Flak

A column by Shinagami

Issue 01; Bad fanfics and what to do about them.

Okay...seems like the Darkscribes authors and Fanficion Yakuza agree for once, fanfiction.net is in serious need of good fics. I can?t recall how many times I?ve checked for updates on my favorite fics only to find the entire first page filled with pure and utter CRAP! I mean, what?s with new author?s these days? Do new computers lack spell check? Did writing in general amend a new rule that says if it?s fiction it doesn?t need a plot? I can?t fathom why newbies think that the Eva fiction community is just like every other fanfiction community. You?ve all seen the Digimon and Gundam Wing sections...each filled to the brim (A 10,000 plus brim, mind you) of silly plotless fics that leave many with at MOST a chuckle or worse, scratching our heads in wonder of where the hell the plot went. Now, I?m not the best writer in the world, and I?ve never claimed to be, but even me, a lowly comedy writer who sometimes ventures into romance or drama can recognize that the Eva fiction pretty much is like watching hours of Jackass. Let?s break down each problem and examine it in detail, so we can understand and rid ourselves of this problem.

Plot: This is a big one. I?m sure everyone, including myself, is guilty of at least one plotless fic that was there solely to entertain. This is fine, with the exception that 1) the comedy is funny, witty, doesn?t have volumes of gratuitous sex and doesn?t make Space-Balls look tame. Eva is a thinking man?s anime, not a kiddy show. 2) the characters are not OOC beyond recognition without reason. Drama, action adventure, romance....anything is these categories must, must, MUST have a plot! Telling about Shinji and Asuka forming a relationship is great, people, but if there is no conflicting force, no character development, and no general advance of the storyline the fic is useless. Just churning out six or seven chapters of Asuka and Shinji getting to know each other and realizing they love each other won?t cut it. There has to be a conflict, otherwise it?s boring. Who wants to have chapter after chapter or of ?I love you Asuka.? ?I love you too, Shinji.?? I don?t, and I?m sure even WAFF lovers need a little suspense, a little uncertainty. Will Shinji come through and tell his feelings to Asuka, or will he hide them? And what is uncertainty if there is no person/force threatening to take away their happiness? See, this is called ?throwing a wrench into the gears?. Having everything go perfectly all the time will get old. Fast. Tell me, which is more uncertain, ?Asuka and Shinji after the Third Impact tell each other they love each other and live in an old mansion for the rest of their lives loving each other.? OR ?Shinji attempts to strangle Asuka, but with one touch, convinces him to give a relationship a chance, and they struggle to survive the post impact world, coming across stray animals, harsh weather and a crippling untrusting of each other?? If I had to choose which one I wanted to read I?d pick the latter. Why? Well, it may not be happy all the time, but it?s a hell of a lot more interesting than just settling down and living till they die. Adventure fics are similar, with a few different things to take notice of. Not only must there be a plot, but the conflicting force has to be strong, strong enough to even put their lives in danger, be it angels, or terrorists like in Random?s ?Survival of the Fittest?. Danger is the foundation for adventure, it adds a sense of foreboding....what will happen? Will Shinji and Hikari survive the plane crash....ect.

Detail: Action adventure is full of detail, it must be or else it will be boring. Detail itself is a tricky subject, but let?s look at how the two work together. Action sequences must be frequent and well described, or the reader will lose interest. Mundane descriptors such as

	?Eva 01 fought the angel. It tried to punch at it, but the angel was too fast and it kicked Eva 01 before it could try to punch it. Then Shinji made the Eva jump at it and the angel fired a funky laser beam at it, but the Eva ducked just in time.? Now tell me, was that action packed? Did that help you almost see the action as it happened? Or did it just give you the general sense of there was fighting and the angel was winning? Let?s try again.

	?Evangelion unit 01 attacked the angel with all the fury it?s fourteen year old pilot could muster, punching and kicking with every opening. Despite the onslaught of attacks, the angel merely countered or blocked, side-stepping and kicking unit 01 in the abdomen, causing Shinji?s throat to fill with bile. With a leap Shinji willed his Eva at the angel in a seemingly suicide move, just as it loosed a rainbow particle beam, narrowly missing the purple behemoth as it ducked and caught the angel in a tackle.?

Now, I can see Shinji struggling to fend off an attacker with the way things are described here. Adjectives a-plenty. I didn?t use ?Eva? or ?01? but a few times, instead substituting synonyms coupled with adjectives. Let?s look at ?...loosed a rainbow particle beam, narrowly missing the purple behemoth as it ducked.....? Instead of ?funky laser beam? I used an adjective describing the color of the blast and what kind of beam it was. Lasers are for spaceships and badly done 60?s space shows. In addition, ?funky? should NEVER be used when describing something. I can remember reading a fic where Asuka challenges Rei to a fight and the author said something along the lines of ?Rei moved her hands around, getting into a funky martial arts position...? No, no, no...It totally ruined the mood. It takes about nil amount of time to look in a thesaurus and find another word to describe something that is odd. What?s more is that this author could have easily said ?Rei brought her hands in an arc over her head before extending them towards Asuka, using a classic judo sparing stance? Not that hard to do, and it gives the reader a vision of the ?funky hand movements?. Now, using funky in dialogue is perfectly fine, given the character would say such a thing. I can see Kensuke or Toji, even Misato saying ,?what?s up with Shinji and Asuka? They?ve been acting funky all week....?. Adjectives are a writers best friend. You can jam pack a sentence with them and it only makes it better. For instance, the sentence: ?The car turned onto the street and almost hit a man before driving back onto the road and speeding away.? Very few adjectives, not good. What color car was it? Was it beat up or new? Sports or sedan? Was the man old? Walking dogs? Were the roads slick? Loads of questions left unanswered. How about this one.

	?The green, slightly dented sedan roared out of the alley and swerved into the street, almost broad siding a man in a yellow poncho before veering onto the snowy road and speeding away into the night.?

It may just be me, but that sentence was a lot better. Let?s look at synonyms. What are those? Well, saying Eva unit 01 all the time is repetitive and redundant. See, I just used a synonym for repetitive. There are TONS of words besides Eva unit 01 you can use to name the bio-mecha. Just used one. ?the gargantuan purple beast? or ?the berserker? or even ?creature? would work.

Grammar: Now, I?m no English teacher, but there are some things even I know about. Let?s go down the line.

Commas: If you can?t use these I recommend looking into grade school.

Pronoun: He, him, his, she, her, hers. Don?t say Rei?s this, or Rei?s that. It?s boring.

Adjectives: Covered this but let?s make sure we have it; describe a decent amount of details about whatever it is that?s the focus of the sentence.

Run-on: When you make a sentence that a period or a semi-colon could render two sentences, you have a run on.

Fragment: A fragment is. See, that?s no good. Finish up what you?re thinking. Fast typing is no excuse, look over your work. Using it in dialogue is, once again, fine, if you do it right.  ??Yeah? He said.? is fine and dandy.

Spelling: What?s so hard about hitting the little ?ABC? button on most word processing programs? If u spel lik dis, ten u have a majore problm. Once more, fast typing is no reason to have your work look like it accidentally went through a meat shredder. Dialogue? Well, doing this ??Hmmmm,? Toji put a hand to his chin before continuing. ?I dunno....I mean, whateva? dat guy is thinkin...it?s gotta be good.?? That?s beautiful, if you want to portray Toji like they do in the manga.

Abbreviations/acronym: Don?t use them while narrating, not only does it make you, the author, look like a teenager in middle school, but some people might not know what it means. Using them when a person is speaking is fine. For example, ?Ritsuko looked over to Maya. ?Well, the EEG accelerators are functioning normally, but I can?t figure out why the EXL particle isn?t rebounding off of the surface?....? You see, that?s cool. This is not. ?Hikari ran up to Asuka at lunch. ?OMG! Did you see Toji? He looked so cute!? Please....three words, none more than three letters long. Oh. My. God. Very simple.

Caps-lock: WHEN YOU KEEP CAPS-LOCK ON IT LOOKS LIKE YOU?RE YELLING, which may not be what you?re doing, but that?s how it comes across. Capitalizing words for emphasis is okay, I do it, just like I use the italics. For example... ?Asuka hated EVERYTHING about Rei, from her cold emotionless stare to her complete obedience...? See how that works?

Character development: This is probably what makes a fic worth reading. I mean, even the characters are people, they will change with the situation. You can?t make Shinji take a bullet that was aimed for Rei and have both of them act like nothing happened. Or worse, make them OOC the instant Shinji is able to talk again. Let?s look into this. Shinji takes the bullet, and is hospitalized. Rei, while confused as to why someone not replaceable would save her, the clone, is thankful to Shinji for the display of general concern. This leads her to further exploring what, in fact, she is feeling. Shinji is also a bit confused. He didn?t have to jump in front of that bullet, Section 2 personnel are supposed to do that, but he, out of his protectiveness, personally made sure she was safe. Now, this will have effects on both characters. My guess is that Rei would confront either Gendo or Shinji about what she?s feeling, and Shinji, too perplexed, will use his developing courage to avoid running and talk to Rei. Now, this is all fine and dandy, but if you move too fast...well then we have a problem. Estimating, I?d say it would take at least a week before Shinji?s newfound courage would begin to kick in, and this is after interactions with other characters. Rei will more than likely go immediately to someone and ask what she?s feeling, OR you could take the opposite route and have her try to figure it out herself, which could result in a misunderstanding...ect. Endless means of further development of the characters.

Canon: Not the big gun, mind you. This is very simple, in fact I?m surprised I even have to bring this up. If there is not evidence in the series that a character would do something then don?t make them do it. That simple. There are exceptions though...slim exceptions, but they exist. Let?s look at the recent issue that has been brought up. Asuka being a slut. I?m not going to express my opinion, but some say there is NO canon to support this, others say there is. You see, it is very true that in the series Asuka shows no REAL want/desire to do anything for the sheer fact of doing it. Some will dispute this, but it?s true. Don?t bring up Kaji, Asuka didn?t want Kaji to be affectionate with her just because her hormones told her she needed sex. She wanted to show she was mature, and if Kaji wanted her then how much more mature could she get? this is MY interpretation, mind you. Others will find other reasons for Asuka hanging off of Kaji, but in the end it all says the same thing, Asuka didn?t show any sign of  wanting to use someone for sex and leave. Here?s where this fits into canon and character development. If a certain string of events happen, then ANYONE will change. Asuka might push people away if something happened to her, or (given the circumstances) seek love, be it physical or emotional. If Shinji died don?t you, the author, figure that you have to take into account of ALL the canon, not just the stuff that suits your needs and have Asuka react with canon from the series that shows us which path she might just take? There is a very loose range of ideas you can use, because adolescents change when they become adults. Many people hated how Asuka was portrayed in ?I Used to Love Her?. That may be a bad life to lead, but you can?t dispute that a string of events played out right would cause Asuka to be different than herself as a fourteen year old. Hell, most people change yearly.  Let?s look at something else.  Shinji coming out just like his father and using Nerv?s resources to get what he wants. Is this canon? Maybe, how about a closer look? In the first episode Misato makes a reference about Shinji to Ritsuko, saying he?s ?just like his father, well the gruff and unfriendly part that is.? There is your canon. Not enough? Okay, You?ve all seen when Gendo smiles, it?s that creepy smile, right? Well look at the fourteenth angel fight, when Shinji is busy kicking Zeruel into next week he has a very similar little smile. That ?I?m enjoying this? smile. More canon right there. You see, you can?t just look at the fact that Shinji acts polite and nice to people, you have to take into account everything Shinji does.

Character bashing: Very easy to slip into. All you have to do is favor one character over another and soon you?ve either made Asuka a bitch, or you?ve made Rei a robot. If we, the reader, can?t trust you to accurately portray one single character then how will we know you can write the other characters having a relationship?  If you hate a character leave them out, you don?t need Rei in an Asuka/Shinji fic besides supporting character. If you absolutely hate the little blue haired clone then don?t tempt fate and leave her out. Don?t even mention her. If you think Asuka doesn?t deserve to be within a five mile radius of Shinji, let alone live with him, make Asuka go somewhere else. It?s that simple. Don?t just bash someone because you don?t like them, be fair.

Lemon/rape: Look people, lemons are good, I like them, as do many people. This does not condone fics like ?Saturday Night Eva Girls Triple Pack? or ?Bound and Abused by Shinji?. I was utterly disgusted by things like this. Not only was the general idea bad, but the execution was downright HORRID! I didn?t know what was worse, the cheesy lemon scenes or the bad spelling and grammar. I mean, when describing two people making love, it?s good to either have had that experience, or know what goes where. I can tell you I?ve read one or two Wing fics where the author obviously did not know what a penis or a vagina was. Rape, this is inexcusable. I don?t care if you use it to have Shinji get close to Asuka or if you just hate Asuka and think having someone tie her up and rape her is justice. Don?t do it. You?re just showing the public that you are perverted and have no creativeness past sadism. Rhine?s ?My Lovely? is not what I?d call a rape fic. It dealt with such issues, but it did not bash a character or use it for the sole purpose of making a lemon without having to do the extra work of building a relationship. The only rape I will tolerate is the use of Asuka?s ?mind rape?, but ONLY if it?s done well and gets the reader to understand the pain she went through.

ACC/SI: There IS a right way to do this, guys. An Author Created Character does not have to be an all star Eva pilot with a tragic past, the ACC could be a supporting character who just enhances the feel of a fic. Rhine?s ?We All cast Shadows? has a few ACCs, minor yes, but they are there for the purpose of making the interactions more lively. My own fic ?The Surest Way...? has two ACC who play the little more important roll of kidnappers out to abduct the three Children. See? Making an ACC who doesn?t have a super cool Eva isn?t all that hard. Now, if you MUST have that ?Sixth Child? in your fic you best be warned, showing up Shinji is a no-no. Having your ACC get in bed with a main character is a no-no. Giving your ACC a really cool Eva that can take out even Zeruel without so much as a sweat is a no-no. What is so hard about being realistic? SI?s are another story. It follows the same rules as an ACC, but you also have to insert your REAL personality, looks, behavior...ect. How many Mary Sue SI?s make themselves look like a miniature Neo? I admit that all black and shades is a cool getup, but honestly, do you walk around all the time with your black leather trenchcoat, combat boots and sawed off Mossberg? Because if you do, you have the all clear to write about how you escaped from prison and got into the Eva universe. It just may be that SI?s would be completely absurd without the SI man looking like a much cooler version of the author. How many of you want to read an SI about a 14 year old with acne who drinks soda and has mastered all of Tony Hawk III? Not many. This is no excuse for amping up your image to look cooler than Shinji, cause face it, no one is cooler than Shinji.

Author?s Notes: I?ve noticed that more and more people are saying ?If you don?t like this then fuck off.? What?s the point of that? I mean, you want people to take interest in your work, yet you right out tell them that any negative comments will be met with obscenities.  I?ve also noticed that there are a lot of ?please read and review this!? Don?t ask for reviews, how pathetic can you be? And ?when I get ten reviews I?ll write the next chapter?. If you want feedback do it like normal people and say ?Send all comments, questions, ect to Youre-mailadress@hotmail.com?. I know a lot of you are still pissed over a certain Ex-Eva writer who basically said ?all Eva writers suck, I?m the best, you can go to hell?, and being a jackass in your notes won?t make you very popular. If you have a complaint, or are miffed about something take it to a message board, or you can write up a fic explaining what you have a problem with, e.g. ?Manifesto of a Horrible Author?, or ?The LD factor? Don?t just write up a crappy fic then bitch about something. That?s just lame.

Reviewing: This is my favorite part. Reviewing should not be mandatory, but if you?re an author you should feel the need to comment about a fellow writer?s work, you want reviews too, don?t you? Of course. It?s only fair that you pull your weight and tell people what they?re doing right/wrong. People like TommyRude, Sarevock, and Isamu may be a bit harsh, but they tell you what?s wrong. LD and Virus also do a good job of pointing out what?s good and bad about a fic. I, for one, appreciate a review from one of these guys than a petty little ?I liked this. Very good ^_^?. I want to be a better writer, and hopefully you do too. ?This was way cool!? Does not help me portray Rei?s character very well. I also feel the need to mention that I?m appalled with people replying up to three different times to other reviewers. Take for instance TR?s fic ?NGE: I?m The One? people were stating opinions of things besides the fic, like how another author like this, or how stupid that last review was. That?s not the point of reviewing, folks. If you feel the need to tell someone who reviewed a fic before or after you about something them e-mail them. If there?s no address I say leave it alone, if they?re too cowardly to put they?re address then they already have been dealt with. Some don?t agree, but you have to admit, the author doesn?t appreciate the review board clogged with ?to the last reviewer? or ?So-and-so you are stupid!?. Grow up, people. There is also the debate over ?to use the back button or not to use the back button?. This is very simple, most people would just use discretion and not read ?Asuka?s Sexy Night With Misato. Please R+R my first Eva fan ficcy?, they just avoid it. Other people can?t stand to even look at such crap on the page. Both of these routes are fine, but if you do the old ?don?t even glance at it and flame it like there?s no tomorrow? you?re no better than them. It?s called constructive criticism, folks. Look into it. ?You suck! I HATE your writing? will not make this author write better. ?I think that Asuka?s portrayal when she and Misato are together is OOC. I suggest you re-tool it to be more believable. I doubt one or two beers would cause her to...ect? is a much better way to tell the author ?hey, this could be better?. Now, some fics deserve a right out flaming, they are so bad. These are the ones that disgrace Eva itself. Those writers have NO clue what Eva means, and they use the characters for they?re own needs. Bashing these fics into the ground is perfectly acceptable.

This concludes this weeks issue of Flak, I hope this will let newbies and veterans alike what to do and what not to do.

Anything you think I left out? Ideas for another topic? Let me know at mathis478@hotmail.com.

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