In the Here and Now

//At least it's better than drowning. Been there, done that//

He smiled then shifted, uncomfortable, but it sent a sharp thrill of pain through his body, radiating outwards from between his shoulder blades.

"Hush now, Malcolm, don't move. It'll be okay. Try and keep still, darlin'."

His lover's accent was pronounced, his voice tight. "Look at me, Malcolm."

He could feel Trip's hand in his, fingers curled firmly around his own. Trip felt warm; incredibly hot in fact.

But then again he was freezing.

He tried to stay focused on those blue eyes. They had been the first thing that attracted his attention after all.

//But freezing to death in the shuttlepod was better than this. Felt no pain. In more ways than one//

He chuckled at the thought, and the pain flared brighter, deeper. Trip shushed him again, talking to him in a low voice, telling him to be quiet. Trip pulled the blanket around him more snugly, but it didn't help, he was still cold.

//Being stunned hurts less. You hardly know what hits you. Although getting shocked with that cattle prod wasn't pleasant. Better than this, though//

Trip pressed down harder on his back and Malcolm heard someone moan.

//Was that me? I think that was me//

The pressure increased on his back, and it hurt. Badly. Tears of pain sprang to his eyes.

//Reeds don't cry. You take it without making a sound. Stay calm. Never let them see it hurts. Stay conscious for as long as possible. Suffer in silence. Don't give away your position. Stop whinging, you bloody great baby. Be a man. Keep your head, when all about you are losing theirs. Grit your teeth and bear it. Think through the pain. Stay warm. Reeds take it like a man//

Years of sage advice, all those words of wisdom, all those orders and demands swirled and echoed in his head. He worked to keep himself from crying out, worked at keeping the tears at bay. He moved his head, wiping his face against Trip's leg, trying to dry his eyes, and the motion made the pain erupt, blistering and pervasive.

"I know it hurts darlin', it's okay. Just relax. Stay here with me, Malcolm."

He felt Trip stroke his cheek, wiping it.

//I didn't cry when those Suliban bastards beat me half to death//

"It's all right, Malcolm. Just keep your eyes open. Just look at me, okay?"

//Being shot was better than this. Sitting in a cold damp cave with a smegging bullet in my leg//

"Can't you get this crate to move any faster, Cap'n?"

Trip sounded frantic and Malcolm wanted to reassure him. But he couldn't talk. Breathing was painful enough. He tightened his grip on Trip's hand and felt an answering squeeze.

"We'll be there in five minutes, Trip. I'm pushing it to the limits."

The Captain sounded worried too.

//freezing my arse off and having to eat that bleedin' swill, unable to do anything to help, making a right balls up of things//

He couldn't stop shivering.

Trip put his other arm around Malcolm's neck, cradling his head, trying to hold him closer, trying to keep him warm. Trip's hand was still firmly planted between his shoulder blades, and it hurt. Another tear leaked out.

//as usual, was better than this. being impaled and pinned to the hull hurt less than this, i didn't cry then, christ i'm such a bloody pantywaist, but this hurts worse, god, i think i have to cough, that's going to,//

Malcolm coughed, and felt something wet and metallic tasting bubble out of his mouth. He winced, his back on fire and his chest aching from trying to breathe. Trip moved, trying not to jar him, hand scrabbling for something and pressing it harder into Malcolm's back.

//fuck! that wasn't good, don't cough again, even though it feels like you've got a liter of water in there, as if you haven't before, this is not good, dear god, i can't do this to trip again, open your eyes malcolm//

"Malcolm! Stay with me! A few more minutes, Mal. Gawd damn it, don't you close your fuckin' eyes! Open them, Lieutenant! That's an order, you stupid son of a bitch!"

//yes sir, commander sir, right away sir, hopping to it sir, freezing my fuckin' arse off here sir, eyes don't want to stay open, sir, i can't feel your hand anymore trip, jesus christ trip//

Trip leaned down, practically bent in half, his face in Malcolm's. "Come on darlin', stay here, you can do it, you'll be fine, okay? Just stay focused Mal…"

//i'm sorry trip, i'm trying, oh lord you're so beautiful, i love you so much, i want to stay, with you, my god your eyes trip so clear I've always loved your eyes blue like the sky after a summer's rain i can see everything in your eyes i'm sorry trip i see pain in your eyes and it's my fault again i love//

"Just hang on, Mal, we're almost there, okay? Keep looking at me, Malcolm, keep your eyes open."

//you keep me here trip please it hurts just keep looking at me and i can stay here i can stay here in your eyes trip oh jesus christ it fucking hurts//

Jon looked back and saw Trip, hand bearing down on Malcolm's back, putting pressure near the wound, trying to stanch the flow. The knife jutting obscenely from between his armory officer's shoulders.

The blood was still seeping through the piles of dressings they had taken from the medical kit and stuffed around the knife. The blade was similar to a Klingon weapon, one in which two separate blades sprang open upon contact, enlarging and tearing away at the wound so that it could do even more damage when pulled out.

Luckily their attacker hadn't had time to pull it out of Malcolm's back before Jon cold cocked him.

Their target had been Jon. Malcolm had taken out one man and was dragging another alien off the Captain, when a third stabbed him. Trip had been busy with a fourth.

The Foremost's own people had done this. They were subdued by the two others in the Foremost's entourage, but not quickly enough. Not fast enough to prevent their comrade from thrusting the knife down and into Malcolm's back.

Malcolm had uttered one low hiss of pain and anger, and spun around. Jon saw his opening and landed a right cross to their assailant, the Foremost's other two aides coming in to assist. Trip had just knocked out his adversary and hurried over to Jon, when Malcolm wobbled and Trip caught him before he hit the floor.

Their medical facilities were a good thirty minutes away, their knowledge of human anatomy limited at best, completely unknown at worse. Sickbay was closer. Faster.

"Two more minutes, Trip."

Trip didn't acknowledge Jon's softly spoken words.

"Just a few more minutes, Mal. Keep looking at me. Come on, darlin'. That's it. I love you, too. I know you love me, I can see it. You're gonna be fine, just keep focusing, stay with me now, okay? Just a few more"

//i can stay here here in your eyes if i can just see them i can stay here trip stay with me please i love you love you trip dont let go of me//

"minutes and we'll be home. Phlox'll fix you up and you'll be right as rain"

//bloodyhell i cant feel him and im lying right on top of him keep your eyes open malcolm dont close them look at trip i cant do this to him stay here stay with//

"again and then everything will be fine. Okay, Mal? Look at me. Malcolm! Open your eyes, goddamn it!"

//me and i promise ill be good i promise ill work harder god please dont let me die i dont want to die again i love him please oh god it hurts o christ please i dont want to put him through this your eyes trip i see//

"That right, look at me. I love you Malcolm, fight harder damn you! Look at"

//your eyes trip dont cry trip im sorry im sorry i dont want you to hurt it hurts dont die it hurts im sorry i//

"me! Open your fucking eyes, Mal!"

***

"Lieutenant?"

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"My dear boy"

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"Malcolm?"

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"Son…"

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"Mal?"

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"Mal?"

***

"Malcolm?"

He opened his eyes a mere slit.

It was so bright. He was so tired. Where…?

"Welcome back, Malcolm," and he saw Trip's clear blue eyes.