Converse Looking to Ink Deal with Former Liberian Leader
By Christopher

The sneaker company Converse is looking for a fresh new face to grace the advertisements of their spring line. Insiders say the company is in talks with the now deposed Liberian president, Charles Taylor. Converse is optimistic that Taylor will accept the deal now that he is unable to make money smuggling arms to rebels in Sierra Leone.
Taylor, who rose to power in a bloody 1989 coup, was given asylum in Nigeria after he stepped down as president. A United Nations war crimes tribunal for Sierra Leone has issued a warrant for his arrest. They would like to try Taylor for his contributions to the conflict in Sierra Leone, where rebels have been known to hack off the arms, legs, and even noses of civilians, including women and children.
When asked why they would like to use such a notorious figure for their advertisements, Converse said, “Well that’s the ‘in’ thing now, to be anti-authority, anti-Bush; we think that using Taylor will really appeal to all of the college kids that don’t like George Bush. Other kids probably won’t even know who Charles Taylor is, because, let’s face it, if you don’t hate George Bush, you’re probably dumb anyway. Plus, there aren’t really any other famous Charles Taylors.”
Executives at Converse are not worried about the charges brought against Taylor either. They are confident that the United Nations will never catch Taylor, let alone put him on trial. One manager called the U.N., “a bloated, ineffective bureaucracy.”
Taylor could not be reached for comment, but his ‘keeper’ said that, “As soon as he can safely leave Nigeria, he will do those advertisements. He would do anything for mon…uhm, the people of Liberia, he loves his country very much. That is why he stepped down, you know.”