i to i::2003::Where Red is the New Black!

12.31.03 slaloming through circumstance

The days are slowly winding down to the New Year. My God, 2004 is almost here. 2003 was an interesting and eventful year. I ventured to Rocky Pt, MX and took friends to a swinger's club looking for that still-elusive three-way. A green summer full of Tropical Sprite and Hoojaboo. I attended a ton of great shows, I finally saw Placebo live (twice), visited LA and went to a real goth-club. I also went to San Francisco and semi-saw Radiohead. Not to mention old faves like DMB, Primus and Tori (front row) as well as old schooler's Duran Duran and Dave Gahan. I became closer friends with R than when we were bf/gf. My friend Adam moved to Colorado. I lost my old place and bought a new one. Though I did have to live with the 'rents for six months. I became a homeowner-scary but true. I now own a structure on this planet. The usual Holiday depression has brought me new enlightenment. I hope next year will be good for all of us.
Happy New Year!!!

When the year ends, we'll be burning one. When the year ends, we'll be sweet, making love.

Song of the day: Lady Tron- "Seventeen"

12.25.03 Because it's Christmas

Christmas: never feels like it. At least not since I've stopped believing in Santa, oh so many years ago. Just another day except with presents and a tree. It's also a day when people find all overtures of kindness insincere. As if we're doing it all because of the holidays. Friends/family/everyone expects things; they get pissed off when they don't get them or resentfully appreciative when they do. Is anyone happy? Probably not. Nobody ever gets what they truly want for Christmas. Everyone feigns a smile and says "this is just what I wanted!"
This does not mean fingers of blame should be thrown about. No, this is a season for giving and for enjoying friends and family. And for being nice, and not just because it's Christmas.

Song of the day: Iris- "Lose in Wanting"

12.24.03 a snowball's chance

I loathe shopping centers on Christmas eve, yet that's where I've been for most of today. You see I would've been happy with another ghetto-system of portable cd player/tape adapter but my bitch-ass tape deck stopped working. Now I have to get a real stereo along the hassles of installation because I cannot stand the radio. I woke up early today in hopes of heading over to Best-Buy to get a car stereo installed today. Fat chance. I picked up my brother and sister and headed to PV mall. I would have to leave my car there until 5pm, which I couldn't do. We left and headed over to more stores without luck.
Oh yeah, I also got my first bills from the HOA, $325 due in a week. Merry Christmas, Villa Hermitage bastards! And Merry Christmas to you and thank you for giving me a reason to write in this thing.

Song of the day: Pitchfork Project- "Existence (vnv mix)"

12.21.03 'Tis the season to be stressed

I haven't updated this thing in ages and I feel bad about it. There's just no time. I've been doing christmassy/family stuff: Friday night it was Radio City Christmas Spectacular, the Rockettes at Gammage. Not my idea but my mom has been feeling festive. So much so that today we went to see The Nutcracker. Ballet and Tchaikovsky, quite a cultural experience for us.
Tomorrow I have to go back to work. Man, that sucks! considering the District is closed for two weeks. Actually, I only have to work mon-tue of the next two weeks. I still have to finish my Xmas shopping and time is running out. As well as money and patience-I really hate the holidays sometimes.

Song of the day: Silent Promises- "Anymore (club mix)"

12.16.03 "sailing seas of apathy"

It's great to have my own place, especially since my brother and sister come home tomorrow for Christmas break. No more sleeping on the couch or inflatable mattress for me, Nosireebob! However, the inherent problem with moving is losing stuff you once had organized. I spent most of last night, sifting through hundreds of CD's playing Piccadilly Pair with them as I tried putting them in some sort of order. A task that became increasingly harder the higher I got. The passion for order became a valleity of nuisance as the night progressed. But I'll try again tomorrow if the fates allow (ooh, I feel all christmassy).

Song of the day: AFI- "Miseria Cantare"

12.12.03 "Gott weiss Ich will kein Engel sein"

I guess Yao Ming, got the notice. I don't know his name, but he's a 7ft tall chinese muthafucka. All that it means, is that now I rightfully have my SS parking spot, great for a german car, very nazi-riffic!
Today I went back to my old stomping grounds. I was auditing the complex that schooled me. I started at Arcadia, then Tavan, then a short interlude at Last Chance with my coworkers and lastly Ingleside. Let me tell you, if I could do it all over again, I would in a heartbeat. Sigh, if I knew then what I know now.

Song of the day: Rammstein- "Engel"

12.08.03 Le Pimp Chateau Nouveau

My own crib, how kick-ass is that? This past weekend was the grand opening of Alvie's Crib. Yeah, I'm flat broke but there's nothing like the freedom of walking around naked with a joint in your hand saying "yeah, I own this bitch!" Basically, doing whatever you want whenever you want. Sadly, the place doesn't have cable nor do I have all my stuff moved. It's very chill, however it lacks personality. I need to decorate and put some artwork up. I'm also sick and my boss knows it therefore I can call in sick and no one will say anything. I do need the rest and it will give me time to decorate.
PS: 23yrs ago a great man was taken from us all.

Song of the day: Ani Difranco- "Pulse"

12.05.03 Disasterrific

Yesterday, I finally got my keys. Me, a homeowner, kinda scary don't you think? I started moving in some heavy-ass boxes. I still don't know where I am supposed to park and I'm already sore. Tomorrow I should be completely moved in. Shit, I'm still not sure what I got into. To pay for my pad, I've been babysitting and may teach a class next semester. Kaylin, one of the little girls I babysit told me with a hug that I was "the greatest!" ahh, that moment melted my cold, black heart, for a split second.

Song of the day: Perfidious Words- "Into my Arms (7" mix)"

12.02.03 "Johnny wants pussy & cars"

$2,448.91
That is how much 'closing' will cost me. Damn, that's a lot of money. But I have to think of it in investment terms. Yes, I will be broke as a joke and No, it will not be fun. However, I will get all of it back and then some when I sell it. So now I have the car and the place. How? By being overwhelmingly, paycheck-to-paycheck in debt. It's the American way.
In better news, tonight is the Placebo show! Their first (but hopefully, not their last) Arizona appearance.

Song of the day: David Bowie- "Afraid of Americans"

11.30.03 Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

Wow, last night's Arcadia Class of '93 Reunion was a trip back in time. Too bad only about half the class showed up. Although my memories are as fresh today as they were when they were made, it's hard not to notice the passage of time. Especially when witnessing the ravages of time on my old classmates. I honestly had to read the name-tags of some people to know who they were. My biggest surprises were Moriah Thompson for looking finer than she did in High School and Zucha for gaining about 40lbs and losing all his hair, hard to realize this was the same kid I rode my bike to Tavan with. Come to think of it there were a lot of bald guys there. Hereditary male baldness, extremely unforgiving. A lot of people were married, some pregnant or with children. Most of them shelling out $80-$100 for food and drink passes, a lot of money for what we got in return. Some old faces came back to life, I ran into my old friend (and 8th grade crush) Diane. She was one of the few people I recognized without the nametag. She and her husband Paul later invited R and I to partake in some toking in her mystery van. In there we talked about our old memories, music (Henry Rollins and DMB) and the epheralness of life. While ignoring our dates in the midst of reminiscing and storytelling, she informed me that Kurt Peitzmeyer had OD'd on heroin and Tyler Todd had died from AIDS. Both a couple of years ago. Tyler was the first person I have ever known who has died of AIDS. He had it all, the looks, the charm, the money. As Diane explained it, he was a virtual icon of what Arcadia (the neighborhood) was and is: a privileged, rich, spoiled, vestibule snuggled between East Phoenix, Scottsdale and Camelback Mountain. Where the differences where divided by a canal and few hundred thousand dollars. Somehow we managed to survive from early 80's at Tavan/Hopi, to the late 80's at Ingleside, and lastly at Arcadia as the Class of '93.
This experience really makes me stop and look at life, realizing how differently I could've ended up had I chosen to follow a different path. Perhaps it would be me married with kids. Perhaps rich and successful, perhaps dead. The question beckons, if you had the chance to go back to high school and do it all over again, would you? I would.

Song of the day: Sarah McLachlan- "Possession"

11.29.03 10yrs in the Making

So what does Friday after thanksgiving mean? Sleep-deprived shoppers in packed stores and 20min checkout lines. It was a long day. Instead of sleeping in after a decent night at Anderson's (for a change), I was up at 7 just to get to BestBuy before the sales ended. I found what I was looking for and held-off getting a couple of DVDs that I saw advertised at Toys-R-Us for less. Headed across the street just to find out they sold out of them. Then I went to Circuit-City the CD my brother wanted didn't qualify for the $9.99 sale. Shit. I returned to Bestbuy to get the DVD's when I got a call from my brother requesting another cd and back to CircuitCity I went. When all of that was done, I went to Midas trying to get that annoying squeak out of my breaks. After two hours waiting there, the manager told me they couldn't do anything to fix it. Apparently, there's nothing wrong with the break-pads or the rotors, simply the break type used. In other words, unless I want VW to put new breaks, I'll be sounding like a city bus. After the shopping shores, I got a haircut and met with the realtor. We had the final walkthrough of the townhouse. It's pretty much already to go, the only thing that is pissing me off is that the loan process at a 4.45% variable interest rate, a half percent higher than I expected and a lot more than the 3.9% she had initially told me. Since it varies, it will only go up, I don't know long I'll stay there. Later that night I met up with R, her sister and Darren for the Duran Duran concert. They can still rock and played a good show with my faves, "Come Undone" and "Save a Prayer", sadly they didn't play "The Chauffeur". After the show, I went back to R's to do our thing.
Well, tonight is my 10yr High School reunion, my God has it been that long? Life passes so fast, time is such a precious commodity. I wonder what everyone will look like, good? bad? the same? I honestly can't believe ten years went by so quickly, I suppose just as quickly I'll be 38 attending the 20yr reunion.
Life is short,but sweet for certain.

Song of the day: Dave Matthews Band- "Two Step"

11.26.03 Corky Kareokee

"while I give thanks today, for all the things I stole
and all the things I gave away"
This happens every time I visit DMHS. I swear girls did not look like that when I was in High school. A lot of hotties abound. Some that just 'grew up' like Karen's daughter. She's still in 8th grade but DAMN, did she grow up in all the right places. Some were not as fortunate, like Holly who added another Zip-code to her ever expanding ass. It was a nice turnout, lots of kids eating turkey and biscuits sitting around tables decorated with hand-turkeys. Holly's class of "special" children sang Kareokee to 'Grease Lightning' and danced to Enrique Iglesias. Ahh, entertainment from the retarded kids, how "special" indeed. As much as I was admiring the view I had to go back to work, but I was "Thankful" for the view.

Song of the day: Rasputina- "The Olde Headboard"

11.24.03 Anything for Money

Somehow I got suckered into baby-sitting kids tonight, and the next two weeks. Well, suckered isn't the correct word, more like "bribed." The offer of Time-and-a-half is too tempting for someone with bills to pay, about to start a mortgage. Buying a townhouse during the christmas season wasn't a bright idea. Though it's better than sleeping in an inflatable bed for a month. The kids weren't all that bad, only three of them. They colored and watched Mary Poppins while eating Goldfish crackers and sipping on boxes of Hi-C Orange Lavaburst and 'Boppin' Strawberry' juice. I watched them for an hour and then Diaz's class finished, a quick $40.
Then I went home to play Final Fantasy X-2, I don't know if I'm going to like that game too much. I didn't think I would say that about a FF-game but it's more like playing dress-up than role-playing. Where are the men in the game? Where are the Summon's? It's a little too chick-centered and you already start out in "the game" with characters, weapons and the airship instead of working for them. Final Fantasy, why hast thou forsaken me?

Song of the day: Limp Bizkit- "Behind Blue Eyes"

11.21.03 A Note to Self

I need to start listening to myself more often. I shouldn't have gone to Anderson's last night. But after drinking a $4 Tom Collins at Sugar Daddy's during Marla's Happy Hour. I decided to leave the 'Over 30' establishment. I may be perilously close to the horrible Three-Oh but not there just yet. I drove over to my scene to continue drinking for only a dollar a drink. You can always tell what kind of crowd it will be by the amount of people in the patio. There weren't many, that place has been going down hill on both sides for the last couple of months. To the point that the gothside had more people than the Panic! side which numbered around 10 people. Every time I think it can't get any worse, it surprises me, unfortunately.
Tonight I'm taking Christina to her b-day dinner at Houston's. Once again Ngoc cancelled on us. I swear that's the last time I ever invite her monkey-ass anywhere. After dinner, I'm making it a Blockbuster night of rented games: Mario Kart and Castlevania.

Song of the day: Mad M- "Private Fiction"

11.19.03 Sweet 16(x2)

Today was Mario Kart: Double-Dash release day. I was too broke to actually buy it for myself like I wanted so my Mom bought it for us as a Christmas gift. Now we had a 10% off Circuit City coupon for any item over $50. Mario Kart was $49.99 and the cashier didn't give it to us, what a Punk-Ass Bitch!
Today was also Diaz's Sweet 16(x2). To celebrate, we went to the Norstrom Cafe, this meant waiting for people to get there and then the food. As per usual, it was my young Y-chromosome amongst a sea of X's. Food, dessert and girl-talk, yeah that was fun. Of course, when the meal was over, they wanted to browse through the clothes, shoes and make-up sections. Another hour went by before we went back to the office. The benefits of working with older women, long lunches, short days-as it outta be. The good thing about having older friends is, no matter how old you get they will always be older.

Song of the day: The Cranberries- "Still Can't"

11.17.03 6am came too soon

Monday morning, damn it's only 8:33
It's going to be a long week. The network is down, how do they expect me to work when I can't even get to my email? Meanwhile, I've been checking out all my little Post-it's around my desk. Don't you hate coming across notes you wrote to yourself and forgetting what it meant? Letters to type and students to enter. This is going to be a long week.
Especially since I'm not going to Anderson's this week since I'm still pissed off about last week. I was invited to a happy hour thing that day. But I'm not sure if I'll go, since I have bills to pay. Friday, Ngoc and I are supposed to take Christina to din-din for her Sweet 16(x2). She's getting up there alright, I suppose we all are.

Song of the day: Klirrfaktor- "Sieg der Wissenschaft"

11.14.03 Should've

I hate that word: 'should've'.
Should've done this, should've done that-such a regretful word.
However, I should've stayed at home last night. I swear the pathetic PHX goth-scene is slowly dying. Perhaps I'm just getting burnt out. No further proof did I need than last night at Area-51. The lackluster crowd was only out-dimmed by the lifeless music. Mostly everyone sat during the time I was there. You'd think jeremy would've gotten the hint of playing some EBM or Industrial after no one had danced for an hour.
*Sigh*
Where did the old days go? Back when both rooms would be filled and the dance-floor would never empty. People would stay till 1am when they turned on the lights and told us we didn't have to go home, but we couldn't stay there. What the hell happened?
The "regulars" stopped going or stopped caring. The DJ's started sucking. I doubt the glory days will ever return, when Thursday was my night. I looked forward to the fourth day of the week more than Fridays. Sadly, the goth-scene at Anderson's is as watered-down as the drinks they serve. I should find a new scene.

Song of the day: VNV Nation- "Legion (Janus Mix)"

11.11.03 Better late than Never

Why is it every time I get a day off, the assholes next door have construction working pieces of shit to wake me up? It never fails, every goddamn time. Not even today, on Veteran's Day. A day dedicated to the brave men who died for our country and the survivor's who live to whine about it today.
Well, last night was interesting. I went to R's psych-class. Of course, to get there by 5:45 meant enduring rush-hour traffic filled freeways. I'm not used to rush-hour and the added 51 freeway closure made the "free" ways parking lots. The 202 was moving steadily at 20mph, the I-10 at 40mph and the 17 around 35mph. I eventually got to her house around 5:42, nearly an hour after I left. We made it down to the college and into the class. As is the case with most community colleges, the teenaged faces are scattered about with those a decade or two older. One of them was R's friend Christy, a very cute bi-girl in a caffeine-jitter, with a sad love-loss story and a pair of tat's on each tit. There was also Myriam, a girl not nearly as hot as she had been made out to be. And lastly, the infamous Dean, a surprisingly straight acting/looking gay teacher. R's cast of characters was complete, not at all what I had imagined. The lesson for the class: to pick six less than desirable people for a bomb-shelter during a nuclear assault. A prostitute made it, a priest didn't-how telling is that of this generation?
After class the smokers stood outside and chatted, sadly Myriam left before I could speak Spanish with her. Hot Christy invited us to a jacuzzi party which is cool, too bad she is allergic to our fave chemical. Then it was off to the Texaco for gas and dinner, which consisted of snacky-cakes and tropical Sprite. We smoked our after dinner pin-er and had some sex to Norah Jones. It was a calm night but tiredness set in and I had to get my beauty sleep. Which was so rudely disturbed by those swarthy, hammer and nail hillbillies!

Song of the day: Gruesome Twosome- "Hallucination Generation"

11.07.03 "Make room for me"

I am transposing this from a Sprint-PCS bill whereupon I let my hippity-high manifest itself into words. I wrote today's journal entry at the peak of my hippity-skippity-high, 3:29pm outside Nieman-Marcus as I waited for my mom'
I love the decompression of Friday afternoons. Everything is so relaxed, a collective meaning of: we made it, we survived another week. Everyone wants to go home a little early for our weekly two day 'vacation'. This is always enhanced when it's cloudy outside. Now I find myself listening to Coldplay. Why do Brit bands always make the best rainy day music? Probably cause they're used to such weather. I find myself really liking 'Politik'. I always thought I wouldn't like that song because of its word association. I hate politics, I mean I do have an appreciation for the ideal of government, just not the megalomaniac hunger of its members. After all, we are intelligent animals, but still animals. We would kill each other if not for the cognoscence of the holier-than-thou. Speaking of which, I feel like committing bloody murder since last night.
You see, I had just come home from a goodnight of drinking and dancing at Anderson's(even meeting Francis' Cocoa-Goddess, Lisa). After my shower, I ventured into the kitchen where my sweet-tooth craved Gloria's Flan (made especially for me). I open the blinding fridge-light in the pitch black kitchen. What? It's not there! It has disappeared! No longer present in its ceramic, tin-foil covered container. The 'rents had snatched and eaten my Flan! I mean, seriously, don't mess with another man's Flan!

Song of the day: Leftfield- "Open Up"

11.05.03 Chilly Chill

It's freezing outside! In Arizona, anything under 70 is cold and we must be in the upper 50's. I could actually see my breath this morning. I'm not used to this, non of us are, all of the sudden we went from 90's to autumn in a week. Though I must say it's nice to have a change of season besides summer. Although, it's also cold and flu season again. Poor R is all sniffly with only a few days till Sacred Saturday.

You are Neo

What character from The Matrix are you?

Song of the day: Mozart- "Queen of the Night Aria"

11.02.03 The Nakedrix

The hoojaboo is in effect. Therefore, I am the right state of mind to reminisce about the weekend about to end.
Halloween was wasted on sleeping. Neo and Snowhite really wanted to check out the party April was throwing. We also wanted to be at the club at 1am latest. However, our little nap went for 4hrs. I really can't believe how we pissed Halloween night away.
Last night, A & R were up to their old tricks: getting high to the sunset, dave matthews band, followed by stoner's dinner, continued with more hoojaboo. Last night, we also added our friend from Wild Vines, Blackberry Merlot. Well, after the bowl of roaches, a little wine goes along way. We were hooja-blotto, the room was spinning and all we wanted to do was lay down. If we closed our eyes, the room no longer spun. Naked and Drunk. Is there a better way to spend a Saturday night?

Song of the day: REM- "Leave (alt. version)"

10.31.03 Halloweekend

Happy Halloween. Finally the week is over and it's time to party. Tonight, we're going to Requiem, yeah it's a fucking dive but it should be a good night for a change. Though they are demanding an $8 cover. Other than that, things are just sort of cruising along. I met with the realtor yesterday.
Ok, don't get me wrong. I know it's a sound idea and a good investment, but the idea of buyinga place freaks me out. It's a big financial responsibility. I'll be broke as a joke too. I hate being broke. Granted I'm building equity, turning liquid assets to solid ones with rising value which is smart in this faltering economy. I guess it's comes down to money and my lack of it. Doesn't it always come down to money? All I'm saying is that I better get a raise next year.
Perhaps it's also about getting older. Yesterday I read in the Republic that '30 is the new 21'. What a crock of shit! 21 is where it's at, the freedom to do whatever a young & foolish heart desires. I'm 28 now, what do I have to look forward to? Middle age? wrinkles? grey hair? Death?
Youth: always wasted on the young.

Song of the day: Icon of Coil- "Shallow Nation"

10.28.03 The Future Past

"I've come to understand that kiss, was quite impossible and if, I'll ever find a way, I'll halt the turn of time."

The past keeps calling. I got a couple of emails yesterday from acquaintances of Adam. People I didn't really know, but was aware of in one way or another, after all Arcadia was a very small school. It seems as if Old Arcadia is creeping up on me as my 10yr reunion looms closer. And yes I must ask, how come the cute girlies aren't contacting me? Granted, 10 years can do a lot of bad to a woman (weight, wrinkles'kids) but it'd be nice to know they missed me =)
When 90 is dead and gone
'91 will carry on
'92 will still be cool
but the Class of '93 will ALWAYS Rule!

You're "The Stone." You regret a lot of things that have happened
in your past and would do anything to go back and fix
them. But you will keep going on no matter what.
You are beautiful.
Which Dave Matthews Band song are you?

Song of the day: Seabound- "Hooked"

10.26.03 "I'm not here, This isn't happening"

So as per usual, Saturday night found me over at Rs. We were doing our smokey in a sunset windier than usual. Later we retreated to the porch to continue chatting. R's mom came out of the kitchen informing the two of us that she is bringing back R's niece and nephew. In other words, warning us that we better 'behave' since they'll be knocking on her door to visit. R told her that she shouldn't do that, and an argument ensued: over our sex-life! I could not believe this was happening. I cringed and tried to hide my face as I shook my head in disbelief. Sinking in the fold-out chair hoping I could crawl behind the garbage, I sat there as Mrs. Bordeleau commented on our nasty behavior.
We had to do it quickly and leave for dinner before the rugrats got there. After Olive Garden, we smoked some hoojaboo and listened to Dave Matthews Band. We were hippity-hi-high, naked and making sweet, sweet love. It's been a while since we've had night like that.

Song of the day: Radiohead- "How to disappear completely"

10.24.03 Damn good times

I've been town-house-hunting this week. After too many meetings, signatures and checks, the escrow process is finally in full muthafuckin' effez-ect. I was supposed to go see Audra at Bookman's tonight. But this little boy has to go to a home inspection tomorrow bright and early at the ungodly hour of 8am on a Saturday! I'm quite pissed about that.
So instead I've been watching seven straight hours of VH-1's 'I love the '80's-Strike Back'. Goddamn! I swear to remember is to relive. All those great eighties things: GI Joe's (knowing is half the battle), I must say that was the best 80's cartoon, ever! Voltron, Thundercats, and of course, the Smurfs were a requirement every Saturday when I set my alarm clock at 6am to watch as many cartoons as I could before Soul Train came on. Sigh, such a great time to grow up. Ray-Ban Wayfarer sunglasses, the epitome of cool back then. 6th grade sitting under the bleachers sipping Jolt! Cola with my friends looking at Playboys. I still remember my outfit the first day of 7th grade in '87. My Varnet shirt, bermuda shorts, and white, Phase-1 Reeboks, carrying my Trapper-Keeper, man I was stylin'.
Yes, I DO love the 80's.

Song of the day: Das Ich- "Destillat (vnv remix)"

10.22.03 Noize @ Noyz

I had such a long day yesterday, probably because I was running on four hours of sleep. After work I met up with my realtor, once again I had to sign and/or initial documents for an hour. House bidding: never fun.
Later I headed out to the first night of Alpha-*mega. I was hoping it would be better than Area-51 since it was at a nicer club. Definitely Scottsdale: two stories, plasma screens, artsy, and appetizers till midnight. Sadly, it was a Rivethead's paradise. The flyer stated EBM, Industrial, Synth-pop, Noize. It was really just noize/industrial. I left at 11pm, I don't think I'll be going back.

Song of the day: Jaw- "Creature of Masquerade (apoptygma berzerk mix)"

10.20.03 "Like gods eyes in my headlights"

Early morning, heading east, driving towards the sunrise. It's Monday and work awakens me to the sad reality of paying bills. I'm sure I'm not the only one that highlights paydays and holidays (religious and secular) on the calendar. Why is the day after a vacation always the hardest? You'd think after a week of rest I'd be refreshed and ready to go, but no, I'm tired and sleepy. It didn't help that I went to see Primus last night. It was a good show, sold-out, but it didn't end till 11pm. By the time I got home and took a shower, it was quarter to midnight. Come to think of it, I was only awake for 13hrs yesterday. The more I sleep the more I want to keep sleeping.

Song of the day: Primus- "Southbound Pachyderm"

10.17.03 Baby-sitting

I'm stoned, but I don't look stoned-which is a good thing. I'm recalling the events of last night. I remember a lousy 'crowd' though not as bad as Tuesday at the Jar. Now that was a ghost-town. Last night Francis showed up a little more belligerent than usual. He had ingested a god-only-knows Salad of Chemicals. Well, somewhere along the line he must've pissed the wrong people off because he was kicked out of Anderson's. A mullet-headed security guard informed me "your buddy has been kicked out, he's not allowed back here anymore. You should go help him out." right as I was getting my groove on to 'Another World'. You really can't take that motherfucker anywhere without having to baby-sit his monkey ass. I mean, to get banned from a dive like that, how fucking embarrassing.

Song of the day: Decoded Feedback- "Fear 2000 (remix)"

10.14.03 Sad Devil

Today's chore was to go to my Alma Mater to find out some info on graduate programs. Being back at ASU was really a trip. So many flashbacks, so many cutie girlies. Memories of ditching Spanish with Debra and finding creative ways to pass CSE 100 with Ngoc. Good times I'd thought would last forever. The days lost in class when I was a 20yr old so overwhelmingly in-love I thought I was going delirious.
*Sigh*
If I only knew then what I know now.

Song of the day: PTP- "Rubber Glove Seduction"

10.12.03 The Bad & The Great

Saturday, 2:30pm
During my morning errands, I visited Dillard's for their end of season sales. As always, I went in looking for my fave, Kenneth 'the man' Cole.
It wasn't in its usual place, something I found odd, but not unusual. I decided to look around the store; nope not next to Ralph Lauren or Calvin Klein. This was getting strange, so I asked a salesman. "Kenneth Cole is no longer sold at this store" he informed me. My heart sunk, this was not happening. There's no point in shopping at Dillard's anymore.
I think I'm going to cry.

Sunday, 9:59pm
Adam just left to get some sleep before going back home. He seemed tired, but well and very calm, almost Zen-like. Though he's always been able to roll with the punches, Colorado has done him well. As always he is in tune with all the positive energy around him. A quality I, in some ways find both confusing and yet, envy.
Adam and I sat on the canal and reminisced. Just like the summer nights in 9th grade, when we used to park our bikes there and just talk for hours.
My God time flies by fast.
We'd discussed typical freshman stuff, like in what kind of cars certain girls would lose their virginities. Back when there were such things as 14yr old virgins.
I'm glad I got to spend some time with my old partner in crime tonight. It's good to know he's doing well. Especially after all the phone-tag we've been playing all weekend. I didn't really spend much time with him on Thursday. The club was too loud and Francis was there. However, this was just us, the old roommates without the house. No bullshit or pretense, simply old friends catching up. We swatted away bugs and chatted about our lives and futures. Some things never change.

Song of the day: Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds- "When the World Ends"

10.10.03 Just like old times

8:39:07
Currently, my eyes are not unlike the red rocks of Sedona, or the Advil I just popped into my mouth to soothe the pounding in my head. Pounding that mimics the beats of last night's Goth-music. I haven't had a night like that since the last time I went there with my boy, Lane. The usual cast of characters, Diaz and Francis were also present. Diaz and I smoked out in her car, before meeting up with The Bone. We waited for Adam to arrive in the patio then it started raining. That fool didn't get there till a few minutes before 10pm. There was a good crowd and the drinks began to pour. The usual glass clanking of Tom Collin's and Long Island's. A lot of smiles and laughs and calling each other mutha-fucka's. We bullshitted, caught-up on our lives and drank some more. We'd figure, this was going to be a memorable night so the hang-over would be worth it. It felt just like the old days, the DJ even played 'Epicentre' and 'Dead Stars' like we remembered (of course it was cage-time for me). In my inebriation, I burned myself trying to dance & smoke to 'Electrocution'. It was a good night, definitely one of the best times I've had with my clothes on.
You know, Adam told me something last night that I had been thinking myself: "I'd pay high-dollar to go back tothe housefor one more night and live it up like we use to."
My thought's exactly, my friend.

Song of the day: Radiohead- "Where I stop and You Begin"

10.09.03 Four Months already?

Adam comes to town today. He should be coming out to Area-51 tonight, hopefully there'll be no drama. We had some good times in our old house. I haven't seen that nigga in four months. Time just flies by when you're living out of boxes.
Damn! why don't I have more friends? Especially one's with their own places? I'm getting sick and tired of living out of boxes and being treated like a son instead of a roommate even though I pay rent.
Speaking of being tired, yesterday I was here for eleven hours. If there are two things to remember about my job (and nothing is very memorable) is that everything is due yesterday and you hang yourself by doing well. Any task you perform consistently well will only get you marked to repeat it EVERY time it's needed. Any suggestion you give at a meeting will only get you assigned "in charge" of it. You quickly learn to keep your mouth shut and your eyes down. Which, trust me, doesn''t work as well at it should.

Song of the day: e-craft- "Electrocution"

10.05.03 A tale of different hours

it's 9:08
what the hell am I doing up? Personally, I don't know. I've been partying since Thursday night. First at area-51 when a less-than-ok crowd got a little busier and two chicks were going at it in the cage. We are talking full-on, felt-up, bare-breast sucking, open mouth dyke out to some industrial song. I was getting hard looking at those two. It made me wish I had a camera. Wait, it made me wish I had two girls AND a camera.
Friday after work, I met up with Roxie, her 10mo old and BF Tim. I hadn't seen her in a couple of months and it was amazing to see how much Morgan has grown up. I brought over some of the (according the label) finest sweet&sour mix to go with their gin. We chatted about our recent vacations and life in general. They were out of hoojaboo, and all I had was a pin-er. Somehow, much like Jesus and the fish, I made that J go a long way and get all of us high. I was supposed to meet R at the Req but by the time I got home, I realized I was too fucked up to go anywhere.
Saturday went well over at R's. We watched the sunset as we smoked out, it was very pleasant and serene. We did our thing before going to Applebee's for dinner and later vegging out in front of her tv. Well, I have a meeting and a training this week, I hope it goes by fast. Must survive one more week before Fall Break.

Update 2:22:52 after hoojaboo'
I remember R-boo and I were watching the '22 Greatest Bands', some of my favorites from past and present were there: Dave Matthews Band, U2, Smashing Pumpkins, Nine Inch Nails, Metallica, Radiohead and Nirvana.
I must have good taste in music, or perhaps everybody enjoys such music. At number five was the band I endured San Francisco for Radiohead. They are gods of men. They generate, innovate and create musically for themselves and the Enlightened. You will understand only if you listen to the meaning behind the words. The metaphor means something different to everyone. But it always means something. They are one of those bands that people will still listen to 200 years from now. Like Elvis, The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, U2 and Nirvana. Speaking of music, I've noticed that I've been listening to a lot of goth music as of late. Trust me I love it, it is my third renaissance in music. Metal begot alternative, alternative begot Goth. However, I miss guitars. I miss them a lot! I miss an opening riff that captures you like a hook in the mouth. I miss trying to learn the greatest hit of the time on my guitar. I miss the calluses and muscle ache those six strings would cause. I need to go back to my roots, back to early 90's alternative, and late 80's heavy metal. When Kirk, CC and Slash were my heroes. Whose magazine cut out posters I plastered my room with pride. I'd wake up to Axl screaming "welcome to the jungle!".
And baby, 8th grade WAS a jungle.

Song of the day: Mesh- "You didn't want me"

10.01.03 Vallhalley of the Dolls

I'm so tired, my eyelids weight a ton and it's only Wednesday. I went out last night with R. We hoojaboo-ed and had sex before going to the Jar. The crowd was alright, not too many people, but it wasn't dead. We didn't stay too long because I had to work early today. Yes, the overbearing sound of responsibility thundering in my ear at the stroke of 6am. And yet'
A lot of times I feel like a teenager. Perhaps it's because I'm still living like one, one with a job, but prolonged adolescence definitely. I mean, for god's sake! I had to move back home (it fucking sucks) at the ripe old age of 28, because I don't make enough to get my own place. So while I try to save my money, I'll have to endure this 'situation'. I do my best, but I'll be damned if told you I don't miss my old place
A roommate that left and a great condo that got away, and here comes Alvie, twenty-eight going on sixteen.

Song of the day: Basement Jaxx- "Get Me Off"

09.29.03 Tank man

So once again, some at work mistook me for gay. Do I give a homo-vibe? I'm not homophobic, but I'm not gay either and I don't want people to assume that. Every new person that meets me assumes I have some sort of European-Effeminacy. Is it because I dress well? Because I'm clean and have manners and cross my legs at the knee? Or because I have long eye-lashes and my features are soft as are my hands?
I'm straight dammit! I love tits, and ass and pussy!
Speaking of which'
It was R's birthday over the weekend. I met up with her on Friday at Requiem and went out with her on Saturday. We had a tasty dinner at Houston's (home of the 2nd best Tom Collin's in town). Then again, everything is tasty when you're HooJa. Then we went back to her house to watch Tori Amos videos. Quite a trippy experience when watching 'caught a lite sneeze'.
It was a nice night, though sad to say I'm not dating a teenager anymore.

Song of the day: And One- "Panzer Mensch"

09.24.03 didn't leave my heart in SF

You know, you wake up: 7 o'clock. Been out all night, an hour of sleep. You walk out to the city, you find yourself among strangers. And you walk around, feeling the detachment from every move. You know, it's all, a film'

The more I visit other cities, the more I like Phoenix. As you can tell I'm back from San Francisco. No, I didn't wear a flower in my hair, or eat Rice-a-Roni.
9:51am Monday, Sept. 22, 2003
We land in San Jose since southwest airlines doesn't fly to SFO. This means a 50mile drive for me in a gold replica of Diaz's 2003 Nissan Altima. The car is bigger than I thought. Now it's just us and Mapquest print-outs. Unlike LA, driving on the 101N is surprisingly smooth. Eventually, we reach SF, the tall buildings, the crowded streets, the big city. Getting around was only half the "fun", streets rarely have names, as is the same with street lights.
It's too early for check-in. We head towards Lombard (the crooked street) and take some pictures up and down it (my legs still ache). The next stop; the tourist trap known as Fisherman's Warf. We're hungry and in need of parking validation so we eat lunch at Nonna Rosa. For being a sea-food place, the food isn't exactly that great. After lunch it was unto nearby Pier 39. We walk around and take pics of Alcatraz and the Sea Lions before heading north to the Exploratorium. We miss the exit ramp (unmarked) and cross the Golden Gate Bridge in a very 'Full House' manner (I hated that show). The bridge has a toll of five bucks, where does all this money go, I wonder? I'm sure the bridge has already been paid for, but what can you do but pay the money. Next it's on to the Exploratorium which takes about an hour to reach because the streets don't allow left hand turns. A beautiful site nevertheless worth the time to find.
5:30pm, we've been up for 12hours, it's time to check in and we need the rest. The hotel is actually quite nice, old-style with turn-of-the-century marble, wood and chandeliers. We take our showers and head for dinner at Shanghai 1930. It's a very nice restaurant, good food, and definite ambience though not much for service by the FOB waiters. I take my sister and my mom back to the hotel and head out to Death Guild. Not wanting to spend anymore money on parking, I hoofed it over there. Wearing my gothic duds, I believed that beggars wouldn't mess with someone who looks like a freak. I was wrong, I still kept getting asked for change. The club is nicer than the outside would suggest. Quite happening as well, great crowd for a Monday easily 150 people but the music isn't all that. The SF goths don't dance like the goths I'm used to in LA and PHX. There are a few gothbabes in the house, less than I expected and something I have never seen, asian-goths (not a pretty sight). I request seven songs and end up hearing two of them.
12:30am, and I still have to walk home in the SF chill. I decide to leave and get some sleep. I need it.

6:37 Sept. 23rd, 2003
I'm up way too early, my eyes ache and I'm not in the mood to deal with the outside world. The day is short and we must cross the east bay towards the ghettos of Oakland to visit Berkeley. We cross the bridge and make our way there. Breakfast is little more than the "deluxe" meal at a McDonald's a few blocks off campus. Berkeley itself is a beautiful school with pine trees and hillsides, the area around it is, well, not so much. We make our way down Telegraph amidst the endless parade of pan-handlers. 11:37-it's getting late and there are still things on the itinerary. We make our way back and find the hippie landmark Haight & Ashburry. This one time hippie-haven looks quite gritty now and really not much to look at-it's time to go. We're also getting hungry and we need to prepare for the concert.
2:35pm, the plan: get back to the hotel and change, go to chinatown, eat, go to the show.
The traffic is mounting, it's 3:50, we are making our way northward, following the signs for chinatown (chinese letters), North Beach (italy 'boot') and fisherman's wharf (little crab). The streets steepen, we reach the impossibly packed streets of chinatown. White tourist with cameras amidst slanty-eyed yellow people (somewhat ironic, isn't)? We begin to notice the parking situation is impossible, perhaps little italy will be better. Guess what? It's not.
Time is running out, if we are going to eat, we have to do it soon because we need to leave for the concert no later than 5:30. Fuck it, there's no place to park-we'll eat at the concert. The streets are confusing and I miss the on ramp. It takes us 20min to find the right entrance-god I hate this city.
We make our way to Mountainview at 5:20pm to see the culmination of our trip: Radiohead. Unfortunately it's rush hour and the traffic is not moving. An hour later we find our way to a dusty field that is suppose to pass for a parking lot. We walk inside the circus-tented Shoreline Amphitheater. Radiohead is really an experience, not a concert. The show ends and once again, we must journey back to the city. 12:04am-It's midnight, time for bed. Tomorrow I go home, yay!

8:38am Sept. 24th, 2003
We get dressed and pack. We have coffee and pastry at the hotel adjecent Starbucks. I hear the piano version by Gary Jules of 'Mad World'-it reminds me of R. About five minutes later, she calls. 9:15am we head towards Van Ness to take pictures of the Capitol Building before taking off to the SJ airport.
It's 10:43am , we're early, but I'm tired of driving in california. We are at the airport, and that much closer to home. Next stop, Phoenix.

San Francisco: A city better experienced through movies or pictures than in real life. Sure there are beautiful views and sights, but considering a 15min 'nice sight' will take you and hour to reach and money to park, it's somewhat counterproductive. The city is infested with homeless bums, take Mill Ave and multiply it by a hundred and you get the idea. Every street has at least five pan-handling pieces of shit holding up signs instead of getting a goddamn job. The streets are narrow, inclined and mostly one-way only. You can't even make a left on two-way streets. Take the fact some run diagonally and most don't have the names. It was an experience, as everything is, one that I'm not willing to repeat. As Frank Lloyd Wright once stated: "living in the desert is the spiritual cathartic a great many people need. I am one of them"

Song of the day: Bruderschaft- "Forever"

09.21.03 "waiting for your sigh"

Tomorrow yours truly is flying off to the city by the bay. Yes, San Francisco or as some may call it, San Fag-cisco. I'm going there to enjoy the sights and sounds of a super-expensive city with more than its fair share of Alternative cultures: gay, hippie, goth, asian, etc. Another long trip made because the bands I love don't love my state. Though, in defense, I have to say one of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen is an Arizona sunset. As I was telling R last night in one of our Hoojaboo state of minds. The darkening sky falls as its scenery changes from black to indigo. From dark blue to light, from pistachio green to creamy caramel. Reaching the horizon in tangerine-orange to flaming red. These are especially jaw-dropping in the fall months. When the outside is warm, as a winter's blanket, but not hot enough to sweat. It's peaceful.
See you in three days.

Song of the day: De/Vision- "Dinner without Grace"

09.17.03 Latter Day Sinners

Today bosslady made us walk around and visit people's houses to pass out information, or should I say 'propaganda'? about our district. We did this at the ungodly hour of noon.
Do you know what the temperature is at 12 noon in September in Arizona? 105'! One Hundred and Five fucking degrees and I had to walk around, handing out shit people didn't want and would throw away as soon as we left. If not sooner. This was going on in the Arcadia area were I live. These people are going to see me at Safeway or Starbucks and give me dirty looks. It made me feel like a mormon or worse yet, a jehovah's witness.
If that wasn't enough, I did it sleep deprived. I'm seriously hurting from only five hours of sleep after last night's Cruxshadows show. They put on a great show and I got my cd autographed. In other words, it was price I was willing to pay.

Song of the day: Voltaire- "When you're Evil"

09.15.03 Shh can you hear her?

I can hear her calling my name. Slowy she purrs:
"Come to me Alvie, come taste me."
She beckons me to her, begging to be released from her plastic prison.
"Inhale me and make me yours, yet again my love." She whispers.
She's been my close-friend for over 10yrs and it's hard to ignore her pleas. "Make sweet, sweet love to me with your lips."
'I can't baby' I try to explain-not even believing my own story. It's hard to ignore her supplications.
"Let me take hold of you, let my luscious smoke caress you from the inside out."
Her request do not fall on deaf ears often, though they have as of late. But once again, I fall under her spell, if only weekly.
Teacher, Mother, secret Lover.
Mary Jane.

Song of the day: Mogwai/Sigur Ros- "Luvstory"

09.11.03 "ring around the rosie'"

"Gravedigger, when you dig my grave, could you make it shallow so that I can feel the rain?"
I bet we can all remember where we were two years ago today. I had just gotten up and turned on the TV. At first, it seemed like an accident: pilot error or mechanical failure. A plane 'accidentally crashing' into the WTC. After all, who would want to kill themselves on purpose? When the second one hit, we knew it was no longer an accident, but an attack. I began wondering how many planes where out there and where are they aiming. It was the shock, en masse, of a country which could not believe this was happening. History in the making on the TV screen, engraving in our collective consciousness the death and destruction. Sadness, shock, disbelief, denial, anger, all those emotions rolled up into one. I, like the rest of the country, stayed glued to CNN. A plane crashed in the Pennsylvania fields, a fifth of the Pentagon destroyed, the Twin Towers in rubbles. The following days were a blur of news clips and reports: life seemed like a Time photograph.
Since then, the term nine-eleven has had a whole new meaning. We don't feel as safe as we once did. And though, I didn't wear red, white or blue, it doesn't mean, I forgot.

Song of the day: Dave Matthews- "Gravedigger"

09.09.03 "Like Beggars, like Stars'"

"And when you were near no sky was ever quite so clear" Video-game playing nerds like myself tend to have a very annoying quality. Well, amongst many, mind you. We tend to name the heroes of the game after ourselves, and the lady in distress after our objects of lust. Stupid, I know.
Coincidentally, four years ago today, the greatest game ever (and Alvie means EVER) was released, Final Fantasy VIII. The girl, however, is irrelevant and shall remain nameless and worthless.

Which of the Final Fantasy 8 characters are you most like?

Song of the day: Sleater-Kinney- "The size of our Love"

09.04.03 Greenless Stress

I always know it's Thursday, cause I begin getting horny and antsy. I need the weekend to decompress, for a 'short week' I've been busting balls with trainings. I've been working overtime, going to bed no earlier than midnight, waking up no later than 6am. All without my green friend. Quite simply, I'm stressed the fuck out.
Top that off, there's only so much I can at work. These are the times I wish I would've brought my book with me. The District computers are down, no email, no internet, no network. They've been down ALL DAY everyday this week. What the hell am I doing here anyway? Oh yeah, trying to earn a living.

Song of the day: Social Distortion- "Ball & Chain"

09.01.03 Labor-ing Indeed

In my family, Labor Day, well actually any non-religious holiday means a trip to the mall. My head hurts, my feet are sore, and I didn't even buy anything. Four hours of shopping with two females can drive any man crazy. This has been my burden for as long as I've had a license-if you're counting, this is Year 11. You see, the bastard (aka my father), besides being a worthless excuse of human flesh doesn't take them anywhere. My sister wrecked the third car and my mother doesn't know how to drive. At least I'm home now.
I've been watching too much of VH-1's "I love the 70's!" A decade I do not remember-even though I lived through half of it. I, however, seem to recall two obsessions: mine with Pong and my aunt's obsession with ChiPS. Especially, Eric Estrada, of whom she had a giant, bare-chested poster hanging on her bedroom door. I thought it was creepy.
Speaking of creepy, I might as well find out which level of hell I'll be banished to:
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fourth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

Song of the day: Jack Off Jill- "Nazi Halo"

08.31.03 Hoo Ja Bye

Labor Day weekend is always the official unofficial end of summer. I had some good times this summer, went clubbing a lot and hung out with R. We had some fun over a certain green medicine she nicknamed Hoo Ja Boo. Now I love the mind-altered state of Hoo Ja Boo. Perhaps a little too much. So with the end of the summer, comes the end of bud.
That, coupled with the fact my alcoholic father caught me smoking it last night (yet ANOTHER reason I need to find a place ASAmfP) is the reason I'll be cutting down on the sticky-icky.
No more of that once-a-day shit, we are talking cutting down to maybe a J or half-a-spliff a week. I also ruined a great pair of Polo cargo shorts by doing laundry while stoned. Bleach from the whites jumped off the water onto my indigo shorts. I must remember it's never a good idea to do complicated tasks while under the influence of marijuana. In a way, it's a good thing, excess of any thing is not good.

Song of the day: Afroman- "Because I got high"

08.27.03 The Irony of Clarity

10-4, 10-4 good buddy, got your ears on?
This is Alvie reporting I'm as high as a kite.
How high? So high, I'm having a conversation with myself. So stoned as to think I'm driving into a painting as I listen to Covenant's "Go Film". It was an amazing view of a blue sky with mountains of fluffy white clouds above an ocean of palm-tree tops. I must harness my HIGH. I must take advantage of all its uses. Not only the pleasure center, but the wisdom it opens. I must write it down. I must capture and encapsulate it before it leaves me. You see, there are several different types of Highness: some are lazy highs, some are sexy highs, some a pleasure highs, this is a thinker's high, a writer's high.
I feel the must flowing through my fingertips like water down a cascade of teal. My head feels like a train careening off its tracks needing to lessen the load of words onto electronic-paper.
Note to self: remember to save often.
My red-tipped fingers ache but they will not rest, they will not ease until their master is satisfied. My wrist will carpal-tunnel before I let this feeling go. Not till the interruptions have ceased and he is left with the glory of the never-ending consciousness. The sweat peers out in slow, glistening drops down my forehead and cheek. It's amazing what a muse can do. It's amazing connecting your thoughts, your feelings, and your mind's eye into something comprehensible, into something that matters, into something that is real. Even if it's only for the self. Because we don't owe anything, to anyone, except ourselves. I do this for me. I do this to put the evanescent thoughts of my brain into a more lasting medium. The feeling is fading, and I'm clenching with every fiber of my neo-cortex. Trying to encapsulate the ephemeral is like trying to stop time. Change is inevitable. Change is life as it moves through us and us through it. I think I'm obsessed with age. I think too much about what happened, one, or two or ten years ago. I fear I do not appreciate the present enough to tattoo-it on my memory bank. Even though I do. I will stab my grey-matter with a hammer & sickle to etch-a-sketch this joyous orgasm of experiences.
I realize things won't always be the same.
Someday I won't be as young as now. Someday I won't be sitting at Goth clubs sipping a Tom Collins' to sweat out on the dance floor.
Someday my friends will drift away.
Someday the future will come too quick.
Someday I will only have death to look forward to.

It's leaving me, my bliss of broken walls of thought. The clarity peering through is building the blocks from which my writing fails to escape. Each exhale blocking the passage-way of my muse. Each swallow slowly rebuilding the dam that prevents my sea of words from flooding the outside world. Each rubbing of the once crimson eyes, closes the gap of enlightenment.
And there's no one here to save me, not even myself.

Song of the day: Aimee Mann- "Save Me"

08.26.03 Chuck & Rain

Yay, Chuck Palahniuk's new book came out today. It's about time, I haven't read anything since 'Electroboy-Memoirs of Mania'. Although, I did check out the new Douglas Coupland (formerly my fave author), there's nothing quite like a Palahniuk novel. However, unless you feel like paying full price, I'd suggest you go through Amazon.com and save seven bucks.

Song of the day: Prince- "Purple Reign"

08.24.03 friend behind the tree

it has been a while since I posted anything.
A busy little been, I have been.
On Thursday night, Anthony showed up at Anderson's and I got to hang out with that player. We chatted about the current state of our living situation and life in general. We took off around 12:30 and smoked out poolside at his place, for about an hour. I was so tired on Friday, which was Dave Gahan night. I went to R's and we hung out for a few before picking up Darren and going to Dodge Theater.
The place wasn't even half full but I give Dave Gahan for being the professional he is and giving the audience a great show. We originally planned on clubbing afterhours at Requiem. All we needed was a little nap to rejuvinate us from our respective previous night. Back in the shoebox, we set the alarm for 12:30 and crashed. Crashed till 3:08am, that is! We completely missed afterhours and I needed to get home. Somewhere around 4am I got home and fell asleep. Since R had gotten me gas, I agreed to see her later that day. It was a hazy, giggly time full of Deathcard Go Fish, and chit-chatting. R was tired so I left in time to visit my friend behind the tree.
I have to remember not to over do it on weekdays.

Song of the day: A3- "Woke Up this Morning (chosen one remix)"

08.18.03 the FIX

I scored some gas today. Yay!
I sound like a petrol-fiend, a gas-junkie who just got a fix. Sure it took longer and I paid more than usual-but if feels so good. So what if I was late? I got a full tank and I'm sitting pretty. Which is the only way to sit.

Song of the day: Caifanes- "La Negra Tomasa"

08.17.03 The Blood of America

The weekend comes to an end, it's been busy.
I hung out with Roxie on Friday, I haven't seen that girl in forever and it was nice to catch up. So sad I only got to see my "niece" for all of 2.5 seconds before she went to sleep. Roxie also told me, Angie still reads my blog (Hi Ang!). On saturday I lost my check-card and was in a pissy mood all day long. Later that night, I spent some time with R that night under a THC haze. Today, I got a new PCS phone, but I had to wait let it charge and when I tried to activate it, the Sprint office was closed, bastards!
On more important and pertinent news: the pipeline that provides us with oil is broken. The situation is getting critical, the metro-phoenix area is running dry. There is no gas to be found, and the few gas stations that have it are jacking up the price. The wait is 20-30min long. It's absolutely ridiculous, it only makes me wonder what it will be like when we really run out of oil and there is no one we can fight for it.

Song of the day: Depeche Mode- "Dangerous (Sensual Mix)"

08.14.03 Gazing unto eternity

The past keeps calling and I keep answering. Strange how a year, or two, (or TEN) go by without notice. Sometimes the idiocy isn't savant. and so I whither and so I rot away. Nothing will ever stay the same.

Which Royo Painting Are You?

Song of the day: Dandy Warhols- "Heavenly"

08.11.03 callings

Today was the first day of school. Which meant all of us got to run around like chickens with their heads cut off. It's the most hectic day of the year. I also heard back from my friend with the suicidal thoughts, thank God she's alive. She called me her angel, I'm simply her friend.
I also happened to hear from some other friend's missing-in-action. Roxie gave me a ring-a-ding after a few months of silence and from an old acquaintance from High School. Once again, the past comes calling, I wonder if this is a sign.

Song of the day: Digital Factor- "Go Ahead"

08.10.03 Not her too!

Jesus, don't I have any normal friends? The person who I thought had their shit together is attempting suicide right now. Worse yet I can't do anything since I don't know where she is, or how to reach her (her phone is off). She's like my older sister, she can't do this to me.
She can't do this to herself. Just a great way to end a weekend.

Song of the day: Sisters of Mercy- "Lucretia My Reflection"

08.08.03 "Merry, Merry UnBirthday"

my second week of work is done. I've been working like a dog, meetings with my boss equate to more work. I'm tired. Tonight my family went out for dinner at the Bamboo Club. I thought it would be better than it other asian restaurants, it wasn't. For a $60 dollar meal, I expect something more than three shrimp in a plate. But that's where my brother wanted to go and he's the pre-birthday boy.
It's strange when the past comes calling and you struggle for words to say 'Hello'.

Song of the day: Switchblade Symphony- "Clown"

08.05.03 Right Place. Right Time

Set List
Wampum Prayer
a sorta fairytale
Bliss
In The Springtime Of His Voodoo
God
Father Lucifer
Bells For Her
Crucify
Wednesday
China (solo)
Mr. Zebra (solo)
Cooling (solo)
Landslide (solo)
Putting The Damage On
Cornflake Girl
Tombigbee
Amber Waves
Hotel
I Can't See New York
Precious Things

1st Encore
Caught A Lite Sneeze
Tear In Your Hand
2nd Encore
Sweet Sangria
Hey Jupiter

ok, first of all notice the 'price' on the tickets? $0.00, these tickets are never sold. So now you know, none of you will ever get front row tickets unless you either know someone one, or are willing to pay HIGH. There is a third option: get upgraded. This is a rarity and something that has never happen to me. Until last night.
R, Darren, Gypsie and I were standing around talking about clothing when out of nowhere a guy walks up to us and says you all seem like big Tori fans buying stuff, etc. I'm going to give you four front-row tickets. I tried to get one for my brother, sadly, that did not happen.
Ben Folds was playing, he was actually a very entertaining performer. I decided to watch his set with my brother since I wouldn't be watching Tori with him. I must say, I was impressed with how he could work the audience.
Tori's voice never sounded better as it showed it's powerful range during songs like 'Bells for Her' and 'China'. Tori Amos teases the ivory as she makes love to the piano. This is not just 'playing' the keys, but full on, hardcore, sweaty sex with it.
This was the best Tori concert I've ever been to, not only for the set list but being the first (and probably and only) show I've sat in front row. Thank you, Joel for the tickets and thank you Tori.

Song of the day: Tori Amos- "Precious Things"

08.03.03 boxes and floors

Ahh, lazy Costco-and-a-movie Sunday.
My brother is in town and though I've enjoyed spending some time with his ass, (near OCD as it may be), I'm sleeping on an inflatable mattress and living out of boxes. Goddammit this fucking sucks! I need to find a place ASAP, I cannot imagine (nor want to) living like this for 6 months. Yesterday was a bit of a hassle since he missed his plane and his luggage never arrived. That made me late for my usual Saturday night activities. Though I still had a good time with my favorite naughty gothic school-girl doing the 'usual'. Tomorrow, there's a big field trip to Tori Amos which should be fun. This will be my last concert for a while, since it seems like I've been going to concerts every couple of weeks. Hope to see you there.

Song of the day: ThouShaltNot- "Cardinal Directions"

07.30.03 In Goth we trust

Last night we finally had monsoon rain. It was a sight to be hold as the rain poured, wind blew, thunder cracked and lightning struck. I was supposed to meet R at the Jar but the flooded streets weren't filling me with much hope. Eventually I said 'fuck it', ran to my car and made my way down flooded streets to get there. We smoked out in my car (I've needed to do that all week) and danced a while. It was a decent night spent in stoned bliss though most of the regulars stayed home to avoid the storm. I guess the gothic-gods saw my valiant efforts and granted me and R today's Gothic Personals 'Feature of the day'. Now we are both truly certified Gothyfabulous.
BAUHAUS

You're Bauhaus, the grandfather's of goth. You
probably don't call yourself a goth...but that
just makes you cooler. Nice boots, by the way }:)
What Goth Band Are You?

Song of the day: Iris- "Unknown (Subrosa Mix)"

07.27.03 Bad case of the 'Mondays'

It's my first day back, I'm not used to getting up at 6am! I'm so tired, I feel as dead as Bob Hope. But seriously, I'm used to waking up at 9 and enjoying a nice little smokey-smoke. But we all have to pay the bills somehow and I should thank my lucky stars I even have a job. I'm sleep deprived and tired, I need some sleep.

Song of the day: Deftones- "Lucky You"

07.27.03 Summer Ends

well, my vacation is over, tomorrow it's back to work. In a way that's good because I need the cash. I did get to sleep in and see some good concerts other than that, it just dragged. Sadly, I still haven't found a place. Summer with the 'rent's is not what I wanted or expected. I did have a nice going-back-to-work, last-weekend debauchery with R last night. A nice variety of fun chemicals, I haven't been that fucked up since the days of Le Pimp Chateau. But life goes on, have a nice weekend.

Song of the day: Rob Dougan- "Furious Angels"

07.25.03 "I do my best for you"

Set:
The Stone
When The World Ends
Crush
One Sweet World
If I Had It All
#41
Crash Into Me
Help Myself
Fool To Think
Cry Freedom
Where Are You Going
Jimi Thing
Cortez The Killer
So Much To Say
Rapunzel
Encore:
Long Black Veil
What You Are

There are few things I look forward during the hell known as our summer: vacation, monsoon rain and Dave Matthews. The latter is an even I usually share with my brother. This year, however it was my sister's turn.
Ah, the sights and sounds of a Dave Matthews Band concert. The juxtaposition of beer-stained Abercrombie & Fitch, shell-necklaced fratboys mixed with patchouli smelling, pot-smoking, Binkerstock wearing Neo-Hippies. As always, there are more brothas onstage than there are in the audience.
The house lights turned off as I wafted the sweet smell of ganja filling the humid night. I tried to inhale as much as I could for a contact high.
Dave opened his set with my favorite song, The Stone and continued to perform one of the best shows I've seen them play. Doing Crush much to my sister's delight as well as '#41 and fan favorite Crash Into Me. Dave also happened to play the song that made me a DMB fan in the first place, 'Cry Freedom'. You know everyone is having a good time when you see people air-fiddlin'when Boyd takes the stage. Before ending their set, the band played my current favorite Rapunzel. They encored with the majestic, Johnny Cash cover: Long Black Veil. The parking lot was a mess, in 22min I had not moved more than 10ft from my original parking spot. I'd never seen it that bad, I found my way outside and headed home. Unfortunately, I didn't make it to Anderson's as I was supposed to.

Song of the day: Dave Matthews Band- "When the world Ends (Oakenfold remix)"

07.23.03 Serendipitous Stems & Seeds

I went to the gym with my sister last night, I'm so sore. My legs are doing ok, though I did walk a mile in an elliptical machine. My arms and chest are a different matter. Each aches with the pain of someone who hasn't worked out in years. But that matters not, for I have found something serendipitous and useful. As a Stoner's Service Announcement, I will share this with you:
I have found a way to make your weed last longer. Stop throwing away your seeds and stems, instead do what I do. Buy a pepper-grinder, throw all the stems, bud and seeds and grind your way to clean, green powder to roll your joints, pack your bowl or even sprinkle on mom's brownies.
Take this knowledge, and use it widely my friends.

You are Fight Club.
What Chuck Palahniuk novel are you?

Song of the day: Tears for Fears- "Mad World"

07.21.03 "Prayers for rain"

Time just flies by when you're having sex on a regular basis. It's already been a year since I've known R. Granted, we are not 'together' but it's still a long time. We'll do our usual thing to celebrate.
In not-such-good news: I miss my place more than ever, god I miss AC! I wake up every night at least once an hour in sweat. Our lovely monsoon season has not brought any rain let alone cooler weather. The damn humidity is making the swamp cooler completely ineffective. I haven't had bed sheets this sticky since I was 15.

Song of the day: Gypsy Kings- "Bamboleo"

07.16.03 Hot as Hell

well, it hit 117' today-the hottest day so far, and in Arizona that means something. It was a productive day, I looked at and made a bid on another place. Granted, nothing will ever compare to the property at 44th/Osborne (I need to let that go) but it's livable. I have to turn some paperwork tomorrow morning. Hopefully, the woman will accept the terms and I can get my new place. I should get the guys from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy to make the place over. That's show we watched last night before heading out. Speaking of which, The Jar had a good night, plenty of the Anderson's crew was there and the music was decent. I was also hellabaked from hanging out with R. A little green goes a long way sometimes.

Song of the day: FunkerVogt- "Whenever a child dies"

07.13.03 Wilted & Faded'

Somewhere in Hollywood.
I'm finally back from LA, it's good to be home. The fun started when we arrived trying to make our way north to Hollywood. Some bitch in a van cut me off not more than one minute on the freeway. I had to swerve hard enough to feel the tires peel on the road. She mouthed Im sorry, I mouthed 'fuck you'. No wonder so many drive-by's happen in LA, if I had a gun I'd be shooting some of people myself. I swear california has the worst drivers I've ever seen. After an hour of driving that should've taken 25min, we found our way to the Days Inn. After unpacking and resting for a bit, it was time to pull out the maps again for the trek to the Beverly Center. On the way another bitch nearly caused an accident by turning in front of me. We pulled into the mall, the first time I noticed that you had to pay for every parking spot in the city. Fucking LA! Later it was time for CD shopping at Amoeba, the parking lot we chose was adjacent to a theater having a red-carpet premiere. We felt so Hollywood as photographers took pictures of the pretty people. Anais spotted James Woods as he made his way up. Amoeba was great, a huge CD store with live performances and more importantly and actual Goth section. Later we went clubbing, even my sister dressed the part gothing out for an evening at Perversion. Since there is no name on the club, we spotted it by the clientele of freaks in the smoking patio. The place was huge, if you take the crowds of Anderson's on Halloween, The Jar on New Year's and Requiem on Valentine's it would roughly be half of the crowd that was there. Sometime during the night R was jealous that I was ignoring her. I will say that the LA scene is huge, however the AZ scene, as small as it is, has better-looking people. I do have to give all the DJ's serious props because they actually spun gothic vinyl not just pushing cd buttons. We stayed and danced till about 1:30am before going to sleep.
The next morning was exploration day. We came across serendipity by taking a wrong turn and ending up in Griffith Park. Walking the trail and taking a few pictures before driving up to the observatory. After the obligatory picture taking, we drove down and parked at the Kodak Theater. We walked the star-studded streets to the Chinese Theater, later crossing the street to buy souvenirs and get a picture of R by the Marilyn Monroe star, I didn't include the homeless man sleeping next to it by the adjacent McDonald's also where we had lunch. We took off for Santa Monica to get to the beach. The supposed 20min drive took approximately one hour. The beach was nice, the water was cold and of course-it was all very expensive. We headed back to Hollywood so we could shower and eat before the culmination of our trip, the Placebo concert. The concert was great, Brian and the boys are great performers. We drove around after the show to sightsee but all we really saw in West Hollywood were the expensive clubs and tow-trucks hauling cars away. The last morning we had breakfast at an IHOP, the McBum from the previous day accosted me for change, all I had were two pennies and that's all he got. When I was outside, the girls had it out. I guess my sister questioned R, and she told some of what was going on. All hell broke lose, though they remained civil till we left. I could tell there was tension there. Great, just what I was afraid of I don't know if it was attention deficit or what but they didn't like each other. I spent the next hours babysitting two teenage girls. Now I need a vacation from my vacation.

vnv

What EBM band are you?

Song of the day: Placebo- "Pure Morning"

07.08.03 "Going Back to Cali"

I have packed and unpacked my bag three times already, and I'm sure I'll do it a couple of more times before tomorrow. I'm taking off to LA to do some sightseeing, go clubbing, and most importantly: see Placebo. You see, the trick to surviving SoCal is to avoid all the places Dr. Dre gives shout-out's to. Stay away from Compton (aka 'the CPT'), Long Beach (aka 'the LBC'), Inglewood (I hear they're up to no good), South Central and any place named after Martin Luther King. It should be fun, though I hope I'm not stuck baby-sitting the teenagers (R and Anais). To quote R when I asked if she was ready for LA, "I hope LA is ready for me."
Truer words were never spoken, see you all Sunday.

Song of the day: Wolfsheim- "Once in a Lifetime (club mix)"

07.05.03 Altered States of America

I spent my Independence Day celebrating it with R, April and Justin. We ate a lackluster meal at Marie Calender's, then we all went back to R's to smoke out before driving up Squaw Peak to look at the pretty colors. My worries had fallen at ease since I was sure I'd be getting paid today. Guess what? I wasn't.
Worse yet I took my mom and my sister shopping earlier that day. I should not be allowed to go out shopping. I don't even have money and I bought a pair of bondage PVC pants, a pair of Lucky pants and some new Doc's. I still haven't gotten my paycheck, over a month without pay. I need that fucking money for LA goddammit! Bills keep piling up and I don't even know how I'll pay for them. Now I know how Adam felt. Damn, I need to get high, but I can't (god, I miss my place). Fuck it, I'll take a Vic and watch Trainspotting.
goodnight.

Song of the day: Underworld- "Cowgirl"

07.04.03 Sindependence Day

Good Morning.
Just when I started to doubt Anderson's, they pull out a great night. Last night's 3rd of July celebration brought out a crowd I hadn't seen in about 4 months. It reminded me of last year when I went drunk as a skunk from Sutter's 4th of July party. The goddess wasn't there but some of her disciples were. The music was good and they were cooking food for the goth-side patrons. Although it did take me like 2hrs to get my grilled burger. I must admit was the cook said was true, the best kind of food is FREE. Ahh, time for some wake and bake while I call R who is doing the same. I almost busted a gut when she started talking about the time she went to the indian casinos trying to win drug money. "Please goddess, I need the E, dude" was her prayer. That is hilarious when you're high. I wonder what other funny shit she'll say as we get blazed and see pretty colors exploding.
Happy 4th!

Song of the day: Alpinestars (feat. Brian Molko)- "Carbon Kid"

07.02.03 Green Summer

I can't believe it's already been a month since Adam left town. Time really flies by when you're working and losing your pad.
Well, what can I say? I am blazed out of my mind and trying to enjoy my vacation. Most of this summer break will involve: finding a new place, going out, having sex, sleeping in and getting high. Speaking of the latter, last night I hung out with R. I went over there, smoked out and had some sex, later we went to the jar. They actually played some pretty good tunes. I think I danced more times than I have at Anderson's. Which goes to show, the Jar is getting better or the rapid decline of Area 51. Either way, we danced to a few songs and left to have our own good time. I stumbled out of her house around 1 and headed home. Not forgetting to notify my mom, I take a shower and wash my teeth trying to appear as sober as possible before saying "I'm home, good night." Damn, I feel like I'm in high school again.

Song of the day: Lauren Christie- "Walk this earth alone"

06.29.03 RIP Jo-Jo

Lazy Sunday, the first weekend with the parents is over. Did not like it, I miss my bed terribly, and god do I miss my place. I have to remind myself this is only temporary. However, the abundance of bad news on the pile keeps getting bigger.
For the second time in as many months, a dog I cared about has died. Adam called me this afternoon to notify me his dog, Jo-Jo, had been put to sleep. I had known her since she was a puppy. I'd seen her health declined living with her for three and a half years. It's really sad since she was such a good pet. An animal with a genuine personality, that kind that would give it's life for you. She was part of my extended family, I'm going to miss her.

Song of the day:B-Movie- "Nowhere Girl"

06.26.03 Fates: vicious and cruel

FHA loans suck! There is nothing in my area that is FHA approved. I resigned myself to the fact I have to settle with whatever fucking thing I can stand to live in for a year or year and a half. I'm no longer looking for a 'home' but simply buying an 'apartment' that I will live till I can turn a profit and get the hell out. My apathy levels have been growing exponentially. Had things gone my way (as if they ever did) today would've been the day I closed the escrow on that kick-ass pad I had found.
Instead, I'm packing and living on boxes. I will spend the next month(s) sleeping on couches, floors and the occasional bed.
You see last night was my last night at Le Pimp Chateau. Now all there is left are a few boxes and an unmade bed. It somewhat sad, my home for the last three and a half years is gone. After I take my stuff, I will never be there again. In my last goodbye, I was visited by R & Big Gay Gus who joined in for some Holy Smoke and chatted with me for a while. We were discussing 'breeder' things to do. Apparently, that's gay-terminology for straight people. However, nothing came about, so he left. R stayed, we got dinner, took a bath and smoked out more. We were quite blazed as we bid farewell to my place. I hope it's next renters will party half as hard as we did.

Song of the day: Cesaria Evora- "B'same Mucho"

06.22.03 Another weekend, another flake

Saturday, as per usual, hung out with R, After smoking and dinner, we went up Camelback Mountain and looked at the city. Blinking lights as far as the eye could see. It was quite serene and beautiful. We headed back to the crumbling shell that was my place. This was my last weekend at Le Pimp Chateau. I hoped it would've been something 'special' but of course the chick didn't show up. Yes, I had prepared myself for that, as it is not meant to happen.
I believe Bono said it best, "A secret is something you tell another person." Everyone I know enjoys hearing others confess their deep dark secrets. Blogs and online journals, that insight into someone else's life. That's why you are here, isn't?
This confessional nature helps us cope with our sins ('or brag about them). The circumstance of circumstance is somewhat misleading. We march in circles afraid of straying too far. I found a boat but I no longer know where the ocean is. I wish there were a bread-crumb trail for things like this. Trust is such a hard thing to give-again.

Song of the day: Lenny Kravitz- "It ain't over till it's over"

06.20.03 so cashed, I'm spent

8:53:09am.
It's sort of scary, the unwitting silence. Granted it's not dark & stormy outside or else it would be really freaky. I am literally the only mother-fucker in this motherfucker! There is no one at my office, I mean NO ONE in any of the three office buildings. Which, I will admit, is a good thing since this morning I waked&baked, right now I'm as high as your mamma on pie!
later skaters'

What member of Dave Matthews Band are you?

Song of the day:Miss Jane- "It's A Fine Day"

06.18.03 Box Exodus

I swear I'm going to get a hernia from this shit. My back is killing me, my muscles are sore and I'm sweaty as hell. The mighty box exodus has begun and I'm slowly, but surely, moving out my stuff. I really don't want to move back in with the 'rents, but I don't really have an option. My dream condo is not FHA approved and, well there's really no point in going into detail since it will only piss me off. I do have to give props to my dad for helping me move all the shit.
Note to self: avoid moving in the summer.

Song of the day: The Ataris- "Boys of Summer"

06.15.03 half-way through & nothing changed

We are exactly half-way through the year-time has flown by. Sigh. I'm really starting to loathe the people remodeling the house. At first, I didn't mind. But they are there three times a week, and the whole fucking weekend! They are using and abusing my utilities, which I will have to pay for, not letting me sleep in and cramping my style-goddamn their oily hides!. Everything in that house is gutted. It no longer feels like home, it's simply a shell of which only my room remains.
In other weekend news, my sister's in town. we've been spending some time catching up. I partied with R last night-we got quite blazed. However, my fantasy is still unfulfilled-maybe next weekend *crosses fingers*. Isn't all just one weekend away?

Song of the day: Cause and Effect- "You think you know her"

06.10.03 Blackberry & Blue Water

The sound echoes, each breath is felt as it enters and exits your body. Your heart palpitates and blood courses slowly through your body. The calming blue acid-bath water ebbs and flows out of your ears deafening yet amplifying them. Your body floats in warmness, this must be what pre-birth feels like. It was relaxing and calming enough to make me realize whatever will be, will be. There are other properties and other mortgage lenders-life, in and of itself, is good.
There are many fond memories I will take with me when I leave Le Pimp Chateau, bathing is definitely one of them. A very strange sensation indeed, especially while high, and drunk on cheap wine.

Song of the day: Moby- "Braveheart theme Remix"

06.08.03 spun-reality

I can hardly believe it's already been a year since my first date with R. I've never slept with anyone for this long. We once again, headed towards the Willow House for drinks and sandwiches, we relaxed in the hippie-laden ambience for a bit before heading to my place. Unfortunately, the land-lady and her minions were still there going over the remodeling plans. As R pointed out, I do not pay rent to have them interfere with my sex-life. I also had a special treat in the freezer we needed access in obtaining. Eventually they left, we took our gels and chilled. Not too long before Dylan came over. He picked up some shit and then we gave him a ride home (man, I thought I lived in a dump). Back at my empty-pad, we smoked out and watched videos. The trip really started when the blacklight along with the Depeche came on. Two intense hours of trippy sex.
Now the weekend is over and I have a major hang-over. The tabs I got from david spun the hell out of my mind. I need my bed. Goodnight.

Song of the day: Hooverphonic- "Jacky Cane"

06.06.03 if it's not one thing'

Well, the verdict is in. According to the useless people at Last Horizon, I didn't qualify for the loan. Just great, after I had found the perfect place. Sure there are other mortgage-lenders, however, starting that paperwork bullshit all over again means I can't close by the end of the month. Which really doesn't matter now since the seller counter-offered 61-7 with no contribution. They can go to hell. My God, I need a break today. So once again, "I'll hold my breath and count to ten, I'll fall apart and start again."

Song of the day: Cleaner- "LSD Eyes"

06.04.03 Congregation of illusions

yup. The threesome continues to elude me as yet another girl/plan fell through. It's back to the drawing-board I guess. I have a headache-fuck what a day. I just got done placing a bid on a condo, which took (from start to finish) THREE HOURS! We shall see what they say on it. At least that was productive, I also got a lovely notice from the city of phx telling me that I need to clean the garbage in the alley. It's not even mine! Technically, I moved in Monday, those sonsabitches are blaming me for someone else's crap. Just my fucking luck. Speaking of perpetuators, I got a call from Adam this afternoon. He made it fine to Colorado, currently he's at 8,000ft above sea-level which translates to 42F in June! He'll use that to his advantage when it comes to a lil' shmokey-shmokey. Well, I'm preparing for life on the broke-scale and I don't really liking it. Maybe I'll sell crack to nuns, or perhaps a kidney. By the way, can I have yours?

Song of the day: Delerium- "Euphoria (Firefly)"

06.01.03 sacrifices

I'm tired. I had to wake-up at the ungodly hour of 7 this morning to take my brother to the airport. It seems as if everyone is leaving my ass. Adam and I have been saying our goodbye's for the past week and the boy is still here. I even missed Thursday night at Anderson's for the first time since March '02. Even with Friday off, it's been a weekend from hell, packing and loading, loading and packing, moving is a pain.
My place looked like a garage-sale exploded and still does! There are boxes, and bottles everywhere. Adam and David have been trying, to no avail, to get a truck from U-Haul since Friday. The convoy has already left and they are still in Phoenix trying to get their shit together. That really sucks for them, but no one told them this would be easy. I wish them the best of luck, however, colorado has been a fantasy of theirs for ages. Anything worth getting is worth the time.

Song of the day: Dead Can Dance- "The Ubiquitous Mr.Lovegrove"

05.27.03 Rabbit's foot friction burn

Well the prayers have been answered. I can stay at Le Pimp Chateau for another month. Whew! *sigh of relief* that gives me a little more time to send in the paperwork and get my condo. The threat of living with the 'rents was starting to worry me. This is the first good news I've had in ages. Time to go thank God, the Academy, Buddha, the Moongoddess and my lucky stars.
Goth

What Kind of Goth Are You?

Song of the day: Sister Machine Gun- "Burn"

05.25.03 questions & answers

This was supposed to be a weekend to remember, the only memorable thing was the bunk E we got. We tried to make the best of the situation which was already ruined, but then the 'concert' never happened. The whippets, pot and wine helped extend the experience. Although, I did spend some quality time with my good friend/almost ex-roommate Adam, it wasn't the bonding experience we were hoping for.
Today there are the never ending questions on your part. Talking about slivers of hope and reconstruction, about what this is and where it's going. You claim I'm using you for threesomes? Exactly how many threesomes have you given me? I don't like being used for free food, free alcohol, free pot, free cd's, or free cover charges either but at least I deliver the goods.

Song of the day: Apollo 440- "Don't Fear the Ripper"

05.21.03 must be in the air

Most everyone I know, is being visited by the Fucked-Up Faerie right now. All of my friend's and acquaintances are currently going through some rough times as of late. It's not like we're bad people and Karma is out to get us. Of course, I'm no different, I feel like I'm going to be homeless-but not. I mean, there's always The 'Rents, but I really don't want to live there. It will kill my social life, and hinder my nightly puff-puff. In my attempt to look at the glass half-full, I realize I should consider myself lucky that I won't be on the streets. Though I absolutely abhor the idea of all my stuff sitting in some storage unit while I'm living out of a fucking suitcase. This sucks monkeys! I really need to go out with a bang this last weekend.
HASH(0x86d1d64)

You are: Street Spirit.
This text-box will,
will not communicate
the thoughts and
the strains you are under.

What Radiohead Song Are You?

Song of the day: Pop will Eat Itself- "Ich bin ein Auslander"

05.18.03 "Goodbye Yellow-Brick Road"

Last night was fun, one of the best pre-birthdays I can remember. R took me out to eat at Barcelona. Very posh, exquisite dining in a very-north Scottsdale setting. We had tapas, paella and 'sweet' Sangria. Afterwards, we headed back to my place where Adam, Jeff and Fuzzy, visiting from Cali, were. They took off for JT's and to see the new Matrix movie while we chilled. We got a little wasted and welcomed my birthday with sex.
I'm officially (and unwillingly) 28. Really, it's no different than any other day. Life has been coming down on me and I only laugh to keep myself from crying. In a very strange and scary way, I realize I don't know what I want. Though I suppose even if I did, it would be denied. Everything I have is slowly being taken from me: house, friends, etc. Don't get me wrong I know things could be much, much worse. I could be a gutterpunk in Tempe begging for change outside the Zia. Still it is human nature to yearn. Mankind's sickness to focus on the future, while living in the past all while forgetting the present. How is the Big Three-Oh creeping up on me so fast? Precious and few are the moments we can share. That's all we really have, laughs, memories, etc. The car, the cash, the house-you can't take that with you.
There is no longer black & white but mere shades of grey. We have taken our Jiminy Cricket conscience and squashed it like the bug it was.

Song of the day: Machines of Loving Grace- "Butterfly Wings"

05.16.03 Alvie needs a gun

Does it ever seem that everything that could go wrong, does? i'm on the verge of mental breakdown: my car is fucking up on me AGAIN! my roommate is moving out of state June 1st and i haven't found a new place to live. The mortgage company needs MORE paperwork even though they already 'pre-approved' me. As if all that wasn't bad enough, i turn 28 on sunday. eww, so damn old! these are the times I wish I had a gun.
The silver-plated lining aside: there is a new member of the family, Echo's new playmate Chanel, has come to fill my parent's house with all of her Puppy-goodness. Afterall, Echo likes 'em young, like me.

Song of the day: Freestyle- "Don't Stop the Rock"

05.13.03 Head Explody

Everything is crashing down on me, all at once. I haven't found a place to buy, my car is fucking up on me, work is overloading me. AAARRGH!!! I feel like I'm going to explode from the pressure.
I want to scream, but that will not solve anything.

Song of the day: The Sounds - "Living in America"

05.11.03 Cheerios & Piss

So I was supposed to have my brakes done yesterday. Which is why I even woke up early-and they were, except they sound even louder today! Not to mention the 'check engine' light lit up, goddammit! Another trip to the VW dealership, this shit better be under warranty. That's just another drop of piss in the Cheerios of my life. My Saturday night wasn't much better, first we had dinner at Bobby McGee''s. The most disgusting chicken-fried steak I've ever had. That thing was just NASTY! Later we met up with Ngoc and her sister at Diem's place. All of us waited for Mr. Lane to meet us while we dranked and talked. Once he was there, we made our way to Guys & Dolls. Adam, Ngoc, Diem, Iris, R and I walked inside the 'social club'. Lots of old people there, we were easily the best looking and youngest group there. We were adopted by the elite people there who crowded around our table like piranhas after fresh meat. Our Matrix-ey outfits got us in with Trina, a PVC wearing, married, thirtysomething MILF who flirted with us. That was nice, but not fifty dollars nice! And alas, no threesome to show for it. =(
You like to hit it from the back! You dirty boy, you!

You like to hit it from the back! You dirty boy, you!

Doggy-Style

What Sexual Position Are You?

Song of the day: Darude - "Sandstorm"

05.09.03 RIP Starla

Once again, I'm on the bad day continuum, my hung-over ass got a call this morning from my mom. One of our dogs, Starla, was hit and killed by a car last night. Granted, she never liked any of us (or humans in general) but it was still sad to realize I'll never see her again. My poor Echo is now all alone.
I've been off all day, since I went out to Anderson's with my boy Lane last night. He claimed he couldn't stay very long for work reasons. Well, I'll be damned if we didn't stay till it closed. We were both pretty wasted, Adam found his missing pair of testicles long enough to strike up a conversation with some girly who even gave him a kiss. Shit, I swear everyone I've taken to that place has had better luck than I have (Roxie, Christina, Adam). Anyway, Adam and I have talked a lot lately. Maybe it's because he's leaving but we've connected through our own philosophies. I'm going to miss that boy.

Song of the day: David Gray- "Sail Away"

05.08.03 28 and so tired of life

I turn 28 in ten days and if that wasn't bad enough, I still haven't found a condo to buy, I haven't gotten my threesome, and I didn't get the raise I asked for.
I feel a mental breakdown coming on.

my blackdaisies character

You are Violencia. You are a strong person, both in personality and physicality, who isn't afraid to let your friends and partners know exactly what you want, and that you'll probably have your way. There is no bullshitting about you, you go right for the prize whatever the prize might be. You're dominating in relationships, you probably initiate wanton acts of sexual carnage and you're open about it all. "On your knees, bitch" is probably a phrase you use regularly.

Take the Which Black Daisies Character Are you Quiz?

Song of the day: Delerium - "Allurance"

05.06.03 The chicken & the Egg

I'm exhausted, I don't even know what time I got to bed last time. Adam dragged me to Chaser's because he didn't have a car and needed to do intern hours. I had a couple of Tom Collin's, not very Cinco-de-Mayo but whatever. We played a game of pool and then I tried my hand at shuffleboard (weird-ass game). It was Adam & Beth vs Frank & I, and yeah-we lost. We got back to the house and started philosophizing about religion, matter/anti-matter and infinity. Adam and his friend Justin have come to the conclusion that the white-man is the devil, despite the fact they're both crackers. Meanwhile, my favorite Saltine, R, ranted about religion and Hitler.
Lane and I were building off of each other's theories and ideas. Adam see's the idea of an expanding universe, but expanding unto what? I suspect Time (as a concept) doesn't move, it is static and it is for always. We, however, are moving through the fabric of time. The part that is 'us', our soul or consciousness is eternal. It is an energy, which can neither be created nor destroyed but merely transferred. From this plane of existence or the next. My finite mind demands that every beginning have an end, it cannot comprehend the existence of 'forever'. Our minds were beginning to hurt. There's only so many chicken/egg theories that can go back so far before it begins to fuck with your head.

You're Metamorphosis of Narcissus! You're bright, philosophical
and creative, but you don't always get the attention you deserve.
Which Salvador Dali Painting Are You?

Song of the day: Front Line Assembly- "Insolence"

05.04.03 Promises, Promises

Well this has been some weekend, I'm barely recuperating. Friendship Friday with R led to some sweet smoke, Pei-Wei for dinner, X-2 and clubbing. I swear there's something happening with the goth-clubs as of late, they are dying in terms of music and attendance. Last night was the 3rd Annual End of the Year Pachanga/Cinco De Mayo party. Adam and Ngoc went, we got quite happy on the free booze and frozen margaritas-we were also high as kites while we were there. Christina started getting all up on Adam's shit and as soon as the old people started singing Kareokee we knew it was time to leave. We tried getting Ngoc to come with us and R to the Social Club, but it was a no go. Dammit! she promised next Saturday, but knowing her, we'd better just pencil that in. Goodnight.

Song of the day: Imperative Reaction- "Never Tomorrow"

04.30.03 long time, no update

I don't know what the hell is up with either geocities or netscape, but I haven't been able to update in ages because the browser keeps freezing as soon as I press the 'save' button. The conference is over, it was fun, good food, good people (especially a hot, Spanish MILF) and some learning was accomplished. It definitely beats another humdrum day at behind the walls of my cubicle.
My mom has been huffing & puffing since yesterday because she didn't win anything in the Health & Wealth raffle. I told her there were better ways to spend $100 than on a raffle ticket. She was sure she'd win a furnished house, a car or something of the sort.
See what happens when people don't take my advice?

Song of the day: Das Ich - "Kreig Im Paradies'

04.27.03 Murphy's Condo

Met with the realtor today. As soon as we got to the complex she informed me THE ONE had been sold! The remodeled pimp-pad with a jetstream tub had been sold yesterday. I knew that was too good to be true. Sonofabitch! I have the worse fucking luck. I'm so sick of looking at MLS #'s and calling mortgage and realty companies. It's quite sad, so far the best one has fire AND water damage.
Looks like the streets or back to the 'rents if I don't find a place by May 31st. Eww, I wonder which one will kill my social life more, homelessness or my parents. I need to win the lottery!

Song of the day: Covenant- "Like Tears in Rain'

04.23.03 Hell week

My district was audited today, I think we did quite well at hiding our skeletons. They were actually really nice but stress-causing people. At least that nightmare is over-it's been a week from hell.
I have been running around all week opening new accounts, refinancing my car and getting a pre-approved mortgage. I've been looking for places to live in, as well as putting ads up on different singles sites for the ever-illusive Threesome. They already sold the condo I wanted-damn! It's very tiring work and besides a lower interest rate, I've yet to see any fruits for my labor. I am one haggard bastard at least R's coming over to make me feel better.

Song of the day: Oasis- "Morning Glory"

04.20.03 Better than the Easter Bunny

It's 4/20, it's Easter!
Wow, I've been out of it pretty much the whole day, since I celebrated last night. First a light dinner at R's restaurant followed by sex, then a joint. It was off to Applebie's for dinner with a mucho margarita. Then we went to the Bella Morte show. Unfortunately, we had to wait at least an HOUR before going in there. After the show it was off to naked-world (aka my house). Waiting for us there were two ice-cube trays full of grape Jell-O shots and more weed. We smoked, dranked and fucked till we couldn't see straight anymore. Amazing sex, we even came up with new positions, so what if we didn't get our deserved threesome. She is the one that really missed out on our skillz.
This morning we celebrated the old fashioned way with a wake&bake before sex. Breakfast at the Dunkin-Donuts with iced-coffee and munchkins. Munchie-heaven, if I do say so myself. Happy 4/20.

Song of the day: Bella Morte- "As Night Falls"

04.18.03 first and seconds

Despite 50% of the Pumpkins AND the sexy talents of Paz (wearing Daisy Dukes NO LESS!) last night's hour and a half Zwan show left me somewhat dissatisfied. I miss the days of the 2+ hour SP shows, when I knew every word to every song. To fix the aftertaste, I headed to my Thursday-night spot, Anderson's. The place was having a good night, after a couple of dead weeks. I called my buddy Lane to meet me there, he 'grudgenly' agreed and we had a great time. I don't think I've seen Adam dance that much in a while. We got back to the house and smoked out, in the meantime talking to R about Adam's departure and getting him a chicky. The girl? A 16yr old, half-jap/half-mex acquaintance of R's. Though we agreed he could only get our sloppy seconds. Considering we can get our 'firsts' looks like Adam is SOL.

Song of the day: Croc Shop- "World (global mix by assemblage23)"

04.15.03 Alvie's Crib

I have a headache and it's not even because it's tax day. What a pain it has been to apply for a measly 70K mortgage. Two W2's, four pay-stubs, two bank statements, credit history, etc. I hope this is worth it, I hate calling touch-pad operated automatic answering machines. Just to wait a half an hour to tell me my pay history will be mailed in 7-10 business days. That won't go down well with the Southern Belle loan officer and the ex-stripper realtor. I'm not asking for a mansion here. Just a small, two bedroom, two bathroom, multilevel, Pimp-chateau. Work with me people!

Song of the day: Jesus & Mary Chain- "Head On"

04.13.03 smokey weekend

Sunday is very satisfying when you wake up to sex and a bowl of creeper bud. These last few days have been great: on Thursday and Friday I hung out with my old friend Roxie. I can't believe we haven't gone clubbin' in over a year. Granted, she is a Mommy now. Last night I hung out with R and Adam, we got seriously blazed after watching 'Spun'. A movie about tweakers with an incredible soundtrack done by Billy Corgan (who also makes a cameo in the movie). But all this partying does take its toll, I'm exhausted. Goodnight.

Song of the day: Primus- "Those Damned Blue Collar Tweekers"

04.08.03 "fuck me gently with a chainsaw"

I got my Placebo singles (The Bitter End and Come Home) from overseas today. Even though I ordered from a UK site, it was routed through Belgium. Those wanna-be-french faggots decided to open my cd's! That pisses me off. According to the slip of paper, their customs "officially opened" the package for safety reasons. There are FUCKING CD's! and one of them is SEE THROUGH! did they think HMV would be sending me drugs for '11.15
I also got the Tori 2:1 show, and I'll be damned if he didn't write on it. Sonofabitch, I hate other people's handwriting on my CD's.

which member of placebo are you?

Song of the day: Assemblage 23- "Drive"

04.06.03 Mission Impossible

Well, the threesome did not happen. Surprise, surprise. I knew it was too good to be true, things like that are never that easy. Situations like that never happen to me. Not to say, I didn't try. The setting was perfect, I had the house to myself since Adam was out for the evening. R and I were showered, shaven and ready. I had spent a lot of money on the 'wolfsheim' cd and flavored lube and condoms. We had gone to every extent to make this a perfect evening. Of course we needed Rose to 'actually' show up. The girl chickened out at the last minute, turned off her phone and stood us up. The Mission has failed, I guess it was just an April Fool's Joke after all.
I just don't have any luck with Tucson girls, do I?

Song of the day: Pankow- "Me & my ding-dong"

04.03.03 Project Mayhem

Today, I had a meeting. A total waste of time, much like all my meetings. Though this one did concern the April 23rd audit. We meet, to meet again, joining our intellects in synergy and daydreams. I felt like grabbing the plastic utensils (knives and the almighty SPORKS!) and starting a riot. I put on a brave little face as we voted on who should be audited, via my expertise based on files and audits. If you can't dazzle them with your brilliance, baffle them with your bullshit, I always say.

Which Fight Club Character Are You?

Song of the day: Fischerspooner - "Emerge"

04.01.03 sleeping with more than ghosts

So it appears The Mission is proceeding smoothly. So smoothly in fact, that Realestate-R wants to bet a Wolfsheim cd that she will close the deal' this weekend. Hmm, that made me wonder. Since I really can't lose either way I chose to take that bet. I also do not doubting her prowess, so I had to make a special trip to Stinkweed's just to pick 'Spectators' up. While I was there, I also got the new Placebo cd.
Ooh, I'm giddy, I hope this isn't some April's Fool Joke.

you are MY SWEET PRINCE, you depressing but
beautiful and more then likely you're need a hug,
and prozac...in excess...
which placebo song are you?

Song of the day: Hocico - "Forgotten Tears"

03.30.03 playmates & thin wallets

I just got done creating an ad for a new playmate for R and I. Hopefully, we can find someone worth our time and "fun".
Damn. The day seems unbearably long when you wake up at 8am on a Sunday. My sister went back to Seattle (all tanned and tattooed) this morning. Being the good brother, I was the chauffeur. Later I went to get some glasses, the 'buy one get one free' offer seemed tempting though it still ended up costing my poor wallet $300! Fuck! Now I can see clear enough to go blind with rage!

Song of the day: Everclear- "Santa Monica (watch the world die)"

03.25.03 Bulletproof Cupid

What's Your Inner Placebo Song?

"The album title's about carrying the ghosts of your relationships with you to the point where sometimes a smell or a situation or an item of clothing they bought brings a person back. For me it's about the relationship that you have with your memories. In a way writing the songs helps me to get a lot of the nasty feelings off my chest and put them in a box, and therefore have a bit more of an objective discourse with those emotions because you've done something positive with them, you've rid yourself of them"
- Brian Molko
Sexy Brian Molko and the boys are back. The new Placebo CD, Sleeping with Ghosts came out yesterday in England. A lot of good that does me here, I don't know if I should special order it or not. I did for 'Black Market Music' but that was to get the limited edition cover. It costs 14L though, that's like $21. Perhaps I should take up a collection? Then again, I can buy it in the states next week.

Which Placebo Album Are You?

Song of the day: Placebo - "The Bitter End"

03.23.03 Naked World

Today my mom, sister and I headed to the Phx Art Museum for the 'El Greco to Picasso' exhibit. Nice paintings but I was expecting more for $16 tickets (not including 'service charges'). The weekend draws to an end, it was not a good week. Bad Friday, bad date and mango-margaritas & pot do not make a good combination. Last night, I hung out with R, we had dinner at Houston's then went to my place. We got so blazed we started rollin' again. As we were kicking back, she told me I was wearing too much clothing. My boxers and bathrobe came off and it became a naked party. We had some of the most amazing sex for and hour and a half. A very surreal experience and a good end to my weekend-finally.

Song of the day: Peter Murphy- "I'll fall with your knife"

03.20.03 sounds of *boom*

I did my taxes last night. The good news is that I get $106 in refund. The bad news, I owe the state $298. Shit! It's MY money, how can I owe them more of MY salary! The state will have to wait till April 15th for that cash.
My Dept. is also getting audited so I've been bombarded with phone calls. Monkey-ass teachers who didn't do their JOB ON TIME are calling me for help. All I tell them are these words of wisdom I once read:
procrastination is like masturbation.
It's all good until you realize you're fucking yourself.

Song of the day: Outkast- "Bombs over Baghdad"

03.17.03 "i don't like mondays"

Happy Billy Corgan Day!
It has been raining all day, too bad I had to go back to work today. I've had meetings all day and I'm not in the best of moods. My District is getting audited and it appears we are heading towards war.
How's that for a Monday?

Song of the day: Din Fiv- "Conspiracy"

03.16.03 Brain-cell Massacre

My mini-spring break has come to an end. Four straight days of non-stop partying. I don't think I've killed this many brain cells in ages. That's not something to be proud of, but sometimes you learn in the process.
Thursday night was the usual bash at Anderson's. Friday was serious party night for Adam, R and I. The Pink Ladies were performing an exclusive concert at my house. Added to the mix, was the impromptu appearance of The Whippets. Someone invited THC and Pinot Noir and we all had a great time. We did the after-hours thing at Requiem, where they actually had a decent crowd. After the club, we headed back to the house enjoyed some wine and chatted till 6am.
Saturday, we were feeling like hell, our seratonin was depleted, we had slept for three hours and we had a planned Rocky Point trip. Diaz and Hoang were coming to my house at 4 to leave for Mexico.
We took the I-10 East, which made us an hour late, it wasn't till 10pm before we got there. The pharmacies had closed and we didn't know where the hell we were going. Ngoc (swearing to Little Buddha Man) told us she knew were the hottest club was located. Guiding Christina to 'The Reef' a place that was deader than my hopes. She protested that was the hottest club, before clarifying, "back in the day." We stopped to eat at a Sea-food place, that, much like the rest of Rocky Point accepted only dollars. Eventually we found our way to the downtown full of drunken college kids. We made our way inside the Pink Cadillac Club. The joint was packed with kids dancing to hip-hop. Not my scene, not my style, but I was trying to have a good time. R wasn''t feeling well and decided it would be better to go back to the car. Was I supposed to let a sick girl who could barely walk, go out to the car in the streets of mexico with drunks? I brought her, she was my responsibility. Ngoc and Diaz got some boy attention-false names and fake ages notwithstanding. Though it's somewhat sad the 30+ year olds got with some college-ass while I was babysitting.

Song of the day: :wumpscut:- "Praise your fears"

03.13.03 favorite subjects

It's been a very long short-week. I'm finally on my two day mini-spring break. The superintendent told us we could leave at noon, then she took it back after I was already home. Of course I had to go back (to take lunch that is) and left right after at 2pm. That reminds me of another joy (note the sarcasm) my grandfather is in town. Though I can respect any man who can date rich widows, play Bach-flamenco style AND was the drug dealer in Easy Rider he's not really one of my favorite people.

Song of the day: Velvet Acid Christ- "Fun With Drugs"

03.09.03 Requiem for a Weekend

I've been partying since Thursday night. On Friday, I visited my good friend Roxie and her baby daughter. I left at ten and as much as I wanted to sleep, I decided to meet R and her friends at Requiem to dance. Unfortunately, the kiddies can't get in till 1am. So I stayed awake, and met them there. Too bad the crowd died so soon. Saturday, I was planning on seeing visuals sadly the connection flaked on us and that didn't happen. The option of Vitamin-C was offered, seeing how the original plans were ruined, we agreed on that. Everything was going fine, till Adam came home with a more-than-belligerent Francis. We were going to party with them, but they had their own deal going on. Oh well, I have three days of work then I'm off. This is supposed to be my spring break, what else am I supposed to do?
Exhaustedly yours,
Alvie
Sick Boy from Trainspotting

Ultra cool, ultra blond, and ultra smart, you give some class to the load of lowlifes that surround you. Too bad you're too arrogant and drug-hazed to recognize the good mate you got in Renton. Your cute face only gets you so far, and then you're screwed.
Which Sexy Movie Drug Addict Are You?

Song of the day: Haujobb - "Penetration (Floor Mix) edit"

03.05.03 Ashen forecasts

It's been a weird day. I almost ran over a duck today. On my way to work on Camelback as I approached Hayden, there it was. Waddling along the turning lane like it owned the road. I waited till it crossed the lane and became someone else's problem. That was my good deed for Ash Wednesday-even though I'm not catholic. At the office the catholics were wearing ashen crosses on their forehead (a la Tommy Gnosis). Later, I had lunch at Denny's, I hate that fucking place. All Denny's smell the same, the stench of cigarettes, cheap food and old people. I had the R special an order of fries (without the marinara sauce). Tomorrow I have an all day microsoft workshop. Oh yay, my two favorite words: microsoft and workshop.

Song of the day: Icon of Coil - "Thrill Capsul"

03.03.03 To have and NOT hold

I've had this conversation with two different people today so I figure it makes a good entry. The question: what is it about longing that makes us yearn? The reality is that we all want things. Those objects can be people, money, power, etc. But it seems we all like the chase more than the catch. Like a dog chasing a car, what the hell would it to do if the car stopped? Consider all of your desires, what would you do once you had each and every single one? Satiated wishes do not produce long-term happiness. Like a toy you asked for Christmas, once you got it you were the happiest kid, for maybe a week. Eventually your beloved toy found itself in the back of the closet with the toys of Christmases past.
We want to want. Our need stems from wanting, not from the object itself. Paradise is lost, once paradise is gained.

Which Member of the Endless Are You?

Song of the day: Funker Vogt- "This World"

03.02.03 The Usual Suspects

So here is an interesting mix: You get 8 people wanting something to do. The usual players were present: John "Fuzzy" Risi and Anthony "The last Starfighter" Francis, so we knew something was in store. We were looking through the phonebook, and the internet, everyone and their cell-phones calling clubs/friends seeing what's going that night. The 'young' night wore on as we attempted to find "something" to do. and then we realized with a lot of alcohol, we can have a party here. Beer run was made and the four-footer came out. The 'philosopher' (AKA me) began asking people what they saw on the TV. The rest of the night was a blur bathed in techno music and fractal generated images.

Song of the day: Ravenous- "Silver Ray"

02.28.03 sands of time

It's always good to wake up with sore legs and a headache, it means the previous night was good. Lane, Francis and myself were at Gothnight having a great time. I did party a little harder than I should have. Thank God it was a slow day at the office. I did some testing, took care of some chores and even had time to call my sister, Anais, who turns 19 today. Actually tomorrow since she's a leap-year child. I can remember when she was born, after school 3rd grade year. Watching Fantasy Island in the waiting room. God, I feel old.

Which monkey are you?

Song of the day: De/Vision- "Your hands on my Skin"

02.25.03 raining ennui

Who are you?
Tuesday and it's raining, I don't feel like being at work. So what do I do? Well taking pointless (though insightful) online quizzes seems to be the answer!
Shit, the phone just rang. Damn!

What Do You Wear to Bed?

Song of the day: Big Electric Cat - "Christabel"

02.22.03 damned amateurs

Don't you love it when friends come over to your house, get drunk, make idiots of themselves and puke on your floor? even better when they're too drunk to care about it and you have to pick up the mess? I thought I just had Francis to worry about, I guess I'll have to add Bordelau to that list.

Song of the day: Penal Colony - "Freemasons of Enochian Magick" (Front Line Assembly Remix)

02.19.03 The Anarchist was right

My father turns 50 today. God, that's so old! then again, I'm not exactly a spring-chicken. Today will feel like yesterday, if/when I waken in the body of a 50yr old. Just one of those things I will never understand. Like my father's obsession with the Robb Report.
While doing my 'homework' the other night, I tried listening to myself sideways. I realized life is passing me by, routine is to comforting. I'm in stagnant ground while my desires chase my dreams like a carrot on a stick.
By the age of 21, Johnny Rotten knew what he wanted and knew how to get it. I'm six years older, and I still don't know.

Song of the day: Sex Pistols - "Anarchy in the UK"

02.15.03 Screams of the Butterfly

9:00pm
Damn, it's been a long day-then I remember I woke up 38hrs ago. Night and Day have overlapped each other too many times. Last night was a party that I'm still trying to recover from. After my friend R and I had dinner we went back to my house. Adam and Francis had just returned from a night of drinking at JT's. We took our Valentine pills and soothed into the night. Noticing the grins on our faces, Adam and Anthony decided to join us. From
Which Gothic Supermodel are you? there things got hazy, the recreational chemicals flowing around, my Industrialicious mix playing, us dancing and videotaping the procedures. We all had a deep discussion over the "5 words that describe us best". We were feeding off of each other's energy. At 12:50 we hopped into my Jetta and headed to Requiem. They were having a special Valentine's Day event. The place was surprisingly packed. R and I danced to a few songs until she found a hot chick to dance with. Don't you love spending $50 on your "date's" dinner and have her go dance with someone else for a half-hour? That was eventually cleared up. We left at 3:00 and continued partying till daylight. Excuse this non-sequitur, i'm starting to see things.

Song of the day: Sneaker Pimps - "Low Place like Home"

02.14.03 Gothic Butterflies

I am once again reminded I am the only male in my dept. Walking into the office this morning with small chocolate boxes for all my female coworkers. Yes Valentine's Day, or as my sister calls it, Black Friday, is upon us once again. Of all the Hallmark created holidays, none can make you feel more alone as this one. I always get dumped before V-day. Today though, I have dinner and clubbin plans with R. Happy Hallmark day.

Song of the day: Terminal Choice - "Forbidden Love"

02.11.03 twinkle, twinkle

Sadly my four-day week, four-day weekend was cancelled for 'calendar' reasons. Apparently the district believes giving us Veteran's day counts enough to prevent us from taking President's day off as well. Sigh, things could be better for me right now but whatever. They could be better for everyone. shit happens, stress happens, and weekends are the only thing to look forward to. Then there are those take-a-deep-breath 'ahhhh' periods of serenity: that feeling i get standing outside my house at night staring at the stars.

Song of the day: The Cranberries - "Wanted"

02.06.03 Got Hed?

Hung out with R last night, quite unusual for a Wednesday but we had stuff to do and see (besides each other). After our Subway floor picnic, we found ourselves at the Scottsdale Center for the Arts to see Hedwig & The Angry Inch. Good thing we didn't run into Tommy Gnosis though we did see her friend Ian there. The diverse crowd and great show made for an interesting evening.

Hedwig & The Angry Inch Character Test

Song of the day: Hedwig & the Angry Inch- "Wig in a box"

02.03.03 priceless dreaming

Which VW Are You?

If that car had limo-tint, it would look just like mine. Ha ha! Such is the life, playa-hater's. Maybe your blood donations and bus fares will, one day, afford you one. Until then, keep dreaming.

Song of the day: Lights of Euphoria - "Fortuneteller"

01.31.03 Sleep Deprived Memories

I bought the new Zwan CD on Tuesday. Good music, though nowhere, near Pumpkin greatness. I suppose that would be asking for a lot. Put it this way, if the Pumpkins were Hershey's 'Special Dark', Zwan is milk-chocolate. As bad as that analogy may be, it's all I can come up with. I'm dead tired. Clubbin' last night, working today-late night's, early morning's-I'm exhausted. My exciting plans for Friday night include watching tv, reading and falling asleep. For the past few nights I've been watching VH-1's I love the 80's series. God, that was a great time (ahh, the memories). It reminds me of summer '93, I spent a week after graduation in a drug filled haze while I watched brat pack movies.

Which 80's Teen Movie Are You?

Song of the day: Berlin - "Take My Breath Away"

01.27.03 tale of two days

The weekend; from haging out with my best-friend/Ex to giving her advice the following night for her date. Not always an easy pill to swallow. It's good she's dating and moving on, both of us really should. Except that there aren't many girls worth dating. The choice of intelligent/attractive/interesting females is quite slim around here. I don't really want or need a girlfriend since that will only lead to hurt. Guys, girls, distance, something is bound to fuck it up. Isn't that always the case?

Song of the day: Cosmicity - "Your Beautiful Lie"

01.23.03 Moving on...

"she needs you like she needs her pills to tell her that the world's ok"
you say you want to die for love, as if being a martyr in the eyes of Venus would give meaning to your existence. Just because you forgive, don't expect to be forgiven. You bleed because you choose to do so. It is pointless to bring up the subject, time and time again. The dead horse is beaten beyond recognition. An excersize in futility which you continue to practice knowing full-well what you were getting into when we first met. Don't act surprised, this is the outcome of your actions. Guilt-trips will not mend your broken wings.
The scent of Vanilla Fields and Marlboro Light's.
Poe on Sundays and Applebie's on Saturday nights.
I was there to open your eyes, lift you up and give you wings.
You have done the same for me.
It's time for us to open them and fly away.

Song of the day: Sisters of Mercy- "Alice"

01.22.03 "Across Salvation's Desert"

Dammit!, I'm pissed! Why is it I only find the good sites when they are closing down? First the Smashing Pumpkins server shut down. Then Etree removed all Dave Matthews shows. And now, the Tori ftp site has shut down for good. I was only able to download a handful of shows from each. I suppose other people couldn't even get that, but still.
In other news, I spent my first nonaversary watching the Depeche Mode 86-98 videos dvd. Exciting, exciting.

Song of the day: Rollins Band - "Illumination"

01.18.03 Just Deserves

Don't you love it when bad things happen to horrible people? I know I do, it's called justice. I've been giddy all morning, the last couple of days have been great for me. Finally everyone is getting what they deserve. The jail-bait Hindu Princess and the Junkie Faggot are in more trouble than any revenge my sadistic little mind could've come up with. I guess it's a good thing he likes cock, since they'll be plenty of that were he's going (make sure you drop the soap, aaron). As for her, she should get her license taken away (you know, the one that took her THREE TRIES to get), as well as her computer, and cellphone. Of course, those are just suggestions, I'm sure mommy and daddy have more in store.
And yes, Karma *is* a bitch, and for once she's not being a bitch to me.

Song of the day: Front 242- "Headhunter"

01.13.03 Certified Gothy Fabulous

Yay! I'm the 'Feature of the Day' at Gothic Personals! Ooh and on my favorite day (The 13th). Woohoo!, I've always wanted to be 'feature of the day' now i feel all warm and loveable inside. Who knows? maybe that will lead to some new possibilities or even a date! *crosses fingers*

Song of the day: Snog- "Corporate Slave"

01.12.03 Lessons in innocence

Few things make you feel older than when your friends begin to procreate. Last night I got to hang out with my old friend Roxie and her beautiful little baby Morgan. Amazing how babies can make you see the beauty in the simplest of things: car rides and good friends. Later, we met up with 'Daddy-J' and chilled at the apt. It was great to see her as a mommy, still as cool as ever. Rare as those moments are these days, they're still great. However the idea of child-birth is better left to the experts, than myself.

Song of the day: Fictional- "Blue Lights"

01.08.03 Forgetting 'The Forgotten'

Staying Friends with Ex's Tip 2: Avoid the places where 'they' are regulars.
This can be further classified as any place where they've had sex with more than one person in attendance (not counting yourself). I swear, last night The Jar's Goth Night sucked more than usual. Not only were the drinks outrageously priced, the music not up to par (as is usually the case) but it seems everyone R had fucked within the last year was there. Maybe non-important to the other three, but not a comfortable situation for me, even though I am well aware we are not "together". The final straw came as we were leaving and she insisted on me meeting her infamous ex, aaron. As if I was in need of meeting any more junkies. Though I may go back if there's a band I want to see. I think that was my last night at the Jar.

Song of the day: Suicide Commando- "Hellraiser"

01.05.03 Inspirations for Anger

I woke up too early today, my sister was going back to school and I had to take her to the airport. You know, there are few places I hate going more than SkyHarbor. Especially when half the population of Ohio is trying to fly home. Their fat, grinning, red-donning, cornbread eating, midwestern faces were pissing me off. Well, as long as they get the hell out of my state, I don't care. All people who live (or have ever lived) in Ohio should be sterilized. I'm in a pissy mood.
What World War 2 Axis/Allied Power Were You?

Song of the day: Nitzer Ebb- "Join in the Chant"

01.01.03 headaches & hangovers

Going to Tucson was not my idea, but since I didn't really have any plans I decided to go with Adam to The Old Pueblo and celebrate New Year's Eve. Believe me, amongst family/friends $150 worth of alcohol goes by pretty fast. Jamie kept us all liquored up as we welcomed 2003 with an ocean of alcohol, sparklers, fireworks and phone-calls. Lots and lots of phone-calls.
This morning I found myself in David's livingroom, along with 15 other sleep-deprived souls from last's nights 'Pijama Jammy-Jam New Year's' party. Woke up alone, hmm-just like every New Year. Unless you count my headache and hang-over. Seems like I had a threeway with those two last night.
Bleary eyed and tired, Adam and I road-tripped it back home. I spent some time with my Ex, R and then the family. Now it's time to crash. Happy Resolutions.

What's your Inner European?

Song of the day: Zwan- "Honestly"

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