Bumper Sticker Related Accidents Rise, Movement Gains Momentum
By Christopher

A new movement has been making its presence felt in Nassau County, especially at Nassau Community College. Their goal is to ban bumper stickers on automobile, or at least to severely limit the number of stickers a person may have. The lesislature appears very close to succumbing to the pressure put on them by MABS, Mothers Against Bumper Stickers. MABS’ case is boosted by Philip Duff, a young man who crashed his car while reading the stickers on another car. MABS claims that there are hundreds of stories like Philip’s, and he is only the latest victim of bumper stickers.
Philip Duff was driving when he noticed a bumper sticker on the car in front of him. When he finished reading that bumper sticker he saw another, and then another, until he was so absorbed in reading bumper stickers that he lost all sense of where he was. His car slowly drifted into oncoming traffic, and before he knew it, his car was slammed in a head on collision.
Hoffman survived, but he is now in the intensive care unit at Nassau University Medical Center. His doctors say he is lucky to even be alive, theorizing that the only reason he did survive is that his body was in a sticker induced sense of calm.
Authorities report that the car in front of Philip had 13 stickers on its back area, the bumper and trunk, and two decals on the rear window. Four of the stickers were actual bumper stickers, those ten inches by three inches, while the rest were smaller stickers that featured the names of musical acts. The driver of the car, Jillian James, had no idea she was partially responsible for Duff’s accident, and claims she never set out to hurt anyone.
MABS representatives say that there is an important distinction to be made between bumper stickers and those smaller stickers that may feature fewer words. They concede, however, that James was over their limit. MABS feels that a car should have no more than two bumper stickers and three other stickers, and that the stickers should not be too colorful either. Studies done by MABS found that overly colorful stickers are distracting to drivers; they propose that only primary colors be used on bumper stickers.
There is a more radical element of MABS that favors extending the law in order to totally ban bumper stickers that feature negative phrases. Mary Carrey, one of these members of MABS, said, “I’ve seen a bumper sticker that just said ‘I Hate You.’ Drivers don’t need that.” Other members of MABS disagree, and are trying to distance the organization from such radical viewpoints.
The Union of Bumper Sticker Makers of America and the Bumper Sticker Writers Guild have formed an alliance to combat this problem posed by MABS. UBSMA President Jonathan Chaise declared, “The bumper sticker industry employs thousands, putting this restriction on stickers will really hurt the economy. Bumper stickers have also featured some of the greatest quotes of the last fifty years or so, they really make people think.” Chaise added that he feels bumper stickers were a great way to “spice up,” the back of a car, and that they made great ice breakers.
Students here at Nassau Community College are divided over the issue. James called it an “outrage,” proclaiming, “The oppressive tyrant state has no right to regulate what stickers I put on my car. The leviathan rises! Plus, how would anyone know every single band I listen to?” She continued, “It’s not like I’m trying to hurt anyone, but it’s not my fault if some ADD retard can’t keep his eyes on the road!”
Tico Denham, another student, supports the restrictions, citing the accidents as his main reason. He also feels though, that when a car has too many stickers on it, it looks “garish.” “I’ve seen cars that have every inch of space covered by stickers, and it’s just so tacky.”
The bill that would effectively regulate the use of bumper stickers sits in limbo. If passed, the punishment will most likely be a warning followed by a series of incremental fines.