Miscellaneous aspects of life
Stranger, So I'm One Of You, Back, To Rise And Fall, Just As It Goes, Farewell, First Love, ***(I Don't Care I'm Out Of Your Lives), Novel, Forever Young, I Am Me, The Edge, Hope-less, Diaries, Associations
Stranger
I'm walking alone
In dark empty lanes,
Each trace is well-known -
Each belongs to no way.
Here I'm a stranger,
My home is far.
Somewhere my heart waits -
It's right where you are.
Streets meet me with rain,
And cold winds bring just dust.
They know - on this way
There is no one to trust.
I, following my heart,
Try to find the escape
And wonder if you
Still remember and wait.
Through miles even love
Still can't hear your voice,
I give up to destiny -
There is no choice.
It led me to you once -
It can't be severe
To leave me alone,
Day by day wilting here.
It loathes fear,
And I find the trust -
I get on my feet,
Putting back all the shards.
My life is a strife,
But my heart is a flame.
A trial is time,
And a torment - each day.
My life is a strife,
But my love is the strength.
I'll find my true home...
When eternity ends.
So I'm One Of You
So I'm one of you,
No matter what place I come from,
No matter what place I call home,
No matter whose blood
Flows each day through my veins -
It is only the power
Of mind that will reign,
No matter what language
My countrymen speak,
First of all, in a man
It's a heart that you seek.
In this boundless world
We're all nothing but dust,
But we all have a heart,
Able to love and to trust.
In each language these words
Mean the same as in yours.
Poor or rich, black or white -
It's not our choice,
But for peace we will fight,
Will be heard every voice!
Since the first breath I made
Have for freedom all rights,
I'll get over the pain
For my freedom and life!
In your sins you blame all
Who are different or weak -
That's denying your fault,
Helplessness... don't you think?
Fight for life, for yourself,
And you'll get freedom, too.
In this strife for our world
I am still one of you.
Back
She's sitting beside the window
And watching the falling rain;
Days turn into weeks, life passes by,
And she is alone again.
Nobody remembers she's still alive,
But she is not even ten.
She's listening to all feeble voices within,
To misery and pain she will never give in.
In lonely tears she tries to forgive...
In years she'll have just one reason to live.
But she knows that's worth it...
The world is so cruel... No one knows she cries.
If somebody saw it, they wouldn't care why.
Her dreams and the world will keep being apart.
And no one will put back the shards of her heart.
She's listening to all feeble voices within,
To misery and pain she will never give in.
In lonely tears she tries to forgive...
In years she'll have just one reason to live.
But she knows that's worth it...
She wakes up with fear to meet the new day,
She already knows it will bring just more pain.
But no one cares, no one understands -
She puts on the mask, trying hard to pretend.
I close my eyes and through years I see
That girl near the window is ten year old me.
She never lost hope and the wish to forgive,
And now she has that one reason to live.
And this reason is you.
To Rise And Fall
I've broken through the walls of fear,
Dishonesty and hate
To rise and fall, to bleed and heal -
I've found my own way.
I leave without the last good-bye,
My words are never heard.
And not a single tear shines -
It's more than you've deserved.
I've spread my wings, again I'm free,
And freedom means much more to me!
You're - just a memory!
To rise and fall,
To love and breathe,
To see the world
Just as it is,
Pick up the pieces, fall apart,
Then mend another broken heart,
And never give up,
Never give up!
You never care - I don't mind,
My anger's set me free,
Take off your mask - I'm not yet blind,
And nevermore will be!
I loved the worst of lies so much,
Could not tell white from black,
I'm out of sight and out of touch
Now, and I won't be back!
To rise and fall,
To love and breathe,
To see the world
Just as it is,
Pick up the pieces, fall apart,
Then mend another broken heart,
And never give up,
Never give up!
I'll carry on, I'll be okay,
I will not waste another day
On anyone who's just like you -
It's too much honor!
Just As It Goes
There is nothing more to mourn,
Not a soul to cry about,
Putting all my life aside,
Just so that no one knows.
There's no 'later', no 'before',
Just a single moment - now,
And if I can't turn back time,
I take it as it goes.
I spent those long winter nights
Right here, in front of the screen.
Each time I turned off the lights,
I watched the same boring scene.
Just lies are what all those letters had been.
The songs I hear in the street,
The photographs in my case,
My own songs, bittersweet,
Remind of all those days,
But nevermore they will hurt me again.
I'm taking back all my words,
I know, I was so wrong.
And not a tear now costs
That odd love story, so long.
To me this story has never belonged...
There is nothing more to mourn,
Not a soul to cry about,
Putting all my life aside,
Just so that no one knows.
There's no 'later', no 'before',
Just a single moment - now,
And if I can't turn back time,
I take it as it goes.
What was so dear to her
Is now ashes and dust,
She's locked the last open door,
The queen of anger and lust.
She drowns anguish of loss
In drops of cheap alcohol.
The ones she cared for most,
Have given up on her,
Letting her fall.
A thousand letters
Are all with no reply,
Her dreams are shattered,
Just like the night starry sky
Above her Sorrowland.
When morning comes,
She'll be already dead.
Another step to nowhere,
Another cigarette, lit,
Another sigh of despair -
She sees her life as deceit.
Without saying a word,
She quietly opens the gates -
She's leaving here... What for?
But it's the last of her
Fatal mistakes.
A thousand letters
Are all with no reply,
Her dreams are shattered,
Just like the night starry sky
Above her Sorrowland.
When morning comes,
She'll be already dead.
The queen of sorrow,
Why did you leave this world?
A stranger loved you,
But only never told
You...
A thousand letters
Are all with no reply,
His dreams are shattered,
Just like the night starry sky
Above his Sorrowland.
When morning comes,
He'll be already dead.
First Love
The sweetest of all the bitter grieves,
The mystery, then undiscovered,
The bound between the truth and myths,
The worst of sins, the greatest power.
The first step on the way, life-long,
That leads to still unknown future,
The way I started on my own -
This all was just one love, not mutual.
Two years passed. The other eyes
Are looking back at me - young, naive
I've grown up to realize
Each tear spilled was not in vain.
I read each word I wrote those days,
And all those memories I treasure.
Deep in the anguish, yesterday's,
I see the value that can't be measured.
First love - an angel with one wing,
I hope without me you feel better,
Can't help but wonder if you think
Of me sometimes... Well, doesn't matter.
***
I don't care I'm out of your lives -
To the world everyone is a stranger.
If you're cruel, you're bound to survive,
If sincere - in the end you'll surrender.
Everyone is a loner at heart,
Every place on the Earth is forsaken;
Destiny, writing everyone's part
For the stage, so-called life, was mistaken.
Love has never existed at all,
It's a wraith of a desperate dreamer.
Lovers think they can fly - they just fall,
Hopeless liars and naive believers.
Novel
This open book without an ending
Is everything my life reminds of.
You, shallow souls, were just pretending -
You're out of touch, I'm out of mind now.
I was a slave of my devotion,
A pillow for your worthless tears,
And you just played with my emotions,
Then in a moment disappeared.
I gave you all my heart to treasure -
You marked it with your footprints, dirty.
But it's your loss that can't be measured,
And nevermore your lies will hurt me!
The novel is waiting for your ending,
Fresh rumors - what is more exciting?
I'll laugh at you and keep pretending
I can't make out your handwriting.
Forever
Young
Sophie, a fragile gentle soul,
In Freedom saw the greatest virtue,
The spring of love, the dawn of all
Destined to be the end of torture.
For her it was not quite the same,
It was the person's inner power.
That till the end would pave their way
And fill with sense each minute an hour.
...Sophie was only seventeen,
But life had left her all alone.
She'd disallowed all her kin,
She had no one to call her own.
She had just one but faithful friend -
Her own reflection in the mirror.
All people failed to understand
Her open mind, so pure and clear.
She used to gain the strength inside
From melancholy, never-ending.
Her sorrow she could not hide,
She was so helpless at pretending.
She didn't want to be the one
Of monochrome and deadly crowd;
Her solitude just let her run
From those she knew nothing about.
It was the Freedom of her choice -
Sophie had nothing more to treasure...
Each time she heard a ghostly voice
It brought her pain that couldn't be measured.
Her memories aroused tears,
She knew the good would've never happened.
She knew her Only One was near...
But only in her heart, so shattered.
She'd promised Him she'd live through that
When seeing Him die. She couldn't follow.
She wished she'd been with Him, but dead.
Her life seemed then so dim and hollow.
She wanted so much to die,
But couldn't break the promise, faithful,
For death would've meant just having lied.
Her consciousness she had to face. It
Hurt Sophie so much to breathe,
The time did pass - her grief did grow.
And every day was like the last
In all her life, for she did know
That life, destined to bring just pain,
Was no sign of Freedom, inner.
She, listening to the falling rain,
Made up her mind... to be a sinner,
With no regrets to leave the world -
No one would cry a single tear.
"Forgive me, Love, - were her last words, -
Again we'll be together, dear."
She longed to be forever free,
Forever young, forever charming.
It was her own choice to be
For always loved, for always loving.
...Her body, lifeless and supine
Was found in the lake next morning.
No one felt sympathy or cried,
Still no one showed a sign of mourning.
Sophie, forever young, and He
From shards and ashes built a kingdom.
The life was going on, still dim,
But she had chosen endless Freedom.
I Am Me
The scars of time have disappeared,
My blood, so cold, is now ice,
To poison 've turned once pure tears -
You see me in my other guise.
I'm only struggling for survival,
And I'll withstand by any means.
The whole world and me are rivals,
But in the end I'm bound to win.
My faith - my fortitude - is stronger
Than air castles of your lies,
And not a single minute longer
I'll be a shadow in your eyes.
The Edge
The minutes of longing are turning to days,
The rain has entwined with her tears.
Time is never benign to a loving heart,
Pierced by the sword that has saved it -
Devotion. If he only knew
She had loved him then.
She still loves. But she won't ever tell him.
She is frightened of getting too close.
But she'd give all the world just to know
That if she was bound to die
He'd turn back time, just for an hour -
To say goodbye.
But to him - and the world - she's a stranger,
Made to think she's no 'love privilege'.
Juliet of the bitter today,
Open up to the feeling, forbidden,
Let your ardent heart out of the cage.
No, they can't be together, but freedom
Is as far as one step from the edge...
She has let her heart out of this cage.
And he only wishes she knew
He'd turn back time...
To say goodbye.
But time is never benign.
Hope-less
Deceptive freedom.
Honest lies.
A charming, yet so dreadful guise.
Forgotten memories. Two hearts
Are in my chest, both torn apart.
Strong weakness of a wilted rose.
My two reflections, one disclosed.
A shadow of changing shapes.
The sorrow of different shades.
A bleeding wrist of strangers' faith.
A crystal tear on no one's face.
Odd soulless hearts in mystic frames,
You have no voices, know no shame!
Just when you're dumb, your words are true.
I'm hopeless. Well. But who are you??
You're nothingness behind green eyes,
Mistakes that never happen twice.
You're just a riddle for a day
To figure out - and stay away
From all this simply perfect mess,
Where I am hope, and you - are less.
Diaries
The yellow and frayed eternal pages
Are crying, just with ink, still of the same.
The years turn to words and seem like ages
Of grief in such a thin and subtle frame.
This memory-evoking prose of sorrow
Is life... or scattered pieces, left of it,
Of looking forward to the damned tomorrow
That happened to be nothing but deceit.
Then from behind the words a stranger, known
Appears, from each page he stares at me.
I miss those days of our midnight dawn,
The dawn of the life that's meant to be.
I'm reading, and it feels right like the first time,
My tears have washed what's left of ink away
Together with the sentimental old rhymes
Of prose - that I never dared to say.
...I cut my hand while listing reminiscence;
I'm brought to life by strong and sudden pain.
The paper's edge is sharp though torn to pieces,
And all that's left is just a heart-shaped stain.
Associations
My days remind me of the endless autumn rain,
The fascinating, charming melancholy.
The sky is crying for my bitter loss -
The loss of one hour's eternity.
And I know the rain is bound to cease,
But my sorrow will shape just another rain cloud,
And the steps on our crossing ways
Will be only for always erased.
And my freedom reminds of a foreign land,
No destination is one, true home
That has never existed at all.
And wherever I go, I will only get lost.
And my love reminds of a wilted rose,
Its eternal beauty is evanescent;
While you're breathing in its light April scent,
Least of all you expect it to hurt you,
But time leaves you just pain of its pretty thorns.
And my truth reminds of an ancient language,
Mystic manuscripts only few can read,
But no one's ever got to the core,
Where the mystery is way too obvious.
So, my whole life's like a chess game
With one possible ending - it's draw.