It is no secret that the traffic on Long Island is a nightmare, and each day it only seems to get worse. Wealthy Hamptons residents, however, hope to bypass it all through the construction of a twenty-lane, “Super Dooper Highway.” The projected highway would run from Manhattan to the Hamptons, with only a few exits to several enclaves on the East End.
As one would expect, opposition to the construction is fierce. A mötley crüe of environmentalists, civic leaders, animal rights activists, senior citizens, freemasons, frat boys, and bag ladies has taken a firm stance against the highway. Their biggest concerns are the harmful effects the highway may have on local animal life and the natural environment. Another key concern is the displacement of the people that live in the projected path of the highway.
The residents’ plan is supported by unions, politicians, and the Newsday editorial staff. The unions see the jobs that would be created by the construction project as a cure for a stagnant economy, while politicians feel the loss of campaign donations from the Hamptons elite could hurt their chances of reelection. Newsday endorses the plan because the highway will run right through Levittown, a village that the paper once called, “An evil little place.”
Domestic queen Martha Stewart, a Hamptons resident, assured concerned citizens that, if built, the highway would be, “A very nice, scented highway with floral arrangements to mark every mile.” Her words, however, did little to placate the crowd as both sides prepared for a lengthy battle for the fate of Long Island.

A picture from the air of what would be the 'Super Dooper Highway'