Point-Counterpoint: Are Nassau Girls Prude?

Nassau Girls are So Prude!

Holy shit, it’s the third day of class already and I have yet to get laid this school year. I thought I would be bangin’ chicks left and right here at college, what the fuck’s the deal? Back in high school I dreamed of going to college, where all the girls put out at the drop of a hat. Well, that’s what I thought at least.
Ever since I got my first erection back in the eighth grade, when Lisa Trovori walked by in a halter top, her newly developed breasts bouncing up and down, I have dreamed of that moment when I will finally do it. I knew I didn’t have a chance with the immature girls in my high school; none of them appreciate a man for his mind. College, however, college was different. In college, the more of an intellectual you are, the wetter you make the women. How many nights did I spend alone in my room reading and studying, so that in college I could blow the girls away with my knowledge?
I could see it in my head so clearly, a passionate discussion with a female, “…and that’s how I feel about the Israel/Palestine conflict.”
“That is brilliant! Take me now!” And I would, I would take her every time.
I’ve seen how college girls act on that website, collegefuckfest. Those definitely aren’t Nassau chicks. I went to a keg party once and I was talking to this girl but she was all like, ‘get outta my face.’ I even put some shit in her drink, but she just passed out; and then I couldn’t unhook her damn bra. Matthew Green wants his first time to be special, meaning totally naked, no fuckin bra! I tried dragging her back to my room but it was too hard, so I just left her somewhere.
What makes it all even worse is that it is warm now, so all the girls are walking around in little skimpy outfits, all like, “hey boy, look at my tits…you like ‘em dontcha?” Of course I do, I want to stick my face in every pair on campus, big and small; but no, that will not happen. At least not this year’; but there is next year. I am willing to pay the 55% or whatever tuition increase if it will help get me laid next year! You may be wondering why I don’t just get a hooker if I’m willing to spend so much money; I don’t fly like that. I want to feel my first time; I don’t want my dick to be bogged down in like twenty condoms, the nannynoxyl-9 shit stingin’ my wang like a jellyfish. So listen up Nassau hoes, start puttin’ out more, cuz Matthew is gonna be here all year and he is ready to get his roll on!

Nassau Girls are Such Sluts!

OH MY GOD! I can’t believe how slutty all the girls are here at Nassau. It’s like a guy just has to look at one and she’ll jump his bones right there. Don’t even get me started about girls under the influence of alcohol. Give a girl one sip of beer and next thing you know her clothes are in a pile on the floor and she is screaming about how, ‘@&#^(# UP’ she is.
I really thought college would be a time to make new friends and interact with other intelligent students. I must have missed the part in the catalogs about how college is a time to spread your legs and let every Tom, Dick, and Harry in to say hello. People told me college was a wonderful learning experience; but that’s not all it is!
Every school has its seedy elements and I figured Nassau would have some bad apples in the basket of 40,000; but I thought they stayed away from the band. Obviously not, because Kara is in the band and she is the sluttiest slut of them all. I thought we were friends, so I told her how I had a huge crush on Steven. Who could resist his boyish charm and gorgeous eyes? Plus, when he blew into his the saxophone he looked just like former president Bill Clinton. So I told Kara about my crush on him one night in our hotel room during an away football game. Three hours later I woke up because I heard strange noises, like people wrestling. I’ll spare you the disgusting details, but what I saw broke my heart. There was Kara and Steve playing out a scene from the teen comedy American Pie.
That’s when I realized that all the girls here are trampy, slutty, whores that are only interested in boys. Sure, I love boys, but it’s a healthy love. The girls here at Nassau are all disgusting perverts and I hate them all!