Polyamory |
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- loving more than one person - polyamorous relationships are NOT always sexual - polyamory and cheating are *NOT* the same thing |
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So, what exactly is polyamory, you ask? Well, it's the concept that it is perfectly OK to love more than one person at a time, and act on those feelings. Folks who are polyamorous, or open to the idea, often have several relationships going at once. They don't always have sex with their polyamorous partners. (Not every relationship, anyway.) And they're always totally open with EVERY partner about the fact that there are other partners. If this last part doesn't happen, it's pretty much cheating. (Unless, of course, you're in a relationship where the other party says, "I don't want to know.") |
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How do you get started with the polyamorous lifestyle, you ask? First, you make sure you're TOTALLY honest with partners and/or potential partners. Second, you be yourself. Also, it's a good idea to lay down "ground rules" with your primary partner. For example, your current girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife would be your primary partner. When you open the idea, some "rules" that may come up could include: |
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(Keep in mind that these "rules" are often very fluid throughout a relationship. They may change, but always communicate with your partner(s) and keep their feelings in mind.) *(A bisexual person may here this one.) "I don't mind if you have same-sex relationships, but I'm not comfortable with opposite-sex relationships. *"Before getting into a serious relationship, I'd like to meet the person, so we can make sure we're all comfortable together." (This can be very important. Any friction between folks, even if they aren't the ones DIRECTLY involved, can ruin the whole balance.) *"Always use a condom." (This should NEVER be compromised. Respect yourself, and your partners. If you happen to forget or have a condom break, BE HONEST. Your partner deserves to know.) *"I don't really want to hear any details about the other partners." (Many times, until a person gets completely comfortable with it, they don't like to know what goes on without them.) "I don't mind you having deep relationships with other people, but I'm not comfortable with you having sex with anyone else." (Again, this is one that you should respect completely. When your primary is more comfortable, you can discuss it again.) |
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Like I said, every relationship (and set of relationships) is different. Personally, I've been involved in a poly relationship where we both knew, and were OK with, the other person had other relationships. Yet, the relationships didn't intertwine at all. Currently, my relationship situation is just the primary relationship (my husband and I), but we have discussed it, and are both comfortable with adding another woman, but not with adding another man. (Either he or I could find a girlfriend, but I don't want a boyfriend. He's straight, so he doesn't want a boyfriend, either.) We are also open to adding a couple, provided all of us are COMPLETELY comfortable. |
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What's the difference in being polyamorous and cheating? Quite simple, actually. When you're being polyamorous, you're honest with everyone involved, and no one objects. When you're cheating, you're being dishonest with one or more partners, and/or one or more partners know about your other partners, but don't approve. If you can't base a relationship on respect (of each other, of each other's wishes and limits), then why have it? |
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(Please remember if you use these that sex isn't a major factor in polyamorous relationships.) |
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So if someone says they're polyamorous, they've just found a nice way of saying they sleep around (and getting away with it), right? No... not every poly relationship includes sex of any kind. Some are sexual, some are purely emotional, some spiritual, some just very intimate friends. Or combine the above to fit your own recipe. In any event, don't expect someone who engages in a polyamorous relationship to jump in the sack just because. (Or any type relationship for that matter.) |
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Saying your polyamorous is just a "politically correct" way of saying you swing, right? No... swinging focuses more on pure recreational sex, polyamory focuses more on developing a full relationship. (I AM NOT trying to put swinging down in any way. I believe sex is a wonderful thing, in all it's forms, and if that's the way you want it, then go for it!!) I'm sure there are those who are capable of being both a swinger and polyamorous, but the two terms ARE NOT synonymous. |
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Having poly relationships is a good way to get great group sex and/or totally wild orgies!!! Right? Maybe, but not always. I wouldn't try to guess at what number of polyamorous relationships "cross over", where two people are involved with the same person, but I can tell you they exist. This is not an always, and not a never. It's something else that must be discussed, and another area where ALL limits must be respected. |
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