The new Project P.I.N. at Nassau Community College has made getting onto campus much more difficult for undesirables. For a few weeks, Nassau was crime free. However, Project P.I.N. has been unable to stop the most motivated of miscreants from invading the lush Nassau campus. A new black market dealing in false college ID’s has emerged, making entry into Nassau just as easy as ever, only now there is a forty-five dollar surcharge.
The Department of Public Safety has admitted that they did not foresee this situation, but they are working around the clock to solve it. One official said that the DPS could just rely on the T-Shirts students are to begin wearing on October 15th, but he quickly realized that the T-shirts could easily be faked as well.
“It appears that this it is going to take the whole Nassau Community to overcome this problem,” Vice President of Student and Academic Services Kenneth Saunders announced in response to the false IDs. He continued, “If you see anyone doing anything that is even remotely suspicious, report them to the campus security. Better safe than sorry. We are also working on setting up a tips hotline. We will overcome!”
Sources tell us the Department of Public Safety held a secret meeting the other night during which they brainstormed possible solutions to this crisis. One idea was that guards be placed at every door on campus with ID scanning machines, much like the ones used with New York State licenses which are notorious for being hard to fake. Another proposal was to arm campus security officers with non-lethal weapons, such as bullwhips, tasers, mace, and rubber bullets. They also flirted with the idea of totally shutting down the campus and forcing students to go somewhere else.
ID bootleggers scoff at the idea of an ID they could not duplicate. They would be pleased if the college clamped down even more because it only drives the price of false IDs higher. “The harder they make it for the bad guys to get in, the more the bad guys will be willing to pay for one of my fail-proof IDs,” one bootlegger, nicknamed Dolby, declared over the phone. When asked why there was such a demand for the IDs, Dolby was unsure, adding, “I never stepped onto no college campus, and look how far I’ve gotten in life!”