Here's What's What

The News - Regurevitchitated

August 07

Arnold Schwarzenegger has announced he'll run for governor of California. / When asked about his credentials, Scwarzenegger replied, "Governor that's nothing I've already been a Mister Universe."

In addition to Schwarzenegger the California Secretary of State has recorded 356 official notices of candidacy included are other celebrities of various statures such as Gary Coleman, Larry Flynt, Gallagher and Ariianna Huffington. / I believe President Bush is responsible for this, afterall he made it look like any idiot can be elected.

Jerry Springer announced today he wouldn't run for the United States Senate. / When pressed why not Springer answered that he had hoped his television bodyguard Steve would join him but Steve declined saying to Springer, "I'll defend you against trash, however you deal with slime, you're on your own."

West African peacekeeping forces drove into Liberia rebel-besieged, famished capital on Thursday to deafening cheers from the city's people. However there's some disappointment President Charles Taylor's canceled his announcement of his successor, yet another delay in his much-anticipated resignation. / In fairness, Taylor has been putting off his departure waiting for a reply from California Governor Gray Davis if he'll be joining with.

Eagle County Judge Frederick Gannett, the judge for the Kobe Bryant trial scheduled a preliminary hearing for October 9th. / Apparently the judge feels that this date best fits television fall season.

Londoners experienced the hottest day in the city's history yesterday. / Things were so hot, that Tony Blair almost confessed the reasons for invading Iraq were a load of rubbish.

American soldiers have raided the Baghdad house of a former Saddam Hussein loyalist and seized items including two AK-47s, eleven bayonets, more than 550 rounds of ammunition, two protective masks, 31 protective mask canisters, three swords, two axes and documents. / Moved before the soldiers' arrival the weapons of mass destruction- an arsenal of slingshots, a Swiss army knife and a catapult.

Italian scientists have cloned the first horse Prometea. Prometea is the first animal known to be carried and born by the mother from which she was cloned. / Scientists acknowledged the significance of this was science doesn't have to do something based on need, logic, morality or anything beyond the fact they can.

More than one in four Chinese couples have sex less frequently than once a month, and for some in the world's most populous country it is not even an annual event. / Apparently these are the couples that give the Chinese the reputation for being "inscrewable."

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," reports Daily Variety. Cable's hit show will get its second Peacock run August 14th. / Any wonder that a show like that is running on a network that has cock as part of its name.

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