"THE OSCARS ACCORDING TO ME"
So this years Oscars have come and gone, and again, it was a predictable, disappointing, and pathetic year for cinema.  Well, I shouldn’t say cinema—there’s plenty of good films out there.  The only problem is they are just not getting the recognition they deserve.  Well, no longer will I be a bystander to this slaughtering of creativity we call the Academy Awards!  There are plenty of good films that the majority of people on this earth have yet to discover.  So, without further ado, I present to you the real list of great films from 2003: BEST FILM May      This is truly one of the greatest films ever created.  It is about a social outcast named May who discovers that there are no good wholes in people…only parts.  With this new-found knowledge, May decides to make her own friend, using the “good parts” of people.  Every single frame in this extravagant piece of art is beautiful; the story is actually original (something quite rare for films these days), the atmosphere and mood create a tone that is eerie to say the least, and the ending must be seen to be believed.   BEST DIRECTOR Lloyd Kaufman for Citizen Toxie:  The Toxic Avenger 4      For those that don’t already know, Lloyd Kaufman is a god amongst men, and “Citizen Toxie” is a wonderfully cheesy masterpiece of low budget filmmaking featuring everybody’s favorite deformed creature of superhuman size and strength, the Toxic Avenger.  Lloyd Kaufman is an example of someone who does things his own way and is successful at it.  Being an independent filmmaker myself, Lloyd Kaufman is a true inspiration to me and should be to anyone who wants to make a career out of something they love.  BEST SCREENPLAY Cabin Fever      Cabin Fever is a wonderful homage to all things horror.  To the normal person, it’s just another cliché movie about teens getting slaughtered in the woods.  But to the nerdy film buff with too much time on his/her (though it’s mostly likely a “he”) hands, it is a wonderful tribute to everything good in cinema.  Most of the music used in the film was taken from Wes Craven’s Last House on the Left (another great film that gets little recognition—if it wasn’t made in the 70s it would surely be on this list), a certain shot in the film was ripped (no pun intended) directly from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and many of the deaths and scenes depicted in the film are reminiscent of such classics as The Evil Dead and Dawn of the Dead.  Cabin Fever certainly borrows many things from other films, but it also creates something new:  it features a “killer” that isn’t human or creature—it’s a disease.  It doesn’t get much more original than that, folks.