Sheelako
Sheela -
Cross Dresser
Hello Dear!
I am a M2F cross dresser living in
Delhi, India . I am seeking company of other cross dressers who are willing to
share their life, experiences and feelings with me. Like many of us I have
always been dressing in privacy. Now and then a sense of loneliness creeps in
and my heart craves for someone who will share my feelings. This is an
experience for me. It grows as the time passes. I have no guess where I will be
but let’s not worry about that I am born with a destiny. Whatever will be, will
be.
If you want to contact me,
send a mail to me at sheelako@yahoo.co.in I will try to reply as early as possible.
Last
revised: on 09.12.2001
About Myself
Name : Sheela
Age : 33
Sex : Male
Marital Status : Single
Height : 5’9”
Colour : Brown
Body : Average
Location : Delhi
Education : Post
Graduate (Delhi University)
Languages : English
& Hindi
Personal
Interests
Music
Movies
Reading
Poetry
Nature
People
Internet
World Affairs
Spirituality
Story of My Cross
Dressing
Seeds
of transgender were buried inside me from birth and started germinating at
early stage. The very first time it started, as far as I recall, when I was in
my 3rd standard. I used to go to a
co-ad school and there was an activity class and subject was knitting. All the
girls were learning knitting sweater and I felt that this knitting is very nice
thing and I should learn this. Next day
I asked my mother for a pair of knitting sticks and some wool and joined the
girls. No body raised any objection.
And I learnt a few steps. I
started observing girls. How they
dress, play, what they talk about etc.
One
day I saw a girl with her hands beautifully coloured with henna. I took fancy to coloured palms and one night
when everybody in my family was seeping I chanced upon to have henna left by my
mother after she had done her hands. I applied henna ('Mehandi') on my hands and
in the morning I saw it had turned out into beautiful colour. I was happy but
also keeping my hands from other’s eyes lest they ask me why I had applied
henna. My mother and father saw that
but ignored as child’s play.
When
I came into 4th standard I went to a new school and there I had a friend. His house was close to the school. One day he took me to his house. His father
was manufacturing nail polish and he presented me one. At home I hidden that and in the night when
all were sleeping I used to wake-up and colour my nails and used to admire my
hands. I used to feel very happy and at peace by doing these small things. At
that time I was 8yrs old.
When I came in 7th
standard, I went to yet another school.
There I saw a boy and I still recall his name –Ajay. His younger brother P... was sharing desk
with me in the classroom. Ajay had a beautiful face and body and still has. His
manners were all girlish. He used to keep his hairs neatly arranged. His hands were beautiful and nail pained in
natural colour. In my heart I used to admire him. I really wished that he and I
were friends. Ajay got many
opportunities as he used to take part in dance and drama on the occasion of
cultural programs and annual day functions. When dancing it was really hard to
distinguish between him and a beautiful girl.
He invariably used to win first prize.
Now he is married and has children.
Now when I have come to know about the phenomenon of transgenderism. I
believe that he is a transgender person.
I want to confirm this from him but am afraid of his reaction.
Time was passing by and my passion for cross-dressing was also
growing. I remember that I was in 10th class then I purchased a bottle
of hair-remover and cleaned my legs and arms.
This was a joy to me to have clean hairless legs and arms. Along with
all these queer things I was learning all household chores and being the eldest
child helping my mother in her household works. My mother used to tell my
younger sisters that I should have been a girl. I was happy to hear these words
and deep inside I wished I were a beautiful girl.
At the time when I
entered in college my younger I started wearing my mothers bra and I used to
stuff the cups with pieces of clothes.
Afterwards I started helping my father at his shop and he used to give
me about 50-100 rupees for my pocket money.
I save some money and purchased a dark cherry nail-clour, foundation,
mascara, eyeliner, eye shadow two three shades of lipsticks and a mirror. In the night I used to put on undergarments
and make-up and admire myself. Afterwards I felt need of a pair of high-heal
slippers. This was a real problem as it was
quite embarrassing to go to a shop and ask for ladies slippers. Whenever I
happened to pass by a shoe-shop I used to stop for a moment have a good look of
lovely slippers and wished that one day I would have one for myself.
In
Delhi till two three months back there used to be a ‘Kabaari Bazar (A
marketplace for all sorts of used things).
At that time I started visiting there and bought two three pairs of nice
slippers. Back home I told everybody that I had bought those slippers for sister. At that time my younger sister also grew up
and I tried her dresses (mostly Shalwar Kameez) From then on I added slippers
in my dressing. High-heal slippers are so sexy that I cannot tell. Mere idea of
putting on high heals makes my dick hard.
Since
then this thing is going on and on. I
have kept my secret guarded from others and even today I fear what will happen
if anyone comes to know about it.
Now
I am facing a problem. From the very
beginning I am wearing my mustache. Now
I am looking for an excuse to do away with this.
I
don’t know how long this thing will continue. Perhaps I will die like this and
nobody will ever know of other side of my life. Deep inside I feel that I will
be more happy and comfortable living in woman’s body. But things are different
in India. Recently, a few months back, I started using Internet and by chance
somewhere I read about ‘Men turned into Women’. I got interest in this thing
and enquired further. Then only I came to know that I am not the only one with
this thing called cross dressing syndrome. A large number of people are out
there and few of them have transitioned successfully to feminine body, which is
in conformity with their mental sex.
I am seeking company of
others like me who are ready to share their life, experiences and feelings with
me.
Contact Information
E-mail address
Web address
http://in.oocities.com/sheelako
Favourite Links
www.samabhavana.org/transgender.html
www.transgenderdir.com/country/india.htm
www.oocities.org/westhollywood/6200
www.members.tripod.com/radha95.html
Tips
Makeup
Concealing Flaws
To achieve the
perfect make-up and a look of a flawless complexion, more often than not you
will find it necessary to do a certain amount of corrective work. This type of make-up
is used to diminish or conceal complexion flaws.
To conceal flaws, it
is necessary to use an opaque cream somewhat heavier than the foundation. If
the cover-up is to be applied under the base, the cream may be a light beige
shade. This shade may be used on any tone of skin from the lightest to the
darkest, since the foundation will tint the entire face to an even colour. When
used over the base, the cover-up should be closer to the skin colour. In any
case, the cream must always be somewhat lighter than the make-up base.
The most effective
method of applying the cover-up is with a corrective brush. For ease of
application, brush the cover-up on in small areas and carefully blend with the fingertips
leaving on just enough to cover flaws and unwanted shadows. Any excess
cover-up, which is left on the skin, will create the impression of a flaw. In
any event, it is important to avoid an excessive build-up of make-up. When
applying make-up base over the corrected areas, pat it on gently so that the
cover-up is not wiped away. A corrective cream is ideal for concealing
under-eye shadows, eye circles, blemishes, moles, birthmarks, etc. We will be
dealing with the remaining hair follicles that show on your face.
Apply the corrective
beard cover with a sponge and then let it dry. Do not use an excessive amount.
After it is dry apply the foundation.
Clown White was
recommended for heavy beards, but the cosmetics industry has responded to a
need of women that have severe blemishes or birthmarks to be concealed and
these products will work just as well for beard cover. These extra-coverage
bases are preferred to the Clown White, as you don't end up with several layers
of "paint" on your face. One of the lightest weight of these
extra-coverage products is Clinque's Continuous Coverage. Next come the heavier
creams such as Lydia O'Leary's Covermark, Dermablend, and Recover. Red Lipstick
could be used as a beard cover before applying foundation.
Beard cover
My favorite product is called tattoo
cover. It's made by Kryolan and can be found in most theatrical supply stores.
It was apparently created to cover tattoos for dancers, or entertainers, so it
has great covering ability. It has a high orange pigment, which neutralizes the
blue of hair growth!
If you attempt to get by using only
foundation on your face, you are either very lucky, having virtually no facial
hair growth at all, or have a beard glaring through the makeup, which will
completely take away from anything else you have done. There are many important
steps in creating a completely feminine appearance, but this one is as
important as any of them.
Never use your fingers or a sponge to
remove any cosmetic from its container as it can result in the transfer of
bacteria on to the product.
Now, you can take a sponge and scoop
the beard cover from the spatula to the sponge!
Apply the beard cover, in a lateral,
downward motion, over the entire area of the face where you have beard growth!
Cover over the lips as well, to insure nothing is missed. This is a rather dry
product so use a fair bit of pressure when applying, as a thin coat is all that
is required!
The Eyebrows
The
proper shape and correct position of the eyebrows are of the utmost importance
in maintaining the overall balance of the face. Because of their mobility, the
eyebrows can emphasise facial expressions and convey a vast range of moods and
emotions. They can, thus, either increase or decrease the dramatic qualities of
the eyes. The colour and fullness of the brows are of equal importance. Heavy,
well-defined brows, for example, would be best suited for a woman with large
features, whereas they would be out of place on a small delicately chiselled
face and create unwanted emphasis in that area.
Types of products
Brow
pencil: The best type of brow pencil has a very thin lead or is
self-sharpening. The sharpener for this pencil is built into the cover cap and
is used by simply pressing the pencil gently into the cover and turning it
until a fine point is achieved. To keep a fine point on pencils that are not
self-sharpening, you may use a pencil sharpener or a single-edged razor blade.
Brow pencils are best for filling in, shaping and extending the brows, and may
also be used for lining the eyes.
Brush-on
brow: This type of brow colouring comes in pressed-powder, compact form and has
a firm, contoured brow brush for easy application. It is best when a soft,
feathery, natural look is desired.
Brow
colour should be the same colour as the hair or a shade lighter.
The
shape of the brows depends upon the size, shape, and general contour of the
woman's face, as well as upon the look that you wish to achieve. There is no
one shape which is perfect for every woman. It is up to you to decide whether the
natural shape of the brows is the best shape for the look, or if you must alter
it to the facial contours. In many cases you will find that, although brows are
not what you would consider a perfect shape, they are right for you and add
just the look of individuality so necessary if the make-up is to properly
reflect the personality. In these cases, you will need concern yourself only
with the position.
Here
is a Link: www.eyebrowz.com/oval.htm
and www.eyebrowz.com/ tgf/virusc.htm
Here
is a classically accepted brow design, which, if followed, can give a generally
well-balanced look to the eyes.
The
classic brow design is as follows:
The
brow should start above the inner corner of the eye.
The
high point of the arch should be somewhere between the outer edge of the iris
and the outer corner of the eye.
You
will find where to end the brow by slanting a pencil from the side of the nose
to the outer corner of the eye to the brow line.
The
beginning and end of the eyebrow should be at approximately the same level.
Designing the brow
The
brow design must be decided upon before any make-up is applied to the face. If
the brow line is not good, it can often be reshaped somewhat by plucking. If
this is insufficient, further reshaping can be done with the brow pencil. If
the brow is well formed and well placed, it need only be darkened or more
clearly defined. The object in this case is to darken only the brow hairs, not
the skin.
Shaping the brow
Any
plucking that needs to be done should be done after the skin has been prepared
but before any make-up is applied. Usually only the hairs on the under side of
the brow are removed, since you will, in most cases, wish to increase the space
between the lash line and the brow line. If, however, you wish to lower the
brows or lessen the angle of the arch, you may carefully remove some of the
upper hairs. In all cases, you must avoid giving the brows a too clearly
defined look, since this will give a hard look to the eyes and appear
artificial. In filling out brows which are sparse, or to extend them, use a
soft crayon pencil the same colour as the brows with as fine a point as
possible and lightly sketch in lines which will approximate the hairs of the
brow itself. Remember, plucking is done before make-up and pencilling is done
afterwards.
Cleanse
the bows with cleansing cream.
Wipe
off all traces of cream.
Stretch
the area to be tweezed between the thumb and forefinger.
Pluck
the hairs in the same direction as the hair growth.
Clean
all straggling hair from the underside of the brow.
Make
sure the brow area is clean of hairs; this is important so that when eye
shadows are applied they will go on smoothly.
Top
area of brow is tweezed when major changes are to be made.
When
tweezing is finished, apply skin freshener or astringent to the area.
A
well-proportioned eyebrow is thickest at the inner portion, slenderising toward
the arch, and tapering off to a slim line at the end. Each face calls for an
individual approach in brow design. Basically, the eyebrows should be
proportioned to the basic facial structure; a heavy-featured face having a
stronger, more pronounced brow than a delicately featured one, etc.
Brow
shapes for certain face shapes and any ideas you may have of the
"classic" brow shape will need to be modified so that they reflect
current fashion trends. Even when you are adhering to the most currently
fashionable brow ideas, you must make some changes in your design to suit a
particular problem.
As
the eyes are the most outstanding feature of the face, it is well to pay
particular attention while doing a make-up, to make the most of this feature.
Not everyone has well-proportioned eyes or perfect placement. The make-up
artist however can do much to offset any imbalance. Some of the more common
problems are detailed here. Corrections may be made with cosmetics, applying
them in the following manner:
Closely set eyes
Tweeze
brows slightly past the inner corner of eyes and bring them out well past the
eyes' outer corner.
Apply
a highlighter or lightly toned eye shadows such as white or beige at the inner
area of the eye.
Coloured
eye shadow should start near the center of the eye and should extend outward
past the outer eye area.
Both
upper and lower eyeliners should start past the inner corner and extend outward
from the outer corner of the eye.
Widely spaced eyes
Eyebrows
are brought in a little closer to the nose.
Coloured
eye shadow should start near the inner corner of the eye, fading away before it
reaches the outer portion of the eye.
Eyeliner
should start directly near the tear duct and is not brought out noticeably to
the outer corner.
Prominent eyes
Prominent
eyes will appear less protruding when shaded with a brown, gray, or deep plum
tone of eye shadow. The deepest colour tone should be close to the lash line
and fade gradually up to the brow bone. A matte-finish shadow is preferable;
avoid those shadows, which have a high sheen or pearlized finish.
If
the brow line is not too prominent, a highlighter may be used.
A
thin line of eyeliner can be applied down at the lash base and extended outward
slightly to detract somewhat from the roundness of the eye. Lower liner may be
applied above the base of the lashes.
The
brow should be slightly arched, not rounded and not exaggerated.
Deeply set eyes
Increase
the eyelid area by tweezing the brows from the underside and arch as high as
possible.
Highlight
the entire eyelid area with a highlighter or bright eye shadow.
If
the brow bone is too prominent, it may be shaded slightly to make it appear to
recede.
Use
a thin lower liner applied slightly below the base of the lashes and extended
outward past the outer eye corner. Fill in this corner with a highlighter to
give an open-eye effect.
The
use of very thin, long lashes can do much to bring the eyes out. The base of
these lashes should be very fine.
Drooping eyes
To
offset the droop of the eye, which is often accompanied by a low bone structure
or a low lid fold, it is necessary to give the appearance of a lift to the
entire eye area.
Tweeze
the under area of the outer portion of the brow to allow a better arch.
Shading
shadow is applied in a band across the fold and smudged outward.
Highlighter
is placed directly under the arch of the brow.
Eyeliner,
if used, is applied in a very thin lien and thickened slightly at the outside
in a wedge-like point to give a lift to the eye.
Lower
liner, when used, is applied in a straight line and then brought up at the
outer corner to meet the upper eye line.
If
lashes are used, they should be applied slightly higher at the outer corner of
the eyes.
For
easy to do makeup tips go to http://www.indianwomanonline.com/wpmenhome/Narri/Nikhaar/
Dressing
Every
person has his/her own taste and liking to dresses. But while going out please keep in mind that you should wear
dresses like a common girl and should not be too stylish or gaudy or vulgar
which may cause the passersby to stare at you.
This may result in embarrassment to you and others also. Obviously you have got your privacy and you
can enjoy your fantasies.
The
easiest dresses to wear are Shalwar Kameez (Punjabi Suit), Skirt -Top, and
other ‘western style dresses’. In occasional wears, like Lehanga Chunni.
Sari
is beautiful to dress in. It takes some
practice to wrap it around with style and perfection. Moreover, it is being
worn in different ways at different places. If you don’t know how to then check
these links:
http://www.kerala.com/fashion/hwsari.htm ;
http://www.puja.com/sari/wear/wear.htm
http://www.sarimagic.com/howtowear/1/
http://www.webindia123.com/women/images/sari.gif
Outings
Going
out fully dressed and get passed, I think, is the natural urge of a cross
dresser. For venturing out of the
closet for the first time, if you have a companion then nothing is better. In a
company of other you feel more secure, confident and at ease. After few times
you will be confident enough to go out of your own.
As
far as times are concerned, nighttime is better when few people are out there.
Moreover night takes care of little flaws in makeup, jewellery, clothing etc.
When
out there take care not to talk to any person.
Do so if you are convinced that it will not create any odd situation.
Adopting a female voice & talking style is difficult, therefore, avoid
speaking.
Information
What Cross Dressers
Are Not
Not everyone
who dons the clothing of the opposite sex is a cross dresser. Society tends to
perpetuate stereotypes on the basis of visible behavior patterns. Drag queens
are usually gay or bisexual males who don women's clothes either to mock
femininity and society's stereotypes of gays, or to find sex partners. Female
impersonators dress to entertain. Transsexuals believe they are entrapped in
the body of the opposite sex, and seek sexual reassignment surgery. Cross
dressers do not aspire to any of these things, but are simply expressing the
cross gendered side of their personalities.
Understanding the
"Woman Within"
There
is within each man a set of feminine potentials that are part of his birthright,
but that society says he should suppress. Cross dressers have made contact with
these feminine potentials, this "woman within," and found this
contact fulfilling. Integrating these into their whole personalities, cross
dressers are able to smooth off some of the macho rough edges incurred by their
upbringing. The result is relaxation and mellowing of the whole person.
But Why Do They
Cross dress?
Much
speculation has centered on why some men cross dress. No one knows for sure.
While some cite hormonal or genetic factors, others favor environmental
factors. It appears, however, that for many the clothing serves as a
"lens" to facilitate focusing upon and developing the feminine side
of the personality.
Is Cross-dressing a
Sexual Phenomenon?
Human
being is sexual creature. Especially early on, many cross dressers find the
activity sexually stimulating. As time goes on, however, the sexual factor
appears to become less prominent. Cross-dressing is more a matter of
personality than sexuality. For many the need to cross dress becomes a part of
the self, just as musicians need to play music, writers need to write, or
ballplayers need to play ball. A life without cross gender expression is to
some as tragic as the life of a musician forced to live without music. Like
musical talent, cross gender expression can be a real gift.
What Types of People
Cross dress?
Cross
dressers come from all walks of life, races, creeds, and economic backgrounds.
The phenomenon dates back many thousands of years. In some cultures, especially
some Native American tribes, they were highly respected as shamans. Most cross
dressers are well educated and come from conventional family backgrounds. The
vast majority are heterosexual and most are, or have been, married. Most are
happy in their masculinity, and only a small percentage opts to live as women
full time. A few women are cross dressers, but they are much less numerous than
their male counterparts. Perhaps this is due to the relative latitude society
grants to women in matters of dress and self-expression.
Can Cross-dressing
Be "Cured"?
The
chief adjustment problem cross dressers face is societal attitudes. While these
have been changing since cross dressers appeared on the Donahue Show in 1987,
acceptance is far from complete. Because of possible consequences to families,
jobs, and friends, many cross dressers live shrouded in secrecy. Wicked by fear
and guilt, some cross dressers deny their feminine side and dispose of their
clothing. Usually they are frustrated by this amputation of a significant part
of their personalities, and eventually return to feminine self-expression. Some
seek therapy, but as many therapists are not knowledgeable about cross gender
issues, they sometimes find themselves educating the therapist rather than
getting the help they seek. Nor are psychiatric drugs of benefit. There is no
"cure" for cross dressing, and most cross dressers do not want one!
The Cross dresser
and His Wife
How a
cross dresser’s wife accepts him depends on his own degree of insight, the
duration and solidity of the relationship, and the way in which the wife or
partner learns about the cross dressing. Open and honest communication is the
lifeblood of any committed relationship, and in the case of the cross dresser,
communication is particularly vital. Once a wife or partner realizes her mate
isn't leaving her for another man or for a new life as a woman, the two of them
can seek a solution that suits their own unique circumstances.
The wise wife or partner realizes that her mate is the same person she has
always known. She recognizes the risk her man has taken in revealing his
innermost feelings, and appreciates the trust this represents. Many of the
traits that attracted her in the first place sensitivity, kindness,
appreciation of beauty, etc. - can now be seen as belonging to that "woman
within".
The Cross dresser
and His Children
A
crossdressor's children don't appear at any greater risk of becoming cross
dressers themselves. Indeed, children benefit from exposure to a father who is
usually more sensitive, creative and involved in their lives than the average.
The decision to tell the children about one's cross gender expression is a
highly personal one, to be arrived at jointly by the parents, with the needs of
the child paramount.
Cross dressers are usually torn between the desire to "protect" their
children on the one hand, and the negative effects of deceit on the other.
Telling the children at a time and under circumstances controlled by the
parents, however, does forestall the children finding out somehow at a time
when they are least prepared to deal with it.
In our experience, timing - when the children are told - is more important than
what they're told. Adolescence, a time of struggle to establish social and
sexual identity, is not the right time (especially if the children are boys).
If boys are not told earlier in childhood, it is generally best to wait until
adulthood. On the other hand, children who are told in early childhood accept
cross gender expression as "no big deal". Such children are well
prepared to deal with the diversity of modern society.
Looking For Support?
Support
should be based on the following principles: 1) that every human being has the
right to full expression of all personality potentials, both masculine and
feminine; 2) that individuals should strive to balance and integrate both their
masculine and their feminine aspects to produce a happier, more fulfilled whole
person; 3) that needs of spouses and families are neither more nor less
important than those of cross dressers; 4) that cross gender expression should
not remain a matter of shame and secrecy, but be integrated into everyday life.
Last
revised: 09.12.2001