This page features my skills in uhhmmm talking to myself, which I quite frequently do. I wish I knew how to draw comics, then I'd better implement these thoughts. Would have been an interesting thing to do, but with the lack of any drawing skills whatsoever, am left with writing these monologues. I don't know were this is going to lead to. Most of the people who have read AND liked it, are people who know me quite well. Maybe in the future, I'd make it less personal, then maybe it would be more appealing to strangers. Have fun!
The Effects of Entertainment Deprivation
The (Actual) Interview [June 22, 2003]
Interviewing Myself [May 27, 2003]
The Effects of Entertainment Deprivation
stingeyes: It's only been five days and you already want to talk again. Ack, I forgot. It's only been five days and you already want to transcribe another conversation?
simonsayz: Yup. I do.
stingeyes: Ah, I see why. A lame excuse for being lazy and not working on your supposed to be "new" layout, right?
simonsayz: Damn, you're good. It's like you are grabbing the thoughts out of my mind.
stingeyes: Uhm, that's what I am doing. We ARE sharing the same brain and body. Right?
simonsayz: Oh yes, it slipped my mind (pun intended) for a moment there.
stingeyes: Yeah, and I picked the thought up. Wow, you seemed really fucked up today. What seems to be the problem?
simonsayz: Honestly, do you really have to ask?
stingeyes: Hahaha...Okay, was just thinking that maybe it would be because of something else.
simonsayz: Well, it is a bunch of stuff, work, depression, her, videogames, movies, commuting, etc.
stingeyes: Ha! You are so fucked up. So how was the first week of work?
simonsayz: If we are talking about the training, it is fine, and so far, I haven't seen any reason for me not having a life aside from work. But in order to have this "life aside from work" I have to commute to and from work everyday. I could rent a place somewhere or stay at a relative's place, but that would mean time away from my PC, and I am not having any of that. And once, the training is over and actual work starts, day offs don't come in pairs, which means I'd hardly get anything done during day offs.
stingeyes: Yeah, you are such a spoiled brat.
simonsayz: Right, we aren't even rich, so how could I be one? I just love to complain about every fucking thing.
stingeyes: Whatever you say. Just continue with your ramblings so I could play Ragnarok Online. =)
simonsayz: Damn you to hell! I have to beat you up again for using those awful smileys. Anyway, commuting to and from work isn't that bad at all, I just hate the irregularity of the time spent travelling. At times, you'd be there in 1 and a half hours, others, in 3 fucking hours.
stingeyes: That's what you get for living in the mountains.
simonsayz: Yeah, mountains they are. If only I had a laptop, I could stay at a dorm and everything would be perfect. Too bad I can't save up for that and expect to buy one in a years time.
stingeyes: There you go again, wishing for things you don't have. Things you'll never have.
simonsayz: Show me one person who HAS NOT asked for anything more in life and I'd gladly slit my wrists.
stingeyes: What's new with that? You do that ALL the time.
simonsayz: I do, but in such a case, I'd do it along and not across.
stingeyes: Speaking of things you'd never have, let's not forget that the long list contains people too. Well, one person.
simonsayz: Mark my words, starting today. Am gonna let it go. It's senseless and it's stupid.
stingeyes: It's amazing when you know she'd never read this stuff. You could practically put anything you want. Am waiting for the day that you'd let it all out here.
simonsayz: Hopefully, that day won't come. I don't want to let it out, am waiting for the day that it would just burst out. I'm already feeling sorry for whoever that person would come across all of those repressed emotions. Which reminds me, during the training we were asked to pick a movie which best describes ourselves. I wish I said Anger Management or Fight Club.
stingeyes: One thing we share in common, the love for violence, except in my case, I let it out.
simonsayz: So that explains the blood clot on my knuckle. Cool.
(stingeyes immediately changes the topic of conversation)
stingeyes: You are one troubled soul. You mentioned love and depression, oh, and her a while ago, so let's that about that.
simonsayz: I'll let you go again this time. It's not really just about her, it is one collective thing. I always get automatically written off conversations about love and relationships and I hate it. Everybody else has tons of stories to tell, while all I can do is butt in and agree in those little things that I have actually experienced in a relationship and fade back into obscurity.
stingeyes: If I were in your shoes, I'd feel bad too.
simonsayz: Right, all you ever care about is playing videogames. Continuing, at my age, I do not know what courtship is, not that I care about it but girls do. At 22, my best relationship was 3 months long, which I ruined from the beginning, a 8 month LIE, and a one week thing which could have possibly been the best and longest one ever, of course, I had to ruin it again. And with this kind of experience, I'd have 3 years, give or take, to ruin relationships more.
(stingeyes pats simonsayz on the back)
stingeyes: See how complicated the real world is. Look at me, I have no problems whatsoever, videogaming is my life, and I love it.
simonsayz: Yeah, I shouldn't have ventured into such uncharted territory, and should have stuck with what I know. I was such a sucker for love and am still am.
stingeyes: It is THAT obvious. Man, this is a serious case of entertainment deprivation. 17 days of not watching a movie is clearly not YOU, even letting a big Hollywood picture pass by. And 49 days without attending a gig is sick, and we need to remedy that soon. Meanwhile, stop this illogical nonsense, and play Ragnarok Online and thus, satisfy your poor entertainment deprived soul.
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stingeyes: You there, it's been almost a month since you last talked to me. Wait. Let me rephrase that. It's been more than a month since you last transcribed an actual conversation with me, what's been keeping you busy? Aside from videogames and movies that is.
simonsayz: Right. To tell you the truth, I haven't played much videogames in the past month due to some peculiar reason. Where the hell have you been?! You should have known about this, it is YOUR specialization. Well, atleast you say that it is as everyone knows you are just some 2-bit role-player.
stingeyes: You trying to make me laugh or what?! It's your subsequent lack of any type of sensible hand-eye coordination that prohibits me from reaching my full potential. Not to mention that your brain is connected to your foot. Unlike some person out there who doesn't answer your questions, I do. Where have I been? For some bizarre reason, I have been stuck in Mordoc (town in Ragnarok Online), trying to level up and become an Assassin. How could you possibly forget?! You left me there.
simonsayz: Hmmmm...I guess I did. Oh, so that explains my obvious lack of interest for videogames lately? Great. Unfortunately, it also affected the pre-programmed movie codes in my brain. Now that I think of it, this explains the recent critical mindedness I have for viewing films, and as I said, I hated Dumb and Dumberer and barely enjoyed 2Fast2Furious, 2 NO-BRAINER flicks that you would have liked. Hahahahaha...
stingeyes: Foul! I too hated Dumb and Dumberer, it was too...uhmmm...DUMB. 2Fast2Furious, now that is one movie I liked, Suki is way hot.
simonsayz: Sorry about that, went a little low there. Honestly, who would ever like Dumb and Dumberer? ^^_^^
stingeyes: Cut the smiley crap, okay!? Yeah, who would but why ask me? Ah, forget it. So what's been keeping you busy while I was gone?
simonsayz: Web Designing.
stingeyes: HAHAHAHA...You sure know how to make me laugh. That's a good one. Now cut the crap and speak.
simonsayz: I just said it. Web Designing.
stingeyes: Yeah right!
(stingeyes quickly checks c://websites/index.html...)
stingeyes: I see the exact layout you did when you first put up the site. I knew you were just fooling around, knowing how lazy you are.
(simonsayz grabs the mouse, shoves stingeyes off the chair and opens c://website_testing/*.*)
simonsayz: There. (",)
(while picking himself off the floor, mumbles "No need for such excessive force." while straightening his shirt.)
stingeyes: Damn, what have I said about the smileys? Hmmm...I see a lot of files, I don't understand this. All the files are html. Please don't give me such a hard time, I've been in RO too fucking long.
simonsayz: Sorry. I didn't realize you could actually be so calm, gentle and sophisticated. Sure they may look like ordinary html files and what not, but if you look into the code.
stingeyes: Oh, <styles>. What's new with that? You use
them
all the time.
simonsayz: Yes I do, but I did before learning anything in-depth about it. All I knew was it's capabilities to change basic elements such as font, scrollbars, etc and dynamically cascade this styles to other pages. Figures that this was only the tip of the iceberg and after using up a few days painfully reading through the W3C recommendations for Cascading Style Sheets (CSS) level 1 & Level 2, I could say that I have a better knowledge of it and its capabilities. Note, better not exceptional.
stingeyes: Uh-huh. What capabilities?
(simonsayz opens file at c://website_testing/menu.html)
simonsayz: Before you open your mouth and utter nonsense again, take a look at the code.
stingeyes: Interesting stuff, for a second, I though you
used JavaScript for the menu. The bars and the main "frame" are all generated
dynamically by the stylesheet. Had no idea that <div> could do such a thing.
simonsayz: True. True. Never used <div> before.
Initially, I wanted to create a <table>less layout. But with
the design I have in mind, a filmstrip, I had troubles allowing the left and
right borders to run the entire length of the article while maintaining
liquidity of the layout. The most I could do was run the border on one
side only, and could not find any way around the problem, so I resorted to use a 1x2
table instead.
stingeyes: Nonetheless, the main "frame" looks good even when resizing the window. Much is left to be said about the menu though. The red strips looked great in the previous, but look a little bland here, especially the left one.
simonsayz: Totally agree with you there. I got the menu from a tutorial off the Internet and just tried it out and see for myself how amazing CSS is. Would still have to work on the colors though if ever I decide to implement it in the future layout.
stingeyes: Wow. When would we see that new layout, next year?! Am trying not to be sarcastic, but I can't help it. Sorry.
simonsayz: No problem. Sarcasm is part of our system.
stingeyes: Question, why the sudden change? I mean, why are you so interested in web designing now?
simonsayz: As I was searching for ad-free hosting, I stumbled upon Neopages, which is a community of kick ass web designers, programmers, and graphic artists with the collective goal of world domination and then some. Tried out applying, but realized that my skills as a designer don't really kick anyone's ass, in fact, fall into the mediocre category. Due to this desire to be among these kick ass personas, decided to use my spare time and learn something useful. Even if I don't ever get hosted, meeting these talented bunch of individuals.
stingeyes: All the time you have is "spare". You should play videogames instead, it's much more helpful and satisfying than trying to reach those lofty ideals.
simonsayz: I don't expect to reach those "lofty ideals", I simply want to bask in the glory that is Neopages. Anyways, the issue about spare time has changed. Am still dazed about it, but apparently I signed a piece of paper which resembles a contract and now, I am an employee of so-so company. They now OWN me for atleast 7 months. Ack.
(stingeyes gets a pail of ice cold water and dumps it on simonsayz)
stingeyes: You fool! What the bloody hell were you thinking? Did they drug you or something? They weren't Jedi, right?
simonsayz: Jedi? No, but I felt a disturbance in the force, but I couldn't see through the shroud of darkness. I have now fallen into the path of darkness.
stingeyes: Yes you are. Definitely, and owning you for 7 months means there is no turning back. You should have listened to my advice and kept playing videogames all night. You made the biggest mistake of your life leaving me in RO. Sorry, but I am not capable of helping you anymore.
simonsayz: It just happened so fast. I thought I was strong enough to resist the awesome power of the darkside. But no, I took my chances and I ended up with this.
stingeyes: You lack training and discipline, and because of this you fell into their trap.
simonsayz: With a little time and more training, I could have overcome it, and who knows I may have passed the test and evolved into a greater being.
stingeyes: Full of hidden messages this is. Cut the crap we should.
simonsayz: My apologies. Felt the urge to play along. Starting tomorrow, am an employee of a customer relations company a.k.a. call center. The pay is substantial compared to the minimum wage, or any wage for that matter for the skills of an inexperienced graduate.
stingeyes: If the compensation is okay, what then seems to be your problem?
simonsayz: Remember that I applied there before and was rejected the very same day? To say the least, I was devastated back then to the point of conducting S.I.P. again. After a few more applications at call centers, I had enough and decided to find jobs that would allow me to gain experience in a desired field, such as programming, web design, or networking. Employers simply don't look for experience, they need related experience in the position your applying for.
stingeyes: This is classic Simon at his best. Never happy with anything. Give him bread, he wants cake. Give him cake, he wants pasta. Ack, my line of thought just vanished.
simonsayz: Yummy. Actually, there was one thing I was perfectly happy with before. Aside from that, am never truly satisfied. The thing is, I passed my resume to a few companies that had a definite career growth, and I expect them to call anytime this week. Imagine programming for Sun Cellular.
stingeyes: Hold that thought right there. If there is such a thing as fate or destiny, you would fail all your applications for other companies and be stuck with nothing. Getting accepted at this call center saved you from more disgrace. Another thing you lack is the fact that you can hardly say NO. They rejected you before, so you could have rejected them when they called.
simonsayz: And I know that, as everyone says I am TOO nice. Fate? Destiny? Probably, but it would be nice to know if I tried. I would have traded this current job for a programming position at Sun even if the salary is lower, I'd gain experience that would be VERY useful in future applications. Now am tied down for 7 months with them. No holidays, graveyard shift, and no weekends.
stingeyes: Am smelling the familiar scent of regret again. Right, but consider the benefits. With this type of job, you don't need to take any work home as compared to programming. Plus, it would give you the general feel of working in the real world and interacting with people, one thing that you are extremely poor at. After this, you'd come out as a better and more sociable person.
simonsayz: Yeah, and if our house was only closer to the place where I am going to work, I see no problem. Am really complaining because the things that am doing/enjoying now, such as digging deeper into web design and surfing the net at my own discretion would be a thing of the past even though I'd be working 8 hours in front of a PC. I need a laptop.
stingeyes: You WANT a laptop. You don't really need it. You could save up and by one, but that would take you a couple of years.
simonsayz: Exactly. Oh well, have to be content on what I have. Experience is more solid than saying I learned so-so language by myself at home. Noticed anything about this particular monologue?
stingeyes: Yes. It is the most decent one we have had. Hey, I missed you.
simonsayz: Why did you come back anyway?
stingeyes: Don't you want me back? Admit it, you need me.
simonsayz: Ah, you ARE my outlet for depression.
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The (Actual) Interview [June 22, 2003]
stingeyes: Ei, you got the time? We need to finish this damn interview about you and your site. You know, something new for visitors to read.
simonsayz: Visitors? What are those? Don't tell me there are people who actually visit my site?!
stingeyes: Yes, believe it or not, there are. They maybe a few, but still, visitors. And as a matter of fact, ones who spend time reading your obsessive whining and aimless rants.
simonsayz: Cool. Well than, we should start the interview already.
stingeyes: That's what I said right at the beginning.
simonsayz: Fuck you! The last comment I heard from you was saying that the site was ghey. Could you like explain that?
stingeyes: Hahahaha...Am so glad you remembered. I was deliberating whether I'd bring it up or not. Need I explain why? It's you who is being interviewed here. Let me put it in simple terms, guys don't usually make/create personal websites about their so-so lives. Come on, name one guy you know of who creates his own personal webpage, that deals with nothing but his life. All the people you know who do personal websites are girls. And you hardly know them personally that is. There, that's why I think it's ghey, so ghey. Try defending yourself from that!
simonsayz: Fine! Since you put it that way, it is kind of ghey. From the start, I wanted to create a website which is somewhat useful, interesting, unique, and would be visited frequently by people, especially by those I don't know. But I squeezed my brain for ideas, and couldn't come up with anything which would not be just a rip off of another site. You know Ctrl+C then Ctrl+V. I really want to create my own webcomic, but I can't draw at all, and knowing myself, I wouldn't have anytime to learn drawing.
stingeyes: What about focusing on the things you like? Make reviews, critiques, or a fan site maybe.
simonsayz: Moving on to the things I love, which are movies, videogames and music. Nice concrete ideas for a website, though with a few problems.
stingeyes: Problems? Like what?
simonsayz: Could you not interrupt me like that?!? As I said, I absolutely love movies, and barely come out of one disappointed, so I'd suck as a movie critic. And I hardly watch any homegrown movies, so it would look stupid for a Filipino talking only about foreign movies.
stingeyes: Yup, your right. You have no sense of nationalism.
simonsayz: What did I tell you about interruptions?!? Now, were was I? Ah, videogames. I could talk about videogames all day, but the content would only come from different videogaming sites, plus, the fact that we are in the Philippines wherein piracy is rampant and very much in control, it wouldn't be nice if I'd be talking about games I have played on my modified console. Another is the apparent lack of support for MMOG (Massive Multiplayer Online Games). Sure, internet cafés have sprouted like mushrooms and can be found everywhere, these stores use copies of games that are not really legal except for Counterstrike maybe, which was a free mod for Halflife before people capitalized on it.
stingeyes: Now, there's a thought. Be an advocate of anti-piracy in videogames.
simonsayz: You always come up with the most insane and ludicrous ideas. First of all, I don't have a job yet and won't be able to support such a hobby especially with the cost of original software costing more than a weeks salary here. This is a third world country, you know. Second...Hey!
stingeyes: Stop talking about piracy and stuff, you might get in trouble or something.
simonsayz: Thanks for the warning, dimwit. Movies and videogames. Then there's music, I'd say am not qualified to say what sounds good and what sucks. Plus, I don't believe on labeling bands based on their sound and sticking them to some genre. I don't care if it's mainstream or underground. And now that I am living in the province, I seldom have the chance to watch any gigs. Case closed.
stingeyes: Yeah, let's just leave it at that. This interview is way too long already having tackled only a few questions. What inspired you to do this layout?
simonsayz: Hmmm...My sense of nationalism for my other nationality, something hardly obvious if you'd see me. upon taking a closer look (not that close), you'd notice the resemblance of the layout to St. George's flag, the flag of England, red cross with a white background.
stingeyes: ooohhhhh...I see it. Cool. Have seen this before adorning the faces of supporters of the English football team during the World Cup. What about the other half being black in color.
simonsayz: Black isn't a color, it's more of a shade, an extreme. Well, I have always been fascinated with black, it's depth, beauty, sheer magnificence. Splitting the background into two, defines me. Am not a schizophrenic, it's simply another side of me that people who know me don't know of. Even I get surprised at the things am capable of. But this side ain't completely hidden and dreadful, it's also the side where I get to let it all out and a place where I have created a friend in you, realizing that being alone isn't too bad after all.
stingeyes: Awwww...Shucks, that is just sooo sweet. But truth be told, am only playing along waiting for the day I'd oust you and take over your body. You are too nice, but also a jerk. Two personalities that cannot coexist. Have you ever heard of a "nice jerk"?!
simonsayz: And that is what makes me unique. Being a nice jerk. Could we just get this interview over with?
stingeyes: Sorry, was having too much fun. Just a few more questions. Any possibility of changing the layout anytime soon?
simonsayz: No. It's very unlikely. If it ain't broke, why fix it. I love the feel of it, it works quite well. I guess I'd just optimize it a bit so it would load faster and lessen my bandwidth. Am more concerned about the content I have than the site's design and layout. As cool as changing layouts like clothes is, it ain't my cup of tea.
stingeyes: HAHAHAHA...BANDWIDTH??!!? Now that's a good one!
simonsayz: I wasn't joking.
stingeyes: Oh! So you mean, you actually reach the maximum allowable bandwidth your host provides?!
simonsayz: Errrr...No, but I wasn't joking. Is there anything else you want to ask and mock me about?
stingeyes: Yup, still have one last question. Why "Perfecting Loneliness"?
simonsayz: I for one have always been alone. For some odd reason, I am that person you'd invite last when there is nobody else to ask. In some cases, wouldn't invite at all, such is the case with my highschool classmates who never ever bothered to invite me at all. I don't know if there is something in me nobody likes or hates. But then again, it could be me, pushing everyone away, unconsciously that is. Perfecting it by creating my own world along with a person like you. It is also a nice song by Jets to Brazil, one of my favorite bands.
stingeyes: That should wrap it up, we're finally done with this crap. Ta-ta!
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stingeyes: You know what Simon, people have been visiting this particular page entitled "Monologue" just to find out what it's all about. Sadly, it's about nothing since you haven't put anything up.
simonsayz: Well, if you weren't so addicted to videogames, then maybe I could have done something here. A little cooperation isn't hard to ask, ain't it?
stingeyes: Nah, it isn't but that's precisely the reason why I am here, because of videogames. I exist because of that part of you that knows nothing in life other than play videogames.
simonsayz: Yeah, I guess you're right. But it would be better if you were atleast good at videogames. I mean, it's the only thing you know how to do, the only reason YOU exist, but still you suck at it, BIG time! You just pretend to be good at it.
stingeyes: Foul! Why you inconsiderate prick! Just think where you would be without me, if videogaming wasn't a part of your life.
simonsayz: Where I would be without you? Why, I'd be an freaking engineer by now, if it weren't for you!
stingeyes: Yeah, right! That's something that you really had coming whether or not I was involved at all. You were just too damn lazy to do anything. Plus, you had this awesome talent for failure.
simonsayz: What the hell do you mean by that?!
stingeyes: "It is not failure that is hard to bear, it is the feeling of being a failure." Figure it out for yourself.
simonsayz: Fine! Just by myself. I don't need you in my life anyway!
stingeyes: Amusing. Your life would be a total bore if it weren't for me, be thankful atleast.
simonsayz: A bore? Thank you!? Come on, you ruined my life, every little aspect of it.
stingeyes: You had the remote in your hands. You were still on top of everything, but you just let things happen, without doing anything. Now that's what I call pure laziness, and now, you blame it on me?! If anything, I added a little spice into your so called life, and you'd have to admit that it is better than before.
simonsayz: In some aspects, it had a noticeable improvement. But then again, my future is so vague now.
stingeyes: Your future has always been vague. Being confused, paranoid and indecisive about almost everything. You're like a kid, with not a care in the world. It's time to wake up and do something for yourself.
simonsayz: Yeah, I know I should. But the trouble is I still don't do anything. And they say that "knowing is half the battle", when the other half is so much more than simply knowing what to do.
stingeyes: This is the trouble with you, you know what to do but still you act like there is nothing to be done. Just waiting for something to happen, which clearly doesn't do anything as you have been waiting your whole life.
simonsayz: Then I shall start doing something for myself then. Come June, I'll seriously start looking for a job.
stingeyes: Come June?! That is so you! Why does there have to be a date/deadline for everything? Why not now? Or the first thing tomorrow? Bah! Deadlines/dates that you would just push till later.
simonsayz: Well. That's me. You just have to live with it.
stingeyes: For now I will, but you have to remove that stupid attitude, or else you won't be going anywhere. What a waste of time. We were supposed to do an interview about this site, but as usual, you had to complain about everything.
simonsayz: Me?!
stingeyes: Yes, you started whining and everything.
simonsayz: Okay, whatever you say, dude. So, let's get it on.
stingeyes: What! Like, now? We wasted enough time. Okay, let me just say that this site is so ghey.
simonsayz: Why you bloody bastard! Fuck Off.
stingeyes: See, I told you this wasn't a good time for the interview.
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