. You became the light that brought me from unsociable darkness. You became a life-giving spring I could derive my strength and inspiration from… You became my best friend. I could not live without you. That is because after I met you, I became another man. I learned to trust... to understand… to love… Should you disappear I would have no sense to stay in the world…

“Still, we were lucky. In right time Tatsumi pulled us our of the funeral fire made by your shikigami.

“Now, several months later, you again became yourself: flippant and not serious worker. Yet, it’s not a secret to anyone that behind that behavior power and competence are hidden.

“Nevertheless I know that Muraki is alive. His cursed mark has again appeared on my body. That means that we’ll have encounter with him again. And by that time I hope that I’ll be able to protect you, Tsuzuki. For that I must leant to be strong.

“You are amazing, Tsuzuki! And I wish nothing else than to be a little bit like you: to be as strong and open to the world like you… to be sincere and cheerful…

It’s difficult to resist your charm. And only a force of habit keeps me from open expression of admiration…”

Once again I looked at my companion. He had finished his pastries, and now he was licking clean his fingers.
“Tsuzuki!” I jerked him out in a cold voice.
He shot a guilty glance at me, and began to clean himself with a serviette.
“Thank you that you agreed to keep me a company, Hisoka,” he said after he finished cleaning.
I shrugged my shoulders.
“We are the partners, you see.”

Tsuzuki smiled warmly to that.

Because of that smile it became a little brighter on my heart. But so far I can not smile back. I still feel uncomfortable about expressing my feeling openly, or just like you smiling at any small trivia…

But some day I’ll be able to do that...

Some day when I’ll become like you…

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