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Reminiscing
Chapter One: Ruse
By Shinagami
“Asuka, you’re pregnant.” When anyone hears those words they go hysterical, I know for a fact, everyone does. I’m no exception to that rule, I mean how could I be? 14 and I got a....thing growing in me!
“WHAT?!” My scream probably echoed all the way to Commander Ikari’s office, but I didn’t care. “What the hell?!” Dr. Akagi looked at me with what could be slight amusement, or annoyance, but I was still to shocked to analyze it more.
“Some of the preliminary tests we gave you a week ago turned up a 98% chance you are pregnant.” She glanced at her clipboard. “We’re analyzing Shinji to see if any residual sperm cells are his.”
“Idiot-boy? I’d never, NEVER sleep with THAT idiot! But that’s beside the point, how did this happen?!”
The doctor scribbled something down and smiled at me. “Why don’t you tell us.” I narrowed my eyes, this was no time for games.
“Look, I can tell you that for the few weeks I’ve been here Shinji has gone nowhere near me.” I don’t know why I’m arguing over some useless dolt like Shinji when my future is at stake. “I have to go.” Sliding off the medical bed I rushed to the door and almost trampled Dr. Akagi’s assistant, whatever her name was. Down the hall I ran, looking for a way out, and outlet of sanity somewhere inside the caverns of Nerv headquarters. I found it in a dark room where the only light was hundreds upon hundreds of gallons of liquid coolant illuminating four walls around my Unit 2. My leibling. For the first time since my escape I realized I was trembling, but that couldn’t be... I was Asuka Langley Soryou , I was the top of line, I was best of the best... I was a teenage mother with no hope of becoming anything at all.
“Pathetic...” My lips seemed to hold onto those words, unable to let them free to echo throughout the cage.   My Eva stared down at me with its perpetual inquisitive look, almost seeming as if it was cocking it’s head at me with curiosity. Hell, I’d be curious to know why my pilot who was usually so strong was now whimpering on the floor. I stood up, finding my strength once more.
“You know what? I can overcome this, this is nothing.” It didn’t bother me that there was no answer, response or words of encouragement, but then again, falsified hope only leads to a downfall.
***********
“I’m ho-ome!” With a swish of the closing door and the thud of my shoes falling from my feet I made my presence known. The living room treated me to a view of Shinji loafing on the couch, watching TV. That wuss, Dr. Akagi said it may be his child. I’d just have to fix him up for his little gift.
“Shinji.” I put as much loathing as I could into my voice. He peeked around the corner of the sofa, curiosity piqued. To my complete and utter shock he actually smiled a bit when he saw me, as if he was waiting for my arrival.
“Yeah?” My initial surprise of him not cowering or running away overcome, I set about making sure the rest of his life was a living horror movie.
But before I could give him the what for, he surprised me by smiling more and standing up. “Dr. Akagi called and said that they’d confirmed it. That...the baby, well, it’s me. I’m the father.” he must’ve seen my expression turn from surprise to shock/horror and continued. “ I’ve been thinking... and I think- no hope, that this will help us grow as a couple.”
Speechless was never something I had to deal with, usually I could find something to say, a rebuttal or even a witty comeback, but this, this....forwardness, this frank expression of his feelings.....wait, did he say couple?
“We are NOT a couple! I still have to kick you’re ass for forcing yourself on me somehow!” I was beyond angry, I was so mad I got confused, stuff didn’t jive here, why didn’t I remember screwing Shinji?
“Forcing myself? I-I didn’t! You don’t remember when Misato was on night duty the night before the seventh angel fight and we found the bottle of wine? You said you’d never forget it, I mean...we did kinda do it three times.....” The last part took a second to sink in, I was too busy trying not to kill the moron on the spot for even suggesting I’d concede to do anything with him to realize he said three times.
“-and where do you get off thinking I’d let a little alcohol destroy my common sense! I ought to- three times?” Before I knew it I was considering what kind of animal Shinji was to give it a go three times.
“You said I was good, but not as good as you.” There’s that damn smile again, I’d just have to tear it off his face.
“Well of course you’d never, ever stand to compare to my performance,” I shook my head violently. “And why am I even saying this!” With a huff I left him standing there and stormed to my room where I promptly let the muscles in my legs take the rest of the night off. “Mien gott in himmel...... now what?” Nothing in my room prompted a response, so I went over what consequences this might bring. No more eating Misato’s food, if I’d ever think to trying it in the first place. I’d probably never get to meet that perfect man who’d fulfill my dreams, and Kaji....he’d completely ignore me now. As an added bonus I’d get really fat and my boobs would sag.....wunderbar. Sleep didn’t come easy that night, but I swear I remember having a dream about Shinji and me raising a little Commander Ikari look-a-like.
***************
“Wake up, Asuka.” I’m not used to having someone wake me up, I’m pretty good at getting up when I want to, however, that soft, caring, almost meek voice pulled me from my sleep that morning and stirred my brain to think a bit.
“Nmph....no Shin...ji. Goway......” Well, it tried to think.
True to my suspicion, Shinji was leaning over the side of my bed and poking me in the shoulder. “Come on, we’ll be late for school.”
School. Damn, the last thing I needed was to have to go there. Not in my...condition. Wait, Shinji? In my room? “Get out!” Luckily I’d fallen asleep in my school uniform, so he couldn’t spy on my body, the little pervert.
“But.....” I didn’t give him a chance to finish.
“But nothing! You don’t go into a girl’s room unannounced! And furthermore not in MY room! For all you know I could be changing!”
Shinji looked at me and smiled. I’m beginning to hate that smile. “I’ve seen you already, remember?”
For the life of me I’d forgotten that he was the father. “That’s not the point! Go away.” I suddenly didn’t feel much like arguing. “You know what I’m gonna do?”
“What?” He leaned over my bed a bit more.
I shoved the covers off my bed and stretched. “I’m going to leave my room, take a shower, and when I get back there’d better be breakfast ready. Do I make myself clear?” His smile faded somewhat, giving me a sense of victory, until it reappeared wider than before.
“Okay, you just get your shower. I’ll be waiting.” Then he actually did something I am, to this day, still not convinced he did.....he leaned over me and kissed me. It wasn’t a big full on, passionate kiss, but more of a small peck. Funny thing is it sent shivers down my spine. Right before it made me REALLY angry.
“Uhg! You idiot! Get offa me!” I huffed and stumbled out of my room, in search of the door labeled W.C. Not only was what Shinji did infuriating, but it was more confusing than how I got into this situation. As I sat down in the warm water roughly around a million thought whirred through my mind. Like how come Shinji was more confident. Was that just a side-affect of getting to screw me? Or was it because this wasn’t the real Shinji. I’d heard that actors literally copy the character’s personality they are playing, so it’s more believable. There’s something to think about. Was Shinji just acting? I left the sanctuary with those thoughts, and headed toward my room. I pulled the white school shirt over my head and looked at myself in the mirror, no sign of anything abnormal about me yet, but I probably wouldn’t get fat until a month or so.
“Asuka! Breakfast is ready.” Shinji’s call summoned me to the kitchen where Misato sat gobbling down some beer and toast. Shinji ushered me into a chair and set a plate onto the table.
“Eat up, it’s good.” He said reassuringly. Looking onto the steaming pile of food, then back at Shinji my hand goes to my fork.
“Wow, no insult Asuka?” Misato had finished her beer and was about to make a big mistake, messing with me.
“For your information I’m not always a bitch, Misato.” My commanding officer and guardian looked taken aback for a second before regaining her composure and smiling. “I bet the mood swings are staring already.”
“What do you mean by that?” God, please not let her know.....but I was hoping in vain. Of course she knew, she HAD to. She was the Director of Operations and my legal guardian.
“First you’ll start to act like you have PMS times ten, then you’ll crave all kinds of stuff. That’s when you start gaining weight.” That little sadist, I’d give Misato her just rewards soon enough, now I had to defend myself.
“Well, you seem awful knowledgeable about this sort of stuff, know from experience perhaps?” Her smile stopped dead and shrived into a thin line. “I mean, you and Kaji were probably messing around in college and then, whoops....time for an abortion.” I knew that was pushing it, but I’d come to far to back down now.
“I guess you’ll be getting one too?” I mean, fitting in your plugsuit will be tough when you weigh...oh, about 200 pounds.” I’d not thought about that. I’d have to give up the baby or give up Eva. Eva was my life, but I couldn’t take a life to salvage my own...could I?
“I’m leaving.” Abruptly I scooted away from the table and strode out of the kitchen and slipped my shoes on. the . I heard Misato calling me and apologizing, but the argument was already forgotten. A few more drawbacks had surfaced, Misato was right, as much as I’d hate to admit it, she was right. I couldn’t pilot and keep the baby. I would have no choice but to abort. A small voice in my head told me it was wrong, that I’d have to make sacrifices to be happy. Damn voice. A voice of another kind broke me out of my trance.
“Hey, Asuka! Wait!” I didn’t slow my pace as Shinji stepped up beside me.
He seemed like he was struggling to find words for something, so I said nothing. “You...you know, I-...I love you, like I said that one night. You, well, you seem like you didn’t mean what you said.”
That was a new one on me. Did idiot, wuss, pervert, moron, loser, Shinji Ikari just say he loved me? I didn’t know what to say, more to the point what could I say. If all this was true like he said then I couldn’t remember anything from that night, not the feelings expressed, not the moment where we decided to express them, hell, I couldn’t even remember the sex! I did the only thing I could do at the time, I gave him my best right hook, right in the cheek. To my utter shock all he did was put a hand to the red spot and loose a couple tears.
“Asuka.....” With every bit of passion he probably felt at that moment he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me, for the second time that day. However this time, he played his tongue over my lips, teasing them open. Before I knew it Shinji’s tongue was in my mouth, and I couldn’t take it anymore. A swift upwards kicking motion stopped his kiss, and we broke contact. Eyes wide, I turned and fled. I know it might seem pathetic now, but my brain went into overload and my legs worked on their own. Leaving Shinji groaning on the ground. I ran all the way to school, stopping in the courtyard under a tree to catch my breath and straighten my dress.
“Asuka! Hey, how are you doing?” A kind voice called my attention to the class representative and my friend Hikari. She smiled when my eyes met hers and she made her way through the throng of students to stand with me below the sakura.
“I’m...okay.” I lied. Hikari might’ve been my friend, but I was not going to tell her me and Shinji had just been making out on the way over.
Her smile grew and I could tell she knew something. “Oh, spill it...come on. Is it true you and Shinji...you know....”
The horror on my face must’ve giver her two impressions: One, that was the sickest thing I’d ever heard in my life; and two, how did you know? And who else knows? She chose the latter.
“You did! Ooh! You’re lucky, a guy like Shinji would be great.” For what seemed like the billionth time that day I was speechless. Hikari thought Shinji was great? Who else had this delusion?
“I...we didn’t....Come on, Hikari. You know what I think of that idiot! Like I’d ever sleep with Shinji!” Bad move there. About ten heads turned our way from the masses, all of them undoubtedly heard me say ‘sleep with Shinji’. “No, I didn’t sleep with him!” I yelled, fearful as to what rumors where already on their way throughout the school. Soon my temper flared up and I was off, storming through the crowd to get to my homeroom. I saw a little black in all the white and green and the second stooge happened around a group of kids and past me.
“Hey, guess the bitch isn’t that bad after all, I mean she fucked Shinji.” He said it to the last stooge, who I hadn’t noticed before. The one with glasses.
“Yeah, I feel sorry for him though, she must be on his ass all the time.”
The second one laughed. “In more ways than one!” The two broke out laughing and were around the corner before I had a chance to exact my vengeance. My seat.....finally. I let myself fall into it laid my head on my desk. I could tell already this day was gonna suck.
“Why me?” I asked, my breath making a small moist vapor on the fake wood of my desk. That’s when Wondergirl decided to brighten my day. I never expected to be very good friends with Rei, I mean, a few weeks ago when I first met her she completely ignored me and made it clear she’d only be friendly to me if ordered to. So when she stopped at my desk and actually spoke to me, I decided wonders would never cease.
“Soryou.” That’s it, some greeting.
“What do you want, Rei?” I asked, not really caring. My unfocused eyes were suddenly aware of something red and blue at the same level at me. I looked to the left and realized that Rei was stooping to be at eye level with me.
“I was unaware you and Ikari were intimate, however I am...glad...for you.” Well would you look at that, Ice Queen is happy.
“Look, Wondergirl. Shinji and me are nowhere near intimate, but if you want, you can have him.” She tilted her head at me in question. “Don’t look at me like that, I’ve seen the way you two act around each other. In fact, I’m surprised you didn’t screw him first.”
Rei said nothing, but chose instead to take her seat. Whatever. Around then the rest of the class started coming in, no doubt talking about me and Shinji, what a bunch of dumkophs.
“Stand. Bow. Sit.” Hikari went through the stupid greeting like she did everyday, and the teacher chose the Second Impact as the topic for the day. Big surprise there. Just as he started talking a score of messages appeared on my laptop screen, all of them titled ‘Is it true?’, ‘Why Shinji?’ or ‘I knew it!’ I deleted them all. I needed to think about what I was going to do about this situation. Should I keep the baby or abort it? I knew full well that I’d have to get Shinji’s consent if I wanted to abort, unless I could convince the clinic that the father had run off. Then again....there was part of me in there, even though it was only a dozen or so chromosomes, I was half of this thing. Then again, the staff in Germany told me that the fate of mankind rested in my hands. I had to defeat the angels, but I couldn’t do that with a baby. When I got too big for my plugsuit they’d tell me I couldn’t pilot, then after I’d had it I would have to take care of it constantly. Second thoughts suck.
“Asuka?” I looked up, I’d zoned out longer than I thought, it was lunch already. Shinji stood over my desk with a bento box in hand. I noticed he hobbled a bit, attesting to his two injured fellows. I was torn for a split second between still being angry at him for kissing me twice, or taking the lunch. Lunch. I chose it for two reasons: One, apparently we had already broken the ice between us and shared a moment of passion...or three. So I couldn’t be too mad at him for being used to kissing me. Two, I was REALLY hungry.
“Here, I made this for you. It’s got lots of nutrients and stuff you’ll need.” Uhg...I hate it when he’s all nice and sweet.
“Yeah, yeah, gimme that.” The box contained some bratwurst, a salad and a baked potato. All western food, a welcomed change from sushi and ramen.
“Good?” He’s still leaning over me, watching.
After eyeing him enough for him to get the picture of backing off I swallowed and answered. “I guess, still needs a bit of work. You forgot the steak sauce.” I know I must’ve sounding like a bitch, but I was hungry and what good is a tenderloin if there’s no steak sauce?
“Oh, I’m sorry...I’ll get it right next time.” Enough was enough. I couldn’t stand his dopey smile or his saccharine behavior anymore. I gathered my lunch and carried it over to Hikari’s seat, where the tall stooge was talking to her. That was a change. I caught the last piece of their conversation as I approached.
“- And I got to thinkin, if Shinji could handle Asuka, then I’d give it a go with you...that is, if you want to.”
“Sure, Toji. I’m free tonight. But we’ll have to be quiet, my sisters will be home.” Hikari and the stooge? They were actually going to do it because of a mistake me and the idiot-boy made? I couldn’t let that happen. As the jock-stooge left I made my approach.
“Hikari! Please tell me your going to watch a movie and not going to-” She cut me off.
“Asuka, you and Shinji made me realize that you shouldn’t wait for some things...this is one of those things.” She smiled and sighed, probably caught up in the dream of what was going to happen later that night. Give me a freaking break, this whole school was messed up if that was the case. Not to mention I could feel about a dozen or so stares on me as I sat next to Hikari. I could just imagine the gossip. In fact, I could hear it, too.
“I heard they went at it three times!”
“You idiot, it was five, I remember Kensuke tellin me.”
“Wow, how does someone like Asuka end up with such a nice guy like Shinji?”
“I don’t know, I bet he feels sorry for her, no friends ‘cept the Class rep.”
“Shinji, that lucky bastard! I’d kill for that body!”
“I dunno, man...she’s a real bitch I hear.”
The classroom was probably not he best place for me to be right then, if anyone else had mentioned me and Shinji I’d killed them.
“Wait, Asuka! Where are you going?” Hikari called after me as I parted the crowd with stares of pure hate.
The one thing I like about this school is it’s courtyard. Lots of trees, grass, shade, and privacy. Which is what I really wanted. The only other place for that was the roof, and Rei was usually there. I remember hearing someone say that to figure out a solution, you must figure out what problem you have. So I went to work thinking what my problem was. Was it the fact that I had to abort or not pilot? Was it the anger of my classmates telling rumors? Or was it because it was with Shinji? I had to admit when I was younger I dreamed of this chance with Kaji. Okay, I still did, but I began to think that if it was Kaji’s baby he’d do something brilliant so I could pilot and keep it. He’d be strong and handsome and keep me and the baby out of danger. Shinji just stood around and....and what? He was almost constantly nice, he tried to understand me, he gave up things so I could be happier, he even took the brunt of my anger and frustration. That was a mistake to do, think about Shinji. Every time I did I started to understand him a bit better, and I wasn’t liking that at all. A woman shouldn’t be dependant on a male for support, but then, that’s what I was dreaming about doing with Kaji. Damn introspection.
The rest of school went by slowly and painfully, I couldn’t help but begin to wonder if I liked the wuss. Maybe it was those emotions I forgot even having resurfacing. Hard as I tried my thoughts wandered back to him, and I made my decision. Me and Shinji were going to have a talk. After the bell rung I happened upon Shinji waiting outside the building.
“Hi Asuka, want to walk home?” I rolled my eyes.
“You idiot, we walk home everyday.” I think he may have look hurt by the ‘idiot’ part, so I rephrased my reply. “I’d love to walk home with you, Shinji.” His eyes widened for a second before he smiled and accepted the invitation.
“You know, I’ll have to choose between the baby and Eva.” I said suddenly, as we neared our apartment.
“You mean an abortion?” I nodded. “I think you should choose the baby. I mean, if worse came to worse, we could put it up for adoption.”
Shinji had a point, I never realized it then, but despite his age he was very smart. I stopped at the stoop of the apartment complex. “Shinji, do you mean what you said?”
“Huh?” His brow knitted with my question.
“When you said you loved me, were you being completely honest?”
Without hesitation he nodded. “Of course, I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t. Why?”
The next part was hard to say, after all, I’d not had many people to say it to. “I-..I think that....I think I do too. That I.... never mind.” I shoved my way past him and started to walk up the stoop to the door.
“That you what?” I turned, Shinji was standing behind me, his eyes betrayed his emotions, he wanted me to say I loved him, his needed it. If I’d known then what I do now I might’ve realized that a little sooner, but then I disregarded it as weakness. I sighed. “That you’re not such a loser...” I saw the happy smile appear on his face. “But don’t go thinking I’m madly in love with you!”
He nodded quickly and bolted up the stairs past me. I could’ve sworn he was humming. I trooped up the stairs and slid the door to the apartment open slowly. As I entered I saw Misato’s shoes on the floor, so she must have the night shift again. Hopefully we wouldn’t find anymore wine. They were sitting at the kitchen table, both of them. Their heads snapped around to face me when I stepped up to the door of the room.
“Hi, Asuka.” Misato said. “How was your day?” Her face said that she was either nervous about something, or she really didn’t want to talk to me.
“Don’t ask me questions unless you really want to know the answer, Misato.” I grabbed Shinji’s arm and pulled him into my room. I made sure my door was closed securely before I started.
“Spill it.” Arms crossed and foot tapping I waited.
Shinji sat on the end of my bed with a nervous, confused look. “Spill what, Asuka?”
“I want to know what happened that night. You seem to remember more than I do, if I’m supposed to already been in love with you I want to know what you did to make me decide that.” There had to be some reason why’d I suddenly belt out all my feelings for someone who I previously thought was a complete wuss in that short of a time.
“Well, I guess we just realized it...heh heh.” That wasn’t a good enough answer for me, but I let it slide. Shinji had just brought up a whole new mound of thoughts that needed sorting. “I’m gonna take a bath, want to join me?” I laughed aloud as his face turned red and he stuttered an excuse and bolted.
**************
Okay, where to start.....first thing first. I didn’t believe for a second that Shinji’s ‘we just realized it’ Relationships take time to build, not one night of drunken sex. One question that was just recently brought to my attention, why would Shinji stutter and make an excuse not to take a shower with me if he’d already seen me, and more importantly screwed me? The main thing that had been bugging me was the fact that everyone at school knew about us, but who’d told them? Certainly only authorized Nerv personnel knew about my pregnancy, and I seriously doubted that no matter how confident Shinji was after our little...fun, he would go telling anybody he’d scored with me. Not even the other two stooges. A little detail that I had been to pre-occupied to realize was that Hikari seemed awfully calm about me even being pregnant, I mean, I’d be scared shitless if my friend turned up with a kid. And if I knew Hikari like I thought I did, then I knew she was too proper to even think of fucking the jock before marriage.
The steam from the hot bath water started to fog up the mirror, and I crossed my legs in the water.
And logically, if I was really pregnant then wouldn’t Dr. Akagi have prescribed some sort of vitamins to me? I didn’t know too much about medicinal science, but it seemed that there were things an embryo needed to be healthy, and so far I'd only received a bento from Shinji. Furthermore, did Nerv know the effects of LCL on a baby? I knew it was just an oxygen enriched liquid, but could it harm a baby growing inside me? I think there would reasonable doubt that Dr. Akagi and the other techs would perform some tests to make sure or not. But no, I was going to headquarters in an hour to be stuck in an entry plug for hours on end.
I stood from the bath and pulled a towel from the cabinet. Wrapping it around myself I stood in front of the mirror and stared at the foggy glass. At that moment two and two made four, and I was pissed. As quickly and silently as I could I dried myself and made it to my room. Pulling on my lavender shorts and tank top I went over what I had discovered.
I wasn’t pregnant. Me and Shinji never fucked. They were trying to pull one over on me...but why? I’d figure that out later, right now some punishment was in order. I cracked my door and peeked out, which gave me an earful of some very valuable information.
“So she wanted you to take a bath with her, you’re supposed to be in love with her.” Misato’s voice.
The next voice was Shinji, “But...I don’t want to take advantage of her. I mean, right now she believes she loves me...I’m scum...why did I even agree to this!?”
“Shh!” Keep your voice down!” Misato’s hushed whisper was almost as loud as Shinji’s yell.
“Sorry. It’s just that...well, it’s not right, why can’t we just end this, tell her what’s going on?”
Misato must’ve given Shinji an angry glare or something, because I heard him ‘urk’ and then Misato’s voice again.
“Because we need to see this through until the end, and when we do everything will be much better.”
I re-entered my room angry still, but a bit confused. Just when I thought I had it all figured out, Shinji had to go and mess me up. He actually thought what they were doing was wrong, there might’ve been hope for him yet, but I still had yet to figure out the reason they were doing this.
Figuring would have to come later, right now I was faced with deciding a proper punishment . I couldn’t just go out and yell at them, while getting the same result as anything else it would lack the irony of a well thought-out plan. I needed to get back at them with their own game, if they wanted me to act like I was pregnant, then I’d show them. I made as much noise as I could while leaving my room, as not to startle them when I showed up, and sure enough, they were sitting at the table like nothing had happened. Misato with a bottle of something alcoholic and Shinji holding a cup of tea.
“Hi, Asuka. Would you like something to drink?” Shinji motioned to his tea.
I smiled at him with as much love as I could. “That would be great, Shin-chan” Misato’s face betrayed the slightest trace of shock, or was it something else? Me using Shin-chan had to come as a surprise to her, after all, I’d been thrust into a situation where I was supposed to believe I was in love with my roommate and fellow pilot. Now I was accepting it, and I didn’t think Misato was expecting that. Asuka one, Misato zero.
“Oh, okay I’ll get you some.” Shinji stood and went to a cabinet for some tea mix while I sat down across from Misato.
“You know, I’ve decided to keep the baby and raise it.” I couldn’t help but revel in the fact that I now had Misato completely off guard. I’d taken it a step further, not only was I accepting of my predicament, but I was willing to see it through. I have to give her credit though, she wasn’t the Director of Operations for nothing.
“That’s good to hear, talk Shinji about it?” She asked pleasantly.
“Oh, yeah. When we came home from school. He said he thought it was the best way to go.”
Misato smiled. “Good, I’m happy for you.”
“By the way, Misato, I’m going to move my bed into Shinji’s room so I can be closer to him.”
I thought I saw her grin behind her can of beer, and she nodded. “I was just about to suggest that.”
She was? Okay...this just makes it easier for me. “Okay. I’ll do it when I get back.”
Shinji returned then, and set a cup of green tea in front of me. I thanked him and regarded Misato. I had to find a way to spook her. I probably almost had it, until Shinji looked at the clock and announced that we had to go. As we walked in silence to the train station I went over my plan. For Shinji I’d just pretend to have all those feelings for him, which would undoubtedly scare him silly. I’d deal with Misato later, and who else was in on this? Dr. Akagi, but was her assistant? And what about Rei? I had a hard time seeing Rei being convinced to go along with the charade, unless it was an order. Already I’d been hanging on Shinji while walking, but later tonight would be when I turned up the juice. Even now I still debate with myself if I decided to use my sex appeal against him because it was his weakness, or because I really did want him to love me.
We saw Rei as she sat on the train, schoolbag in hand. I noticed Shinji seemed to be more interested in her than me, while it shouldn’t bothered me, I felt the need to remind him that we had a child of love on the way.
“Hey, idiot,” I said playfully. “Give me your hand.” He looked back at me as I grabbed his hand and put it to my belly. “Our baby’s in there. I can’t believe it’s really true.” He looked at me like I was nuts and squirmed in his seat.
“Yeah.” I could feel his hand begin to sweat from beneath my shirt, while it was pretty gross, it still felt good to start paying him back.
“Don’t be shy, I’m starting to remember little details from the other night....like how well you put this hand to use.” By now even Rei was looking over to see what was going on. I pulled his hand away from my stomach, yanking him towards me. His face not but inches from mine I puckered up and drew him closer. I had no real plan, but at that time I figured I could tease him a bit and at the same time try to get a reaction out of Rei. When Shinji’s face started to pull away as I drew near I frowned mentally, he’d already done this twice....what was his deal? Then I noticed that the shirt I was wearing plus the fact that I had not worn a bra, because I’d have to change into my plugsuit, gave him a view of my entire left breast. Ironic wouldn’t be the word I would have used then, but now it seems fitting. I didn’t know whether to recoil and slap him or continue leaning, but the train jerking to a stop made me tumble on top of him in his seat. His face implanted in my cleavage.
“Mhhhhhhp!” He wailed, struggling to get out from under me. I slid off of him and he sat upright and breathed heavily, regaining his breath.
“We should hurry if we are to be on time,” Rei said standing up. I could tell she was amused, but she did a very good job of hiding it. “Please walk with me, Soryou.”
It was my turn to be surprised, did Rei, the Wondergirl, the Ice Queen, just ask me to walk with her? I stood and patted Shinji on the cheek. “See you in a minute.” He looked up as I turned to walk after Rei, who was sliding her access card through the slot. As I did the same and walked in I noticed her leaning against the wall waiting for me.
“What is it?”
Rei took a second before speaking. “I have come to the conclusion that you are not pregnant with Ikari’s child.” So she was as clueless as I was after all. One less person to feel my wrath.
“One step ahead of you Wondergirl. I figured it out back home before we got here.” I couldn’t help but be proud that I had figured it out before her. I was a genius after all.
“Then the question I have is why you continue to express feelings towards Ikari if they are not based on actual emotions.” That little doll, talking to me about emotions. I know it wasn’t right to think of her that way, but at the time that’s exactly how I felt.
“What do you know about feelings?! You think I don’t have any feelings for Shinji? You’re wrong.” I noticed she inclined her head just a bit after I’d finish talking. Now that I think about it, telling her that wasn’t the smartest thing in the world to do.
“And you cannot admit this to Ikari or anyone else?” She just wouldn’t let it go.
I saw Shinji approaching and hauled Rei into another hallway until he’d passed by. “Look, what I feel and don’t feel is my business, leave it at that, okay?”
“Fine.” She brushed my hands away from her uniform and left. I realized I was almost late and bolted to the locker rooms. I didn’t see Rei in the locker rooms or at the tests, which elated me to no ends when I found I didn’t have to worry about her spilling what she knew to anyone.
************
Four hours later I was toweling off the remaining LCL from my plugsuit. I ran into Shinji as he climbed from the plug with 01 stenciled on it.
“Hello, Shinji.” I swung my hips a bit more as I walked towards him. I saw him calm his face and look me in the eyes. A smile formed on his lips, the same smile I used to hate, the same lips I’d kissed twice.
“Hi Asuka, I heard your score.” He nodded to a display that read out our synch ratios. I nodded, I was truly happy I’d finally beaten him.
“Oh, you know. I’m just a natural I guess.” We chuckled a bit before he said he had to get changed or he wouldn’t be able to make dinner in time. I agreed, and pulled him into a hug, making sure I grabbed one of his ass cheeks. “Wait for me.”
He nodded quickly and hurried away. After I was sure he was gone I stared at my hand. Just why the hell did I touch him there? To be attracted to the only guy who was worth my attention was one thing.....but to grab his ass?
“Is there a problem Asuka?” My head snapped up when I heard the voice. That voice that was smooth, almost joking.
“No, not at all Kaji.” I smiled and put my hand down. “How are you?”
He laughed and leaned against the wall. “With the exception of Miss Katsuragi being so complex, just fine.” I scowled when he mentioned her name. Why on earth did Kaji even look at her was anyone’s guess. I find it rather funny that now I see one could say the same thing about me. Why did I even look at Shinji?
“No need to get jealous, Asuka.” He put his hand behind his head and laughed. “After all, what would you’re ‘Shinji-chan’ think?”
Ooh....he didn’t see what I did to Shinji did he? I had to think of something quick. Now I have about ten things I could’ve said to him then to cover, but at that moment all I could do was chuckle nervously.
“Well...uh...you know....” I smiled shrugged. “It’s not that kind of thing, I mean, I’m not with him or anything.” Wrong move numro dos.
“Really? And here I was thinking you two would get married after high school, with the baby coming.” Damn! He knew too.... had they gotten the bridge crew too? What about the Commander or the Sub-Commander? I hated to think I was powerless to do anything about those two, but it was the truth.
“Well,” Kaji said, spying one of the female techs walking past. “I have to go, good luck with Shinji and the baby.” He swept past me and hurried after the receding form of the bridge bunny. I sighed and turned the corner into the locker room. Rei was removing her plugsuit as I entered. The thin curtain separating me and Wondergirl from Shinji gave me an idea. I’d have to move quick because Shinji was almost done. I depressurized my plugsuit and arched my back.
“Ooooh.” I moaned. Immediately I saw Shinji’s head snap around to where I was, I could see his shadow silhouetted against the curtain. “Hey, baka....” I put my hand to the white curtain and drew random circles on it. “You know what I feel like doing?”
I could almost imagine Shinji beginning to sweat and envision just what he thought I wanted. It wasn’t too long before I began to envision what I wanted too, but I pushed those thoughts away to the back of my mind for later use. I had to concentrate.
“Y-yeah?” Shinji’s reply shakily came.
“I wish,” I arched my back a bit more, jutting my breasts out so he could see their outline clearly. “I could remember everything that we did that night....I keep forgetting what you felt like...maybe you could remind me...” I trailed off, teasing him, seeing if he’d take the bait.
“Well,...I guess....I...okay..” Uhg....such a boy. Guys let their hormones do the thinking and then they end up used. Although Shinji did surprised me by not running away immediately. By now I was completely nude behind the curtain, leaning seductively against the pole holding it up. I noticed Rei out of the corner of my eye cocking her head to the side, ‘she better not be checking me out’ was the only thought I gave her, like I said, I had to concentrate.
“Okay, then....I’ll see you at home.” Still being as seductive as womanly possible, I put my clothes back on and left the locker rooms. As I departed I saw Shinji still staring in the direction of my changing room. Before I reached the exit I heard the intercom ordering Shinji to report to the infirmary.
I had a small victory celebration in my head as I got home, and set to work making sure Shinji would have no trouble being in the mood to let his hormones think for him. Misato wasn‘t home, it seemed, so I had time. Besides, even if she did return I was supposedly carrying Shinji’s baby, so why shouldn’t we express our mutual love? I lugged my bed into Shinji’s room and pushed it up against his. After that I found all the scented candles I knew Misato had around and spread them out through the house. I had to hurry, Shinji couldn’t be too far behind me. A soft swish followed by two dull thuds let me know Shinji was home, and I manned my station...
“Huh? Candles? Wonder what these are for....” Shinji kept on muttering to himself as he neared my position. “What?” I saw his shadow along the hallway wall bend down and pick up the bait, AKA, my panties.
“Oh, Shinji.....” I cooed, calling him forth. “That you?” I shifted in place so I could face the doorway when he entered.
“Asuka?” He stepped into the room and froze. I was lying on my back in the bed with only a few carefully placed thin sheets covering my more private areas. I reached over and patted the empty space next to me, causing the sheet to slip ever so slightly.
“Come over here.” My half lidded eyes traced his reluctant movement across the room and to the bed. “You like what I did with your room?”
Shinji only nodded and tried not to stare at me too intensely. Holding the sheet to my chest I sat up.
“Why don’t you join me?” I hadn’t thought this part of the plan out too entirely, but I knew I’d have to get Shinji’s defenses weakened so I could take over.
“Well...” he began, but I cut him off.
“We’re in love remember? I think we should have some sober fun.” I grabbed his hand and pulled him into bed. “And besides...I want this....” Okay, the last part was the truth, as much as I had been denying it up till then, I realized I wanted to start a relationship with the little baka. I wanted him to be my baka. And that scared me to no end. Heart pounding I continued further, pushing him and myself near that edge were there was no return.
Shinji looked dumbly at me, probably debating whether or not I was kidding, and if I wasn’t what to do.   “Want what?” He asked subtly leaning away.
I pulled him closer, right up to my face where my lips were only centimeters from his. “You,” I felt his breath on my neck. “and me to...make love” As I talked I gradually leaned forward, and as I uttered the last part our lips met, this time he made no attempt to run. His hand moved from his side to my waist, carefully holding me as I wrapped my arms around his neck. When I sat up the rest of the sheet had fallen to the floor, exposing my chest to him. After we parted he noticed, for the first time, that I was half-naked in front of him. Eyes transfixed on my breasts he reached out a shaky hand. I pulled on his neck, drawing him closer and his palm made contact. I could feel his skin begin to burn as he blushed and I took his other hand and placed it on the neighboring breast.
“Asuka...I’m not sure....” He began before my lips against his cut off his apprehension. As I pulled away I shook my head, not wanting him to spoil the moment with needless talk. He nodded and started to message both my breasts simultaneously. We kissed again and I moaned into his mouth. It’s funny now that I always imagined what sex would be like, but nothing prepared me for what new sensations I’d have. Slowly we sank onto the bed and I rolled atop him. I’d have to get what I wanted then or I’d lose myself.
“Mmmmmm, Shinji....” I groaned and looked into his eyes.
He looked up at me, but continued tentatively rubbing me.
“Tell me.....” I let the words hang while he pondered just what I needed to hear.
“Tell you what?” He whispered, pausing a moment. I shifted my weight a little so my breasts were near his face.
“Tell me...” I hesitated, feeling a twang of guilt for using him like that. I decided to repay him a little. With a small lean my right nipple was brushing his lips, and he graciously took it into his mouth. “Why Misato wants....” My back arched out of it’s own will as a tremor of pleasure rippled through my body. “to deceive me.” The suckling stopped.
“Is that why you’re doing this?” His voice was a hoarse whisper. “Just using me. I should’ve known.”
“No...Shinji-” He interrupted me by sitting up, nearly knocking me onto the floor.
“I was just a pawn in Misato and your game. I’m sorry Asuka, I’ll be in the kitchen.” He slid out from under me and left. At that moment my heart was wrenched into a twisted wreck. How could I do that to someone I supposedly loved? I didn’t deserve his love, nor anything else. No wonder everyone always left me. From the silence came a few hushed sobs, emanating from the kitchen. I had hurt him, and now there was nothing I could do. He was right, I’d only used him to get what I wanted, be it information or pleasure. He wasn’t scum, I was. I was lower than anything right then. Ashamed I blew out the candle next to the bed and softly wept.
***********
My sorrow was short lived, however. I found I could no longer cry. I stood from the bed and looked around, everything I’d worked to create and deceive was gone, mere memories of a girl who used to live in a steel room, protected from hurt or emotion. As I walked away from those memories I grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around myself. The kitchen was my destination and no one, not Misato, not Commander Ikari, not even the goddamn angels could’ve stopped me right then. To my relief Shinji was still there, slumped against the table, not moving. Dear god, I remember thinking, he’d better not have killed himself.
Carefully I neared him and observed. His chest gently rose and fell, proving him alive. I breathed a sigh of relief and approached him.
“What do you want?” His muffled voice croaked. I walked around to face him and sat in the chair opposite of him.
“Shinji....I’m sorry.” His head slowly rose and he regarded me with red rimmed eyes.
“You’re sorry? Fine. Leave.” he sounded eerily like his father just then, his eyes leveled at me from behind an angry brow.
I made no move to get up, but reached across the table and put my hand to his cheek. I swear he snarled at it, and then smacked it aside.
“I don’t need your fake love! You’re just like them!” His voice cracked and he started crying again.
What could I say? He was absolutely right. however, I couldn’t leave him like that, vulnerable and near hysteria.
“Shinji, what I did was wrong, I shouldn’t have done it, but I-”
“Shut up!” His roar reverberated though the small room, making me cringe. I’d never seen him like this... with the exception of the footage of the third angel I’d watched. I realized then that he held the power to become berserk, in fact, when pushed to our limits we all could. He stood, knocking the chair over and shook with rage. “You ARE just like them! You give nothing but excuses, then you leave me! I hate you! I HATE you!”
I couldn’t bear to see him like that anymore, I tore down what was left of my steel room and let my emotions out.
“I fucking LOVE you, you idiot!” I stood up violently and punched him, sprawling him backwards. “Why can’t you understand that?” I asked quietly as he lay on the floor, cheek red. This time, I feared, there would be no soft murmur of my name and a kiss. I continued on, not letting his silence stop me. “Even when we fought the sixth...I started thinking. I never let on....because I was afraid you’d be like them...Like Papa...and Mama....” A lone found it’s way down my face. “Then I saw how you felt about tricking me....you said you felt like you were taking advantage of me. That was the final bit, the last deed to make me realize that you weren’t going to leave me.” He sat up now, and studied me. It felt odd, him scrutinizing me, but I knew he was considering me, seeing if I was truthful. “You’re right, though.....I used you to get what I wanted.” I shuddered involuntarily. “But I also was being honest. I did want us to....be together.”
I was done. Nothing more to say I dropped my hands to my sides and looked at my feet. There I was, the real me, Asuka Langley Soryou, out in the open. Pitiful, weak, cowardly...I was all these things. Yet, even with my flaws I prayed that he’d see past it, see the love my battered heart harbored.
“If you wanted us to be together then you should’ve got to know me.” I looked up slowly and realized that he was standing in front of me. “I loved you from the very start, Asuka. That first moment on the Over the Rainbow, I knew there’d be no one else I wanted.” I smiled, despite our situation. “But....that doesn’t mean you can take advantage of my feelings. I want you to love me because you do, not because of what others tell you.”
“Shinji, I would’ve come to this conclusion eventually. What everyone did to trick me just hurried that up.”
“Maybe, but that’s not the point. This was never meant to build a relationship....” He righted his chair and sat down in it.
I pulled my own chair up and sat across from him. “Then let’s start over.” He looked at me quizzically.
“Guten Morgen, I’m Asuka. Asuka Langley Soryou. You must be the Third Child.” I used the lines I said to Ayanami because it’s what I would’ve said had I not seen Shinji’s posse ahead of time.
He looked at my hand dubiously for a second, before taking it.
“I’m Shinji Ikari. Nice to meet you.”
Continued............
Shin’s Flying Omake Circus
Gendo sat, hands steepled in front of his face, watching. A figure at his side shifted slightly.
“Is the charade of the Second Child progressing?” The Commander asked, eyes forward.
The figure turned to look at him. “So it seems. Are you really going to do it, Ikari?”
Light played off of Gendo’s rose tinted glasses. “Hnnnnn. The Third Child is in need of some serious action. This is the only route available.”
“That may be,” Fuyustuki said. “but are you sure he’s ready for this?” His eyes traveled back to a large monitor showing surveillance recordings of the Shinji’s room.
“Are you sure....” The boy said before a mass of red filled the camera’s view.
Gendo smirked. “It appears he inherited my excellent frenching technique.”
End