My latest love story
Shadow Of Sorrow, Live... again?, Sunday Morning, A Story Without An End, A Wicked Game, Wonder If It Is Love, If We, If Not, Missing You, I Need You, Reflections At Four In The Morning, A Perfect Lie, Live A Lie, Living Today, Dedications Part Two, Have You?, Sinking, Mine, You Know Better
My lonely freedom is a mask,
I'm devastated by my shadow;
It's not less charming, yet so shallow,
A beautiful deceptive mess.
The shadow will disappear
Just when the darkness reigns our place.
But through this darkness my true face
Will be obscure - unless you're here.
And when you find me living dead,
The glance of ice will melt completely,
My sorrow is quelled so sweetly -
You've shown me life with no regret.
You strive - I strive, you fall - I follow,
Wherever you go, so do I.
Behind the shadow of sorrow
You've seen just me and brought to life.
I'm the light, but for different shadows,
I'm a shadow of different lights,
A perfect muse for an hour,
The one with no past for a stranger,
For the others - the one with no life.
My destiny has been so cold to me
That my tears have turned into ice.
When the dream of tomorrow died,
Giving up for the dream of one night,
In a minute the time lost its value.
But what was the value of wasted days?
The sacred dream in the frame of lies?
No, living up to one moment,
If this moment itself is life.
And happiness is as short as a kiss,
As long as a sigh.
Its remnants last till the snow melts -
The snow that's never fallen.
It's all been inside my mind.
It is like a forgotten story -
I make all that's missing up,
Starting to wonder if I'm still existing.
Living among the dead,
Striving among the living,
Trying to find the truth,
Longing to be forgiven
By my true self. Or just -
Turn the time back and live.
I just want to live again...
Breathing in heavy air of lies,
Hiding grief in this bitter wine,
Finding beauty in porcelain strength,
Not enough to say goodbye.
Castles, built on the shards of dreams
Are just pain's another guise,
And my heart that was never whole
Will be wrecked by parting twice.
You are leaving and taking a part of me away,
You have followed the calling of once so precious days,
And my tears are pouring as Sunday morning's rain.
It's erasing the footsteps on our ways that crossed,
Now the rain will remind me of you - my greatest loss.
You are gone, and life's colors are fading.
It's the dusk of my brightest dawn -
Sunday morning. But life goes on
Under signs of submissive waiting
And greatly missing.
I'm a shadow of your light,
Giving up this internal fight.
You will always be out of touch,
But you're always mine in mind.
You are leaving and taking a part of me away,
You have followed the calling of once so precious days,
And my tears are pouring as Sunday morning's rain.
It's erasing the footsteps on our ways that crossed,
Now the rain will remind me of you - my greatest loss.
You are gone, and life's colors are fading.
A Story Without An End
"Me, love and you... Three halves of something whole,
If one is missing, everything is clear."
These words can paint the sorrow in my soul,
But once bright colors fade away in years.
Once sweet anticipation of your arms,
A shard of dreams, by now has turned to fear
Of someone else's charm.
I give you everything I have and treasure.
But I have nothing. Love is nothing, too.
Love's non-existing, as it has no measure.
I've lost my faith in it. But not in you.
This verse is just another ode to Pothos -
The guise of my own heart-wrecked destiny.
I still believe in faith, but is it worth it?
Fate's given up on me.
I have convinced us both the feeling faded,
And it is a deceptive honest lie.
At least, I - devastated, torn and jaded -
Was truly independent in your eyes.
If love's opposed to freedom - it's in dreaming -
Then love and dreams don't make one sacred whole.
And so, my past completely lost its meaning...
If I exist - and had this past at all.
A Wicked Game
In crystal drops of my tears
I'm seeking just your reflection,
Deceptive guise of perfection,
Love that's been lasting for years.
You play the game with my fate,
And draw is always the ending.
We sure could keep pretending,
But tell me: is it too late?
I wonder: why should I care?
I'd better live on my own;
But I would never have known
So much without you there.
So, but for you, king of hearts,
No longer I'd meet the dawn,
In game with fate - just a pawn,
And in the world - just a shard.
Wonder If It Is Love
Once sparkling eyes never know tranquility,
Searching for you in the empty streets
Of The city that never sleeps,
Just as I won't sleep this night.
I'm a slave of my own devotion,
Sinking in tender warmth,
Falling into your arms...
But it's just in my swollen mind.
I keep thinking if it is love,
And I wonder if love has brakes.
No way! Even if it had,
Now and then would still be too late.
I'm a prisoner of my pride
That's dissolved in your skin's sweet scent.
I could draw you if I was blind -
It's your face that I can't forget.
A calm ocean and a shore -
That is what we once used to be:
Always close, though never whole,
Now you hardly remember me.
And my life is a damned card game,
Just a patience that's in your hands.
But you simply refuse to play.
Well, you choose, as you have this strength.
If We, If Not
I'm breathing you - I'm suffocating,
As I can never get enough;
When opening my eyes each morning,
I wish I'd never woken up
Without your gentle arms around me,
I'm shackled by your gravity;
Eternal hours of longing
Are fetter - set my wrecked heart free.
I miss the days of that December,
They separated 'now' and 'then'.
Your warming glance, your voice, so tender -
It is my all right since its end.
Before that all I only knew
You were the one. I knew exactly.
But now I see that life is you!
When something's lost, you find its essence,
You get to know what is true
While looking through the prism
Of lovely wasted adolescence
Just like, I guess, we both do.
And nothing's ever been as painful
As just one haunting bitter thought:
Where would we be, what could have happened
If we... If then... If just... If not?
Missing You
"I miss you" -
My cold lips scream out in whisper,
I miss you,
The beautiful sorrow, hidden,
Each time when you said I was hopeless.
I miss it.
I miss giving in to the feeling, forbidden.
When there was no need to keep things under control,
When every "goodbye" meant "I'll see you". This story
However, has come to an end, and instead of
True "Yes, you're forgotten" you say simply "sorry".
The fibre that keeps my heart caged has been soaked
In poison of love, or, as I say, attraction.
It's blinded me utterly, but every road
I choose is to lead me in just one direction -
Your arms. If I follow my mind or temptation,
My dream or the calling of every day, wasted,
The memory, painful, or anticipation,
I'll still come to you, and we both can't escape it.
"I miss you" -
The sound's dissolved in the air.
I make one more breath,
And the things take their places.
"I miss you" -
I swallow the words in despair,
But time in your heart is erasing the traces.
I Need You
I don't know why I'm still living
When life could be already ceased,
I can't figure out its meaning
Or even the reason I live.
And my hidden tears of dismay
Are salt in my wounds.
Is anything worth it at all
If you just refuse to be here?
Your guise has been carved in my heart,
Erasing the scars of last years,
But making new, much deeper cuts,
Cuts that are bleeding love.
And as all the words of this feeling,
Beautiful, sacred, yet tragic,
By now have been already said,
Have all been lived through and cried over,
Have lost their powerful magic,
All ballads, so long, have been read,
I simply say: "Lovely, I need you".
And I can be waiting no more.
I'm just like the sea to your shore,
Or just like a rose
That's deprived of its thorns,
That's seeking some warmth and some care,
Or a stranger that's lost in a crowd
Of masks-faces, so dark and severe
Like the whole world without you there.
Reflections At Four In The Morning
All days are the same: morning, city,
the crowd.
Life's not going forward, it's moving around.
And masks of all shades on those ignorant faces,
A few made-up stories in cheap street newspapers,
Sluts looking like stars, dirty queens of attraction,
Gross idols of so deceptive perfection
Are doors to the mind of the crowd, so hollow -
They hear the call of the dumb and they follow.
Now passion means lust, now freedom means violence,
Stupidity prospers. It's due to your silence!
The weak ones are searching for someone to blame,
The helpless would trade for a minute of fame.
A couple hearts broken don't cost a damned thing;
The hopeless romantics would give anything -
Despite having nothing - for love, non-existing.
We've made up this concept, as something is missing.
Believe it or not - I can cope alone!
I never wished someone to call me their own.
It's such a delusion that having you here
Will help me get over this common old fear.
What's frightening? Solitude? Fear itself!
I hide beside you when I fear myself!
But it is much better with you than the crowd
That never goes forward, that keeps going round.
When I was asked to
paint your portrait,
I faced it, having closed my eyes;
You were in front of me, however,
I chose to paint a perfect lie.
A perfect lie would never leave me -
And you were there day by day,
My lie creation would deceive me,
Just like you did it, anyway,
Would say I was an “awesome dear”
And calm me down at three at night.
I painted you, and it was clear.
That lie was just the same… but mine.
The trial of time would bring no changes
And every kiss would mean much more.
Now you’re a no more perfect stranger,
Who, saying nothing, closed the door.
When I am asked to paint our story,
I draw a circle – it’s not the end.
You’ll part with me one Sunday morning,
But only to come back again.
Time has turned scars into wounds
That are bleeding reminiscence;
You’ll forget about me soon,
Always keeping up the distance
Of a step between two worlds –
My step back or your step forward;
My heartbeat will cease at all
Once you tell me it is over.
Agony, but silent,
Rains of moonlit tears,
Breaking through the darkness,
Soon to disappear.
Screaming out loud,
I am almost drowned.
Life is so severe –
Why not live a lie?
Summer’s coming… not for me,
As I’m dying here in silence.
Lie to me and set me free,
For deceit is less than violence
Of indifference – of the pain
That my heart can hardly swallow.
Take my hand – I’ll breathe again,
Make me feel again…
Agony, but silent,
Rains of moonlit tears,
Breaking through the darkness,
Soon to disappear.
Screaming out loud,
I am almost drowned.
Life is so severe –
Why not live a lie?
Melt the ice that’s pierced my glance
And rewrite the story, telling
Of my hopeless romance,
Of my dim and dismal dwelling.
Speak to me and feel the void,
Wipe the tears you haven’t seen yet.
Would you dare to destroy
Dreams I can’t forget?
Agony, but silent,
Rains of moonlit tears,
Breaking through the darkness,
Soon to disappear.
Screaming out loud,
I am almost drowned.
Life is so severe –
Why not live a lie?
I've torn all the
beautiful letters,
Each writing love just as a script,
These odes to the hopeless romance,
The shield and the sword for the broken,
For real - a couple quick notes,
Saying that everything ends.
I've buried my once cherished dream -
I'm tired of living tomorrow,
Tomorrow of yesterday,
Tomorrow that's already gone.
And the fortress that's built of sand
Would be good just for losing the fight.
Such a perfect love story would die
Right before its beginning, so tragic.
No one would be waiting for me
On the faraway island of hope.
And the hearth of a fantasy
Would give only deceptive warmth.
Even shallow and rotten hearts
Speak in oaths, serenades and rhymes,
Like a deaf man can sing a song
They enjoyed when they still could hear.
They create only to destroy,
As a word has the shortest life.
I still keep living in the wave
Of our being apart together,
We're living a mystery,
But at least it is not a lie.
And it's only life's perfect guise
In your eyes that I've fallen for.
1.
My love and your tempting indifference
Were parallel roads, however,
They crossed once in two different places.
I get it. It doesn't make sense.
Two roads - two fatal collisions:
Both times you survived and I fainted.
This road would bring me to nowhere,
Just like this forgotten romance.
2.
My love was a one-way road,
It was only a matter of time:
Black and white days and sleepless nights,
Multiplied by my pain and pride
And divided to those strong drinks
Washing tears and thoughts away.
But I counted this all wrong,
Now I'm paying for my mistakes.
It was morning without the dawn,
It was grief with no sign, or a song
With no music, no verses, no end,
But my voice was too loud and strong.
3.
I'm not a moment - I'm a muse.
I'm life itself - you're its reflection.
But you're too blind to see the truth
Through ghostly rays of your perfection.
I'm not a slave of destiny -
I am above, I'm its creator.
I've always been a mystery,
And you're nothing more than haters.
Have you ever been
there,
At the border of now and eternity,
Have you dared to cross it
With two sad life stories at stake,
Have you tried to find
The new, most deceptive truth,
Or have you been stubbornly carrying
The cross of your fate?
Have you managed to take a deep breath
Being right at the bottom,
Have you chosen between love and love
At least once in your life,
Have you been sincere
(Read: have you been alone),
Have you been faithless to all
Of my three inner "I"?
Have you taken the risk of one step
Just to see what will happen next,
Have you ever seen me
Through the prism of a dangerous mind?
All your words have been only tales.
well, a promise is not a debt,
And eternity couldn't last longer
Than that drunken night.
A sip of wine from a heart-shaped
glass,
This tempting intoxicating pleasure
Is crimson like your blood,
Cheering like the wind
Of evanescent changes,
And so I'm giving in.
Droplets of crimson love
Ruin sandy castles fast,
Making this sand the bottom
Of some new sea,
Linking our parallel worlds,
Drowning old ways and turns,
Only there's no bridge back-
To reality.
You're indulging in this,
Constantly getting much deeper.
It is as sweet as a sin
And as soft as a kiss.
It's enough for an ocean,
Yet it will never link
Our made-up lands,
Which makes me turn to this potion -
I'm sinking again.
I'm falling into an abyss,
I'm seconds away from the bottom.
This abyss is my made-up future,
Painted by thoughts of my past.
I say goodbye to the dawn,
Cursing my being alone,
Closing my eyes - I surrender -
No longer this torture will last.
But then I take your hand in mine.
I smell your scent, I feel you here.
Above is only restless time,
Beneath the chasm disappears.
A gentle, somewhat weakened hand
Will hold me tighter than both arms linked
With someone else's arms
To drop me, to kill me,
So that I'd fall again,
I'd sink.
It's only your power to save me,
For, living from meeting till meeting,
I'll still have the world to believe in -
The world that is seen through your eyes.
I'll see you - my heart will be trembling,
You'll hear my anxious breathing,
Then - silence. You're still unaware
That you will for always be mine.
Every time the darkness reminds me of
you,
Of those mysterious evenings,
When, walking down the narrow street,
I was listening to our favorite song
Speaking of what you had saved me from,
Again and again. Still walking alone
I knew you were there, waiting for me
By the fork of the way to nowhere -
I simply gave everything up.
For eternity. You and Me.
Disappeared. Well, nobody cared.
I keep on writing, day by day,
The story of my heart, twice shattered,
Eight fatal steps, eight months away
From that crossroad. Well, you know better.
I'm letting time just pass me by,
I guess, I'm carved for endless waiting.
With salt of parting in my eyes
I'm watching life so quickly taking
The best of you.
We disappeared. At first in one kiss,
Then in one breath that we shared,
Then in one hopeless sigh,
Followed by hopeful sorrow,
Mutual for two way too drunken minds.
We disappeared to never be found,
Being one whole through night and till night
Of precious gloomy tomorrow.
But too soon your both feet reached the ground,
Leaving me here, in a dream
That you still know better about.
I keep on writing, day by day,
The story of my heart, twice shattered,
Eight fatal steps, eight months away
From that crossroad. Well, you know better.
I'm letting time just pass me by,
I guess, I'm carved for endless waiting.
With salt of parting in my eyes
I'm watching life so quickly taking
The best of you.
I didn't mean to lie to you
When I was trying to forget you,
As all along you'd known the truth,
You'd known everything much better.