by Tiffany Gordon

College is a time for learning and meeting new people. For many of you, it will also be a time to explore your newfound sexuality. There is nothing wrong with embracing your place in the world as a sexual being; you are at a time in your life when your hormones are raging, and that is nothing of which to be ashamed. However, if you are going to act like an adult, then that means taking the responsibility of an adult. To put it bluntly, practice safe sex.
There are a lot of dangers out there today. Sexually transmitted diseases (we call them STD’s for short) are all over the place, so it would be wise to treat every person you meet like they have one until you have absolute proof they do not. Some people have gotten STD’s without even having sex. To prevent that from happening, do not shake anybody’s hands, do not share drinks, do not kiss anyone, do not touch door handles, and do not share needles.
Your best bet at preventing any of this from happening would be to abstain entirely from sex. Ok, now that you have stopped laughing, we can get down to business. I mean, who practices abstinence? The only people that do are really ugly people, and really obese people, and it’s not like they do it on purpose.
You may be wondering, ‘Tiffany, how do I practice safe sex?’ Well, I’m glad you asked, because I’m now going to tell you. The most basic form of protection is the condom. The male wears it around his penis, and it prevents his semen from entering the female’s vagina. In my experiences, I have found that condoms do not really put a damper on the pleasure factor, I especially like ribbed condoms. There is also the female condom, but I don’t much care for those, so I’m not going to explain them. The pill is another common form of protection. It is important, however, to realize that the pill prevents pregnancy, not STD’s. And no, pregnancy is not an STD. The pill is good if you know your lover is clean, and if he doesn’t cheat on the side with dirty little whores. You also have to remember to take the pill everyday, which is easier said than done!
A dental dam is good protection when engaging in oral sex. You just put it in front of your box and voila! There are flavored ones too, so it’s even enjoyable for the male, as enjoyable as male on female oral sex can be I suppose.
So remember, if you are going to fully embrace your sexual side, remember to do so in a responsible way. Use protection!

by Matthew Green

What’s up everybody, Matthew Green here, and I’m gonna give you the 411 on safe sex. It’s college time, and you know what that means: time to get down and dirty with tons of hot college chicks. Just remember though, that hot college chick you’re about to dive into has probably done the deed with tons of guys already, so protect yourself. You don’t want to end up with a wang drippin’ pus like a leaky faucet, do you?
There’s only one problem with safe sex, it’s expensive! If I’m gonna be spending all my money buying some gal drinks, well then how does she expect me to pay for all that shit we need to keep it clean? Well now it can be done. I’m gonna tell you how to have sex that is safe for your body and for your wallet.
The ultimate device in safe sex is the fruit roll up. You can get a box of these cheaper than a box of condoms, and the fruit roll up has many more uses.
I’ll start with oral sex. When a guy wants to go down a girl, but he doesn’t know where she’s been hanging, he can use a dental dam. A dental dam is a square that you place over the girl’s area, and you stick your tongue through it. A fruit roll up can be used instead! Fruit roll ups are also square, they fit nicely over the female genitalia, and they taste good. Afterwards they can even be eaten, because sometimes you get hungry after being down there a while. It is also important to note that fruit roll ups taste good, while the same cannot be said for the genitalia of all girls.
When a girl wants to go down on a guy, she can also use the fruit roll up. Just wrap the fruit roll up around the penis and enjoy! Some males, however, complain that the fruit roll up is too thick. If this is the case, you can just use that little piece of plastic instead. It is the same size as the fruit roll up, and it is thinner.
That little piece of plastic can also be used as a condom. You just wrap the plastic around your wang and put a rubber band at the base of the penis. Remember, if the rubber band is too tight, your penis will start to hurt because the supply of blood will be cut off. Blood flow is essential to an erection because an erection is when the spongy tissue of the penis becomes engorged with blood.
I have never had sex myself, but if I was going to have sex I would definitely use a fruit roll up. It’s better for your health to eat a fruit roll up after sex than it is to enjoy a cigarette.