(All quotes taken from Psyche Transcripts.)
(* Mild spoilers to Hells Bells. Shouldn't be any future spoilers)
Xander's Dream: Loss of Heart
What is that song - it just popped into my head as I'm writing this : "Gotta Have Heart?" Was never very good at remembering the lyrics to songs, but that phrase just won't let go. It's fitting though, because I think I remember hearing Xander singing this song in one of the episodes way back in Season 2.
Xander is all about heart. He may not have the brains, he may not have the stamina and he may not have the moral compass or spirit, but boy you have to give the guy credit - he has plenty of heart. Plenty of courage. And don't courage and heart go hand in hand? Xander describes himself as the "heart" of the group on more than one occasion. He isn't supernaturally inclined, but he can come through in the clinch, right? So what happens if Xander stops trusting his heart? Stops coming through in the clinch? Heart - animus - loyalty - courage - what if these are ripped from him?
If Xander's strength is his heart - then it is fitting that his dream begins with him and the gang watching "Apocalypse Now" which is based on a journey into The Heart of Darkness. Is this a journey into the darkness of Xander's heart? No, I think that may be too literal an interpretation. I think if anything it is about Xander wanting to go on the journey but being unable to due to his own lack of heart, inability to trust his heart. As a result he keeps ending up in the same place, his parent's basement.
In the beginning of Xander's dream - we are in the Summer's House. Only two of our fab four's dreams start here. And I think it's important that Xander's does. The Summer's House is Xander's safe haven, just as Tara's dorm room was Willow's. In Older and Far Away, Xander is somewhat reluctant to leave Buffy's House, even when the demon attacks him, I got the impression that he was happy there. And in Normal Again - it is Buffy's House that he returns to after leaving Anya and everyone for a couple of days. So we start in the safe haven watching what Xander refers to as a gay romp - the feel good movie of it's time: Apocalyspe Now. In the dream, no one is enjoying it, Buffy is bored and Giles feels it's somewhat overrated. Xander anxiously states that it gets better, he knows it gets better. Xander's province is film, he knows all about it. He gets his validation from this knowledge. And he desperately needs the approval of Giles and Buffy. Their disinterest about something as small as a movie he's rented for them, worries him. Then Xander notices there's something up with Willow - who appears to be twitching uncontrollably on the couch.
XANDER:What's her deal? (indicating Willow)
BUFFY: Big faker.
GILES: (still looking at TV) Oh, I'm beginning to understand this now. It's all about the journey, isn't it?(Xander rolls his eyes.)
XANDER: Well, thanks for making me have to pee. (Gets up)
BUFFY: You don't need any help with that, right?
XANDER: (heading for stairs) Got a system.
Buffy shrugs off Willow's dilemma- just as she shrugged in off in Smashed and later at the beginning of Wrecked. Both Xander and Buffy ignore Willow's dilemma but in different ways. Buffy shrugs it off as nothing. Xander notices it but chooses to do nothing about it - more concerned with his own situation. Throughout his dream, he constantly jogs past situations he'd rather not deal with. Ironic because up until now, I thought of him as courageously confronting the situation head on, guns blazing. Just like Willow before him, the writer shows us another side of Xander and he is not exactly what he appears.
When Giles tells Xander "it's all about the journey" - Xander immediately takes off to pee. Xander doesn't really want to go on a journey, he wants to stay in the safe haven. But Xander's journey begins the moment he tries to avoid it. Buffy offers to help, in a somewhat embarrassing context - but Xander turns her down. A sexual and emasculating reference. How many times in the past three years or six, if you like, has Buffy emasculated Xander? 1) She saves him from the praying mantis. Teacher's Pet. 2) She comes onto him in When She Was Bad - only to knock the wind from his sails, indicating it was just a game. 3) She pulls Larry off him, when he was trying to protect her from Larry in Halloween. 4.)She calls him one of the girls in Witch (Season 1). I think Willow is not the only one harboring a bit of resentment towards our superhero. Yet ironically, it is Buffy's house Xander considers his safe haven.
The first segment of Xander's dream takes place upstairs in the Summers House. This portion links to Buffy's dream. Both Buffy and Xander go upstairs. And both are told that everyone has left a long time ago. (We're not at Buffy yet - but remember the similarities between the dreams.) Once upstairs Xander runs into Joyce - Joyce acts as Xander's guide in the upstairs segment of his dream while later, we'll see Tara acts as Buffy's guide, just as Tara acted as Willow's. Both Joyce and Tara represent celestial mother figures or oracles. In Willow's dream Tara is sexually displayed on her bed and is asking her uncomfortable questions. In Xander's dream Joyce is wearing a red negligee and is asking uncomfortable questions - possibly echoing the desires in Xander's own mind.
If we want to follow the novel Heart Of Darkness - Joyce can also represent - Marlow's aunt. The first of three women that Marlow encounters on his journey to meet Kurtz. His aunt, described as a bright cheery woman, sends him off with good tidings, telling him to be careful, and make sure to wear the right clothing. She implies that he will send comfort wherever he goes. Here's Xander's scene with Joyce:
XANDER: Hey Joyce. Mrs. Summers. (Takes a step closer) We're not making too much noise down there, are we?
JOYCE: Oh, no. Anyway, they all left a while ago.
XANDER: Oh, I should probably go catch up.
JOYCE: (grins) I've heard that before.
XANDER: I move pretty fast. You know, a man's always after-
JOYCE: Conquest?
XANDER: (shrugs) I'm a conquistador. (Pan across Joyce's breasts.)
JOYCE: (we see her face and hear her voice, but her lips aren't moving) You sure it isn't comfort?
XANDER: I'm a comfortador also.
Xander wants to be the "comfortador", yet he really tends to be all about the"conquest". As he states way back in Season 2 - "I'll tell you this: people don't fall in love with what's right in front of them. People want the dream. What they can't have. The more unattainable, the more attractive." For Xander it has always been about conquest. He wins Cordy's heart only to finally become interested in Willow, who is suddenly unavailable. The great irony is that his latest conquest is a vengeance demon who excels at punishing men exactly like Xander. What a coup it would be to his ego to gain Joyce's heart. It certainly was a coup when he got to sleep with Faith (notice how he brags about it to Giles in This Year's Girl: "See, I can't be held responsible for the effect I have on women.You see, Faith and I have this little thing between us called history.") And of course later in Season 5 - he brags about Dawn having a crush on him and is highly annoyed that she likes Spike now. (Bloodties) The Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered spell in Season 2 is classic Xander - he gets all these women who wouldn't look at him twice suddenly going for him. But he doesn't like it and his conscience surfaces, or his heart, and he runs. Just like he turns away from Joyce.
(Shot of Joyce. Again we hear her voice although her lips don't move)
JOYCE: Would you like to rest for a while? (Pan over to her bed with the covers turned down. Xander looks from it to her.)
XANDER: Um, yeah. (Confidently) I'd like you. I'm just gonna go to the bathroom first.
JOYCE: Don't get lost. (Slinks into her room.)
In this portion of the dream, Xander imagines Joyce wants him - her lips aren't moving - so at some level, Xander is cognizant of the fact that the real Joyce would never make these comments. Joyce also tells him that his friends are ahead of him, that "they all left a while ago." And warns him not to get lost. Xander at this point believes he can catch up.
He ends up in the Summer's Bathroom - which he thinks is safe, but instead it's the Initiative lab filled with military guys studying him. Is this a throwback to Xander's desire to be in the military? The only two characters that dream about the Initiative in any way are Xander and Buffy, perhaps because they both harbored an interest in joining it at one time? Or was that only Xander? When Xander nervously leaves the bathroom to find another - he finds himself in his parents basement - now the nightmare truly begins. Just as Willow's nightmare truly began the moment she re-entered high school. If Willow associates high school with hell, Xander associates his parent's basement with it:
(Now he's in his basement, dark. The door at the top of the stairs is closed, doorknob rattling ominously.)XANDER: (loudly) I didn't *order* any vampires.(Knob rattles louder and louder. Then we hear pounding on the door.) (nervous) That's not the way out. (Backing away)
His first response is that it's vampires - clearly something he both hates and fears. After all vampires have taken away his friend Jesse and got in the way of any relationship he might of dreamed of having with Buffy. He must have wondered over the years if it weren't for Angel, would Buffy have been interested in him? Clearly not - or she wouldn't have gone for Riley, Scott Hope, Owen and Parker. But I'm not sure Xander can ever fully understand this. Vampires - Xander associates with the basement. Yet - we get the impression that it's not vampires - Xander is really afraid of in this dream.
Speaking of vampires - we now have our first sighting of Spike. He didn't make an appearance in Willow's dream - but he does in Xander's. Xander has entered a playground, it is an extremely bright day, the sun is almost blinding and he sees Giles and Spike in matching tweed suits swinging while Buffy sits below them playing like a little girl in a sandbox. Interesting in both Xander and later Giles' dreams Buffy is represented as a child. Do they think of her in this matter? Or is she seen as stunted in both matters of heart and intellect? She hasn't fully developed these two skills? Could be all of the above. Both do tend to take on a sort of patriarchal role towards her, which is probably why neither will ever be romantically involved with her. Buffy doesn't want a father or a brother. She doesn't want to be taken care of. In the dream - she even calls him Big Brother - yes I believe this is partly Xander's fears speaking, but remember the dream is operating on more than one level - as foreshadowing and as part of Buffy's dream, they are all linked. But back to Spike and Giles:
SPIKE: Giles here is gonna teach me to be a Watcher. Says I got the stuff.
GILES: Spike's like a son to me. (They both smile and continue swinging)
XANDER: That's good. I was into that for a while, but... (nods toward the street) I got other stuff goin' on.
Xander's reaction is interesting - instead of being angry about this, he seems to shrug it off. Which when we re-examine the events of the last year makes sense. He started off training to be a Watcher with Giles - back in The Initiative, but got bored of it quickly, moved onto pizza guy, then ice-cream truck guy, and by Season 5, has finally settled into construction. So Spike taking over this role doesn't really seem to bother him too much - since he didn't particularly like it that much to begin with. The reference about Spike being a son to Giles - also is interesting. Is Xander picking up on something the other's aren't? Is this just a fear? Remember we're still in Xander's dream. Perhaps Xander does catch from Giles a sense of fatherly interest in Spike - perhaps it's how Xander has explained Giles' reluctance to hurt Spike or for that matter reject Spike entirely in Season 4. Remember in Pangs - it is Giles' house Spike is invited into and it is Giles who takes Spike in. Also it is Spike who helps Giles in the New Man and Giles does return the favor in The I in Team. So maybe Xander is on to something?
XANDER: (in playground) You gotta have something. (Looks at Buffy) Gotta be with movin' forward.
BUFFY: (like a proud little kid) Like a shark.
XANDER: Like a shark with feet and ... much less fins.
SPIKE: (like a proud little kid) And on land!
GILES: Very good!
Both Spike and Buffy are depicted as children in this segment of the dream with Giles as their father. They seem to sort of ignore Xander and his intent to move forward. That's nice, they say, go ahead and use children's analogies to understand it. The analogy they use is an interesting one - since it relates to at least four male characters in Buffy's life. First Riley - before he leaves Sunnydale in Season 5, he is told repeatedly by his friends that he must keep moving forward. He appears to have no purpose outside of being Buffy's boyfriend. Staying in Sunnydale stagnates him. Riley is also shark-like when he is first introduced - with dangerous drugs inside him and his last name is "Finn". The second - Spike -is also stuck right now between two worlds and needs to move forward. (We'll have to wait and see if he actually does.) He too can be described as a shark, with pointy teeth. The third - Giles - who was stuck in Season 4 and Season 5 and has finally moved forward in Season 6, leaving Sunnydale to begin a new life elsewhere. The fourth - Angel -left in Season 3 to start a new life and has moved forward. And all of their departures whether current, past, or possibly eminent are painful to Buffy = shark-like. The irony is that the only one who has not moved is Xander, yet he appears to be the one who is trying to. "Gotta be with movin forward." One can't help but wonder if Xander sees this trend? And if that is part of his nightmare, not being able to move forward no matter how hard he tries. Being stuck in the basement forever.
The final segment of this portion of Xander's dream deals with his brotherly concern for Buffy. It should not be confused with romantic concern.
XANDER: Buffy, are you sure you wanna play there?(Buffy gives him a pouty look like a little kid told not to do something.)
It's a pretty big sandbox.
BUFFY: I'm okay. (Suddenly we see her against the backdrop of the desert from Willow's dream. Rocks, sand, scraggly trees) It's not coming for me yet.
XANDER: I just mean ... you can't protect yourself from ... some stuff.
(Buffy looks directly at him. The playground backdrop is back.)
BUFFY: I'm way ahead of you, big brother.
XANDER: Brother?
Buffy's right - it's how he's treating her in the scene. Like a brother. Gently suggesting she might not want to play there, but not overly concerned. A boyfriend would attempt to move her or would see her as older. Buffy is the only woman in Xander's dream who is not viewed as a sexual object. He views her chastely like a little girl or sister. Someone to protect, to cherish, but not to boink. Meanwhile Giles is telling Spike to put his back into it and swing harder - has Spike switched to the romantic role here - is this a sexual reference in regards to Buffy? Or does it just continue the thread that Spike is being groomed to take Giles' place? (I think we might be reading too much into it, personally.)
Now we have Xander and Anya in the ice-cream truck. Remember the last time Xander was in the ice cream truck he and Anya had an argument about having sex? Anya thought he'd lost interest in her and he claimed he hadn't? Well - once again they are having an argument. Except this time Anya wants to know where they are going. He clearly has no idea. So she brings up the idea of getting back into vengeance because, hey that at least gave her some direction, some purpose.
ANYA: I've been thinking about getting back into vengeance.(We see her playing with a lollipop in its wrapper.)
XANDER: Is that right?
ANYA: Well, you know how I miss it. I'm so at loose ends since I quit. I think this is going to be a very big year for vengeance.
XANDER: But ... isn't vengeance kind of ... vengeful?
Not only does this scene foreshadow future events - it reveals some of Xander's fears regarding Anya. Again he has her almost childlike, petulant, depending on him. She is sucking on a lollipop. And suggests as a child might - I think I'll get back into vengeance. But he doesn't really appear to be taking her seriously. In his dream women appear to be either children or sex objects. Something Willow may have picked up on in her dream in which he discusses her magic with OZ in sexual undertones.
The next portion of the conversation reveals a great deal about Xander and how he views the world:
ANYA: (petulant) You don't want me to have a hobby.
XANDER: Not a vengeance hobby, no! It's dangerous. People can't do anything they want. Society has rules, and borders, and an end zone. It doesn't matter if-(He hears giggling, turns.)(We see Willow and Tara in the back of the truck, snuggling and nuzzling. Both wearing exaggerated eye makeup.)Do you mind? I'm talking to my demon.
I think we glimpsed a side of Xander that we only guessed existed. He wants rules and order and believes they should exist. But hardly practices what he preaches. His whole speech to Anya is ironic. I want the neat little boxes, please. I want the world to make sense. He reminds me of the radio man who travels down the river with Willard in Apocalypse Now. The radio man who decides to go hunting in the jungle with Willard only to be scared witless by a tiger. The radio man who thinks the world has boundaries and discovers on his journey it doesn't and in a sense enjoys that - playing with the whores they meet in one place and helping the men on the boat shoot up another boat full of harmless people. He wants the boundaries - but hey I'm talking to my demon who I have sex with and notice it's "my" demon. Also notice how he has Willow and Tara dressed? Very seductively, almost like whores?
(Shot of Willow in a very short black bustier, Tara in a short black skirt and very revealing white blouse. Tara has one leg bent and Willow's hand is on her thigh. Both have heavy black eye makeup and thick red lipstick.) (Xander stares at them. Both girls smile seductively at him. We hear Tara's voice although her lips don't move.)
TARA: We just think you're really interesting.
XANDER: Oh, I-I'm going places.
WILLOW: I'm way ahead of you. (Caressing Tara's leg.)(Closeup of Willow and Tara grinning at each other, nuzzling. Willow whispers in Tara's ear. They both giggle.)(Pan down to Willow's hand stroking Tara's thigh.)
Xander once again is indulging in sexual fantasy. But they are both painted rather darkly in his dream. Is this how he views lesbians? Willow certainly thought so - in her dream. What does Xander say in Willow's dream: "Sometimes I do a spell all by myself?" Also Willow suggests in Xander's dream that she is "way ahead of him". He may be moving forward, yet he appears to still be behind his friends. Buffy says the same thing in the playground scene: "I'm way ahead of you big brother." The difference is Willow is portrayed sexually in Xander's head while Buffy is portrayed as anything but. When they indicate he can join them - their lips don't move - indicating that on some level Xander knows it's not real, that they'd never want this, it's merely what he wants. But he does attempt to join them, leaving Anya behind to drive the car emphatically. It's the same thing he does in Hell's Bells, he leaves Anya to deal with the guests, to gesture emphatically. In his head - she doesn't appear to mind.
Of course they are gone and Xander is once more in his parents basement. He ends up there three times, each time circling back to it. This time, the pounding on the upstairs door is louder, but he doesn't face it, instead skips out the back door running smack into the cheese man who tells him the cheese slices won't protect him. Interesting Willow's cheese was about order, while Xander's appears to be about protection. Protecting what? What is Xander afraid of? Why does he keep fleeing his basement and avoiding the upstairs? What doesn't he have the heart to face?
Xander runs into Giles and Anya at the high-school, interesting, both Xander and Willow end up at Sunnydale high. In this portion of the dream, Xander is running from something, but he's not sure what it is. Giles and Anya try to help him but he can't understand them - they start speaking French - telling him that it's no time to play games and he has to come with them back to the house, everyone else has gone ahead. French - a language commonly taught in high school, also considered slightly elite, so this could be a metaphor about Xander's feelings of inadequacy? The fact that people are speaking above his head or intellect ? Giles and his friends using words he has yet to learn? Again the idea is that the others are way ahead of him, Xander is being left behind. All through Season 4 and part of 5, we get glimpses of Xander's fear of being left behind by his friends. HE didn't go onto College like Willow and Buffy. He's still living at home. He already feels left behind, both intellectually and emotionally. Now in his dream it appears to be physically.
Finally we near the end of Xander's dream - and it's back to the beginning, Apocalypse Now - the journey metaphor. Except in this scene he has reached the end of Willard's journey - he enters Kurtz' camp or the heart of darkness. Kurtz is portrayed by Snyder and the scene is shot exactly like a scene between Marlon Brando (Kurtz) and Martin Sheen (Willard) in the movie. Snyder like Joyce in the beginning of the dream is asking Xander some uncomfortable questions: Where are you from? Were you born there? Where are you heading? Who are you? And Xander's answers are interesting - he tells Snyder - he comes from his parent's basement - the very place he keeps trying to escape. He doesn't appear to know who he is, but he's not a solider. The solider metaphor is interesting because it links back to how Spike split him and the Scoobies up. Spike convinced Xander that the Scoobies were ashamed of his lack of direction. Made fun of his interest in the military and the military was the only place he could go. (The secret to Xander's dream may actually be what Spike used against him as I'm beginning to realize it could have been the answer to Willow's as well - Spike used the witchcraft and Willow's "lesbian" activities to split her apart from the Gang. She feels powerful about them - but is still worried about what the others' think. Xander feels the same way - he's proud of his military knowledge that he obtained years ago and his courage, but he also feels insecure about it and worries about what others' think.) Seeing this weakness, Snyder doesn't stop with the questions - he adds some difficult answers as well.
SNYDER: Are you a soldier?
XANDER: (shakes head) I'm a comfortador.
SNYDER: (contemptuous) You're neither. You're a whipping boy. Raised by
mongrels and set on a sacrificial stone.
Snyder snaps Xander's confidence in two. Just as Buffy snapped Willow's by forcing her out of the closet, stripping off her costume. (Except ironically in Willow's dream the costume was her witch/lesbian persona, the one underneath was the geek. In Xander's the costume he's wearing is the solider, underneath is the guy with the quick retort and the crazy shirts who keeps ending up in his parents' basement.)
'You're nothing', Snyder tells Xander. 'You're unimportant." It's important that it's Snyder doing it. An authority figure. Xander has always respected and struggled with authority figures. This is the principal of the high school. The second most abusive adult man in Xander's life next to his father. On top of which - Snyder never got a date in high school, Snyder was a geek, Snyder didn't have the heart to stand up to the mayor. Snyder is the hollow man. How does Xander reply? With a smart retort, Xander's method to handling everything - a smart alec retort. "I've got a cramp." "Thanks for making have to pee." "I was really happy when you got eaten by the snake." The next segment takes place outside Giles apartment where Giles and Anya and Buffy are trying to help Willow. But can't. The comments each makes is very appropriate to their characters at least in Xander's head:
Buffy: I can fight anything right? (But can she, really? Can she fight a friend? A human? Perhaps this segment leaks into Buffy's dream?)
Anya: Maybe we should slap her? (Looking for the simple approach. Or quick way out? It reminds me of how Spike handles Buffy's catatonia in Weight of the World.)
Giles: It's more serious than we thought. (Giles is ignoring Xander in this scene in somewhat the same manner he ignores Willow in the last dream. He sees him, but is distracted by something more important.)
All of them are so focused on Willow's problem that they fail to see Xander who is once again running from the first slayer. HE ends up climbing through a window into Buffy and Willow's dorm room, then through a closet only to end up - you guessed it - back in his parent's basement for the third and final time. Interesting - once again the closet/wardrobe metaphor. Had it appear in two dreams now. Willow talking about the Lion, the Witch and The Wardrobe : Wardrobe/closet after her costume is ripped off? Now Xander climbing through the girls' clothes closet- only to end up in his parent's basement again? Both are running from the first slayer, on the surface their fears appear different - yet are they? Both are afraid of being unmasked. Willow - about the geek inside the powerful witch/lesbian. And Xander…what is it Xander is afraid of? The answer lies in the very last scene:
XANDER: (whispers) That's not the way out. (The door bursts open. Xander looks down at himself, then back up the stairs.)
VOICE: What the hell is wrong with you?(Xander looks chastised.)
(We see a man silhouetted in the doorway above. It's Xander's dad.)
DAD: You won't come upstairs? What are you ... ashamed of us? Your mother's crying her guts out!
XANDER: You don't understand.
DAD: No. You don't understand. (Starts down the stairs, stomping angrily) The line ends here with us, and you're not gonna change that.
(Xander looking down, unable to look at his dad.)You haven't got the heart.
At first it looks like Xander is afraid of his father or the way his father feels towards him. But when you look at the scene again - it appears he is really afraid of being his father. Of going upstairs and taking on his parents' lives. He feels if he keeps moving forward he can avoid this, somehow. But all it does is take him back to where he started. He can't run from it. Until he has the heart to face his own future, he won't be able to move on. It's what Snyder tells him - you're not a solider, you're not a comfortador -you're a whipping boy. Until he can trust his heart, he will continue to be everyone's whipping boy, especially his parents. But he doesn't trust his heart - he doesn't like himself. He believes deep down inside that he was raised by mongrels and he will be sacrificed because he doesn't deserve anything else. His father is right - he's ashamed: of his family, of himself, of Anya (his "demon") and as a result he's trapped. He can't let go of his failed aspirations. "Gotta keep moving" he says over and over, and yet no matter how fast he moves - he can't catch up to his friends. His left behind. Why? As his father puts it, before the heart is pulled from Xander's chest - "You haven't got the heart."
Irony at it's best. Willow who is portrayed as spirit - is revealed to be without it. Xander who is portrayed as the heart - doesn't appear to have enough of one to move out of his parent's basement. Did the first slayer really remove these attributes or have Xander and Willow let go of them on their own?
End Part II. (Coming Soon - Part III: Giles - Loss of The Mind)
Thanks again for reading. Sorry for the length. Hope it adds to the discussion. Looking forward to your comments as always.
;-) Shadowkat
