The Stately Penguin
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"Well, as far as I'm concerned, the Internet is just another way to be rejected by women."
-George Pappas, You've Got Mail.
:: Crap:
Hey guys, go here. It's even gayer than this site, but what can you do. I'm done. Laters.

¤ Wednesday, March 12, 2003

Tomorrow is an important day. You'll see. Anyway, I would like to point out to each and every single lady in the world that I am quite available. Though if you were to ask me out I would probably decline because I'm gay. Go out and buy a good album today, I hear it's worth it. Also, go out and never buy the album The Music by The Music. It sucks, and their fucking name gives it away that it will. Who the hell names their band the Music? Either way, I'm done. You'll see. Tomorrow.

¤ Tuesday, March 11, 2003

So yesterday was a crazy eventful day. For me at least. The thing is, most people would still say that they didn't do anything yesterday, if you were to talk to them, and they were me. But for me, it was a lot. First off, I went to the mall to look for a magazine. As I'm pulling into the parking lot, there are about 15 sea gulls just chillin' by this puddle of water in the parking lot. I have no clue what that was all about. It was an f'ing puddle, and they were treating it like some large body of water. Anyway, so I saw them, kicked it down a gear in el truck, then I chased them around for a good 60 seconds. It was pretty good. I even managed to hit one, but he was already flying and therefore he didn't die. He just laughed at me. I know it was a guy because he was wearing a leather T-Birds jacket, like from Grease. Maybe not. Anyway, so I go in the mall, get the magazine, then I went to Wal-Mart, chilled a bit, then came home. Then went to workshire, came home talked to Calvin Klein (Cody Marshall) on the phone, went to Kris' house. Then we watched the best movie known to man. After You've Got Mail, of course. It was a double feature, consisting of Thumbtanic and Thumb Wars. Great movies. Especially the second one. The movies were thumbtastic! They were thumbtacular! They were thumbsational! Anyway, that's my story. Good stuff. Also, as a side note, I would like to say to Chris Stevens: I'm a little disappointed, guy. I've been to the mall like, 4 times and I haven't seen you. You're slacking. What's going on? Anyway, I'm out. Laters.

¤ Monday, March 10, 2003

Man I love you guys. Anyway, I want you to know that I am thinking of you. Anyway, so I watched TV last night, big f'ing surprise. And I had a lot of stuff I could have wrote about, but I didn't write anything down because I am gay. So what can I do. But really good stuff. I made some keen observations. Or some shit like that. I am tired of living. How's that for a statement. Hey man, I'm leaving right now 'cause I gots to go. But I'll be back later. Laters.
Also, go here, if only for the new Fluffy Puff Marshmallow commercial.

¤ Sunday, March 009, 2003

Well, the views are now over 1600. But they are slowing down like crazy. And I sure as hell don't blame you. If I were you don't think I be here at all. Man, I went to sleep at 6 in the morning. What the hell is my problem. Shit. Also, I would like to go on the record, stating that I don't like girls at all. And I would also like to go on the record stating that I'm done with today's entry. Laters.

¤ Saturday, March 08, 2003

How's this for an entry?

¤ Friday, March 07, 2003

Have you ever had nothing at all to say, but still had to say something? Well that's me today. I mean, think about it: I don't do anything. Literally. I sit here. So not only are my days uneventful, but my entire life is. I could fancy you with the most interesting thing that happened to me today, which would probably me having to pee extremely bad, but I continued to sleep. That was the coolest thing. And why the hell can't I be cool or funny or something. I really have nothing. By the by, I hate Good Charlotte. "Hi, we're Good Charlotte, and we are hardcore punks. Other than the fact that we are going on tour with New Found Glory, and TRL is sponsoring our tour, and we host a show on MTV and our songs are straight pop, recorded with Pro Tools. But we are going to diss other bands for not being true to the fucking music." Holy shit I hate them. I hate watching that show because 1.) I have to listen to their "jokes" and 2.) they put down other bands that they don't like. Usually for being pop or whatever. Fuck them. I'm done. And now I'm all pissed. Thanks a lot. Laters. Also, Drew, what the hell is niquile? Nee-qwee-lay. Yeah. Maybe NyQuil. Or maybe niquile. At any rate, laters. Hector Omano's my favorite boxer. Name that tune.

¤ Thursday, March 06, 2003

Okay, hi. Well first off, I don't know if I said anything about it, but I passed up 1500 pagey viewseys a few days ago. I want you all to know that if I had a penis I would have sex with each and every single one of you. I'm totally serious. Anyway, that's enough about that. Okay, so since I wasn't home on Monday night, I missed Clone High for the first time since its been on. But luckily I had it taped. Okay, so a few things: there was a dolphin in the background again, and I do believe that they've had one in each and every single episode. And Abe needed to ride an airplane, and Buddy Holly was getting boarding a plane, and Abe asked him, and he was like, "well lets see, there' me, Richie Valens, the Big Bopper, Jim Croche, Stevie Ray Vaughn, and half of Lynyrd Skynyrd. Yeah, we've got room." I don't know, I thought it was funny. And they played "For You to Notice" by Dashboard Confessional. Talk about a depressing song. And the thing is, it's not even depressing. It's actually happy. Maybe it just sounds depressed 'cause I'm depressed? I don't know. And I'm getting amazingly tired of: 1.) anti-tobacco ads, 2.) anti-marijuana ads. Here's why. Tobacco is a choice, no matter what they say. And I don't care if the tobacco companies are calling gays and homeless people scum. I really don't. That's part of marketing. There's nothing you can do about it. But hey, we're The Truth, so we can do whatever the fuck we want. And the anti-marijuana ads are just dumb. If they were relevant they wouldn't bother me. But they're just fucking retarded. And they talk marijuana down like it's their job. They're putting it on the same level as heroin and the like. Ridiculous. Well, if you're talking about how evil pot is, then why don't you talk about alcohol also. Because it's just as bad. Probably worse. Okay, I'm done for today. Laters.

¤ Wednesday, March 05, 2003

Oh man I'm soooo tired. I got like 20 seconds of sleep the night after el concert, and we were driving all day, which makes you tired anyway, and when I got home I was like, man I'll go to sleep real early. And I guess by early I meant that I would go to sleep at sometime around 5:30. I hate myself. Anyway, you want to hear a story? Do you know what it's like to drive for 3 hours with Kris Hill keeping "beat" with his hands on the steering wheel? It's pretty grisley. It would be about like listening to Kele keeping a beat on his steering wheel. For THREE HOURS!! Oh man, not good. No rhythm. And the only reason I'm talking about this is because evidently I didn't talk enough about the fucking concert. You want to hear a story? It wasn't the best concert I've ever been to. It was maybe the second best, but it wasn't a close second. I'm thinking it would probably be the third or fourth favorite. Ridiculous. How's that for talking about the concert more? You like that? You want me to keep it going? Okay good. Laters.

¤ Tuesday, March 04, 2003

Okay so here's the story: Andrew is freakin' gay. And the other story is this: I met and got Chris Martin, the one and only lead singer of Coldplay's, autograph. That was prety sweet. And we only had to stand out in the 10 degree temperature snow for an hour or so to get it. But we also got the lead guitarist and drummer of The Music's autograph. That was also cool. And the funny thing is that we saw Gwyneth Paltrow also. Cool stuff. That's about it. Laters.

¤ Monday, March 03, 2003

F me I had something to say and I forgot. Last night right before I went to sleep, I was like, oh man that's good I should write that down so I don't forget. Evidently I didn't write it down. I was like, no I won't forget. I hate myself. I can't even remember anything at all. That gets me all depressed. Anyway, I'm hittin' up Coldplay in Detroit tonight @ 7.30. That should be good. Actually that should be great. You should go. Okay, that's about it. Laters.

¤ Sunday, March 02, 2003

Lance knows what I'm talkin' about. Also, March is really missing out. Here's why: in the beginning of January you've got New Years. In the beginning of February you've got Groundhog Day. In the beginning of April you've got April Fools. In the beginning of May you've got Mayday. I don't know about that last one I just made it up. But March's got nothing. That's no good. I'm going to have to change that. Also, does anyone remember last year when I was going to have the Mercer day or whatever? When was it and what was it called. It's pretty sad that I organized it and can't remember it. Oh well I'm gay. Laters.

¤ Saturday, March 01, 2003

Let me tell y'all a story. So, I'm a huge loser okay? And I was really hungry last night whilst I was sitting at home by myself. And it was 3.30 in the morning so nothing would have been open. Except Shake 'n' Steak. So I went there. And whilst I was waiting for 3 days at the window to get my food, I see this group of people walk out of the store. Then I see this jeep pull up and this guy got out and was yelling at another guy. (To keep the story easier to tell, we'll call the guy in the jeep blue and the other we'll call white). Okay, so blue gets out and is yelling. So white comes up to meet him. This is when it gets funny. Okay, you know like when you have a girlfriend, or if you're a girl, then when you have a guyfriend, but when you put your head up against theirs and just look in their eyes or whatever? Not kissing or anything, just touching heads. Anyway, so they both start doing that. And they're yelling at each other. It was hilarious. And now a car pulls up behind blue's jeep and is beeping at them to get out of the way. And the group of people that are with white, you can tell that they want to see them fight, but they also want to see a fight, so they are hesitant to stop them. But they finally do. Okay, it gets better. So then as blue is walking away, white says something and blue sprints over and punches white like 10 times in the head. It was classic. And white hits the ground. And then blue continues to lay a barrage of punches on him. And then they stop. White gets up and blue starts walking over to his jeep. So now a car comes from the other side of the restaurant. And instead of just driving around everyone, which she easily could have done, she took a Sara Paisley approach and started going right throught the crowd. Except she didn't run over any unsuspecting Brents. Speaking of Brent, I haven't seen or heard from him forever. And that by the way, was hilarious. The Brent story. I'll tell it later. Okay, so this car is pushing its way through, and all the people move out of the way, and as she is moving through, white says something evidently, because blue turns around and runs over and gives him a little chin music. And now they're right in front of the car, like 3 feet in front. And this girl puts it in reverse and stomps on the gas and the tires squeel and all that. So now they're fighting again. But it's not really a fight. It's just blue punching white in the face. Okay, so let me give an overview: you have a store full of people standing at the window watching a fight; you have a freakin' hot man (me) at the drive thru window watching the fight; you have, on one side of the parking lot, blue's jeep blocking a car, which is honking; and on the other side of the parking lot, you have a retarded girl, watching the fight. And to add to the hilarity, another car has pulled up behind the girl, and is now honking their horn. And a closer inspection of this new car reveals that is is driven by an off duty police officer, in uniform. So he sits there for a second and then he finally realizes what is going on and he gets out of his car and walks up there with a note pad and is yelling at them. Well blue wasn't going to have that, he jumped in his car and took off. So then the pig took names and was on his way. But it was hilarious. And in case you were wondering, I had a Single steakburger with cheese catsup and mustard, a small chili with crackers, a regular fry, and a regular strawberry shake. Laters.

¤ Friday, February 28, 2003

Hey mans. So get this: Page views as of this morning: 1402. And if I do recall, and by recall, I mean I scrolled down and read through the entries. I didn't remember it. But anyway, back at the beginning of February good ol' Stately hit the 700 mark. And now it has doubled. In less than a month. That's crazy. If I wasn't so damn lazy, I would make you a line graph to show that those kind o' stats are crazy. Stately's been online since August 25th. Which, by the way, is just two days before my mother's birthday. So yeah, it took 6 months to hit 700, then 1 to double it. What do I say to that? Kiss my dick. That's what I say. I love all you guys. I want to have sex with each and every one of you. Anyway. Do you guys know what happened a year ago today? Alright. And I think I'm done for now. I have to go work on some vector graphics for something. Yeah that's right, I said vector. They'll kick your raster images ass. That's for sure. Laters.

¤ Thursday again

Sorry about this entry but I had to do it. I just happened to check out ol' Stately, which I hardly ever do. I like to think of my motto: "Edit and get the fuck out." That's my motto. My creed, if you will. Though I've never really been big on creeds. Anyway, I noticed that that quiz thing was all up in the previous entry's biznas. So I had to change that. By the by, I noticed that no one got that girl question right. Ha. Suckas. Some people got 100's but I know they cheated. Anyway, I just thought I'd hit you guys up with this. And the other thing is, they have the new World Trade Center design. It's cool and I'm glad to hear that they are making the tallest building (the bigger they are the harder they fall, I like to say), but it's a rip-off of the Bank of China in Hong Kong and the Citicorp Center in New York City. Ridiculous. But what can you do? Either way. It's all good.

¤ Thursday, February 27, 2003

Well, I really had something to say but I totally forget what it was. I'm sorry. So I'll just make up something. I've decided that MTV should just play infomercials late at night, just like everyone else. Because they don't play anything good, and it's the same videos over and over again. I'd rather watch something on a food dehydrator that see that damn LL Cool J/J-Lo video. I hate that video. So I was having sex with a girl last night, and half way through, she just got up and said she had to go to work. It was really weird. Then I woke up.

Take this quiz if you are here. It's not cool I promise, but it will give you something to do.

¤ Wednesday, February 26, 2003

Okay, I watched MTV/VH1 for a few hours last night, and I saw that f'ing Dixie Chicks video three times. And I know I talked about them a while ago but this was brought up yesterday. Okay, I have some problems. Aside from the fucking hideous pregnant woman. Okay, you have the one that used to be fat, with the crazy hair. She's now the best looking one in the band. The others look like a bunch of skanks that got all dolled up for prom. But here's what bothers me: she's singing, and she says "well" then the kickass mandolin solo jumps in. Here's the thing: finish your fucking line. I hate that. And its not like the mandolin's saying anything. She's not Eddie Van Halen, she can't make her instrument talk. That really bothered the crap out of me. And if I talked to you for the first time ever last night, you're f'ing awesome. There, I did it. And get this: the nightclub that caught of fire and killed a bunch of people, the families are now applying for federal aid. And if they get it I'm fucking moving out of the country. Because that's called a personal loss. Not a federal disaster. I've got a disaster for you: I had a tank full of 5 fish and all of them died within a week. That's more of a disaster than those assholes have. Also, I saw on CNN that bad weather, among other things, is lowering the consumer confidence. How the hell does that work. You can't be less confident because it'snowing out. It's like my ugliness lowering the consumer confidence: it just won't happen, no matter how ugly I am. And here's something else I saw on CNN: the Whitehouse only serves American wine. Which I think is gay. They should serve the best. Of anything. And American wine ain't on that list. It's gettin' there but it's not there yet. And I fucking hate that Sean Paul guy. His music/vocals don't change. It's that same fucking tempo and shit through the whole song. And do you think he can take a break for a bridge or an interlude? Of course not. Asshole. I went in a chatroom for the first time in years yesterday. It was kind of fun. I went to a military on and talked some smack about all those guys, because none of them were talking about military and most were wives of military men. And here's what I did: I went to a different military roome and I went in talked like I was a little kid and stuff and was like, "i LOVE the new f22 raptor i think it's cool and when i get my license i am going to go to see some and i really like them a lot and i want to be a pilot and it would be cool." Stuff like that. Then they all attacked me after a while. So I kept it going. The fucking women kept giving me these threats like, "You better stop or I'll go get my husband." What the fuck is that going to do. Go get him. That's what I would say. Anyway, then I went to a music room and talked some shit about the Ramones. And everyone in there made fun of me too. It got outta hand. It's like my usual life: no matter how hard I try I still end up getting made fun of all the time. Oh well. And finally: hahahahahahahaha. Laters.

¤ Tuesday, February 25, 2003

So you want to know what's weird? In a few days I will post an entry that is above the quiz link, and then we can all watch it drift slowly into the unknown. I don't know. I thought that sounds like fun. Though I'm a pretty boring dude. Also, I would like to thank everyone for reading the site. I'll make it worth your while here pretty soon. Trust me. It won't really be worth your while per se, but you know what I mean. I will be seeing Coldplay in exactly six days. You'll have that. And I'm got some heroin that is just madman. So I'll do that. You know how I do things.

¤ Monday, February 24, 2003

Grammy's last night. I didn't watch them, but I'm reading a list of winners. I like. The Clash, Norah Jones, Eminem, John Mayer, the Foo Fighters, Johnny Cash, The Flaming Lips, India.Arie, Michelle Branch, Coldplay, Chaka Kahn, the list goes on. Anyway, so have you ever had a dream where you die and stuff? That's really weird. I have one of those last night. And the thing is, it actually is a dream, so it works out. And the other thing is, I'm really thirsty right now. And that's cool, because I will go drink a shitload of water. And that's always good. Because your mouth is all dry and then you go drink a bunch of water. Great stuff. Ladies and germs, I would like you to know that I had 51 hits on ol' Stately yesterday. That's a new record. Thanks I love you. That's about it.

¤ Sunday, February 23, 2003

Hi, I'm from Canadia, and I don't actually think of anything on my own. I just steal other people's ideas and markup. And then I've got to be perfect from now on because I've got cool people like that. So that isn't cool. I want a new job but nothing is there unless you have 40 years of experience. Even for entry level. If I was going to kill myself I'd jump off a tall building.

¤ Saturday, February 22, 2003

Good morning. I don't like myself. I was thinking: what the hell are you people coming here for. There's nothing to read. It's not like I actually have content. Or anything new. Here's you when you are loading my website:
"Hmm, I wonder if he's going to complain today."
And then you've got people like Lance who are like:
"Oooh, he just cussed. I don't like that. I think I'm going to complain."
Okay, that's about it for today. I just thought you'd like to know that I think Matt Bates himself is slipping into his Dark Ages. Okay, I'm done. Laters.

¤ Friday, February 21, 2003

I thought I'd make an emergency entry. It is currently 7.21 in the PM and I don't think I have ever been this pissed off in my entire life. And it's nothing really. Mainly it was finally set off when I had to fucking drive home behind this guy that was driving 5 MPH. 5 MPH!!! That is off the charts slow. My speedometer starts at 10. Holy shit I just want to kill either someone or myself. It's outta control. Oh yeah, and one of the most talented bands that are currently performing, The Dismemberment Plan, are breaking up. That's just fucking awesome. If you need an example of how brilliant they are, you can download "What Do You Want Me To Say". Freaking genius. I'm done laters.

¤ Friday, February 21, 2003

So I've decided that I fucking hate Dashboard Confessional. I haven't listened to it in a few weeks or so, and I have been the last few days or so. And all it ever does is depress the shit out of me. I can't fucking take it. So what the fuck can I do? Nothing. Anyway, Oh yeah, according to Erin's friend, all I have to do is tell myself that I am a good person and all this shit a thousand times a day or something like that and I will eventually believe it. Because we all know that I'm that dumb. They told her in about this genius plan in her Psych class. Psychology is the biggest fucking joke ever. Because it changes all the time and they think everyone has a problem. So yeah, that's about it. I think my favorite Dashboard song is "This Ruined Puzzle". I'm done.

¤ Thursday, February 20, 2003

In lieu of Lance McGee, I will not cuss today but use cuss substitutes.

So I had this dream last night, and I've decided I need to get an ax. Because in the dream I was trying to build a cabin and all I had was this funking hatchet. And that got me thinking: I really want to build a cabin. So that's what I might just do. Holy ship, that would be cool. I've always wanted to, but I'm just too damp lazy. Okay, enough about that. Well my funking eyes hurt. I've had to sleep with my contacts in for the last 6 nights. It really sucks. I really hate it. Sorry for all my pitching. And I really hate funking pop up adds. They're annoying as crap. Okay, I think I'm about done for today. I really actually had something cool to talk about today, but I totally forgot what it was. Sorry. Laters.

¤ Wednesday, February 19, 2003

Penis penis penis penis penis. So get this: page views are outta hand. That's about it. Last night I ate a bowl o' chicken noodle soup. But you know how that is. I was hungry and I ate it. That's my name. Hungry, that is. Also, someone once said I was cool. That was cool. Okay, sorry guys, but this is all I've got. Laters.

¤ Tuesday, February 18, 2003

Holy shit. I don't check the stats for a few days, and next thing I know, my page hits have passed 1000. Damn. So my page views has now finally passed my sexin' up girls count. And now it's getting close to my gramp's heart attack counts. Okay, he's only had two. But one of them was yesterday. That fucking sucked. It doesn't really surprise me cause I do have awesome luck. So shit. And I drank 25 cups of coffee at the hospital yesterday. I couldn't stop. I was nervous and anxious. Anyway, enough about that. So Friday, Saturday, and Sunday I had over 30! page views. And I know that can't be anyone new looking at it, except maybe Chris Stevens. He's the shit. Anyway, the usual # of page views a day is about 10. And the last three days I had 30. Damn. Okay, I think I'm done. Holy shit I need a life. And a girlfriend. And a job. And everything else. Okay, laters.

¤ Monday, February 17, 2003

Holy hell I got nothin' to say. I just sit here. You have no idea. I've been sitting here for like, 10 minutes. And I'm getting nothing. I'm really sorry but I'll just have to go. (Brandon, sorry, I know how much you want me to be funny or whatever.) And Chris Stevens has me in his people section o' his website.

Evidently I'm not the ladies man I thought I was. That sucks. I will say that everypeople like me. I am just chillin'. Evidently I lost my keys and people drew on me. And the keys are no where to be found. I looked 'around the horn' and everything. Oh well. Who knows. Brandon says my entries aren't funny. What the fuck is that all about. Am I here to amuse you? Okay, here's a funny story: Picture a man walking across the street, okay? Then he steps on a banana peel, and the seemingly impossible happens: nothing. He just keeps going across the street. Then a car is speeding towards him. Guess what happens. Nothing again. The car stops in time. Then he gets to the other side, and someone crashes an airplane into the side of a building and the building falls on the guy. That's the story. How was that for funny? Okay, I'm done

¤ Sunday, February 16, 2003

Hey I don't have much time but I like people. That's about it. And someone was on my site and changed the HTML. Bastards. That's no good. Okay laters.

¤ Saturday, February 15,

I'm by Erika and Kris and Brandon. Brandon lied and said he was cool. Kylee is here. She's pretty cool. She's Erika's neighbor. I like her 'cause she's Erika's friend and she talked to me. I always like girls that talk to me. I'm about done. Just 'cause Brandon said I have to update. That's about it. I'm having sex right now. That's about it. Man I love lesbians. And I love girls. Lates, as Drew would say. Laters.

¤ Friday, February 14, 2003

So I went to sleep last night to the sound of infomercials. And I've learned that The Internet Treasure Chest sounds like a good idea. I also cracked their little scheme on how they make it sound like a good idea. The host lady just repeats everything the guests say, emphasizing it more or whatever. It's like this:
Host lady: So how much money do you make a week using the Internet Treasure Chest?
Guest: I make $2,000 a week using the Internet Treasure Chest.
Host Lady: You make $2,000 a week using the Internet Treasure Chest.
And that's how it goes. Yeah. Oh well. And the thing is, today is Valentine's Day, and I don't even think I'm even going to see a girl today. Let alone go out with one. I'm pretty cool like that. Oh well. Maybe next year. That's what I always say.

Download these "Valentine's Day songs"
Ozma - Immigration Song
Ozma - Game Over
Elliot Smith - I Don't Understand
Rooney - Losing All Control
Kind of Like Spitting - Passionate
John Lennon - Mother

¤ Thursday, February 13, 2003

Okay, so I just saw the Hallmark commercial for Valentine's Day where they'll give you the bear if you buy 3 cards. But who the hell is buying three cards for Valentines day. Wouldn't that mean you have three different Valentines? Yeah, so I thought that was weird. That reminds me of a story.

It's last year, Valentines Day, and I'm sitting in homeroom with gay Mr. Welch. So my Valentine comes up and is standing outside the door and wants to talk to me. So I get up and am standing there talking, and Mr. Welch was like, "Mr. Bates! Sit down." And I tried to tell him that I just wanted to talk for a second and all that crap and I asked him if I could go out in the hall and stuff, but he had to be a dick and was like, "No, sit down." I mean, it's on f'ing Valentines Day. The supposed "loving-est" day of the year. And he wouldn't even let me go out in the hall. What an asshole. I never did like Mr. Welch.
So yeah, that's about it. Laters. The thing is, I don't know if any Valentines Day will be able to pass up what I have in store for tomorrow. I think I'll start off with me talking to myself. Maybe I'll take myself out to eat. Then I'll come home and try to get myself to fool around with myself. Just maybe. Either way, I'm out.

¤ Wednesday, February 12, 2003

Hello. I was looking at the visitor stats, and guess what. Page views passed 900 this morning. I would like to thank the three people that continually go here. You're really helping my coolness factor. Also, I also learned from the stats that more than half of the people that go here actually type in the address. That's always cool. And the other thing was that most people who view the site are using Windows NT. Which I thought was a little odd. Windows NT is not very common for personal use. At all. So I thought that was pretty weird. Anyway, that's all I have to say about that.

You'll be glad to know that I am now in the process of learning XML. Let me explain the whole relationship of XML and HTML and everything like that.

To explain all this, I think I'll use an analogy. I'll relate everything to the United States. And when you see these [], that means I'm breaking from my analogy mode and telling you some facts or something like that. Okay, here goes. SGML (Standard Generalized Markup Language) is like the United States. It's huge, it's extremely powerful, and it can do just about anything. And no one completely understands it. HTML (HyperText Markup Languange) is like Washington, D.C. It's an extremely small part of it's parent, but it is the representative figurehead. But it has no real power (Like DC in the democracy). Now, XML (eXtensible Markup Language) is like New York and California combined. While it may not technically represent it's parent and may not be as well known, it really holds the power. It can do pretty much whatever it wants as long as it stays within the parameters of it's parent body. But like NYC (New York City), XML (eXtensible Markup Language) is quickly becoming the true center. [See, the beauty of XML is that it allows you to create your own layout patterns and tags, which would only be used throughout your site, but will work flawlessly because the browser knows you are using XML 3.2 strict. The problem with HTML is that it is not a very powerful language, not at all actually. And it is too forgiving, which also means it's not as precise. And in today's society, we like everything with bells and whistles, and HTML really doesn't allow that. But I'll talk about that later.] Now, you may have also heard me talk about CSS (Cascading Style Sheets). They are sort of like a state constitution. They sort of set the guidelines for how everything will be. They are pretty powerful in their own right, but once you move out from under it's constraint, it doesn't affect you at all. Now, other things, like Java, JavaScript, CGI (Common Gateway Interface), SQL (Structured Query Language), ASP (Active Server Pages), etc: they are like other countries in the U.N. (United Nations), they are all tecnically free to think on their own and have their own individual perks, but they arer still dominated by the United States (SGML). [The really gay thing is, I can't remember anything ever, but I remember what all of these mean and I also know what all of the HTML tages mean and everything. Really gay.] Also [when Tim Berners Lee and his co-workers created the programming langauge HTML, they had no idea that it would become what it is today. You see, the problem is, they made it extremely easy to understand, and they also made it extremely forgiving of mistakes, two properties that programming languages don't have. What this did is make it easy to learn for the masses, and they did. HTML is the most popular programming language by far. More people know it or have some idea of it than probably all other languages combined. The problem with that is when they (W3C, World Wide Web Consortium, the group that decides what programming languages will be allowed on the web, and also the group that determines all the new HTML tags and the like) realized that HTML is not very powerful, they couldn't just change it to something else, because too many people already know HTML, and they want to keep it like that. But the problem is, HTML is being stretched and pushed to it's boundaries. That's why CSS has played a large part in programming in the last few years. It is more flexible and allows for a better layout. And JavaScript does the same thing. So the controversy is, do they keep building on HTML 4.0 and try to make it more flexible, or do they just scrap it altogether. It would be much better if they would scrap it altogether, but then it would leave millions of websites in the dark.] I don't know, you decide. It's up to the masses. I'm done, thanks for reading. I would also like to thank, in this order, Brandon, Lance, and Drew. Laters.

¤ Tuesday, February 11, 2003 Ver. 3.0

Last night I slept on my back. I haven't done that forever. That's got to mean something. Or maybe it just means I slept on my back. Either way. How's it going. Laters.

¤ Tuesday, February 11, 2003 Ver. 2.0

Hey guys, don't worry about my previous entry. I'm a little crazy. It was just a little bit o' late night ranting, if you will. ALright. I'm out. Laters.

¤ Tuesday, February 11, 2003

Well, I would like to thank Kristoph Hill for gettin' me extremely depressed. He brought up the fact that I had the chance to fool around with a girl whom I really liked and all that crap and didn't take it. Maybe 'cause I'm gay. Who knows? Me neither. Anyway, and then I go MSN and read this article. It's ridiculous. I WOULD DO THAT! It's total bullshit. Oh yeah girls, if a guy pays attention to you, that means he likes you and you should hang on to him. And by hang on, they mean don't hang on. I think girls really should just be treated like a possesion. My theory is that 1.) they seem to like that, and 2.) if they don't and still will allow themselves to be treated like that, then they totally deserve it. And for God's sake would someone please say something in the guestbook so I don't have to look at no name Tyler. Holy shit.

¤ Monday, February 10, 2003

Alright so last night I was thinking: when I was running track in my senior year of high school, that was maybe the most stressful time of my life. The reason I was thinking about stress was I saw a show on TV about it. Anyway, so I was running track, which meant I had to stay after school and run and all that crap, I had essentially a full time job, I had to find time to spend with a girlfriend (get it, 'cause we never did anything), and I was going to school for several hours a day. And I somehow found time to be cool. Wow. And I watched The Silence of the Lambs last night, and right after it was over, I turned to MTV, and the Christina Aguilera video where the guy dresses up like a woman was on. I thought that was kind of weird. Also, I like that t.A.T.u. song. It's actually kind of funny because if you were just listening to the song, it sounds like your standard dance-pop song, but then you see the video and see a pair of 17 Russian girls making out. I don't know. Needless to say, I downloaded the song. And if Jared Kaufman still reads these, I'd like you to know that I just thought of you when I said I downloaded the song. Why, you ask. Well because you only downloaded a few thousand songs, many of which you say you didn't even like. Either way, laters.

¤ Sunday, February 09, 2003

So does anyone else like that when you log into Messenger, it has another pop-up come along with it with news? I freakin' think it's freakin' awesome. You have no idea. 'Cause you know I love pop-ups. Anyway, so I noticed on there, and article which I read, and it was saying that men that shave every day have sex 70% more than men that don't shave every day. Well I got some news for ya. It ain't true. I shave everyday, pretty much just cause it makes me feel like a grown up man, not because I need too. Anyway, so I shave everyday, and I get nothing. So what's that all about. Either way, I'm out. It was nice talking to you.

¤ Saturday, February 08, 2003

Well, Valentines Day is in 6 days. That's pretty cool. I think I'm going to go out to eat, if anyone wants to tag along (Kris). I don't know. That's about all for today. Laters.

¤ Friday, February 07, 2003

Good Morning America. How's it goin'. Not too shabby on my part. I for some reason feel prezty darn good. I'm working on some stuff, and hopefully it works out. You know what I'm talking about. Anyway, I went to sleep at 1:00. I haven't done that forever. And I got up at 11:00. Good stuff. I'll take it. Maybe I'll go outside and make a snow angel...that would be cool. Did everyone like that song I told you to download yesterday? Well you should have downloaded it. Okay, Here's a story: who the crap is Tyler. They signed my guestbook, and didn't leave an email or a website or even a full name. And I thought they were one of Brandon S. Davis I's friends because this character agreed with Brandon. Either way, I really hate it when people do that. SO, in lieu of that, here's some of his private information: he uses Microsoft Internet Explorer 6.0 and Windows NT 5.1. His IP Address is 132.235.133.176. If you only knew what you could do with a computer's IP address. But you probably don't. The fact that he's using Windows NT says to me that he's probably on a network. Thus the NT. Because that stands for NeTwork. But that doesn't mean it for sure. We used to have it 'cause it doesn't crash. Yeah. Either way, I this to be an example. I'm sure everyone else is scared. And that's the whole plan.

THE ORIGINAL COLORS!! IT FEELS SO NICE TO HAVE THEM BACK.

¤ Thursday, February 06, 2003

I would like to thank a certain Brandon S. Davis I for being the only one of my "friends" to email me this past week. I haven't communicated with anyone for a week. Crazy stuff. Yeah, and in case you care, you can call me the CSS master now. And give me a few weeks, and I'll give you something that will rock your fucking socks off. Yeah. And if you haven't heard "Continental Drift (Flight of the Bootymadmoiselle)" by Ozma, then you should. It's really good. It has a flute in it. That's something that's missing from most songs out today. You know how that is.

¤ Wednesday, February 05, 2003

'All mankind is in their debt'. That is the big headline on the newspaper today. It's talking about the astronauts. Here's a story: bull shit. Yeah it's sad they died, but that is the most dangerous profession in the world I believe. So I don't agree with that at all. It's like, if a soldier dies in combat, and they say that, then I can agree because they are defending our country. Or if they are fighting in Iraq in a few weeks, then they aren't defending our country, they are going on the offensive. So they would be offending our country. But anyway, if he dies, then we are in debt to them. But astronauts are just chillin' up there, helping with scientific advances. So I won't give them that. Especially since I don't think we have been to the Moon. Oh well. I just thought I'd get that off my chest before I got started with what I actually was going to say.

Did anyone happen to see that All Things Rock, on MTV of all places, played a song from a band called Brand New? Freakin' awesome. I love them. The song's called "Jude Law and a Semester Abroad." It's good stuff. If anyone happened to see Dashboard Confessional on June 4th of 2002, then they also saw them in concert. And the one guitarist plays a Gibson Les Paul Doublecut. I love those guitars. Beautiful. Okay, enough about that. Did anyone watch MSNBC last night? Oh man it was hilarious. They had the mother of dead woman Laurel Clark, from the space shuttle. Okay, to start out, Phil tried to ask her a question, and she was like, "Can I say something first?" And of course he let her. So she started talking about the heartbeat and ancient indians and crap, and then she reached down and pulled out this drum and started hitting it. She's freakin' crazy. So Phil then tried to ask the questions that he had for her, and she started reading some poem. So when she was done, Phil just started talking to someone else. He didn't even talk to that lady again. And I don't blame him. She was f'ing crazy. And she had a strong resemblance to Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistols. No lie. She had the short reddish hair, the extreme white-ness that Johnny always had, like he's never seen the sun, and she also had that crazy look in her eye. And Johnny definetly had that. If you don't believe me, check out a picture of him somewhere. Yeah, that's all I have to say about that. She was crazy. Yeah, does anyone ever watch PBS? And if you do, do you ever watch NOVA? That is maybe the best show on television. It's like watching the History Channel, but for an hour straight. No commercials. I watched that show last night, and it was on the development and competition of the JSF (Joint Strike Fighter for the dummies). Yeah, that was cool. Anyway, you should watch that show. It's cool. And I want a monitor lizard. And the one pregnant Dixie Chick is extremely hideous. I just saw the video. Her eyes are way too close together. She looks like a Barn Owl. Freakin' ugly. AND, 800 page views of the ol' site as of this morning. Luckily I had sex a whole lot and the page views count still hasn't beat my sexin' up girls count. Laters.

¤ Tuesday, February 04, 2003

Yeah, go to this website. It's freakin' awesome. Yeah. Anyway, I hope everyone is having a cool day. I think I want to marry a model. Also, I would like to name a kid Spud. It's gotta be at least semi-original. Like Seven. Yeah. Okay, laters.

¤ Monday, February 03, 2003

I have a few things to say. First off, Valentines Day is in 11 days or something like that. Holy hell that's depressing. Like no other. I think I'm going to get myself some flowers and maybe take myself out to eat. Because I'm so damn romantic. Okay, other news: did you guys know that the Star Athletes broke up? I was shocked to find out that bit-o-news. You know how that goes. I would like to thank Brandon for filling out the application. You know how that goes. Did anyone see Sports Night last night on Comedy Central? It was really good. Okay, laters.

¤ Sunday, February 02 (Groundhog Day), 2003

So I was watching this show on MTV, and it was about cheerleaders, and it made me realize that I want to learn how to do a standing back tuck. That looks cool. The possibility of that happening is quite rare, especially since I won't have a spotter or whatever. So I'll end up breaking my neck and dying. Which wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, but you know how that goes. So what's with all these rappers' guitarists always playing a Parker Fly. I mean, I really like them a lot, and according to Josh Fitzwater they are really cool. But every single f'ing rapper has a guitarist who is playing one of those. It's really starting to bother me. I think I'm about done. Yeah, laters.

¤ Saturday, January 32, 2003

Wow. The Columbia exploded. So weird. The thing is, maybe that will get the U.S. to fund NASA some more so they can finish their shuttle replacement. Everyone knew this was bound to happen again, the Shuttles are getting old. Maybe this will open everyone's eyes. I mean, it's a bad way to get their attention, but what can you do.

I really like Def Leppard. Prezty (Cody, you know what I'm talking about) freakin' good stuff. Here's my theory: they took all this great melody, and essentially combined it with power chords and riffs. And if you listen to them, and then listen to a pop-punk band, you notice a crap load of similarities. So my theory is that they were very influential to the "punk" movement of the early and late 90's. I really like the MTV show Clone High. It has a whole lot of pop culture references and whatnot. Yeah I know that most cartoons of today do, but I really think they show teenage feelings and whatnot prezty (Cody, you know what I'm talking about) well. I don't know. And I also like their soundtrack. They played four songs that I noticed: Dashboard Confessional had two with "Remember to Breathe" and "Standard Lines". The Get Up Kids had one with "Ten Minutes". And Snapcase sneaked in there with "Exile Etiquette". Good stuff. I really like the show. Now, the other MTV animated show, what's it called, something like 3 South or some crap like that. It really sucks. A lot. I really hate it. In case anyone cares, I think Kid Rock's new song that he sings with Sheryl Crow reminds me a lot of the Golden Girls theme song. I mean, at parts, you can almost hear "You're heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant." You know what I'm saying. Alright.

I would like to take this time to say last night I had some really weird dreams. The first one was as follows: I'm walking on a beach, but that's not the important thing. You see, in this dreamworld, there existed a TV show that sold expensive properties, and was funded by the real estate companies. And it was a really popular show, and this guy and his co-host would just travel around the world and show these houses on TV, with hopes that someone would see it and want to buy it. So anyway, this guy, the host, I'm walking on the beach next to him, and I'm like what the heck is going on, but I'm only thinking it in my head. And it turns out I'm the co-host. And we were on some beach, I think in Brazil, where the jungle comes right down by the beach. It was really weird. So in this dream, I was the stand-in co-host to a real estate television show. And in case you care, the host was a balding guy, with a really hairy chest. I knew this because he had a button up shirt, and you know how people unbutton the top three or four or maybe even five buttons, depending on how hairy the chest is (the more hair the more buttons). Yeah, he had three buttons undone. It was really weird.

My second dream was even weirder: Me and my best friend Tom Green are walking around. First we were in NY, and then the next thing I know we are walking around at Tri-Valley. So we walk in on where they are taking track pictures. So we walk in, bribe the photographer, who had one of those handlebar mustaches, and we get our picture taken. And we are both wearing suits and all that. I must admit we looked prezty (Cody, you know what I'm talking about) damn good. And then we went outside and ate mud. I don't know what that was all about. So yeah, then we left and went to California, and on the way there I woke up.

Now keep in mind, that since they are dreams, I percieved this as reality. I thought nothing of the fact that I was a co-host on a TV show. I also thought nothing of the fact that I was Tom Green's best friend. It was really weird. On that note, I think I'm outta here. Laters.

¤ Friday, January 31, 2003

Hi. Does anyone else like reading and learning about the Cold War? Especially the nuclear aspect of it. Just me? Oh well, you're really missing out. Okay, I've got a few things to say. Let me get started:
Okay, first off, I've been drinking a lot of tea recently. Not iced tea, not any flavored tea like Earl Grey or English Breakfast or any of that shit. Just straight hot tea. And a lot of it. Several cups a day. Who knows.

Yeah, you know when you smoke weed and you forget little things? Well I didn't smoke weed and I keep forgetting things. For example, I turned the tea kettle on, and I came here to do this update because people read it or some shit like that, and then I got up as soon as I sat down, and went to turn the kettle on, even though I had just turned it on. Weird stuff.

My calves, even though I have done NO activity other than walking around (and that's only occasionally), but yeah, they are crazy defined. It's weird. I was checking out my naked body last night. Actually I was fully dressed, I was just checking out my legs for some reason. Actually I was fully dressed, except for the pants part: I had on my boxer briefs, that's it. But I just wanted to see how they looked. Diagnosis: small but defined.

Has anyone ever had Nyquil? Holy shit it's horrible. I was hoping I wouldn't have to take it ever again, but last night I took some. Fuck me it's horrible. I would rather drink beer than Nyquil, and that's saying a lot. See, the thing is, I don't know if I've tasted anything that I like less than beer. It just tastes bad. Now champagne? Wine? Those I like. Especially champagne. I know I've said this before, but my goal is to be the guy at the parties where all the mortals are drinking beer and being all gay, and I'm like, chillin' in the corner with the wine. Yeah. And I just said mortals. Wow I'm fucking retarded. But yeah, I would much rather drink any other alcohol than beer. Or Nyquil. And speaking of that, has anyone ever had peach flavored triple sec? Holy shit it's fucking horrible. Very close to beer. It's like straight alcohol, sort of, mixed with a heavy dose of peach syrup. And shitty peach syrup at that. Yeah, so what was I talking about? Oh yeah, Nyquil. And the thing is, I tried to follow it with a "chaser" of tea, and it will have none of it. Because the Nyquil is all syrupy, and it sticks to the inside of your mouth. So instead of chasing it, you have to use the "chaser" as a mouthwash. Ridiculous. Oh man it fucking sucks. Two stories pop to my mind when I think of Nyquil, other than the one I just told: 1.) I once saw a movie where this woman couldn't have alcohol because it made her all crazy, and she drank Nyquil and killed this guy. It was pretty cool. Because Nyquil is like, straight alcohol. 2.) I remember in college, this kid tried to "get drunk" off of Nyquil. First off, that's just plain retarded. Second, I think it would be worth the risk to go down to the local gas station and try to pay someone to buy you some alcohol. Because Nyquil just plain sucks. That's all on Nyquil.

Yeah, I have this crazy cold. It's fucking killing me. It's borderline sick. Fuck me, I love this kind of shit. I fucking love it. You have no fucking idea.

You know what I hate? When a group of two houses or so get together and are like, "Hey why don't we come up with an arbitrary name for our "town" and then eventually it will fucking worm it's way onto a map, even though it is not an actual town. Example: Stringtown. What the fuck is their idea there. It's not a fucking town. Can't you just be content to say you live in fucking Zanesville? Holy shit that pisses me off like no other.

I'm done, thanks for reading. Maybe tomorrow I'll be in a better mood, so stop by please. And hopefully I won't write so much next time. Laters.

¤ Thursday, January 30, 2003

Here's what I'm thinking: if I ever get fortunate enough to get married and therefore have sex and therefore have kids, I have a plan. I want to teach my baby kids voice commands. Like you can do with dogs, but it would be humans. For instance: teaching them to sit on command, speak on command, maybe roll over, and if I'm lucky, I will even be able to teach them to shake. Yeah. That would be freakin' awesome. 'Cause that has to be some kind of first. And then I could do tours to university's to the groups of doctor's and whatnot like on The Royal Tenanbaums, and they would psyco-analyze the little ankle-biters. But the key is, they'd only ankle-bite on command. Yeah. That would be sweet. So if any girl ever decides I'm the one, I guess, then that's my plan. Okay, have you ever heard "Romanza de Amor"? 'Cause it's cool. It's a classical guitar song. If anyone cares, I can only play the first 20 measure's or whatever. You know how that goes. But my theory is: learn that song, then play it for girls and they'll be all over me, lickety split. Yeah. Another cool song, and it's fitting to my life: "Saturday's Alone" by Koufax. You should hit that. Also, if it happens to be your birthday today, well, have a nice birthday. Though if you are reading my site then it's probably not your birthday. But yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

¤ Wednesday, January 29, 2003

Let me ask everyone a question: have you ever got ready to pee, and right before you uhh, release I guess, you look around and then the next thing you know, you hear the unmistakable sound of pee hitting the floor. Well, I guess that only applies to guys. I hope. But that happened to me. And get this: have you ever heard of T.A.T.U.? This is good stuff. They are a pair of 17 year old, lesbians who sing pop songs about having sex with each other and how much they love each other. But in concert, they sort of fool around, right there on stage. Freakin' sweet. I'm sure I'd hate them, but I'd go just for the peep show. You know. And they're from Russia. Okay, the State of the Union address. He sure wants to drop the taxes doesn't he? Jeez, he said the average income tax would drop from $1,700 or something like that down to $45. See, I understand the way the economy works, but I still don't think that would help. It's called cutting too much too fast. Because I think that since we are most definetly going to war, consumer spending will be down. Definetly not what we need. And all the standing ovations got me thinking: how much would it suck to be in a wheelchair. You just sit there while everyone else stands up. I don't know, I thought it would suck. I am 100% behind the medical liablity reforms that Bush wants. It's ridiculous. America is a totally litigious society. It's ridiculous. Hey I just stubbed my toe on this chair, so I'll sue the chair manufacturer because it didn't say I could do that. Stuff like that. Really gay. And the hydrogen cars things brings up a great point: I've got a freakin' sweet idea, and I think it would work, and it is really simple, and that's all we'd need. It's pretty cool. You should ask me about it sometime. Partial birth abortion: glad to see he wants to get rid of that. AND, I was totally right about the imperialistic nature of Bush. I totally called the fact that he'd be like, Iran, we need to "save" the people, and the same thing with North Korea. I said he would go after those two countries. Damn I'm good. You know, after N. Korea has "nuke-you-ler" bombs. That's what Bush calls them. Nice to see our president can't talk. I would also like to know what "botulin" is. It might be similar to botulism, but who knows. Either way we better find out about it because Iraq is making it. You know. Also, Kris Hill is looking for an HGTV. That's right, and HGTV. It's channel 45 on Time-Warner, but I don't what it is anywhere else. Anyway, if you happen to see one, tell Kris. And 600 people have now viewed the ol' site. Actually it's 1 person, me, and I just viewed the homepage 600 times. And I'm talking to myself to make me seem popular. Which, though it was true, doesn't really need to be done. If I get 100 more page views, then the page views will surpass my sexin' up girls count. That sucks. I better get to work sexin' up more girls. You know how that goes. I'm done. Thanks and bye.

¤ Tuesday, January 28, 2003

Everyone here should download "I Don't Understand" by Elliot Smith. Freakin' great song. It's all a capella and whatnot, sounding like an early Beach Boys kind of song with the harmonizing. And its really cool. It's weird because it's all perfect sounding and then he says the word "fuck" in it. It kind of takes you by surprise, but you know. Good song. It's about realizing the girl you just broke up with didn't care about the relationship, even though you thought it meant something to you and whatnot. In case you cared. I think you should download it. Okay, enough about that.

Did anyone watch the Superbowl? My opinion: it sucked. The Raiders were freakin' horrible. The commercials were freakin' horrible. The halftime show was freakin' extremely horrible. Okay, call me misogynistic or whatever, but football is still a man's sport. I don't care what you say. So the fact that they had Shania Twain, singing songs about being a woman, No Doubt, singing songs about being a girl, and Sting, singinga duet with Gwen Stefani, makes for a shitty halftime show. If I had to guess, the Superbowl halftime show people were like, yeah we'll let women sing this year and that way we will get more women to watch. And I'm sure it worked. It really pisses me off that they had those artists on at halftime. I hate Shania Twain. Make up your mind, are you country or are you pop. You can't be both. I actually like No Doubt, but that still doesn't take away from the fact that she sang "I'm Just a Girl". And I freakin' love Sting. The Police are one of my favorite bands ever, but that doesn't mean he's cool. Or popular with the football crowd. Okay, enough about that.

Well, I for some reason watched Clone High on MTV, even though I told myself I wouldn't, and I really liked it. I think it's pretty clever. And they played two or three songs from Dashboard Confessional, one song from the Get Up Kids, and at least one other song that I knew but couldn't place the artist. I have that artist's CD, but I don't know who it was. Weird. And I'm done. Thanks for reading, and until next time; This is Matt Bates signing off.

¤ Monday, January 27, 2005

Hey guys, I like everyone out there. I have to say, for some reason, I am extremely depressed right now. I have no idea why. Last night I was sitting here and I just got all extremely depressed. Extremely. It really sucks. I really think I should be on some sort of drug for this. My mood fluctuates like it's my j.o.b. I don't know. I hate it. Okay, my top five sitcoms ever.

  1. Seinfeld
  2. The Simpsons
  3. Coach
  4. Sports Night
  5. Scrubs

Yeah, so that's that. Do you think it's a coincidence that 4 out of the 5 start with "S"? I don't think so. That's saying something for ol' letter S. Good stuff. Cool letter. Cool shows also. I'm done. Thank you for your time. And if anyone has any spare Paxil's laying around, please send them to me. I desparately need them. Thanks.

¤ Sunday, January 26, 2005

Has any ever had port? The wine, that is. Wow it's strong. Like, maybe twice as strong as a concord or something. Crazy. But it's not too bad. Other than the strongness. Yeah, so how was everyone's day? If you are saying good, well I'm glad to hear it. If you are saying bad, well I'm sorry to hear it. Okay, let me ask you a question. How many people have been brushing their teeth and a piece of flesh falls out? Yeah I think I'm the only one with my hand up. You'll have that. I think I'm done. Well, I'm leaving. But don't worry, I'm working on other stuff. I'm not going to just sit here and do nothing all day. Hell no. Okay, laters.

¤ Saturday, January 25, 2005

Here's a story: does everyone here remember your first pube? 'Cause I was thinking of that last night before I went to bed. See the thing is, I remember seeing the one, lone hair there and I was like 'holy crap'. So I had to nurture it and take care of it so it wouldn't fall out or anything. That's what I did at least. And I couldn't even imagine squinting down at my penis and only finding a penis. Other than when I shaved my penal area for $25 in senior year. But I don't want to talk about that. It brings back bad memories. Painful ones. It was like Velcro. Anyway, now that I've shown that I am a very mature person, I'll go. Laters.

¤ Friday, January 24, 2003

Yeah get this: I just wrote a really long entry, and it didn't save. So because of that, I'm not going to write anything today, other than what I just wrote of course. Laters.

¤ Thursday, January 23, 2003

Hi guys, I just had maybe one of the coolest dreams ever. I'll keep it to myself but it was cool. It wasn't sexual or anything like that. It was me in the future, and it wasn't all depressing and whatnot. That was pretty cool. Well guys, Ol' Stately's passed the 600 mark. That's crazy. See, when I started this site, I didn't think there was any chance that I would have as many page views as girls I've had sex with. See I've sex with a very large number of girls. And my page views count MIGHT catch up to my sexin' up girls count. Maybe. I guess we'll see. Well, I think I'm done. I've said just about enough for one day. Laters.

¤ Wednesday, January 22, 2003

So yeah, how is everyone today? Good to hear. So I watched Die Hard: With a Vengeance last night. I have to say, that for an impossible to happen scenario, I actually like the movie. The thing is, it's not too bad. I think I like the idea the bad guys had. Good stuff. But yeah, that wasn't too bad. Quick, a Top 5 list of my least favorite movies:

  1. Mission: Impossible 2
  2. Con Air
  3. Dirty Dancing
  4. Home Alone 3
  5. Crossroads

Okay, Mission: Impossible 2 is just the worst movie ever, that's all I have to say about that. Con Air is horrid, complete with an extremely bad and impossible plot. I would probably actually like Dirty Dancing, but since I've seen it about 543059712342256 times, I don't like it anymore (you can thank USA or TNN or TNT or whoever plays it 24 hours in a row, all the time, for that). I don't even have to say anything about Home Alone 3. The first one was good, I really liked it. It should have stopped there, but of course they'll try to make another, as if being left home alone while family went on vacation once wasn't surprising enough. Yeah, and the second one was so popular that they decided to make another. They keep dishing it out. And they get rid of Macauley Caulkin, and he made the first two. He was the man. Well...boy. Whatever. While I like the fact that Britney Spears dances around in her underwear and whatnot, the movie does suck horribly bad. But I would have seen it in the theater. And I almost did. Consequently, I am half owner of the DVD. Yeah that's right Andrew, I bought half of it. I didn't forget either. I'm done. Laters and thanks for reading. Stick around, I'll make it worth your while ;) ;) Yeah.

¤ Tuesday, January 21, 2003

"Matt, you're the greatest." See, that was positive statement that someone said. And cool statements about myself make it to front page news. And you know that's cool. Okay get this: so last night, I watched High Fidelity, which just so happens to be one of my most favorite movies. Anyway, so after watching that, I felt really good. I don't know. Like, elated. It was crazy. So I sat around for a while, then I did something I haven't done for years: take a bath. It was crazy. I haven't done that in quite some time. But the thing was, I had just taken a shower like, 8 hours prior to that, so the bath was just for relaxing, I guess. So I lay in the bath for like, an hour, listening to Something To Write Home About by The Get Up Kids. It was great. I really felt good. It was as if everything was perfect. And that sort of carried on to today. I don't know, I thought you guys might care.

Okay, I had to make another paragraph because the first one was crazy positive. I'm not going to be negative, but it might seem that way. Since nothing else happens in my life, I'm going to talk about TV shows and whatnot I saw last night.

  1. Okay, first off, I saw Avril's video "Sk8er Boi." The first thing I notice is how incredibly stupid the title is. It's complete with the fashionable 8's and the oi's. Always awesome. Anyway, I think the video idea is cool. Even though I don't think that many people would crowd around an artist such as Miss Avril, it is still neat. Anyway, when the video was over, they announced that Simple Plan will be on tour with her. Okay, like six months ago, I sort of liked Simple Plan. They were kind of cool. Then I thought about it some more, and realized they wanted to be pop stars. Then I hear they are going on tour with Avril Lavigne. Now they are just plain awesome.
  2. Yeah, and I liked how Simon from American Idol was on TRL. He's funny. And he made everyone cry and the VJ's were all mad. It was hilarious.
  3. I like High Fidelity. It's cool and funny and smart. Little things, sort of like on The Royal Tenanbaums. That kind of smart. But not really.
  4. I think I'm going to decorate my room with Pottery Barn stuff. That would be cool. And all the ladies I have coming home would like it too. And it's a lot. Of ladies, that is.
  5. One of the TRL guys made out with Kim Catrell, and even though she's almost 50, it was still cool. And I do mean make-out. It was crazy. He was at the award show, just in case you care. He was asking people to kiss him, and everyone kissed him on the cheek, except Kim and he also got some from Elton John. It was kind of weird because you could tell he didn't know what to do when a man just kissed him, on national television. Weird but funny.
  6. Also, I really like the television show Coach. I have to say that. It's on Nick @ Nite at 11-12. Good stuff. Speaking of Nick @ Nite, they have very clever ads and commercials. I only watch it for the hour that I just mentioned, but I really like their commercials.
  7. I like Kelly Clarkson. She's cool, she's not full of herself. Yet. But as of right now, I like her. I can't find out if she wrote her two songs on her EP, but if she did, that would make her all the better. But yeah, cool person. And I like how her name is Kelly, and not Kelli, or Keli, or some other weird version of the name. That's cool too.
  8. I really wanted Daniela Hantuchova to win her match of the Australian Open. She's cool, and I think it's unfair that she had to play a man (Venus Williams). Oh well. And I like Daniela. She's cool, and has 42" long legs. That's crazy.
  9. Okay, I'll go ahead and say I freakin' HATE Good Charlotte. Hi, I'm Joel, and I sing right out of my nose. I hate that. And we are such "hardcore punks" that we are going to sing about how bad rich people are and how much authority sucks and all that jazz, but we are going to first lay down some infectious pop melodies and beats. That way we get all the TRL listeners hooked. Yeah. But we are punks. Nevermind the fact that if we were punks, we wouldn't be on a major label and we wouldn't be hosting a show on MTV. But who cares about that. We ride the popularity of punk up to the top.
  10. Also, I saw a thing where Bad Charlotte picked their Top 5 songs to put on a mixtape and give to a girlfriend, High Fidelity style. Yeah, so they pick bands like The Smiths, NOFX, Depeche Mode, The Cure, The Vandals, etc. Come on here. For a girl? I realize you guys are 100% punk, but seriously, they picked all punk bands, or bands that branched out of punk. Freakin' ridiculous. I hate them.
  11. Anyone see that Ahmad Rashad is now hosting RealTV. That's cool. I'm not a sportscaster anymore, so I'll go on to host stupid as hell shows that are on at 1 in the morning.
  12. Hi, we're the Donnas, we sound like the Go-go's and the Bangles. We're cool, and new. That's what they always say. The thing is, I didn't really like the Donnas three years ago, and I don't really like them now. I do like their drummer though. She's really short and skinny and whatnot. Perfect for me.
  13. Hi, we're Breaking Benjamin, and we are freakin' gay. That's what they're always saying. It's one thing to have a song that is featured in a video game, but to make a video which has several clips of said video game? That's just gay. And their lead singer is gay. He sounds like a combination of a gay guy and Gavin Rossdale from Bush. I really hate him. He is just freakin' gay.
  14. And I like Missy Elliot. Not really, but I do. I don't know how to explain it. I like her because she is sort of innovative, at least for a rapper. And she's a female rapper who isn't half bad, which is something you never see. I'm done. Sorry so much. Laters.

    ¤ Monday, January 20, 2003

    Did anyone happen to watch TV last night? Everything was rerun. It was freakin' hilarious. I loved it. But yeah, I was watching Blind Date, and this guy went in for a kiss and got denied not once, but four times! It was hilarious. I can at least say that's never happened to me. And you know why. I mean, I move at snail speed so if six years after we had been going out, when I finally decided to kiss a girl, I move in for the kiss and she denied me, I would kill myself. I have a terribly low self esteem. I don't need something like that. I'm out.

    ¤ Sunday, January 19, 2003

    Alright. First off, I was reading an article on child labor in eastern Europe, and they are saying how bad it is and all that. I don't have a problem with it. Here's the thing: first off, you get a kid working full time from the time he or she is six, then what do you get? Ten years down the road you get a full grown person with a strong work ethic. And that's just what they need, a very strong work ethic. Over there, if you don't work, you die. It's as simple as that. So I'm all for it. And it makes the kids look all hard and manly when they are twelve. Something I've yet to look like. Oh well. So yeah, I'm all for it. I'm also all for leaving. Which I am doing right now.

    ¤ Saturday, January 18, 2003

    Oh my goodness have I got a hilarious story for you. I'm driving home last night from Denison, and, hilariously, fucking el truck decides to overheat. Somehow. It was only 10 degrees outside, I don't know how it overheated. Anyway, so I had to fill the radiator with water and high tail it back to Denison, where I stayed the night, later eating some French toast and then handily beating Kris Hill in pool. You know, the usual. Yeah, so then I just drove home all scared and whatnot that my car would die. Hilarious. So now, I have yet another car that is disabled. Freakin' awesome. Yeah. I think I'm about done. You know. That's about it. Sorry for having a gay story.
    Mood: Hilariously great
    Music: Death Cab For Cutie

    ¤ Friday, January 17, 2003

    Yeah, I'm done. I can't think of anything to say. I think I'm going back to sleep. Sleep is good. Also, I'm extremely depressed and lonely. I sound like a 70 year old man. You'll have that.
    Music: Pavement
    Mood: The usual

    ¤ Thursday, January 16, 2003

    A few things to say. First off, I did a little experiment with Messenger. I wanted to see how many people would talk to me. They had to be online and I gave each person a two or three log in chance. Meaning if the log in once and don't talk to me, they still had one or two chances. Unless they were online all the time, then they only got one. So yeah, 8 people talked to me. 8! It sort of hurts, but it also doesn't. I guess. Anyway, if you aren't one of the 8 that talked to me, and you are reading this site, then I hate you. That's what you get. You had it coming. Okay, another thing. I was watching Taildaters last night on MTV, and I gots to say, it made me feel awesome. Because they held hands and kissed on the first date. I don't even talk on the first date. Then after oh, maybe a month or so, I'll hold hands, then a few months later I'll kiss. That's right where it stops also. Hilarious. I wish I was like everyone else. I got my hair cut last Friday. I thought people would like it and say something to me about how they like it. So far people either a.) don't say anything, or b.) say they don't like it. That sucks, because for once in my life, well not really once, but this has happened maybe five times, I like my haircut. Sorry guys. I think I'm done. Laters. Sorry for being negative, I know I said I was going to be positive for this year, but I forgot.
    Mood: Extremely bored
    Music: Weezer - Pinkerton

    ¤ Wednesday, January 15, 2003

    "Hi, I'm Darren Waldo. I'm a freakin' penis." That's what he always says. Trust me. Here's a story: Last night I topped out 500 views. Yeah. That's right. I don't even care if that is 2 people just doing it over and over again. It doesn't really matter. Would you like me to put a hit-counter right here on the website? Too bad, I don't like them, so it ain't happening. Also, Darren, how about this: "Hi, I'm Darren Waldo, I design websites." Do I know any HTML? "Of course not, I'm a smart guy that uses Front Page. Look at me I'm smart." That's what he also says. I'm done for today. Before I leave, I'll do this, and maybe I'll do it every day.
    Mood: Depressed
    Music: Reggie & the Full Effect
    Thanks for reading, I'm done.

    ¤ Tuesday, January 14, 2003

    I was watching MTV last night. Here are some theories: Avril Lavigne***: "Hi I'm a hardcore punk girl. I don't care about the pop world or fashion or money. I'm just in this game to have fun." Yeah sure. The thing is, you can see right through her her little plot. First off, I do like how she shows that she won't be pushed around by her producers, so she belts out a nice "Damn cold night." She just don't care. If the pop world has something against that, well then they can f themselves. I'm sure that's what she said, because she is such a "bad girl." And if you think about it, it took Britney what, three albums to say hell, and she's saying damn on her first album. Wow. Freakin' amazing. Speaking of damn cold nights, she's walking around in the video with a coat on, and she's holding her arms in to her body like she actually is cold, but then you pan down and she's wearing shorts. What the hell is up with her. My other theory is that when she wrote the songs very little. I did a little research, and every one of her songs are co-written. I mean, I think it's obvious when you hear a song, and there are the drums, bass, guitar, guitar, guitar, piano, guitar, organ, turntables, elephant, etc. in every song. They are slightly overproduced. And Avril being the hardcore skate rat, I'm shocked, simply shocked that she could allow an album of this quality do be ruined by overproduction. I'm sure if it wasn't overproduced it would sound like The Distillers or some other girl fronted punk band. I'm sure it would. I'm guessing she did do some of the lyrics though. "He was a boy/She was a girl/Can I make it anymore obvious." Damn straight. "He was a punk/She did ballet/What more can I say." It's lyrics like this that should revolutionize the world of the singer-songwriter. Seriously. That's all for her. John Mayer: I like him. Simple as that. First off, the girl in his video is freakin' awesome. That is the kind of girl I would want. Actually, I want any girl, but since I'm being ideal here, I can pick her. I like him because he actually writes music, something ol' Avril could learn to do. Yeah, and I like the solo. Very plain, but also cool. It's jazzy. Jimmy Jazz-y. Yeah. That's a song by The Clash, in case you were wondering why I said that. I will say, I don't really like the lyrics such as "Candy lips...bubblegum tongue." I know what he's trying to do by sticking with the sweets references, but I'm not feeling it. B2K: "Hi, we're B2K, and we are sooo hot." Except for the guy that does lead singing all time, he's freakin' ugly. It's ridiculous. If you don't agree with me then you are gay. Or a girl. Girls seem to think all black guys are attractive. I don't know. That's about all I have. I'll shy away from the easy comments. You know. Eve: I have to say I like her. A lot actually. I know I shouldn't and all, but I really just plain do. I like the harmony in the chorus. It's pretty cool. Usually black people tend to overdo it with the singing on songs, because they can, and it sort of ruins it. She sings all low and whatnot, and it's all Eve's voices. Cool stuff. Not really, but I like it. I also enjoy the "cool" effects in the video. I mean, the couch gets bigger with the bass. The sunglasses get bigger with the bass. Whatever you want gets bigger with bass. The only problem I have is at the end. She's like, I have this hit that can be played on the radio all the time, and I'm going to have a little hardcore rap session at the end, that totally doesn't fit. Then I'll say "fuck shit bitch ass nigga bastard dick cock etc." Because they won't play it on the radio. That bothers me. That's isn't her reasoning, by not being played on the radio, but you know what I mean. Norah Jones: I likes it. Jazzy. Again. Cool stuff. I also like the little descending guitar riff right at the end of the verses. It's really basic and all, but I like it. It add's to the jazzyness of it all. Kelly Osbourne: It's not that I hate her or her show or anything, I just hate her music. A lot. The thing is, the lyrics are horrid. Seriously. I honestly think that I can write better lyrics. "Blah blah, blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah/That's what it sounds like you said to me/You nag and you brag and I gag/There's so much beauty in what we had." Amazing. I mean, the lyrical content is just fabulous. That's my only problem. I will give her this: she knows the only reason she got the contract is because she is famous. So she didn't give attention to the album that much. It doesn't really matter if she released this generation's White Album, she won't be successful. And if she is then she found a loophole in the universe, and the Grand Unification Theory that all smart people are trying to create will be completely out of reach. (The Grand Unification Theory links the general theory of relativity, the partial theory of gravity, and the partial theories that govern the weak, the strong, and the electromagnetic forces. If man could come up with this, it would be the ultimate triumph in human reasoning. And if it's going to happen, it will probably be within the next 10 years. That's all.) Yeah, but I sort of like her. Just a little though.

    Yeah, then I flipped it on over to the History channel just in time to hear George W. Bush say nuke-u-lar. Nice to see that our leader says nuclear like a kindergartener. That's always good. And watching a show on history v. Hollywood, made me realize that war movies are getting better today because back in the 50's and 60's and even 70's and 80's, people wanted a hero. They wanted the U.S. to win, and have no problems. The didn't want to see the U.S. lose, that was bad, and it never happened in real life, did it? Yeah. So now, you have all these directors who show what war actually was like, and that Americans actually did make mistakes and they did bad things and all that. That's my theory, in a nutshell.

    Lots and lots of theories today. I didn't even realize it, but I talked about the Grand Unification Theory also. Crazy. Yeah, I'm done. Laters.
    *** Yeah, I was just informed by someone who actually likes Avril that she says "Damp**** cold night" I still don't care. She is trying to be a hardcore, I don't care about anything punk. It ain't like that. Although for the record I do like marshmallows. Thank you.
    **** Yeah, I was just informed, yet again that she does in fact say "Damn cold night." Thank you very much. Mr. Roboto.

    ¤ Monday, January 13, 2003

    "Hey I don't know. You can either have it with some ale or some rat poison." That phrase was what I was thinking when I woke up. No lie. I don't know what it's supposed to mean. I just thought you'd like to know what I'm thinking of when I wake up. Umm, I really can't think of much to say. I'm pretty much done with everything. Yeah. Sorry. Actually I think I might have had something to say, but if I did, I totally forgot it. I'm done. Laters.

    ¤ Sunday, January 12, 2003

    Good mother f'ing morning. Or afternoon, if that's the case. Anyway, I just thought you'd like to know that I am in a really really good mood. Extremely good moood. Honest to God, I haven't felt this good for months. I'm guessing it will wear off soon, but right now I just feel great. It's crazy. So great, in fact, that I want to just go outside and do something. I don't care what, just something. It's amazing. You know on movies when someone just runs outside and yells into the sky and puts their arms up and all that jazz? Yeah, that's how I feel. Crazy. Sort of like Maria on The Sound of Music. When she is singing in the beginning. You know, "The hills are alive, with the sound of muuuusiiiic." Extra u's and i's to show that she held that out longer. Good stuff. Anyway, that's how I feel. Freakin' awesome. I can't even begin to explain it. It's quite cool though. The sad thing is this is probably how most people feel all the time, but I never feel good so this feels great to me. Either way, I'm not complaining. Or being negative, for that matter. Yeah, and I'm thinking, I was looking around, and there are things called web logs (us in the know call them blogs) and they are pretty much just an online journal. And some of them have the ability for you to make review pages, where you review stuff. They're actually called review pages. Hmm, sound familiar? Yeah, that's my page. Only on a blog you don't have to do any of the html yourself. Hilarious. Yeah, but I'm glad I did it this way. Also, I watched As Good As It Gets today and it is one of my favorite movies. And last night I saw The 25th Hour, and I think it will go down as one of my favorite movies ever. Good stuff. I like Easton. Especially with a girl. Get it? That was a joke. Anyway, I'm out. I have to go slit my wrists. Another joke. Man I'm on fire. Laters.

    ¤ Saturday, January 11, 2003

    Let me tell you a story about a guy: He was pretty happy with everything and then one day he woke up and was just crazy depressed. That's it. Not a very cool story but oh-so-true. I think I'm done. Laters.

    ¤ Friday, January 10, 2003

    TGIF. I'm thinking I'm definetly going to get my hair cut. What do you think I should do?

    ¤ Thursday, January 09, 2003

    If it makes anyone feel better, I think my jaw is infected. It hurts like a bitch and it's swelled up more than usual. Hilarious. And it bleeds all the time. What can I do? Yeah, that sucks. I've been listening to Maladroit by Weezer, and I really like it. I haven't listened to it very much since I bought it back in April or May, when it came out. Or whenever it was. I really like it. Like, almost as much as Pinkerton. And that's saying a lot. Anyway, I was watching this show on tattoos, and Eve, the female rapper, has a tattoo on the small of her back of a scorpion with an apple behind it. It's really funny. I have no clue what it's supposed to mean. I don't know, I thought you guys would love it. Yeah, here's a thought: does anyone still have their Christmas tree up? For some reason we still do. I have no clue why. And the weird thing is, I just noticed it is still up this morning. I don't know what that heck my problem is. I was surfin' the ol' Internet last night and I stumbled across a phrase that seems fitting for me: "You generally hate yourself and wish you were dead, but really know you're not that bad." See, so people who think I'm negative and whatnot, it's not true. I just appear that way. I think. Anyway, I think I'm going to go. Glad to talk to you. (See I'm being positive, because it's the New Year and I said I was going to be positive.) Yeah. Laters.

    ¤ Wednesday, January 08, 2003

    Well guys, I'm about 75% sure I'm going to get my hair cut. The combination of things such as it's getting annoying, I want something different, I look like a bum, my hair is all straggly, etc, make for good reason as to why I should do it. I really can't take it much longer. I don't know. And I'm still riding on my haircut=girlfriend theory. You know the story. If you don't you can ask me. Anyway, that's big news right now. At least to me. Actually only to me. Anyway, I was watching infomercials late last night, and they were selling something called Alzare: guaranteed to increase a man's "confidence" 45% or more. And that's just what I need. More confidence. In both senses of the word. You know what I mean. Anyway, that's my story. According to them, a guy who has confidence to talk to girls can get anyone they want, because girls like that. And I should be confident because I am extrememly hot, according to the article I talked about a few days ago. Yeah, so maybe I'll do that. Actually, if you must know, it's really easy to say, and I thought I would be better at talking to girls, but I discovered that I haven't changed at all. I still have nothing to say. Yeah, that sucks. Yeah. One more thing. Since my bottom lip is all numb, I'm always trying to cut it. And last night there was a wire sticking out of my braces, and i hooked my lip on it and just tore it. It was sweet. My lip bled like crazy, and I couldn't feel it at all. It was pretty cool, you should have been there. Laters.

    ¤ Tuesday, January 07, 2003

    Well, what a few days ago caused ripples is now causing shock waves. You see, if you would please click the link in the previous entry. If you don't feel like scrolling down, you can find it here. Anyway, what it says is, I'm hot. I'm not just attractive or whatever, but I'm hot. I dress perfect, I have the perfect build, perfect interests, etc. I maybe don't agree with it but I'll definetly take it. What I'm going to do is print it off and walk around with it, and just show it to girls. See, my theory is they didn't know I was hot, and when they read in the magazine that I am, then they will immediately have sex with me. Right there. I don't know. I think I'm done. I just thought I'd tell you that. It's pretty cool. Also, I have to go to the dentist AGAIN. That makes two in a row. Pretty sweet if I may say so. Well, I'm out. Maybe I'll see you at a certain basketball game. You know how things are. I'm out. Laters.

    ¤ Monday, January 06, 2003

    I am the happiest person on Earth right now. I'm not lying. See, last night I was reading February 2003 issue of YM magazine, and I found a little article called "Your perfect man." You see, something like 20,000 girls voted on what they thought their perfect man would be. So what I did was I scanned it and it can be view here. You should really see it. Actually, I'm going to make the rest of this entry a link to it, just so you know how important it actually is. Yeah, so like I was saying. It's pretty cool, you'll see why. The other thing is, they had a horoscope for the whole year, and it told what signs would be your friends, what signs would be your lovers, and what signs would be your enemies. Alright, so what I did was, I wrote all that down too. Funny story: two signs out of the twelve only had one person who other sign who they would love. That would be Cancer and Libra. I'm a Libra. And Cancer can use the excuse that no one wants Cancer. Another cool thing about Libra. Only one sign had only one of each of the three. That would be Libra. Awesome. So not only do I have very slight chances of getting love according to this, but also small hopes of even getting a friend. Awesome. If I can't get the stars to agree with me then there really is nothing I can do. Seriously. But, if you are an Aquarious or a Pisces, one of the two, I'm not sure which, I know it was at the beginning though: you better look out because those two are the ones I will supposedly fall in love with. Hmm. Weird. Alright. I think I'm done. I get to go to the dentist again. Man I'm cool. Laters. Love, Matthew.

    ¤ Sunday, January 05, 2003

    Okay, don't think I'm being negative here, because it sounds like it. I'm not. Alright, up until like, two weeks ago, I would just get the usual junk mail of porn, penis enlargement, and low interest home mortgages. And I never read any of them, not even the penis enlargement. Or the mortgages. And that's how it's been since I've had my email address. Alright so now I've been getting a whole bunch of stuff that says 'Your crush emailed you' and 'You have a secret admirer' and 'We know who loves you.' See, the thing is, they don't, but it still makes me feel really gay. For various reasons also. First, I feel dumb because I think about stuff like that, second, I feel gay because I know it ain't true. The Secret Admirer, that is. I don't know. I just thought I'd tell you that. So if I get all depressed and whatnot for the next few weeks, you'll know what sparked it. It doesn't take much to get the ball rolling. Okay, I think I'm going to go now. I know I haven't been talking much these days, but since I decided to be positive for the New Years, I have to choose my words carefully, and therefore I can't write too much. Laters. Love, Matthew. Also, the ol' Stately Penguin passed the 400 mark. Crazy. That's page views, not years old.

    ¤ Saturday, January 04, 2003

    Well, OSU won. That's always cool. Didn't think it would really happen, but again, I'll take it. In other news, I found a document talking about the history of Batesville. I'll just copy the document onto here. Once you read it, realize that now I have an excuse.

    Batesville, it is said, was named from an old Methodist preacher, Rev. Timothy Bates, who was noted throughout the county for his terse discourses and lack of physical beauty. It is related as an illustration of his homeliness that Ebenezer Zane, founder of Zanesville, made salt kettles. He jocosely set one aside to be given to the ugliest looking man who would come to the town and claim it. One Bartlett, hearing this story, drove to Zanesville to secure this kettle, and having loaded it upon his wagon started home with it when he met Bates on the way. He was so startled by his ugliness that he told Bates about the kettle, and added, "I thought the kettle belonged to me, but now I have seen you I see I was mistaken; it don't, it belongs to you; here, take it," and suiting his action to his words passed the kettle over to Bates
    Taken from "Historical Collections of Ohio", Volume II. Published by The State of Ohio, 1904.

    See, it just runs in the blood. What can I do about that? Nothing, that's what. So I think I am going to go. I was thinking, and so far this year is pretty darn good. Other than the uncharacteristically severe mouth pain I've been experiencing the last few days. Other than that things are quite good. On that note, I'm out. Laters. Love, Matthew.

    I'm just chillin', suckin' blood out of my mouth.  You know, the usual.

    ¤ Thursday, January 02, 2003

    It's a bee-you-tee-full morning out. I love Ohio in the winter. I have to say that things aren't going too bad. I'll tell you a little story (it might just in fact raise and eyebrow or two): So yesterday, I woke up, both my arms were completely numb. The whole arms. And completely numb. See, since I've had surgery, I can't really lay of my face. And I usually sleep on my stomach, so that has been a problem. And up until a few days ago I couldn't even have my face on the pillow because it hurt. So anyway, when I sleep on my stomach now, I subconsciously hold some of my weight on my arms, which just so happen to be under my pillow. See, I roll over when I'm sleeping, so I don't even know I'm doing it. Anyway, so yesterday I woke up and I couldn't move my arms. Not at all. I had to roll over slightly until I got some feeling in one arm, and then I had to manually move my other arm out of the way with my now non-numb other arm so I could turn around. It was really weird, because normally, when something falls asleep, you can still feel it very slightly, even if it really fell asleep good. Yeah, so it was weird. It was like it wasn't my arm. Anyway, so I was like, 'Wow, that's never happened before.' So then I got up and went on with my day. So I wake up this morning, and I had the exact same thing. And the weird thing was, yesterday when I woke up, I was dreaming about something, and my feet were off the bottom of the bed, and I was on the right side of the bed, and I NEVER sleep on the right side of the bed. I can't emphasize the "never" enough. Anyway, so when I woke up today, it was the exact same thing. Exact. Same dream, same feet off the bed, same side of the bed. Really really weird. Definetly by far the biggest case of deja vu I've ever had. By far. Now I'm sure you're asking yourself, 'What does this all mean?' Well, let me tell you what I think: I think it means I will have a good year. My best year ever, in fact. Thank you and goodnight. Have a wonderful day, and and even wonderfuler night. Signing off, this is Matt Bates; saying, so long.

    ¤ Wednesday, January 01 (New Years Day), 2003

    Well, another year. Awesome. I've came to the conclusion that I am now going to become a party person that drinks. Only I'll be the dark, mysterious one in the corner. The one who's always drinking wine, not beer. And wearing sunglasses. I think that seems cool. And the key is, anything seems cool compared to my life. Anyway, I have to say, Lance, that I had a good time last night. And no, we didn't have sex or anything (that goes out to the people who weren't there, who, subsequently aren't reading this site). Actually we just went to his house to be cool and hang out for New Years, and he says it was gay. I'm not enjoying my life. I'll give you that. Watching TV last night: everyone's in love and whatnot. Not me. Anyway, I really think I'm going to strive to be a better person this year. Not so negative, I guess, even though I'm off to a great start with that one. Hopefully, not so ugly. Umm, I also plan on getting a job, and dressing nicer. And not your typical, someone my age, Abercrombie style dress nicer. I mean like, shirts and ties. Stuff like that. I like that. Also, I think I'm going to try to be more outgoing, even though if you're not outgoing, there's nothing you can do to make yourself more outgoing, but I figured it was worth a shot. Actually, I really really think I am going to try to get Paxil from my doctor. But see, therein lies the problem: if I would say anything to my mom about me being depressed or lonely feeling or whatever, she'd flip. I know this because I've said it before, and I wasn't even serious at the time. But she will not let me get something like that. She says I just have to talk to people. The thing is, I can't fucking do it. It's not like I can fucking do anything about it. It really pisses me off. Anyway, the problem is it is really expensive, and since my mom won't let me get it, I'd have to pay for it on my own, without the help of my insurance company, who would let me get it for $6.00 or so. Anyway, I really want to be different. Because I can't do anything. I do like being depressed and I like not talking to people and I like being obsessed with things being perfect, but also not, for some reason. Anyway, I hope to change that about me also. In case anyone cares, I'm listening to Blink 182, Dude Ranch. I like that. And 21 Days by the same band. I think that might just be my favorite one of their songs, and it's all old and crappy sounding and whatnot. It can be found on Buddha. That's how it goes. I don't know, for some reason it seems to be good New Years music. I guess. The thing is I hate my mother f'ing life. Alright, since it's New Years, I'm going to say it, just for you. I'll repeat it. The thing is I hate my mother fucking life. Because I do. I think I'm going to go. That's cool, right? Yeah whatever. I'm out. Tomorrow and the next days I'll be positive.

    ¤ Tuesday, December 31 (New Years Eve), 2002

    Hi. That's about all. I'm pretty boring. I think I realized this when I was glancing over all of my entries over the last few months. I've pretty much talked about nothing. And it's all about bad stuff. If you think that I'm just being negative, and I don't talk about the positive things that happen in my life, then you are wrong. I throw in every single positive aspect that ever happened in my life. It's just hard to find them because they are few and far between. Yeah so I just thought I'd be a little retrospective and talk about this past year, since it is the last day of probably the coolest year of my life. Yeah, I think so. Anyway, so I'll retrace the major points of my year. And don't be expecting much. If something like "found a 12 pack of Mtn. Dew on sale at Wal-Mart" slips on there, I wouldn't be too surprised. Because my life is quite uneventful. Okay, I'll go on, by month I guess:

    • January
      • Got my hair cut.
    • February
      • Got a girlfriend.
    • March
      • Got sick during spring break, from running in the cold for track.
      • Didn't get accepted to OSU. That was cool.
      • Saw Dashboard Confessional in concert. That was cool. Without girlfriend. That wasn't cool.
    • April
      • Had quite an April fools day. (I'm lying, but that's all I could think of for april.)
    • May
      • I've got to be honest, I really can't think of much here. It was cool though. Seriously a cool month. Don't think I'm trying to neglect May or anything. I did have my last day of actual school and I saw the Pirates. I guess that was cool.
    • June
      • I graduated.
      • Saw Dashboard Confessional, with girlfriend. Great stuff. I really think I like Dashboard. And girlfriends.
      • Saw Incubus the next day. Right in front row. Good stuff.
      • Was driving to Dresden once and blew up the blue Honda. Not cool stuff.
      • Went to Myrtle Beach. That was cool, not for the usual reasons most people would have a great time though. It wasn't really a "beer and tits" kind of thing. I don't know. I just had fun hanging out. With friends. Shoot, I didn't need to look at girls, I had one. Andrew feels me on this one.
      • Lost said girlfriend. 'Twasn't cool.
    • July
      • I was there for the 4th of July.
    • August
      • Sank into major depression. Crazy. I do that all the time though.
      • Started gay school. Gay.
    • September
      • Turned 19, which most people would think is cool. It's just one more year closer to death and more importantly getting old. I don't really care about the death part, in fact I welcome it. But I don't want to get old. I don't even want to be 30.
    • October
      • I found a quarter on the ground.
      • Realized that I hated my life.
    • November
      • Ate food for Thanksgiving.
    • December
      • Had surgery.
      • Didn't get accepted to BGSU.
      • Realized I hated my life.
      • Realized I'll be alone the rest of my life. Kris, you feel me on this one.
      • Wrote this really gay, boring, and uneventful retrospect on my year.
      • Finished my last entry off with a BANG! I don't really know what that means.

    Hi, that's about it. I intend on sitting alone on New Years Eve. And doing nothing. 'Tis a good way to top off a good year. Actually I think it was my favorite year and all, but just the end sucked. I think 'cause I wasn't in high school, which I actually liked. I'll stop. I'm done. With everything. Maybe I won't do any updates here anymore. Anyway, I'll finish this entry with a BANG!

    ¤ Monday, December 30, 2002

    Well guys, if it means anything to you, it looks like I'll be alone for New Years. Sweet. I'll definetly take it. Because I like it. I have a dentist appointment. I like that too, 'cause they're just going to prod and poke around in my mouth, which is quite painful. But I like it. And it is currently 7:00 A.M. That's also great. My freakin' appointment is bright and early in the mother f'ing morning. I'm really running out of things to say. I have to go get ready and take a shower and whatnot. On account of the me going to the dentist. Keep these words in mind (it's really cool): A night of watching Seinfeld followed by making out. And then sex. With multiple girls. If it hasn't happened to you, then just trust me, it's cool. Alright, I'm going to go now. I hate my life if anyone cares at all. Laters.

    ¤ Sunday, December 29, 2002

    Hi. Here's a story: So a few days ago I go to shave, and it would be the first time since el surgery that I would have shaved, but that's not too important, other than it lets you know I hadn't shaved since el surgery. Okay, so I lather up and whatnot, and when I actually started shaving, it hurt like hell. You have no idea. And I was like, man, I know the blade is sharp, what's going on here. So I threw that blade away and got a new one out. And it was the same. Every hair that came off my face that day was pulled out. It was crazy. I really wanted to cry. A lot. Yeah. Extremely painful. I guess your face is really sensitive after el surgery. Crazy. Yeah, that's about it. On a side note: still looking for a girl for New Years. That's about it. Desparately looking, we'll say that. Alright, I'm about done. With my life that is. Yeah, I'm tired of typing and I have nothing else to say. So I'll stop. In case you care, I've got something planned to show up on here within the next few days. It's going to be really cool and awesome and big. Okay I was lying, I'm not doing anything 'cause I'm freakin' lazy. Alright. That's about it. Laters. Also, if you are one of the people who said I didn't need surgery because you couldn't even tell, then get a load of this: the story is I took a bunch of pictures at the end of last school year, and I'm just now getting el cameras developed, and so I get this camera, and on one of them, I have three self portraits of myself at the end. I think what I did was, and this is a guess, I was cleaning my room and I found that camera and it had three pictures left so for some reason I took them of myself. Alright, laters again. One more thing: today, I went on the ol' sitey here to check the stats of the site, which tell how many people have been here and what browser they use and all their personal information, and there have been exactly 300. Not 300 people, but 300 page views, mainly by like 3 people, but yeah. That's about it. I thought I'd pass that info down the line. And my final laters.

    ¤ Saturday, December 28, 2002

    Hi, welcome to my humble site. It's pretty gay. Anyway, New Years is only a few days away, and that lucrative spot of girl-to-kiss-to-ring-in-the-New-Year is still quite open. I'll go ahead and lie and say I'm an awesome kisser. If you have any ideas or suggestions, such as, "Hi, I'm a girl and I guess I'll do it," or "If I were you I'd just go to sleep and not go anywhere for New Years because deep down inside of you, you know that this year will be like every other year, and you won't have anyone, as usual." Stuff like that. So yeah, I think that's about it. I'm pretty bored. And extremely tired. Funny story: I got to sleep at 4:30 or so because for some reason I stay up late. And then I wake up at 9:30. Hilarious. See, because of my gay face, I can't really move around too much whilst sleeping, so I can't sleep very long. All I want in this world is to be able to sleep on my stomach. And have a girlfriend. Both would be very cool. At least I can rest easy (get it, because I can't) knowing that in a month or so I will be able to sleep on my stomach. As for the girlfriend: who the heck knows. I sure don't. But I'll be confident and say I'll have one within' a month. Yeah. That's about it. Also, I'm honestly sorry that what I talked about today is all I ever talk about. The thing is, I don't do anything else, so I have to talk about something. Again, I apologize. Laters. And get this: you know that one band Rooney that that I've been talking about? Well I have. For several months. Anyway, I was watching MTV last night around 3 in morn, and I saw they are now a "2003 Artist to Watch." I'm telling ya, I think they'll be big. But let the record show I liked them before they were.

    ¤ Friday, December 27, 2002

    Here's a story: if you ever have jaw surgery, do not do the following: sneezing and yawning. Hurts like hell. Especially yawning, and I yawn all the freakin' time. I really love it. In other news, I realize that new years is only six(!) days away, and if any girl wants to be there to kiss me, I'd be much abliged. Because I'm really desparate. Extremely desparate. More desparate than extreme. That's how bad it is. I'll give you money. And respect, we all know how much that's worth. I changed the colors. I figured I should get out of the so called "Christmas spirit" and get into "New Year's spirit." I didn't know the new year's colors, so I made up my own. It's like a negative of the usual site. And you have no idea how long that took to do. I did it just for you. Yeah, that's all about that. If anyone knows of any jobs that are open, I'm all for it, since I'm not going to college next semester. That's how I do things. Also, has anyone seen those Capital One credit card commercials? If you know what I'm talking about, then what do you think about them? I really hate them. At first, a few years ago when they started this credit card campaign, the bad guys were at least semi-realistic, and they came into view but not into immediate view. In the latest zinger, not just one, but several "yeti's" come out of the snow, and proceed to creep in towards the "seemingly crazy at first because he bought a bunch of stuff on his credit card, but then you realize he is brilliant because he used his damn Capital One card" man. Yeah, they are actually on the deck with the people, and they don't notice. And when he says 'not to fear, I used my Capital One card,' they fall off the roof, and somehow the two people don't notice it. I know if I was outside and something fell off my roof I'd notice it. Anyway, so they they are all retreating and one of the "yetis" says "What's in Your Wallet?" in perfect English. Now, if you'll bear with me for a second, I'd like to explain why that statement should spell certain and immediate doom for everyone who works at the advertising agency that created this winner of a commercial. Okay, the "yeti" is from the Himalayan Mountains, and has been there for thousands of years supposedly. Now, if this "yeti" is so smart that he can learn how to speak English, then why hasn't he taken over the world. Or at least a third world country or two. He's big, he's strong, he can live in the extreme cold, he's tough to kill, he's angry at the world. I mean, the whole fact that he probably can't even speak at all, because again, he would have taken over the world, and the fact that he was in the U.S., which means he's quite the world traveler, really makes me soo angry. I really hate that commercial and wish Capital One would join all the other corporations in America and just go bankrupt. I really hate them. That's all for today. Laters. Also, watch the Iron Chef on TV really late at night. If you're brave, watch it with a girl. I don't know what that means. That's all.

    ¤ Thursday, December 26, 2002

    Hi, I've decided to be positive again. I don't know if I've ever said this, but Thursday is my favorite day. I think it originally became that because back when Seinfeld was on, Thursday was the day to watch TV. If you only had one day watch TV each week, you'd have to pick Thursday. And its carried on to this day. I really like Seinfeld. It's been my favorite show and he's been my favorite comedian since I was in the first grade. That's pretty crazy if you think about. I mean, a lot of my favorite things have been my favorite things since I was that age. Crazy. Normally you change your mind a little when you grow up. Maybe it's because I haven't really grown up. I've been the size I am right now since I was in first grade. That sucks. No but really, if you think about it, and by you I mean me, because no one knows anything about me, so I'll explain. My favorite TV show, my favorite comedian, the way I dress, the job I wanted to have, my favorite color (although for some reason that might be changing), etc. All that crap is stuff I've stuck to since I was in first grade or so. Now, I've shyed away from a few of those, but I returned back to it. Crazy. Well, I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and they enjoyed spending time with their families and realized what the season is really about. That was another positive statement, thus the bold. Umm, well, has anyone been listening to female recording artists recently? I have to say that my favorite is Michelle Branch. She is really really good. I really really like her a lot. I really like her music, and I like that even though it's sort of poppy and whatnot, she wrote the music herself. And she's pretty hot, that always helps. Word on the street is she wishes she had a chance with me. That's what I hear at least. But I wouldn't go out with her because she'd always be on the road and I could never spend any time with her. That wouldn't be cool. Umm, I also like Sheryl Crow. I really have liked her for years. I like her older stuff better, back before she got all poppy and whatnot, but I still like the poppyness. I really do like her; very talented. I also like Eve. I have to say I do. I didn't use to, but I've liked the last several singles of her's, so I downloaded some other songs and whatnot, actually pretty good. I've heard that Pink is pretty good. I don't know, I've never really listened to her, but I've heard from a few people that she's good. Christina Aguilera use to be pretty cool. I don't really have too big of a problem with her new image, a.k.a. the huge slut, but I do have a problem with her new music. This new single that's out: first off she's hideous in it. Her with a tan makes her nose look huge. Now, I know I have no right to criticize someone about their looks, especially their noses, but I'm not flauntin' it, so I feel I have at least a small percentage of a right to make fun of her. But yeah, and the fact that the video is so gay, that doesn't help. I mean, you have an ultra-skinny girl who wants to be skinnier (I've seen that before, move on to something interesting), a scrawny guy who is obcessed with being bigger (just because he is my size isn't what's important, it's the fact that he evidently isn't trying because if you really want to, you can get bigger, i.e. steroids and whatnot, and the second reason is that his walls are plastered with pictures of body builders. If you ask me, and I was honest to God watching a body building show yesterday, they just look really gay and everything. So yeah, the fact that he has a bunch of big guys dressed in nothing but a small pair of bikini briefs (ask me about bikini briefs), that just seems a little wierd to me), and then you have that one guy who wants to be a woman (he should be thankful he is a guy. Even though he would get into college easier, get jobs easier, get out of problems easier, get things for free and cheaper, get whatever he wanted, and all that, he would have to go through the whole period thing, which is enough to make me never want to see a girl again, let alone be one. But I have to admit, he makes a damn good looking older woman), then you have the beat up braces girl (I don't know what this is suppossed to be. I think she's mad because she's ugly. If she's not, she should be), and you have the girl that's burning stuff (I think her problem is that she doesn't like stuff. That's what I think at least). Yeah, so needless to say I don't like Christina. I also like Jimmy Eat World. Clarity a whole lot. It's my favorite album. I give it out to all my girlfriends. Meaning one. You know who you are. Alright I'll name drop, because everyone likes to see their name on the Internet, especially something as distinguished as the Stately Penguin. Rachel Priest. There you have it. Umm, I don't know, I think I'm done, I've typed a lot. Laters.

    ¤ Wednesday, December 25 (Christmas Day), 2002

    Merry mother f'ing Christmas. Mine was soo cool I want to shoot myself in the face. I'm reminded of a John Lennon song in which he says "So this is Christmas." Exactly. Fake happiness and joy for one day, maybe two, then everyone is back to their normal hating. I can't stand it. I was thinking, I'd really appreciate a girlfriend for Christmas. But unfortunately, that ain't gonna happen. See, I've already opened all of my stuff and I didn't get one, even though I specifically asked for one. If you must know, all last night I dreamed of girlfriends. I'm not lying either. It was pretty cool. I was just talking to my "girlfriend" and going out on dates with my "girlfriend" and everything. I really liked it. That's all for today. If someone wants to surprise me with a girlfriend, I would love them forever. That's all. Laters.

    ¤ Tuesday, December 24 (Christmas Eve), 2002

    Here's a story: really late last night, so like, 11:00 or something like that, which is late for me now 'cause I sleep all the time. Anyway, last night I was watching TV, and I saw something that looked cool and I wanted to remember it. So I looked around and beside the chair I was in I found a pen, so I wrote it down on my arm. And I knew I would mark on my arm because it was a good pen. Hold on a second. Okay, I've got the pen now. I don't know why I said hold on, it's not like this is a phone conversation. Or a conversation at all. Anyway, it's a Pilot G-2 07. So it's liquid ink, so I knew it would mark on me. So I get up this morning and look at my arm and is a bunch of dots. Either the percocet kicked in way more than I thought, or the pen didn't write on me. Really weird. Speaking of percocet: I'm reminded of a famous quote. "Life is good when you're on narcotics." I can't remember who said that. I think it was me but I'm not sure. Or maybe that was the percocet talking. Ha. Anyway I've got some great news, the Christmas day parade, which is somehow tomorrow, will be hosted by not only one great actor but two! John Ritter of Three's Company, and Problem Child (1 and 2!) will be hosting right along side George Lopez of The George Lopez Show and the box office smash Real Women Have Curves. I am extremely excited to see this. You have no idea.

    In other news I saw a commercial that was sponsored by the Foundation for Better Living. Freakin' ridiculous. It's not what the name implies, meaning helping poor people and whatnot. No, it's all for being nice to people and shit though. First off, we shouldn't have to have a foundation for that. You should just be nice to people. What the hell is the matter with this country. I really hate when we have to have commercials to tell people how to be nice to people. I also think they are the foundation that keeps telling us that kids can't be held responsible for their actions because they don't know any better. Also pure bullshit. I know the day I turned 18, I felt enlightened because I knew I was a responsible person. But only on that day, not a moment before it. So gay. So gay. I'm out. I hope everyone has a nice Christmas, I'll be thinking of you.

    Hi, I've got a little interactive demo I'd like to try out with you. Okay, here goes: close your mouth, hold your head straight. Now, slowly open your mouth about 1 inch. If a massive pain shoots through your jaw that feels like it is going to break and it makes you gasp in pain, then congratulations, you are me. And if you can open your mouth as directed with no problems, continue to open your mouth as far as you can, and be glad you can do so, you lucky bastard. I hate your guts.

    ¤ Monday, December 23, 2002

    Yeah, get this: I got the bands off my teeth so now I can open my mouth. It sounds cool but it's far from it. Extremely painful, that's what it is. If I move my jaw at all now, it sends a shooting pain straight to my brain. That's always cool. So now it hurts even more that before. Awesome! Yeah, I love that. And I also like the fact that I'm really short. By the way, I'm really greasy right now. I took a shower on Saturday, but that's it. And since my body's been all stressed and whatnot, it's really killing. So I'm extra-greasy. It hurts to take a shower though, so I may hold out until a few weeks from now when everything is "better." Who knows. Well, I've got to go shoot myself in the face, I'll see you later. One more thing: has anyone seen the Christina Aguilera video? She's hideous. And I just found out that Joe Strummer of The Clash died. What a loss, he was one of my favorite musicians ever. Well that makes me feel even better.

    ¤ Monday, December 23, 2002

    Funny story: well, actually two funny stories but I'll get one out of the way before it's too late. Okay, it's currently 9:11 in the morning. I like that. Maybe some buildings will collapse or something, just for me. And then maybe a bunch of Americans can realize that this country is a good one, and then they'll buy a shit-load of flags and put them all over their damn house. Ridiculous. The other story is, Christmas is two days away. Funny because it doesn't feel like it. Maybe because I'm preoccupied with a mouth pain and I haven't bought anyone a single present for Christmas. That's what they get, I'm a struggling college student. Well, not anymore, but you know. If I had a girlfriend, she would have got something really cool. You can be sure of that. I just thought I'd throw that out there. Umm, I've even got one more story: there is this guy from Tanzania who added to his Messenger list, and all he does is talk up how awesome fucking Tanzania is. And he kept sending me links to pictures of Mt. Kilamanjaro. A whole bunch. Then I just finally blocked him. Ridiculous. Funny story: I'm suppossed to get my tight bands off my mouth so maybe I can open my mouth a wee bit. So I'll be able to masticate some soft foods. That should be cool. You have no idea how sick I am of drinking stuff. I refuse to do it ever again. I've drank more than a gallon of milk in the last few days. And I don't really like milk. Oh yeah, add in some freakin' juice too, because I've had a lot of that. So gay. Welp, I have to go my dentist now, I hope you all have fun. Actually I'm lying. I'm going to go to bed. But I do have to go to my dentist's office later. Actually, the correct term would be cranio-facial surgeon's office, not dentist. That makes me sound soo cool, doesn't it? No? Alright, fair enough. I'm out. Laters.

    ¤ Sunday, December 22, 2002

    First off, I'm sorry about not doing anything update-wise today. I've been sleeping a lot. Actually, if you must know, I sat down here about about 3 or 4 to write stuff down and I lost interest. I think I then went to bed. Umm, I am really tired right now, and I've slept like, 8-10 hours today. The thing is, my back's starting to hurt, so it's very uncomfortable when I try to sleep. That and it feels like there is a full-grown man standing on the left side of my lower jaw. Other than that, I feel fine. I'm actually sort of liking it. I've never drank this much milk in my entire life. I drank almost a gallon in a day and a half. That's just how I do things. It's not straight milk though, it's Carnation Instant Breakfast. Which actually isn't too bad, so I lucked out there. If you must know, I just had to wipe slobber that ran out of my mouth, because my whole face is numb, I couldn't even feel it. It doesn't happen very often, but when it does, it's really gay. Another thing that happens is when I'm drinking something, because my lips are numb, it just falls right onto my chest. Hilarious. And I'm sorry to let everyone down, especially the ladies, but I don't think I'm going to look like Brad Pitt. That sucks. I think I'm going to look like Matt Bates, if you must know. Actually, in all honesty, I think it will be more noticable now. The deformity, that is. Because I can tell that my chin isn't straight and whatnot. Now, it's sort of hard to tell the rest, but it wouldn't surprise me at all if it didn't get fixed. Because it would just ruin my whole Christmas and Christmas break, and then it wouldn't even get fixed. That would be awesome. If you only knew how many dates with girls I had to turn down because I knew I was having surgery... Well, let me tell you: zero. Actually, this would even lower my chances because I'm uglier now than before, if that's even possible. And that brings up a great point: I was positive for like, a week and a half, and no girls came into my life. It's all a sham. Ridiculous. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go pick a blood clot out of my jaw, and then try to stop the bleeding to the various stiches in my mouth. Laters.

    ¤ Thursday, February 28, 2002

    Hi, I'm thinking about starting on working on my People webpage. I want to know what you think. Now, I can work on any of them, but it's up to you. Now, I pretty much know every single person who supposedly comes here everyday. And I want an answer from every single on of you. And as far as I know, the people that visit here often totals up to 5-6 people. Now that's not very many, but I still expect to hear from you. You are honestly the reason I'm keeping this going. Because if you'll look at like, a month ago or something like that, I started drifting off and didn't update very often. That's because no one was reading the site, and I got all discouraged and whatnot. But now that I have even one regular reader, not to mention 5-6, I will keep the sitey going just for you. I'm being one-hundred percent honest here. You really are the reason I keep her going. So the least you can do is help me out and tell me which one I should start next. Since I'm not going anywhere over break, I can probably get it completely finished very soon. But I need your input. Please contact me either through email (loser_matt@hotmail.com) or Messenger or whatever. But I'm expecting to hear from everyone. Or I'll kill myself. That's how it goes. Laters.

    ¤ Saturday, December 21, 2002

    Well hello and welcome to a website. I was just thinking, if you want to see something that is freaking hilarious, you should check out Lance McGee's website. I really think it's one of the funniest websites I've ever seen. I honestly think so. Even though he would disagree. I thought I'd update you on my condition: still gay. Umm, I enjoy sleeping, that's what I do most of the time. I also enjoy having sex with girls pizza. I like SR-71 Blackbirds. I like a few colors. I like Volkswagens. I like having a girlfriend. I like being positive. I like talking to people. I like having jaw surgery. Okay, I was lying about the last one. But I like all the others. See, I'm not really that gay, and I'm not really that negative, I just come across that way because my life fucking sucks. But I'll be positive about it and girls will then like me, right? No. It just don't happen that way. Another funny story: I'm not going to college next semester. I thought that was quite hilarious. I have a penchant for not getting accepted to colleges. I like it, I don't know about you though. I also like other things. That's all for now. Hopefully I can finish the whole damn site in a few days, because I won't be anywhere but here. Laters.

    ¤ Saturday, December 21, 2002

    Hi. It's eight in the morning and I'm awake. Why? Because I can't sleep. I sure as heck thought that was hilarious. I also think I'm freakin' retarded. Yeah, here's a story: there's a movie called A Guy Thing coming out January 17. I want to see that. If, perchance, someone wants to see that movie, I'm all for it. I think I'm going to go. One more funny story: I wish I was dead. 'Cause I'm hurting. I think that's about all I'll ever have to say. Other than that I wish I was normal. Yeah, I'm out. Laters.

    ¤ Friday, December 20, 2002

    Here's a story, I thought of this for some reason: The last 4 times I've been to OSU for my dentist appointment, they've played the Goo Goo Dolls song, I think it's called "I'm Still Here." I just thought that was weird. I mean, the last three times I've been there, I was there for an hour or so, so me hearing a popular song on a top 40 radio station wasn't too odd. But this last time I was just passing through on my way for an x-ray. I was there for like, 20 seconds and they were playing that song. Pretty crazy. And I hate myself, I thought I'd throw that out there. Laters, I'm sure I'll be back tomorrow. Unless, that is, my mouth starts bleeding tonight and I either choke on the blood or swallow it and then vomit it up and choke on the vomit. Either way, I'm hoping for one of those two. Laters.

    ¤ Friday, December 20, 2002

    Hi, I'm not dead. Unfortunately. And I am actually just hurting. And I don't have any pain medicine because I haven't picked it up yet. But I get Percocet. That's always good. And I'm not sure, but I think they enlarged my penis. That's always good, also. Here's a gay story, I wish I could say it was a cool story, but of course I would get to mess it up: Okay, when I was in the recovery room, I thought of this joke, and it was honest to God the funniest joke I've ever heard, and I made it up and everything. So I was all excited about that, and I went to sleep and when I woke up I couldn't remember it. At all. Like, I think it might have the word 'brown' in it, but that's it. It makes me really mad. In case anyone cared, I've lost like, two units of blood. Quite cool, because I just got to suction it out with this hose. All night long. So needless to say I didn't sleep. And another thing, did anyone notice that yesterday I wrote "Yeah, if you must no, my..." I didn't even know that I used no instead of the proper know. I don't even know. Anyway, how about this: Howard has my watch, still. I would appreciate it if you gave it back to me, my wrist misses it. It finally got used to it and now its been forced to revive a new friendship with ol' brownie. He's a Timex. So yeah, I would appreciate a nice black Armitron watch for Christmas, Howard. Yeah. I think that is all I'm going to say about that.

    Okay, ladies: I know that about 50 girls visit this site everyday, but I'm very disappointed in your participation of the site. I have things you can fill out, like, oh I don't know, a online girlfriend application. Yeah, something like that. That is all I really want. I don't think that's too much to ask. I know I've said this before, but I figure I should be a shoe-in for a girlfriend if only because Nick Berga has a girlfriend. And I really want one, compared to a lot of these people who are just like, oh well, I don't really want a girlfriend but I'll go out with her, because the bitch won't leave me alone, and because she puts out. Man, I'm nothing like that. Yeah, and this one goes out to everyone. It's a blanket statement: I liked all the emails I got from everyone. I could have died, and I got nothing. Even if you emailed me and told me how much you wanted me to die, I'd still appreciate it. And on that note I'm out.

    ¤ Doomsday, December 19, 2002

    Well, it's currently 6:50 A.M. I'm getting ready to go. Pretty crazy. I want to drink a huge glass of water but I'm not allowed. I really have nothing else to say. For once. I just sat here for like, two minutes trying to think of something to say, and I drew a huge ________. That's a blank. Yeah, if you must no, my biggest fear is that I will pop a boner whilst I'm having surgery. Because it's in an observation room and my mom might be there. And then she'd see my penis. Not only my penis, but my boner. Really weird, because you know that if it happened, no one would say anything, and I'd never know I had a boner, because I'm guessing the doctor wouldn't just be like, well, the surgery went well, you're jaw is fixed, you're wisdom teeth are pulled out, and your boner is 6.75 in. long. So I'm a little worried about that. I'm actually a little nervous. And yesterday I left my college. That was pretty weird. I didn't think it would be too bad, but for some reason a few people made it seem like they cared. That made it all harder and whatnot. Like Paul. He watched me drive away. And that's pretty much all I have to say about that. And Slurrpy kissed me. And since Jared will be reading this: you're f'ing gay. Wow I'm mature. And I think I feel like eating. Hilarious. Umm, I think I'm going to go now. So...I'll probably be back on here Friday. Maybe. Unless I die. If I threw up while I was sleeping, I'll die, because I can't open my mouth and I have to lie on my back. So maybe that will happen. I can only hope.

    So barring any blessings of death, I will maybe be back here on Friday. Yeah. Everyone: have fun today and tomorrow. I'm out.

    ¤ Wednesday, December 18, 2002

    You know, I have to say that I am mildly tired. The reason being is that I am up at 5:17. In the morning. Yeah. I know, I'm so crazy. But I have several reasons for not staying up:

    • I have a bunch of finals tomorrow. Actually, I have all of my finals tomorrow.
    • I have to drive home tomorrow. Driving always adds to the tiredness factor.
    • I am going to be up 'til like, probably 1-2 in the morning on Thursday. This is because I'm going to see a movie. In freakin' Columbus.
    • I am having surgery on my gay jaw on Thursday, so I'm thinkin' I would want to be a little rested up. Of course, I won't be, but that's beside the point. I love it. Funny thing: earlier in this point when I said "gay jaw" I had originally typed 'gay jay' by accident. The "hilarious" thing I was going to do was leave it and then at the end say something like 'Oops, I can't spell...I'm so stupid' etc. Then I realized that would be really gay. So I changed it. But I actually did make a typing mistake at the beginning.

    Yeah, so I don't know if I have told you or not, but I am planning on pulling an all-nighter. And part of another one. Wow I'm cool. Yeah. So I'm thinking this will probably be the only entry that I put in for today. Which is weird on two parts: one, I shouldn't have to say that. A normal person should have enough of a life that they realize it's hard enough to make one entry a day, let alone two. Or three. See, the thing is, I have nothing else to do, so I rely on my only friend: The Stately Penguin. And the second thing is, I'm thinking I'll be busy all day so I won't be able to go on here again. And I know I already said that, but please, let me explain. I originally was going to divide my 'weird on two parts' into the normal person as one and the making more than one as the other. But I combined them. So I was left to make up something, and that never works. Umm, what else do I have to say? Okay, here's one: as of five minutes ago, I had 197 views of the ol' pagey. So that works. That means like, six or seven a day. Crazy. Maybe even more. I like that. Maybe one day I'll have 10 actual people that go to the ol' site. That would be neat, considering I never thought it would be any more than me. I'll take it. And what else to say? Umm, okay here's one. I was reading through some stuff I have saved, and it's Sex on a floor...best way to go. I like that. Good times. Not because I've ever had sex on a floor. Or sex at all. Or a floor. I know what I'm talking about, that's all that matters. Yeah, so I will probably next talk on here after I have the ol' surgery. Anyone notice I've been saying ol' a lot? I did. Anyway, I might be back on here Friday, because I won't be able to talk on Thursday 'cause I'll be in the hospital. Actually I'll give you a pre-surgery update on Thursday morning. Either way, I should be able to update on Friday, unless I get lucky and die during the cranio-facial corrective surgery. We can only hope. Also, if anyone would happen to ever want to email me about anything, I would be all for it. I get like, maybe 1 email a week from an actual person, and that's usually from Kris. Don't worry Lance, I didn't forget that one you sent me (wink). Yeah, and all you ladies: you can email me too. And I'm freakin' going to stop since I'm writing a freaking book here. Wow. My earlier entries were like 'Hi, I hate myself.' Now I say the same thing, but in just way more detail. I'm sorry for that. Umm, laters.

    One more thing: and this is a stretch. In case you were wondering, I have made several other sites before. The biggest one I've ever done before this would actually be the first one I made. A long time ago. I mean, I last worked on it back in my sophomore year of high school, but it evolved over probably 3 or maybe even 4 years. And it's all HTML, all the time. And I did it on my own. That's why it sucks. But anyway, in case you were wondering why I brought this up: I was looking at it a few days ago for some reason, and I've come to the conclusion that I have not matured at all. None. It's ridiculous. And I really thought I was immature back then, and I am still the same. I think the scrolling banner of "Brandon Davis Loves Men" should give it away. It's bad enough I wrote that when I was the oh-so-young age of 16, but now I've graduated and aged 3 years, and I say the exact same things. I don't know what my problem is. I guess I am destined to be freakin' gay all my life. Yeah. Oh yeah, the site: if for some reason you wanted to see it, and keep in mind that I haven't updated it, other than the message on the homepage, since 2000. But either way, you can visit My World by following that link. I've warned you. And the funny thing is, I have the exact same views and interests as I did then. Wow I hate myself. I like to at least think that my writing has improved. I think I can express myself much better now. And holy crap that was two whole sentences of positivity, and I didn't even mean to. Wow, maybe I'm changing. For the better. Umm, I'll freakin' stop now. Laters, again.

    ¤ Tuesday, December 17, 2002

    Hi. Have you ever heard of Ben Kweller? Well, maybe you should. Umm, I would like to point out that I am freakin' cool. In case you forgot, bold wordings are my positive statements. I have to make three a day. Yeah, I would like to thank everyone for their lovely comments about me. Favorites include:

    "Well, you officially suck penis, thus making you gay." -Lance McGee
    "Good job hating everything. Love the website. Makes it obvious why you don't have a girlfriend though..." -Some funny person who can't even leave their actual name.
    "I don't like dirty hairy penis's!! You are confusing youself with me."** -Kyle Thomas
    "You are extremely gay." -Kris Hill
    "Get away from my window and stop spying on me." -Countless girls to myself.
    "I love you so much." -Matt Bates (He's narcissistic)(Actually, he's lying, he hates himself)(Why do I keep typing in (Parenthesis?))(I don't know)

    **Kyle Thomas was also quoted as saying "Ouch, that penis is ripping my butthole open. I told you not so much force." and "Hi, I'm Kyle and I am addicted to male porn." and "I get girls only because I use it as my cover." So you be the judge about what he said about me. I mean, he can't even spell yourself, somehow thinking it doesn't need that r in it. I mean, you make the decision, but if it were up to me, I wouldn't even let him live. But that's just me.

    ¤ Tuesday, December 17, 2002

    Get this (and this is very 'get this' worthy): Okay, I've heard from like, more than one person that they look at my site everyday. How hilarious is that. That someone is interested enough in my life that they will waste a few minutes of theirs to check out this site - now that's classic. Yeah, but that's pretty cool anyway. Another thing: if everyone (I say this like thousands of people are reading these words) will focus their attention to the Guestbook, you'll notice I have a private message. Now, what is in that message is quite personal, but I just wanted to point out that I have one. To the person who wrote it: Thanks, I always appreciate stuff like that. Seriously. Always cool. I feel like I owe you one for making me feel so cool. Now, everyone else: don't go all hopping on the bandwagon by leaving private messages, only hoping that you will get this kind of recognition. It just plain won't happen. So, thanks. You're the first person in the world to ever be cool. And supposedly you come here everyday, so hopefully you'll see this and be like, wow this man is too cool. I doubt that though. One more thing: It's 5:48 in the A.M. here, and I'm still up. Because of that, I would like to say that I will most assuredly (spelling?) leave another post. Also, one more thing: this website has been on Geocities for exactly one month, and the total viewership was 156. And none of that was me. So I would like to thank everyone. I love you all. Especially all of my so called regular readers. One more thing, and this is the last one I promise: okay, this is an interractive question also, so I'm sure you're excited about that. Yeah, presuming everyone here is using Internet Explorer, I would like everyone to take a look in the lower left hand side of this window. Would there happen to be something that looks a little like this. Because if you are, you aren't alone. And I can tell you what is causing it: it's the damn Cascading Style Sheets. Now, if you will turn your attention over to the right hand side of your screen, some of you will notice that the scroll bar is super cool looking. That's because of the CSS. And also when you move the pointer over a link and it underlines it or whatever, that's also the Cascading Style Sheets. And damn IE keeps saying it loaded the page...but with some errors. It's only jealous that it can't be made with so few errors. So it's out to get me, like the rest of the world. I'm done for now. Good bye.

    ¤ Monday, December 16, 2002

    NEW COLORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Hi, I'm Matt and I just redid the color scheme on the ol' homepage. I thought it needed something new. See, I changed it because a few girls signed the ol' guestbook, so I thought I would accomodate them and make the site pink (hexadecimal code: #FF6699, for all you HTML men out there). Well, I changed it, and I figured I might as well get with the season and make it Christmas colors. That brings up a great point. Christmas.com is a website that sells stuff. It's a good thing Jesus Christ was born, because without him, our economy wouldn't get that huge spike in sales every year. See, the thing is, everyone has forgotten what Christmas is about. I mean, you can't even go to christmas.com without seeing the commercial aspect of the "religious" holiday. The only reason Christmas is even around is because of Christ. We should see it as that, and nothing else. It isn't called Christmas for nothing. And what that means is Christ's Mass. That's what it means, and what it should be. Not fucking Santa Claus. Not at all. I could go on with this but I won't. Sometimes I like to rant about various things on which I have strong feelings, and this happens to be one of them. I did it about the U.S.'s policy on "protection of the world," a.k.a. globalization. If for some reason you wanted to read this, it can be found somewhere around the beginning of October. And if for some reason you are thinking that I change my entries to suit new times and feelings: I don't. I write how I feel each day, and the only time I make changes are spelling errors and whatnot, because everyone knows that I wouldn't make something as big as a spelling error.

    And one more thing: I only got on here to say I changed the color, and look what happened. Horrible. And I'm not going to make my three positive remarks again because 1.) I already did that today, and 2.) I don't feel they would fit in with my rantings about the true meaning of Christmas. Sorry. Laters.

    ¤ Monday, December 16, 2002

    Have you ever waited for something to happen for 15 years, and then you realize it's going to happen in 3 days. Quite a weird feeling. Quite. I really don't know how to explain it. The thing is, I don't know if I'm excited or not. I mean, I have waited for 85% of my life, you'd think I'd be sort of excited. But I don't know. That's just weird. So am I. Anyway, I would like to say that I have to take every single one of my finals on Wednesday. That's pretty gay. But I'll be positive about it and say "at least I am finished with them all in one day." I think I'm going to start saying three positive phrases a day on here. I mean, "If I am blessed to have the ability to make a website, I should use it." You know? Yeah, so I think I'm about done for today. I'll see talk be on here tomorrow. "I hope you all have a great day on God's beautiful Earth*."

    * Earth should be capitalized, because it's a planet, but it seldom is. Non-capitalization is wrong, but even The Merriam-Webster dictionary doesn't capitalize it. Crazy.

    ¤ Sunday, December 15, 2002

    Well ladies, you don't visit here. See, the thing is, I was going to say something directly to the ladies, but they don't show their face on my website so I guess I can't. Well, I guess I shouldn't say that because it doesn't sound positive. I should say: I love girls and they are beautiful. I love hanging out with them, they're just soo cool. Now, that's not a lie either. I think I've said just about all I have to say for today. I don't know, that's just how I do things. I have to say I'm done with that. Oh yeah, by the way, I have started my final week of Non-handicappededness. Crazy. Okay, laters.

    ¤ Saturday, December 14, 2002

    Good afternoon. I am sitting here, as usual. The thing is, I can't even type standing up. I can, but it's extremely slow. And no one likes to type slow. At least that's how I feel. I am for some reason using a lot of italics. Wait, italics. That's just how I feel. If you've ever read The Catcher in the Rye, you would know what I'm talking about. J.D. Salinger uses all kinds of italics, and he does things like italicize only part of the word, emphasizing only what you would actually emphasis in real life. Personally, I think it's brilliant. Here's and example: "They don't do any damn more molding at Pencey than they do at any other school." I really like that, because if you think about it, when you say that word, you only emphasize that part of the word. You don't emphasize the -ing. I don't know, I'm probably wrong in assuming that it is cool. Who knows? Yeah, but that's why I always use italics. And I try to italicize the emphasized parts of each word. I'll stop for today. By the way, this is my 3rd day of being positive, and I'm loving every minute of it. I'm out. Laters. By the way, someone said I'm cynical: I'll take that. Now I have a reason for negativity.

    ¤ Friday, December 13, 2002

    HOT OFF THE PRESSES!!!!!!

    Hi, I'm Matt Bates, and I am sitting at home on a Friday night. That is always good for the self esteem. I also would like to say that I have done one cool thing today. I beat Paul (that's a kid who goes here) in NCAA Football 2003, and the thing is, he beat me in the National Championship game last year. So the victory was extra sweet. The thing is, we were tied in the fourth quarter, he had the ball, was at about the 15, and dropped the ball, and I recovered it. Then all I had to do was get into field goal range, wear the clock down, and kick a field goal. Well, I get in range, and with like, 30 seconds left, I fumble the ball, he drives all the way down the field, curtesy of hurry up offence, gets to the 10 or so, and runs out of time. He did hurry up offense and was going to call and audible to kick a field goal, and ran out of time. So we go to overtime, I get the ball first, I score and kick a field goal. He does the same. Then he gets the ball, scores and kicks a field goal. I get it and score a touchdown, and opt to go for two, and I get it. Sweet victory. Oh yes.

    Another thing: this three updates in a day is a new record. I have nothing else to do so I thought I'd put another in here. The thing is, I am treating you, and by you I mean the webpage, like a journal. As a side note, I am now talking directly to my web site I guess, which is just plain weird. Anyway, I am treating this like a journal, but also not. Let me explain: I am writing on here everyday, and I am generally writing whatever comes to my mind, spurred by whatever happened to me in that day. In that sense, it is like a journal. But it differs far from one because I don't tell my actual inner feelings. I mean, you get the surface feelings. The 'man I'm really mad's or the 'i hate myself's, but you don't get the 'I really like _____' entries and whatnot. 'Cause for some reason I actually have a journal, I think just because I have nothing to do. And in said journal, I tell my actual feelings. On everything. So if anyone ever got ahold of it, they'd know how I actually felt. And I'm not going to lie or anything and say that it is much different from what you read on here. But I think it's way more honest, and also more in depth. But still dumb. I'll give you that. I don't think it is anywhere near funny though. 'Cause I know I'm the only one that will ever read it.

    ¤ Friday, December 13, 2002

    I told you I'd be back. See, the thing is, I just failed a test. Normally, I would piss and moan on here about it, but positive Matt says "At least I have my health." So I would like to say that I am working on totally re-doing the ol' site, because I figure it's time to step into the future and stop using only HTML, which by the way means Hyper Text Markup Language (if that doesn't get the ladies I don't know what will). I am going to use a little bit of XML (eXtendend Markup Language) but mostly Cascading Style Sheets (CSS). This will hopefully help in things such as: when I update a link on the site, it changes it around on the whole site. That seems cool. Because then instead of having to sort through every page, I can just change one and everything changes. That's awesome. And I think I'm just about done. I'll probably be back on here yet again, because I just love everyone. Laters.

    ¤ Friday, December 13, 2002

    Alright, I am feeling extra positive today. I would like to thank everyone in my life who has helped get to where I am today. I would also like to thank the lady, actual five ladies who got in front of me in the photo department today. That extra 15 minutes of waiting was well worth it, because now I have less than 30 minutes to type my 1000 word paper on the rise and fall of the Roman Empire. I love it. I can honestly say that makes me extremely happy. I also want to say that I love everyone in the world. I love my car also, and I hope I can keep it for the rest of my life. I love real cappuchino and I also love it when I am popular, which even though it hasn't happened yet, I'm sure it will and I'm sure I'll enjoy it. I hope all of my viewers, which somehow have surpassed the 10's mark, have a lot of fun on their weekend. I'll be thinking about you and hoping you have the best of times. That is all for now. I will see you later. Goodbye and goodnight. P.S. I'll probably be back here later and update, but that's just how I do things. Laters.

    ¤ Thursday, December 12, 2002

    Okay, riding on some input from some girls, I'm going to be positive on my website. HIV positive, more specifically. Actually, just have a positive attitude. I wish it was HIV positive 'cause that would mean I was going to die. And I'm not off to a good start with this positive crap. Okay, I'll start over. Well, it is a beautiful day outside. I really enjoy the fresh, crisp winter air. One day, when me and my wife and my kids are sitting in a room, I'll think of the cool winter air outside, and then I'll tell my butler to go outside and just chill out in the cool air. His name will be Alfred, like from Batman. But yeah, then I'll call up my work and tell them the President of the company won't be in because he's taking an indefinite vacation, then I'll just gather up the wife and kids and travel around the world. That will be soo cool!

    Wow, I love everything. I sometimes like to just sit and remember all the good things that have happened to me in my life, and then I sometimes take a nap. I want to be a successful architect. The new confident Matt also says that I will be a successful architect. I also will have a cool house and cool cars and cool kids and a cool wife and a cool life.

    In case you were wondering, I thought I'd change a few things around. Going on the advice of Kris Hill, I decided to change the main colors to pink. He said he liked the colors on my Non-Handicappededness page. And now that I have had confirmed sightings of girls on the sight, I thought I might accomodate them and make a pink site, because we all know that girls like pink. Right? Right. Well, I have to go. I have a orthodontist appointment. In Columbus. I love Columbus. I also love nice days, which today is one.

    ¤ Wednesday, December 11, 2002

    Here's a story: when the hell did hitting the ENTER button on a keyboard equal hitting the SPACE bar? I don't know, but they've changed it to that here. 'Cause I've hit it several times just in my updating of my site today, and it's done it. Now, you have to hit ENTER twice: one to move the cursor a space, then another to move it to the next line. Another thing: just when I think my life has plateau'd out, it gets worse. It didn't really plateau, because that means you were on the rise, and then it stops. Mine was just hovering above its lowest point, but it wasn't quite there. Yeah, so if you for some reason cared, you can ask me. This is not only because I don't feel like typing anymore, but also because I'll treat it as an experiment to see who all reads this and cares enough to ask me. It's really gay though. REALLY. I'm so pissed because of it, not to mention I was already a little pissed, but that's beside the point. Laters.

    ¤ Tuesday, December 10, 2002

    Well, the word on the street is that I don't really want to have a weird jawline, but also don't want it fixed 'cause it's going to hurt like a mother. That's always cool though. I also enjoy the fact that it won't make me any cooler. I also enjoy the fact that the computer I am on is extremely slow. That's freakin' hilarious. This sucks like no other, but the computers were at least fast. Now it's slower than a dial up, which is just plain unacceptabe. I think I'm going to have to steal something from here, just because of that. I would also like to direct your attention to the left. I put in a new section, entitled "New Stuff." At least that's what I think it's going to be called. I haven't actually made it yet, but I probably will. So if you look to your left and there is nothing there, don't worry about it. All it means is that I'm too lazy to put forth enough effort for it. But I think I will do it. That's about all for now. Sorry and laters.

    ¤ Monday, December 09, 2002

    Well, I was at BG yesterday, pretty cool stuff. I would have had more fun talking to Kris if he hadn't been so busy gettin' some from a girl. So I just sat around. That's how I do things. I believe I might possibly be considering the chance of me getting my hair cut. That would be crazy. And also weird. And again crazy. My dentist says: "Matt, you are the hippest cat I've ever seen. You probably make all ladies cream." Okay, I made that up, but it would be cool. 'Cause when I'd walk by girls they'd just go "uuuhhh," and cream right in their panties. I'd enjoy that, 'cause it would be enjoyable. That is all. Laters.

    ¤ Saturday, December 07, 2002

    Here's a story: Cody is a cool guy. I realize that he is way cooler than I am, and I will never have anywhere as much game as he will. Jeff is a cool cat though. He looks like Ben Stiller. I like Muppets. And flowers. Kris is freakin' gay. I really hate him and I want him to look more like Gene Wilder. 'Cause Gene Wilder is cool. And I hate him. I also like Seinfeld and girls. I like that. That's all. I'm at Bowling Green, and I am currently getting a blow job from a girl pizza from Papa John's. That is all.

    ¤ Friday, December 06, 2002

    Here's a story: I am freakin' tired and can't sleep. I hate that. It happens all the time. You know what else happens all the time? Absolutely nothing. That is what my life consists of: being tired and can't sleep and doing nothing. I hate my car. I more specifically hate my car's driver side control arm. It's really gay. And I also don't like myself. I was looking in the mirror today for some reason, and I've decided that I look extremely gay. I actually think I look more like a girl than the 12 year old boy I am. And that brings up another hilarious point: I look like a 12 year old boy. I know I just said I look like a girl, but you know what I mean. More importantly, at 19, I should be considered at least a young man, if not a man. Instead, I go to the movies to see a PG-13 movie and get carded. I love that one. Looking like I'm not even old enough to be a high school freshman, let alone a college freshman. That's just soo funny that I want to shoot myself in the face. And Howard: I don't care what you think about me saying stuff about not getting girls and whatnot. How's this: man, I want a girlfriend really bad. Girls don't like me because not only do I look young (see above), but I also act immature and am not outgoing at all. Not to mention that I have no game at all. None. And then the funny fact that I hate myself. That's always good. And that I am sooooooooooooooo ugly. And the fact that I am sooooo scrawny. And the fact that I am soo ugly. I said that twice 'cause I really want to emphasize it. And I also hate myself. And I have no money. And I have a crappy car. And my parents don't like me. And I am blessed with a small penis. And I am clumsy and non-athletic. And I make a horrible boyfriend, I would pretty much gurauntee that one. That's always a plus. I would like to say also that I was lying on yesterday's entry where I said I had a girlfriend. 'Cause I just wanted to be able to say that even once again. That I have a girlfriend. And I'll stop. How was that Howard? 'Cause if you want, I can do that everyday. I'm sure I can continue to find more things wrong with myself. So just try me. I'm out.

    ¤ Thursday, December 05, 2002

    What's that? Two entries in a day? Yeah, don't get all excited, I've done it before. Besides, the first one doesn't even count, because they are just little snipets of truth. Anyway, here's a couple funny stories: I have a girlfriend, that's one. She's really cool. I'll talk about her more tomorrow, 'cause I'm in a hurry. I just wanted to say I officially have exactly two weeks until I go under the knife. That's a cool person term for surgery. I will no longer have to be ugly and live with the effects of being handicapped. If you haven't heard the story, I have hemifacial microsomia. Now, mine isn't that bad, but it just as well could be! And by God it is considered a medical handicap, so I want some damn respect here! Okay, I'll stop. So yeah, two weeks till I look like Brad Pitt. That's who I requested to look like. Okay, Laters.

    ¤ Thursday, December 05, 2002

    • Hi, my name is Kyle Thomas. I can get girls and whatnot, but I don't know who I'm trying to fool. I actually love hairy penises. I don't care how big, as long as they're hairy. And dirty. Dirty is always better. I just thought I'd say that. Since I'm the first person on here, I don't really know what to say, so all just stop now before I tell too much. Later.
    • Hi, my name is Kele Waaland. I can get girls, and I know who I'm trying to fool. The girls. You see, I am gay, but if I can trick the girls into thinking I'm not, then they will like me. I like to spend my time going to art shows, soaking in mud baths, and eating parsley. I am sooo cool.
    • Hi, my name's Matt Bates and I am not going to lie. I'm not only not cool and stupid, but I also can't get girls to save my life. See, I'm not gay, but one might think that if they perused through my desk drawer. Wait, I mean they wouldn't think that. Crap. Anyway, I enjoy fishing and hunting, and riding ATV's and chewing tobacco. And boots. Gotta love the boots.
    • Hello and I'm Cody Marshall. I am tall and blonde, and I get girls. In my spare time I model for Calvin Klein. I also enjoy eating cake and smoking pipes.

    ¤ Wednesday, December 04, 2002

    Fucking hilarious funny story here: I fucked up my fucking car. And if you didn't think that was very funny, ask Andrew, 'cause he sure thought it was. It would be to him, because he's not the one who has to pay for anything. The car's mine, so I get to take care of it. He just gets the free rides. And there for a while it wasn't quite free 'cause he was helping with the gas, but that's also stopped. So sure, it should be funny: Matt fucks up the car, the only thing he has to worry about it who will drive him around to places. Cause he sure as shit ain't going to be paying for anything. So why the hell would he care if I don't have a car. I'll tell you why: 'cause that would just inconvenience him and now he'll have to find a ride to places. So yeah, fucking hilarious to him.

    ¤ Tuesday, December 03, 2002

    Well, I think I've gone about as far as I can with Matt Bates. I can't take it anymore. So, in a few minutes, I will end it. From now on you will call me T-Bone. That's a little idea I got from Seinfeld. Because said that about himself, and Jerry was like, "Is this a suicide notice or a change of name.." or something like that. I don't really know. Yeah, but it was funny, and I'm not. I wanted it to sound like a suicide proclamation or something, cause then all my loving and concerned readers' jaws would be all dropping and whatnot, then they'd cover their mouths and maybe even gasp. Then they'd read on and realize what the whole story was, and then this feeling of relief that flows over their body like an orgasm. Ha, I like that. And speaking of orgasm, that reminds me of something I forgot to do whilst taking a shower today. I have to go. Laters.

    ¤ Monday, December 02, 2002

    Yeah, a little observation I've made: I start almost every writing and whatnot out with an "Okay." I have no freakin' reason why either, but I do it all the time. You'll have that. Well, it's official: I'm really stupid. I don't know why it was never official before right now, but it wasn't. I've just made it official. Actually, if you want to know the whole story, the application process is long and confusing. So I actually applied for the title a few years ago, but you know how slow democracy is. It had to go through all these different courts and departments, and they all had to get together and vote. Takes a long time. But it's official now. Sweet.

    ¤ Sunday, December 01, 2002

    Okay, I have a few things to get off my chest. Alright, everythings off. Now let me say something: First, I was in an amazingly bitter mood on Thanksgiving, wasn't I? Oh well, that's how I always am I guess. Yeah, second, I for some reason have stopped daily working on the ol' site. What is that all about? I mean, I spend three months perfecting the way I want the pages, trying to write all the content and the programming language, and then when I finally do, and all I have left to do is just essentially fill in the blanks, I can't do that. I have no clue what my problem is. Yeah, that aside, I have to say that I don't like where I'm going. To college, that is. So I am going to be going to maybe Bowling Green next semester. If, that is, I get accepted. Cause I have a very bad problem with getting accepted to colleges I want to go to. Hopefully that will work out. Nothing I've had in the plans for this year has worked. If you want to know, I'll list them, in order of occurance, starting with January 1, 2002.

    1. I was going to dress all normal. That lasted for about three weeks to a month. I have no clue why I stopped. It might have been because my resources for the clothing were being sapped by #2 (below).
    2. I wanted to have a girlfriend for at least the majority of the year. All hope lost there. I thought I was going to actually fulfill this one. Of course I wouldn't, though. I'm way to gay for that. It would be cool to try for next year though...
    3. I was going to go to OSU. That one was stopped on March 27 when I found out I am too stupid to go there. Yeah, so that one didn't work. The coolest part I thought was that I had wanted to go there since I was in second grade, and it wasn't just because I thought they were cool. Even in second grade I had done my research on colleges, and I thought it was the best because it was large and offered a wide selection of majors should I change my mind.
    4. I was going to get a job over the summer. That didn't work, because of a combination of things, like I didn't care about anything anymore. That can be attributed to numbers 2 and 3. Other things factored in, but I think those were the big two.
    5. I was going to get a job whilst in college. I don't know why I didn't do that. I'm just lazy.

      So, you see, I really hate myself. And to top it all off, I get to have surgery in...18 days. Hell yes! Because word on the street is you can't eat solid foods for several weeks. That's soo cool that I want to crap my pants. Wow. I really can't wait. And it's a great way to spend my Christmas and New Year's. Hell hell hell yes! It got three 'cause I'm so exited. Maybe that will get me girls though. Maybe.

      ¤ Thursday, November 28, 2002

      Happy fucking Thanksgiving. Another fucking year where we are to be "thankful for all the good that has happened in our life." Fuck that. When something good starts happening to me, and stays that way for more than a short while, then I'll be thankful. I could always say thanks for my legs or something, but so could 6 trillion other people. So really I have nothing to really be too thankful for. That's all for today. I like today for the food; that's it. The rest fucking sucks. Be thankful...fuck that.

      ¤ Tuesday, November 26, 2002

      Yeah, first off, I'd like to say that I like Coldplay. I thought I should put that out there since evidently some people don't know this and then they get all inquisitive and the like, as if I had previously said that I didn't like them, or that I hadn't said only a few days before that I really liked them a whole lot. Evidently that doesn't count as liking them. Also, I would like to state that I am dire need of a girlfriend. I am starting to slip more and more into my usual depression. It's seriously killing me. My theory is that all I need is a girlfriend, because at the time I had at girlfriend, I was cool with everything and was in a much, much better mood. That and I just want to have one for some companionship: I am a really big loser and never do anything, and having a girlfriend to talk to and do stuff with on the weekends and whatnot; that would just be great. And I'm starting to make a list of things to not do, such as be so negative all the time and the like. Cause no one likes that.

      ¤ Sunday, November 24, 2002

      Alright, so I went up to Columbus to watch Ohio State kick Michigan's ass. Anyway, so whilst I was up there, I acquired a large piece of sod from the field. That was pretty cool. Then I got a girlfriend. Okay, I was lying about the last one. Yeah, so like I was saying: then we hung around for a while, and we were right by where the riots were and such, and it was really cool because they were shooting these wooden pellets called "Knee Knockers" at us. That was cool. We collected a bunch of them. And then they fired tear gas at the crowd and such. But we had already ran out of there like little girls, so we weren't around for that. We just had to watch. I really liked it cause it was so freakin' crazy there. I wish I would have tried to go there for college. Wait, I did, but I'm stupid. Anyway, word on the street is that I could really use a girlfriend like no other. That would be cool beyond all belief. I really wish that I could just get any girl to pay attention to me. And like me and such. That would just plain be freakin' great. I'm always open for the ever popular girlfriend application. I am still taking them in case all you girls thought I had changed my mind or had stopped taking them and what not. No, I'm still looking. And as an aside, I am typing extremely fast right. Maybe some of the fastest I've ever typed in the last few years. Maybe since my freshman year of high school when I took a typing class. That was pretty fast then, and I don't think I'll beat it. Yeah I think I've worn out my welcome. Somehow, because it is my website, and one would think that I couldn't wear out my welcome on my own damn website, but either way. Crazy shit. But I still think I have. I hate society. They're always kicking you off your own website, just when you are starting to get the hang of things. That's all. Laters.

      ¤ Thursday, November 20, 2002

      Get this fucking story: I fucking got a fucking speeding fucking ticket. That just fucking makes my day. I think that's about all I have to say about that. Fucking bullshit.

      ¤ Tuesday, November 19, 2002

      Here's a story: today I had a Thanksgiving style meal. It was freakin' awesome. That was a huge change. And then to top it off, I went up to get a piece of pumpkin pie, and of course they had none. That ruined my life. Seriously. I can overlook the ugliness, the gayness, the smallness of my penis, the stupidness, the baldness, but not the lack of pumpkin pie-ness. That is just too much. I hate it. On a lighter note, I lost a few pounds. Actually I didn't, but I figured that would make sense because I just said "on a lighter note." Actually, the note is that in exactly one month, I am fortunate enough to have my jaw all cut up and stuff. That's going to be great. They're going to cure what is called Hemifacial Microsomia. So I'll be like a normal little boy then. That will maybe be weird. I think that the Hemifacial Microsomia is the reason girls don't like me. Once I get the old surgery done, I should have a very strong resemblance to Brad Pitt. That will be great, cause then not only would I be really hot, but I'd also be a freakin' great actor. Yeah. Sweet. I can't wait.

      ¤ Monday, November 18, 2002

      So for some reason I went to Civictour.com, and then I clicked on View Your Concert Photo. Then I typed my email address in the blank, and I looked at my picture of me and some friends at old Incubus' concert. That was great. One of if not the best concerts I've ever been to. That's always cool. Umm, I think that's all for today. I'm pretty gay. And tired. Laters.

      ¤ Sunday, November 17, 2002

      Word. I really like the movie Casablanca. Or should I say Casablanca. Or should I say Casablanca. I don't know. Either way, I like it a lot. It's maybe one of my favorite movies in the world. It ranks right up there with You've Got Mail (You've Got Mail, You've Got Mail) I really think it does. And that is amazingly high honors. That's 'cause that movie is mother f'ing awesome. I want to become a heroin addict. Then I'd be cool. Not really. Actually, I don't at all. And another thing: my hands are freakin' freezing. Heck yes. If you get what I meant when I said "heck yes," then you are one of like, two people other than myself, and you also aren't reading this site, 'cause you have better things to do than read an amazingly gay COOL kid MAN. Okay, that's all about that. But yeah, my hands are so cold it's hard to type. And one more weird story: I woke up and was sitting on the couch, smokin' a blunt of course, and my mouth just started bleeding, but I never found out where it came from. Oh well. That's all.

      ¤ Saturday, November 16, 2002

      Yeah, I posted my last entry last night, and at the time I thought it was past twelve, but after I got done, I checked and it said it was only something like 10:00 or something. Yeah, so. I'm a big loser who has nothing to do on the weekend. Or ever. But anyway, I figured this would allow me to make another entry. I don't have anything specific to say, but I am surprisingly doing nothing, so I thought I'd come on here and do this. For some reason. Umm yeah, so how you doing? Sweet, same here. And that's the truth, even though I didn't hear you answer. See, 'cause, let's say that you would've replied with a "I'm great." Well, I would have said that also, because when someone is happy, the last thing they want to hear is that someone else isn't, because that means that they'd have to then listen to someone they probably don't like anyway babble about why they are sad/mad/depressed. So I would have said I was feeling great also. And if you would have said "I'm very depressed," I could reply with the same, because I always am. I don't know why either. But that's the truth. And I can cover any other emotion with that, because the others are all negative, and I'm always having shitty emotions, like depression, sadness, madness (not the band), grief, sorrow, pity, regret, remorse, no depth perception, shame, small feet, ugliness, stupidness, bad eyes, etc. So, that is the reason why I can always say that I am feeling exactly how you are feeling.

      Anyway, I would like to say thank you to my Ohio State Buckeyes. I almost had to denounce you because you almost lost. You pieces of shit. Speaking of pieces of shit, I hate my college. I don't think I'm going there next semester. Actually, I'd rather go nowhere and save the money, 'cause it just plain sucks. And I want a girlfriend. That's about it for now. Laters. I'll talk for a long time tomorrow also. That's just plain how I do stuff.

      ¤ Saturday, November 16, 2002

      Okay, I am right now reading what people, and that's girls included, find attractive in people. Actually, it's what they find sexy in people, which is even better I think. Anyway, the first one is looks. Now, while I may not have the best vision out there, with corrective lenses a la my glasses or my contacts, I rank right up there with the best of them in "looks." So that is one in my favor. Second is smarts. I falter in this subject, but I think I am at least semi-capable of maintaining an in-depth conversation. So that's two down. The next one is laughs. I think my laugh is sort of dumb, cause it varies a little bit and such, but I laugh all the time, so I should have a high ranking in this catagory also. The last one is self-confidence. This one I won't lie about: I don't have any. But three out of four should mean that 75% of the girls in the would should find me sexy, or at least attractive, or at least appealing, or at least eye-catching. Or at least existent. That's how I do things. And when you figure that WAY more than 25% of the women in the world I will never see, then that should guarantee that every girl in the United States and Canada should be attracted to me. So ladies, now that I've opened your eyes to this one, I would like to say that I am still taking applications for the position of: Girlfriend. You can send them my way by either emailing me, or just talking to me about it. Chances are I will like you, so it wouldn't hurt to try. Actually, you'd only be hurting my feelings if you didn't try. Thank you and I WILL hear from you soon. Right? Right.

      ¤ Friday, November 15, 2002

      I had something that I really wanted to talk about here, but I completely forget about it. I have to say that I am really gay, I'll throw that one out there. I also would like to say that I really really want a girlfriend. That's what I really want. Seriously. And I've moved everything from my website from gay Fortunecity to cool Geocities. That's how I do things. Tired of the bullshit problems with gay Fortunecity. So I moved. To cool Geocities. Laters.

      ¤ Thursday, November 14, 2002

      So I haven't been able to sleep very well for several days, so I figured I'd try to use a few sleeping pills to aid in my sleeplessness. And I slept until like, 3:15 or something like that. And it wasn't so much that I was tired, so much as that I was sleeping in this crazy deep sleep, and it was just pretty cool. That's why I kept sleeping. Oh well, you'll have that. I'm gay, but what the heck can I do about that. Nothing. Laters.

      ¤ Wednesday, November 13, 2002

      Well, I would like to thank myself, Lance, and Kris. And some girl named Michelle, for signing my guestbook. You guys are great. I would also like to thank Wrigley's for making Polar Ice gum, which is the best gum ever I think. I would like to thank Aberfoyle for making some great water. Keep up the good work boys! I don't really have that much to say. I have been working on sleeping the night away. I think that now I am going to go. I'll talk again to you tomorrow.

      ¤ Tuesday, November 12, 2002

      I remember this one time when this guy was walking down the street, and then he went to open a door to some business, and the door was locked. That's a pretty cool story. I always like telling that one. I think I'm starting to like wearing hooded sweatshirts instead of cardigans. I know. It hurts me as much as it hurts you I'm sure. The thing is, ever since the old yellow one I bought last year, I've liked them. Now I have this gay gray one, and I like it too. They are just comfortable. Umm, but I'll try to keep the cardigan revolution going strong though. Because it was a revolution. I know that much.

      ¤ Monday, November 11, 2002

      Odd story: OSU is number one in the BCS. That's very weird. I really don't think anyone really could have predicted that one. Weird. I like that though. I'm thinking that I might have to punch something again, because my knuckle has healed from Tri-Valley homecoming time, when I punched the light in my car and it cut me. And it scarred, which is what I'm after. I like scars. So maybe I'll work on my left hand. Yeah. And while I'm at it, I'm going to work on my website. Laters. New things I've worked on: I now have my Top 20 albums rated. That took forever. Actually it only took a few days. I should say that it took forever for me to actually do it. Yeah. That's about it. Look for me to get a whole bunch done in the next week or so. Laters.

      ¤ Sunday, November 10, 2002

      Here's a mother f'ing story: I don't know. I was going to put something there because I thought it would be cool, but I didn't even have anything in mind for it. I would like to say though that I am always depressed. How about that for cool. It's crazy. I'm like a light switch: one second I'm okay, then the next, my switch shuts off, and I'm depressed. I hate it. I really do. And one more thing. I really a job. I don't know. Other than that it seems that's what I should do, I just want one to keep my mind off of being depressed. I'm out.

      ¤ Saturday, November 09, 2002

      Word on the street: Ladies love a sharp dressed man. Okay, and on that point, I dressed up yesterday in my standard outfit of shirt and tie, and no ladies even acknowledged me, let alone loved me. And I really want a lady. Actually, if you really want to know: whilst I was in Columbus, several people made fun of me. I don't know why though, cause I was just dressed up. Maybe they were making fun of the fact that I tie my tie in the "Four-in-hand" style instead of say, the more popular "Half windsor." I don't know. Either way, what's up with that. Oh well. Either way, I think that I might start dressing up a lot. I like that. Okay, I think I'm going to work on finishing el site. I would like to have it done by the end of this year. Keep checking here, because I think I might change the ol' color to maybe orange or something, sometime soon. Okay, Laters.

      ¤ Thursday, November 07, 2002

      Okay, first off, I've been working on the website for once. That's about it. I redid some of my music ratings, and currently I've rated my top six albums of all time. I hope to finish four more by tonight. I think I'm going to do five a night, then I'll work on the other albums I own. I think I'm going to start by rating all of the albums of bands that made it onto the Top 20, such as Blink 182, The Beatles, Weezer, etc. Anyway, that's about it. I figure if I do that, I can have all my albums rated semi-soon, and then I'll move onto other people. Umm, I think then I might move onto people. But then the problem is I have to take pictures of people. Maybe I won't. Either way, I think I want to get this shit site done by the end of this year, then I can just update things as I go. But enough about that.

      I slept all day today, except I had to get up early this morning for a stupid class. Other than that though...I slept. When I was in class, I started thinking about graduation for some reason. That got me depressed as hell. It really did. I don't know why either. Umm, that's enough about that. I don't like Mountain Dew because it leaves a really bad taste in your mouth after you've drank it. I don't know. Alright, I'll stop.

      ¤ Wednesday, November 06, 2002 *#2*

      Yeah, I think that I am going to go ahead and make history here by making two gay entries in one day. Yeah. Umm, I wrote a bunch of crap this morning. I don't know. Either way, I would like to state that I like the three entries in the ol' guestbook. Nice. If I haven't already thanked you for them, I'm sure I will. And I'm talking to you, Kris and Lance. Wow I'm gay. Either way, I would like to let you know about the status of my girlfriendship: it doesn't exist. I don't think it ever will again. Okay, I think that's all for today. Yep. Laters.

      ¤ Wednesday, November 06, 2002

      Okay Lance, an update. I only have this page done. I don't have anything else even finished at all. I started working on the music page, but now I can't access it, so what I'll have to do is delete them and make them all over again. So what does that mean exactly?: I'm never going to make them cause that's a lot of work. Nothing else is even started. I also switched over to a nice, beautiful Meg Ryan picture for the pictures that I don't have of the exact subject. Okay, enough about that. Here's a weird story: I got up this morning all early because I had to write a several page paper that's due at 1:00. So I get up, go eat, and then I couldn't work on my paper because there was some class in the computer lab. So I went to the lounge or what have you, and I read some more of The Catcher in the Rye, which happens to be my favorite book. Anyway, so I'm reading this book, and I get all feeling all weird. Like, really tired but also slightly sick feeling. So then I finish reading and I go to walk over to el computer lab, and I was all stumbling and had blurry vision and such. It was like I was drunk, which was really weird. Cause I wasn't. Okay, Laters.

      ¤ Tuesday, November 05, 2002

      I think I'm going to get a job. Finally. I would like to just be able to not do anything and get money, but that's just not how things go in this world. Dammit. Either way, I'm thinking of going to sleep. I was at Wal-Mart today, and I almost bought some sleeping pills, because that way I could just go right to sleep, but I a.) figured they would I.D. me, which I didn't have with me at the time or b.) didn't want to spend the time/money looking around for the right pill. So instead I'm just going to take a double dose of Nyquil. I really don't like my existence. And on that note, I'm out. Phrase of the day:"Nothing attracts a crowd like a crowd." Think about that one.

      ¤ Monday, November 04, 2002

      I really don't know. If you want me to tell you, I have to say that I don't like college. I really don't. It just depresses me. Can't explain it. I wish I was just like everyone else and didn't feel like crap all the time. I really don't like it. Either way, I want to fucking die. Other than that. I'm fine.

      ¤ Sunday, November 03, 2002

      What About Bob?. That was the movie that I got the line from yesterday off of. Another thing: I really enjoy reading The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger. It's my favorite book ever in the world. I also like You've Got Mail, it's my favorite movie ever. I like it when people sign my guestbook. I think. So far I don't know 'cause no one has. And if this entices the ladies any at all: you can leave a private message that can only be read by myself. So if by any chance at all there is some girl in here that wants to say they like me, go right the f ahead and do it. I'm tired like no other. I'm tired. I just said that. Laters.

      ¤ Saturday, November 02, 2002

      A dog, a log, a frog, a poodle, a noodle, a doodle. That's from a movie. I like it. I can't remember what movie, I just thought of it though. I like BG, it's really cool. WAY cooler than OVC. Way cooler. That's pretty much it. I wish I was cooler. The air here is cooler. I'm out. Laters.

      ¤ Thursday, October 31, 2002

      Okay, first off, I'd like to wish everyone happy Halloween. And that brings up two points:

      1. I am the only one to ever see this site, so that means I didn't have to say that.
      2. I almost wished myself happy birthday when I said happy Halloween, which would have been crazy cause I know that that was more than a month ago.

      Yeah, and the other thing is, I have decided that I have been getting soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many girls asking me out, that I need a better system for it. I've chosen to go with an application system. I'll explain below.

        The rules for dating me.
      1. You must be a girl.
      2. You must like me.
      3. You must not treat me like crappy.
      4. You must actually want to go out me.
      In return for this, I will try to be a good boyfriend and such. My reasoning is that girls should be respected/treated like girls. I think that is a good idea, but I am probably wrong.

      Now, if I haven't narrowed it down to no one, you can email me. This goes out especially to you, Matt. I expect at least two email from you about how much I like me. Okay, I will. One more thing. My teeth hurt amazingly bad. And I'm amazingly cold. That's all. And notice that I used two lists. I just felt like it. That's how I do things. Laters. Yeah, one more thing. I just put it on here. Sign my guestbook.

      ¤ Wednesday, October 30, 2002

      Okay, I'm thinking that I wish I was cool. Maybe one day... I like computers, and I sort of like the black ones, but the standard beige has a nice appeal. I want to see one designed in the Art Deco form, or maybe the Streamline Moderne. I like that kind of stuff. I must be crazy. I like You've Got Mail. It's my favorite movie. I like Clarity by Jimmy Eat World. It's my favorite album. I like other stuff also. Blue is my favorite color. I like blue cars. I want a girlfriend. Thinking about that makes me blue. See, I just tied my previous sentences together. I am doing a stream of consciousness thing so whatever pops into my head I write about. I want to live in a cave, but have cool furnishings. No, scratch that. I want to live in a castle. Not something stupid like in Scotland or these chateaus in France. A full size, Dark Ages era castle. One where it has a moat, an outer wall, with the rooms inside of the walls. And it has a very large courtyard and a keep. That's where I'll live: in the keep. That's all for today.

      ¤ Tuesday, October 29, 2002

      I'm thinking that being sick is not cool. I hate it. Mainly, I want to be cool. I think that I want to be a fast runner. That would be neat. I also want to be a successful person. But I'm lazy. That's about all. I want to be an architect. I'm positive of that. Maybe not also. I don't know. I also would like to be a Computer Systems Analyst. That's pretty cool, but I don't trust tech jobs. Alright, I'm done for today.

      ¤ Tuesday, October 22, 2002

      Yeah, I feel like crappy today. I've had a sore throat for a few days, but now I'm just really sick. I hate everything. And to make it worse, I made some hot chocolate that I borrowed from this kid down the hall, and it really sucks. It is amazingly watered down. And I drank a bunch of Nyquil for some reason, and I don't know why. It tastes horrible and it makes me feel like crap. So yeah, all of done today has been sleep; that's pretty much it. I never really realized how much I hate being sick, but now I have. I am amazingly shaky, way more than usual. It's really hard to type cause I'm that shaky. And I have a bunch of hard classes tomorrow, so I can't miss them. I hate myself. Maybe I'll die in my sleep or something. One can only hope, cause then I wouldn't be alive. I think I'll just hope for that. And speaking of sleep: while I was sleeping today I had this crazy dream about this girl. It was pretty crazy cause she liked me and stuff. Pretty weird. I love dreams. Laters.

      ¤ Monday, October 21, 2002

      Yeah, word on the street this morning was that they caught the sniper, but that just turned out to be a fluke. I didn't figure this guy was that stupid. My theory is he'll pull a Jack the Ripper and just disappear. Cause if I was a killer, that's what I'd do. Kill a bunch of people and then disappear. Maybe move on to somewhere else. Sort of in a Unabomber sort of way. Except I think I'd kill in a totally different way, that way they'd never know it was me again, and they'd just think that it was someone else trying to copy me, and then after it was all said and done, I'd release to the world that all the killing was me. That is probably how I'd do it. But that's just me. I really really really really want a girlfriend. That's about it.

      ¤ Friday, October 18, 2002

      I'm thinking that today is getting better than most days. I think the only reason that would be was because I went to my Western Civ class and he just took attendence and let us leave. I am ecstatic about that, cause I don't really like the class. I'll say that much. I also sleep a lot. It's ridiculous. I stay up till 3 or 4, then have class in the morning. I hate it, I'm always tired. I was thinking that soon I am going to start a nice regiment of going to sleep around 12 or 1, then getting up in the morning and running, then eating breakfast and everything. I will never do it, but it would be cool if I did. I think I am about done with everything that I'll ever do. That is all.

      ¤ Thursday, October 17, 2002

      Yeah, I gots nothing at all to say. I think that girls are dumb cause they are either a.) stupid, b.) slutty, c.) stuck up, d.) stupid. That's pretty much all I've got to say for tonight.

      ¤ Wednesday, October 16, 2002

      Yeah, I had this crazy dream. I'm not going to talk about it, it's more for me to remember, because I think I'm going to start keeping a journal, and I thought that would be a good first entry. Not just saying I had a dream, but the content. Either way, I really don't have all too much to say. I mean, I've said what I could. My entries on here are ALWAYS something like: "Man, I need a girlfriend," or "Man, this is a problem with the U.S." I really don't like anything that I'm writing, especially since they are all the same. Ha, I just realized that all I ever talk about are love and war. Weird. That's how I live, you know? Love, then kill, then love. Not really at all. I'll stop with that.

      Yeah, I'll talk about music or something. My favorite album is "Clarity" by Jimmy Eat World. I have been listening to an amazing amount of Dashboard Confessional, Pedro the Lion, Death Cab For Cutie, and Keith Welsh. What do they all have in common? They are all depressing. I really don't like being depressed but what can I do. Get drugs for it? No, that costs an amazing amount of money, plus I have to go to the doctor and talk to them and crap, which just ain't happening. I think my only solution is that I will have to take up alcoholism. I can then talk to people, including girls. It's amazing. I come out of my shell, but not so much as too seem abnormal. Not for a normal person. Most people drink and then they are all stupid and gay and stuff, but I as talkative as a normal person would be sober. And that's how I want to be. The weird thing is: most people drink so they can get some, but I would drink so I can just be normal. Crazy. And I'm thinking that if I just drank enough to loosen me, that No one would be able to tell. And I would just have to drink a few times a day. I really might have to do that. Crazy. Laters.

      ¤ Monday, October 14, 2002

      Word of the day: Pax Americana. See, I'm studying the Romans, and since they had the Pax Romana, I figured that the name is fitting. The U.S. is starting to institute this as a way to get an empire going. See the thing is, the United States wouldn't really be able to support itself from its bases that it has in the Middle East area, so they need some more. Once they defeat Iraq, they will install several military bases to "keep the peace." Once that's finished, they will be able to easily take over Iran, which will probably be next on their list. Ayatollah Ali Khamenei is already deemed a threat to the area, and I'm sure that the U.S. will be able to fabricate a few lies to make sure that Americans don't get too upset about what the military is doing.

      So yeah, that's all for today. I think I'll probably have some more for tomorrow, but that's all for now. Laters.

      ¤ Friday, October 11, 2002

      Yeah, I couldn't say anything yesterday cause it wouldn't let me in. Oh well, I chances are I would've talked about one of two things: wanting a girlfriend, or the corruptness of the United States Government. Yeah, tonight, I'll say something about girls. I've made a small list of reasons why I NEED a girlfriend. Here goes:

        Reasons I NEED a girlfriend:
      1. I want one.
      2. I am more agreeable when I have a girlfriend. This can be verified by my friends who knew me whilst I was going out with the one girl I've ever actually went out with.**
      3. Food tastes better when I have a girlfriend.
      4. My outlook on life is way better. I actually don't mind being alive.
      5. I don't feel like such a loser.
      6. It gives me something to do. I never do anything ever, and when I have a girlfriend, I can say "No, I can't go out to the movies with my friends tonight, I'm going out with _____(my girlfriend's name).
      7. Motivation: I kept a job, and I was getting ready to get a job, and then she broke up with me, and I lost all reason to do anything. If I had never had a girlfriend, I wouldn't have lost the motivation to work, because I didn't have it to start out with, but once she screwed me up, then I lost all hope.
      Yeah, the whole thing is, those are the reasons, so I feel that is my reason, nay my requirement to have a girlfriend. I forgot to say, I think they'd have to be blind also so they couldn't see my face.

      ** My only girlfriend ever was Rachel Priest. I liked her a whole lot and I think that she liked me. She lost interest in me after approximately 3 months, 3 weeks, 3 days, and 18 hours, give or take a few hours. Not that I was keeping track. Thus, on June 22, my only true relationship ever ended. And that also hurt a lots and lots.

      ¤ Wednesday, October 09, 2002

      Did you know that the U.S. has developed a laser that will be on a reconstructed Boeing 747. The cool thing is that it can track a target and then shoot it down, all on its own. The other thing is that it costs $10,000 a shot. Every time they fire the laser, 10,000 tax dollars go down the drain. You'll have that though. Here's something I just thought of: the end of the Cold War was bad for this reason; now the United States has no one to keep them in check. Before, the people didn't care so much that we had all this technology, but as soon as the Soviets had it, then everyone cried and said that we needed to make a bunch of treaties and stuff. Now that the U.S.S.R. is gone, there is no one. Up until now, even when the U.S. economy was skyrocketing, there wasn't too much military spending because we "had no enemies."

      But now we do, so now we will do whatever it takes. We've already okay'd the ability for the FBI to search anywhere in the U.S. without a warrent, but only if they "have sufficient evidence that there is illegal, terrorist activity happening." That means that if the government wants to search someone, they just go: hey, this guy once went to a website about terrorism. Ridiculous. But I've gotten off of the point. Oh yeah, we've also started to mesh the FBI and the CIA, which is the worst thing the U.S. intelligence community has done in its existence, in my opinion. They are separate for a reason. And it's a good thing. The CIA has a bad history of doing whatever it takes to get what it wants, but the FBI is limited by US laws. Now we get the CIA in here, and they will do whatever they want, cause they aren't dominated by the same laws.

      Another thing is that I firmly believe that the United States knew about the coming attacks on the World Trade Center. I was reading that the attackers had connections to Pakistan's ISI, which is their military intelligence, who in turn have strong ties to the United States. The head of ISI was "visiting" the U.S. on September 04, and a few days after Sept. 11, it was announced that top level Pakistani officials were meeting to discuss the incident. Coincidence? I think not. I do not think that the Bush Administration is being too honest with it fellow Americans. They've got a little bit of stuff they ain't telling about. I think they are using this "war on international terrorism" to initiate its global domination plan. Think about it: first we get Afganistan, now we are going after Iraq. After that is done, we will probably just use those military forces to go ahead and polish off Libya. Freakin' amazing. That's my theory at least.

      Okay, I think that maybe I'll stop. I've said enough for one day. Maybe I'll try to update all this tomorrow. Cause I still have a lot more to say. Laters. And when I say laters, it sounds like I'm talking to a bunch of people, but I know that I'm just talking to me, Kris, and Lance. But you'll also have that.

      ¤ Tuesday, October 08, 2002

      Well, I don't remember what it was that I wanted to say, but trust me, it was pretty good. We'll leave it at that. I think maybe I'll stop ever doing anything cause it never works. I like coffee. I don't like chocolate stuff that goes in the coffee. That isn't good. I like wearing toboggans. They seem like they might actually be pretty cool. I also like wearing hooded sweatshirts. Enough about me.

      ¤ Monday, October 07, 2002

      Yeah, I have this theory that says I'm really gay, and I really think it is true. Actually, I just don't like myself. I actually had something really cool to say here, but I completely forgot it. It was really cool, I swear. I think that's nearly everything I've to say. Maybe I'll remember later. Peace.

      ¤ Thursday, October 03, 2002

      The thing is, I don't really have anything else to say. I've pretty much said everything I have wanted. I don't really know what I want from me. I don't like that.

      ¤ Wednesday, October 02, 2002

      Word on the street: I really really really want a girlfriend. I have been formulating a theory, and here it is: I used to have a girlfriend who was in high school. In addition to really liking her a whole lot, it was also cool because she was young. Not baby young, but young meaning everything was still in its perfect prime. The older a girl gets, they more things get ugly, and I know that I am ugly and all, but I still can have high hopes. The thing is that I just want that. A high school girl to love me. I would be content with that. And I have this other theory that girls are just attracted to college guys, because Katie Meadows and Erika Sharp both went out with an amazingly gay guy, and he was also ugly, so maybe I still have a chance. That's all for today.

      ¤ Tuesday, October 01, 2002

      Didn't update in a week, what's that make me? Freakin' awesome cool. The weird thing is: nothing was missed at all. I think that I enjoy golf. It is pretty relaxing, and if I get a little better, I'll be all set, cause I'm not looking to be really good, just a little good. Bogey every time wouldn't be bad. The other thing is that I want a girlfriend so amazingly bad. I think that would be really cool. And a girl that actually likes me, that would be even cooler, but also not necessary, because even if she didn't like me, she would still be my girlfriend. I think that I would like to invest in futures. That is gold, silver, wheat, corn, heating oil, the like. If you can read the graphs to perfection you will almost always make money, because they follow a yearly sales rate almost to the tee. I like Tchaikovsky a bunch. He is my favorite composer probably ever. At least one of them. But probably most favorite ever. I also enjoy a nice blowjob. Actually I wouldn't know anything at all about that. I do like Dashboard Confessional though. And girlfriends. I think that's all for now.

      ¤ Tuesday, September 23, 2002

      I like stealing other people's stuff. I also like eating Wendy's. There was this one time when I used to have this really cool keyboard, and everyone thought I was really cool and stuff. And everything was gravy. What that has to do with anything? I don't know. I'm pretty dumb some times.

      ¤ Monday, September 22, 2002

      I do not like the ancient Greeks. Really gay, and I don't understand them, nor do I want to take a test over them. That's about all for today. I also don't like sardines or and fish. I do like ice cream AND ponies. Big ponies, but not really small ones, cause they are sort of dumb. And they look like large dogs.

      ¤ Sunday, September 21, 2002

      I don't like myself at all. I wish I was either dead or someone else. Cause that would be way cooler than I am. That's all for today.

      ¤ Saturday, September 20, 2002

      Yeah, today I went to maybe the coolest golf course ever. Minus the ever, and add in I've ever been to. That is about it for today.

      ¤ Friday, September 19, 2002

      Yeah, I am also tired today. I think I'm going golfing again tomorrow, cause I'm a golfer now. I think that's all. I don't like school. Go to CustomInk.com, it's really cool. That's all.

      ¤ Thursday, September 18, 2002

      Yeah, I don't have much to say. I am tired and gay. I won't say too much tonight. I think that I'm way too white. Word.

      ¤ Wednesday, September 17, 2002

      I don't like my life. The more I am alive, the more I realize this. And recently, I've wanted nothing but a girlfriend. One that actually liked me would be a plus, but not a necessity. I hate me. Umm, I don't like math either. I like tennis: it's a pretty cool sport. I'm not good at it but I try sometimes. I also like to drive. Alone. It's just cool. Especially at night. Actually, probably only at night. In the day people can see you and stuff and it's hotter. That's not cool. I like the night because of that reason.

      ¤ Tuesday, September 16, 2002

      Yeah, I went to stupid class at 8:30. That was maybe one of the non coolest things ever. That is all maybe that I have to say. Okay, that's not all. First off, I had a bunch of weird dreams. I can never have any cool dreams. Good stuff doesn't even happen to me in my dreams. Just bad stuff. Like I was talking to some girl, she'll remain unnamed, but everything seemed to maybe be going okay, and she was going to be my girlfriend, but then she just left me alone. I guess that's how it is. My dreams mirror my real life. Another one was that I was standing around talking to my friends and such, and they just all left me standing there. I hope that doesn't mean anything. Another one had something to do with trees, but that was just a weird one and I don't really remember it at all. I don't know. I guess that's all. One more thing. I really want a girlfriend like no other. I'm outers.

      ¤ Monday, September 16, 2002

      I would have to say that maybe Con Air is the worst movie ever. No, I don't think it was worse than Mission: Impossible 2, maybe not, but it was really close. That was the biggest waste of two hours ever, because I could've been sleeping. Anyway, that was the coolest thing to happen to me ever. Not at all actually. That's all.

      ¤ Sunday, September 15, 2002

      My first true golf game of my life: pretty good stuff. After I finally found a course that was open, I played like crap, but still managed to beat my gay uncle, cause that's who I was playing. That's pretty much it. I think I could become a golfer, cause that is just a cool sport. Also, Lance, since you are the only person to ever go to this site, I would like to thank you for your support and for the PR that you do for this site, because I'm sure that you tell everyone about it. Actually no. Laters.

      ¤ Saturday, September 14, 2002

      I went to Easton today, good stuff I guess. I went to Buci di Beppo's today, not good stuff. Overpriced, crappy food. Cheesy decorations that try to make it seem like an Italian person's home. The way I see it is, Italians are viewed as being very fashionable, but this place looked like a first grader just thought all the pictures would look cool, as would the Christmas lights and the blue outdoor carpet. I went to a Crew game, that was okay. They won, which I guess is always good. We saw some guy doing something funny, that was pretty cool also. I saw One Hour Photo, that was also a good thing. All in all, a bunch of stuff went on today, and I'm going to die.

      ¤ Friday, September 13, 2002

      I came home today, that wasn't cool. I didn't get a nap, that wasn't cool either. I also don't like myself at all. I would like to say right now that sleep is very important. So is sleep. And add in having a girlfriend, cause that would be cool if that ever happened again. I saw Stealing Harvard today. Funny stuff. I like it a lot. That is all.

      ¤ Thursday, September 12, 2002

      I skipped a class today and I went golfing at Minibel, a golf course that is pretty much some guy's backyard, with some shorter grass for the greens. The tee boxes are artificial turf, and you could probably get by with nothing but a pitching wedge and a putter. Ridiculous.

      ¤ Wednesday, September 11, 2002

      I don't like school. I don't like teachers. I don't like food. I don't like girls. I don't like boys either. I don't like people in general. I don't like jocks. That's all for today.

      ¤ Tuesday, September 10, 2002

      Here's a story, I went to a driving range today. That was the highlight of my day, cause I've never been golfing ever. You'll have that I guess. Cause I'm gay. I don't know, that's all now I guess.

      ¤ Monday, September 09, 2002

      Maybe one day I will be able to say, "I enjoy a nice pistrami on rye," but at the moment, I've never had one before. I don't think it sounds good, because I think I've had rye bread before, and it just plain sucks. I want to be asleep, but you know how that goes. No sleep for me until I am amazingly tired. The TV is still there, and it is still cool. Today I got a crochet book, so that's good. Yeah.

      ¤ Sunday, September 08, 2002

      Yeah, I couldn't work my magic this weekend, so maybe I will have enough time to do it next weekend. And no, it's nothing cool, like doing something with a girl or something like that. It's making a light/counter top for our sink in el dorm. I think that's pretty cool. We bought a huge TV today and it is pretty awesome. I have to say that I really like it even thought it is not even silver. Oh well.

      ¤ Saturday, September 07, 2002

      Word on the street is that I am one cool dude. And that street happens to be my room. Anyway, Tri-Valley lost in soccer, and I'm glad to hear it. They're too cocky and didn't even want to play. Ridiculous. Okay, another thing is: I don't like big pillows. Somehow, my pillow enlarged in the week or so that I was gone, so now it's too big. Needless to say, it was like I was sleeping on a really fat person or something, for some weird reason. I forgot to say that my pillow turned into a human also. Anyway, that is all. No magic this week, maybe next.

      ¤ Friday, September 06, 2002

      Yeah, for some gay reason, I am amazingly tired. Maybe cause I just drove for a few hours. Or maybe cause it was only an hour. Either way, I'm tired. Chi Chi's in Parkersburg only employs gay males. That was funny. I also didn't like the food. Or the butt sex. Wait, that never happened. Okay, I also just want to have some money and a computer and a cool car and a girlfriend and a penis. Okay, I think maybe that is all I have to say. I don't like math, and I also don't like stupid people, that is all. Laters.

      ¤ Thursday, September 05, 2002

      Umm, I wish that I wasn't here. There is this gay kid named Slurrpy, and he smashed a brownie on my window. It was really gay. But so is he, so I shouldn't have been surprised. Umm, The Catcher In the Rye is the best book ever. I likes it a lot. I also like sleep, and I have done that twice today, and plan on doing it one more time today. Sweet. I also like the fact that I am very small and scrawny. That is just freakin awesome. Not really. I'm out.

      ¤ Wednesday, September 04, 2002

      My first week of college, summed up in one word. Amazingly freakin' gay. More importantly, it wasn't really that bad. My first five days or so were gay, but since classes actually started, everything is going pretty well. I hate girls, cause they are loud and crap. I also like cool couches and Seinfeld. I think that those two in combination are the best things in the world. I also like Britney Spears. Cause she's hot. I also like tennis and pencils. Cause you can erase them. Pencils, not tennis.

      ¤ Tuesday, September 03, 2002

      Umm, yeah, don't know nothing. I think that I want to go to sleep but I really doubt that I will I would also like to just be doing something other than this, but I also will not do that. You see because I have nothing else to do. I will never do anything other than nothing. I seem to enjoy it. On the plus side, everyone thinks me and Drew are funny. That's always cool. I also like the fact that I can do stuff and people laugh. That is also cool. I would have to say that maybe one day I will find that special person that will know just what I want. A nice sloppy wiener and some Pepsi with no ice. And we bought a couch today for a grand total of $5. It's maybe the coolest thing I've ever acquired. It smells really bad but nothin' a little Febreeze won't cure. Yeah. Good stuff.

      ¤ Monday, September 02, 2002

      Yeah, today was the gayest possible day of my life. We had to do some gay skit and act all gay. And we had to get up at gay 7:30 for no freakin' reason. Then the gayest thing of it all was that we had to do gay orientation. It was the gayest thing ever. I really hate everything. I want to sleep thats all. And the really cool thing is that I have to get up early in the morn to go to class. Why am I so gay and why is my penis so small. Two questions I will never be able to answer. That's all for now.

      ¤ Sunday, September 01, 2002

      I played tennis today, and I have to say, that I don't like my life. I don't like the fact that I am not outgoing and that I am very small. I also don't like people who invade my space, like the girl that is right beside me right now, cause she is doing that. I don't like that at all. I also don't like the fact that I can't act mature for anything. I thought that I was getting better at it, but I don't think so anymore. And this freakin' girl keeps reading my screen. Back off bitch!! Okay, yeah, I don't know. I think that tomorrow I am going to wear my peach polo shirt. I like it cause it is cool. Word. I was originally going to try to impress people a little about how I dress, but now I just don't care. I wish I was still in high school like no other. I wish I could still be there. It was so much better. The kids were more harsh, and they actually made fun of people. None of that here. It's ridiculous. I'm out.

      ¤ Saturday, August 31, 2002

      Here's an amazing story. I have absolutely nothing to do. I don't even know why I am alive, I really don't. Maybe I won't be for very long, and I'll luck out and be dead soon, cause my life is amazingly boring. I hate Andrew more than anything in the world. I am doing nothing and loving every minute of it. Actually no, I am doing nothing and hating every minute of it. Why is Pepsi so darn tasty? Ben Kweller is cool, I like his style. It's gangster. Word. Logitech really knows how to build a mouse. Heck yeah. That's all for now.

      ¤ Friday, August 30, 2002

      Yeah, contrary to what most people think, I'd have to say that college is amazingly boring. I have done nothing but nothing today. I really hope it gets better. Cause I'm freakin' going insane. Before college I had no life at all, but this has still managed to be even more boring than that. I really don't like it. I don't play tennis or anything, I just sit around. I really want a couch, and I think that if we get that really cool one, it would be really cool and people would think we were the coolest people in the world. But that will probably never happen, so I guess I'll always have to just sit at my desk and do nothing. That is all for now.

      ¤ Thursday, August 29, 2002

      Here's a story: I am sitting in college today. I am saying this because I want to tell myself that, because I am the only one going to this site ever! Oh well. Either way, I wish I was a cool guy. I thought I would be when I got here, but I'm definetly not. Umm yeah, I hate everything and everyone and I'm never going to eat another fish sandwich again. Especially if it is a pike, cause that is my favorite fish in world wide ever. Okay, I think I am done but maybe I will be back some other day, meaning tomorrow. I want to sleep but I never can, so I guess I just have to stay awake whilst I am here all the time. Nevermind, I'm leaving again, never never eat fish sandwiches. Ever.

      ¤ Wednesday, August 28, 2002

      Yeah, get this: I am going to college today. I think it's weird cause it's weird. I am tired like no other and I don't like being tired. Yeah. Okay, I am tired and just plain tired. I will be up all day, and I have to drive for like, an hour or so too. That won't be cool. Anyway. I don't like school. I miss high school. David Bay and all his friends hate me for some reason. I don't know cause I have never done anything to them at all. I don't know. I have a pube on my arm. Okay, it's gone. I think I am going to just try to be a cool guy. Maybe no, but anyway. I don't know. I want a couch that is at Goodwill. I am tired of fake people. I was reminded of this when I went into cool guy mode and went to both the volleyball AND soccer game. Oh well, I don't really care. I like Ben Kweller. Good stuff, a lot of it. Anyway, umm, I think I might have to go in a minute cause I have to take a shower. Crap. Okay, yeah, it's been real, I hope to finish this site at least semi soon. But that won't happen, cause it is way harder than it seems. Laters.

      ¤ Tuesday, August 27, 2002

      Alright. I think that mainly I am pretty stupid and such. Here's a weird story: I was takin' a nap yesterday on el couch, and I woke up, but not just hey, I woke up. It was one of those jerk-yourself-awake-like-you-are-scared things. I don't know. Anyway, so I wake up, and about five seconds later, the phone rings, and I was like, hey, that's weird. Then I went to sleep again. And again I jerked awake. So I was all mad, cause I kept waking up, so I close my eyes to go to sleep again, and the phone rang again. Then I went to sleep, jerked awake yet again, and the phone yet again rang. It was weird. What's that called? Clairvoyance? Yeah, I think. Anyway, that was really weird. So to celebrate I had a popsicle. Good stuff. I don't know. Yeah, tomorrow I leave for college, and that is really weird, cause I should not be going to college. 1.) I look like I should be a freshman. In high school. 2.)I am as mature as a freshman. In high school. 3.)My penis is the size of a sixth grader's. I think that's all I have to say today. Maybe one more thing: Lance McGee is a penis and he loves penises. Word. Laters.

      ¤ Monday, August 26, 2002

      Hey man, welcome to el gay site. I think that I am going to just try to type crap that just flows out of my mind, which it does often. Cause I like how I wrote in my journals in English, cause it was stream of consciousness. Good stuff. Maybe I'll have to do that. I like Phantom Planet for some reason. I don't know. I want to get a new computer. Kris Hill is always on Messenger, as am I. I like the colors blue, orange, green. I like penguins a lot. I don't really know why either. I don't like my shoe cause it smells like dog crap. That's cause I stepped in some earlier, and I don't want to wipe it off cause then my hands will smell like it for years. Okay I'm finished. For now. Man, I backspaced and re-typed that f on the "For now" about 10 times. I kept putting a lowercase f, no matter how much I tried. I now hate my uncle and wish pain upon him. He's really gay.

      ¤ Sunday, August 25, 2002

      Yeah, I think that Kris Hill is not cool, that is my thought of the day. Also, if I can wax philosophical on me, I would say that it seems like I graduated a long time ago, but it also seems like I graduated very recently. That was cool, because at the time everything was going freakin' great. Wow, I never really thought about it, but here's a list as to why.

      • I just graduated, I had my life ahead of me.
      • It was nice outside all the time.
      • I had a girlfriend, and that was cool beyond belief.
      • I was going to Myrtle Beach in a week.
      • I was going to a Dashboard Confessional concert in a few days, with said girlfriend.
      • I was going to an Incubus concert in a few days also, with my friends.

      Good stuff.

       


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