First thanks to Board Mama/AngelX for allowing long posts and character analysis. I really appreciate your hard work on the Board. Second thanks to all the posters who inspired this idea: Destiney, Cjl, Linda Delurker, Max, wwolf, Tach, etc.
WARNING -MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD - UP TO NORMAL AGAIN
In BvTs they are addressing two themes: The desire to be the superhero and the desire to be the normal girl and the struggle between the two. This is important because I believe if the spoilers are true this is the battle we are going to see at the end of this season, a battle that has been foreshadowed since Season 1 and has been in development since Welcome to The Hellmouth. It is the battle between the "Vampire Slayer" - the "superhero" who wishes she could just be a normal girl and the "Normal Geeky Girl" who wishes she could be the "superhero".
Linda Delurker and cjl have done a marvelous job chronicling and exploring the reasons behind Willow's magic. I would like to add an additional one, which Destiney recently pointed out in one of her posts: Willow wants to be the superhero, to have validation, to be fighting evil, and to be rewarded for it. Because in Willow's deluded mind - that's what it's like being the superhero. To give Xander credit - he does occasionally appear to realize that being a superhero is really and truly a thankless job with no validation and no time off. But Willow doesn't get this. While Willow is important- this post like my previous ones - focuses on the Buffy side of the equation.
How often, if we think about it, have we wanted to be the superhero? Wanted to save the day? Kill the bad guy? And if we can't be the superhero - gee wouldn't it be nice to sleep with him or her? To be their sidekick? The episode Superstar explores this desire. Jonathan, geeky nerd, does a wish spell where he becomes the Superhero and under the conditions of the wish - he has everything he believes a superhero would have: a dream house, beautiful girls, money, success, fame, adoration, and saves the world. It's not real though, as Buffy attempts to point out. The superhero doesn't get any of those things. The superhero - has to fight her battle in the shadows, undercover, with no money, no rewards, and often alone.
Willow, Xander, Jonathan, Cordelia, Dawn - all dream of being the superhero. They all want to be the slayer. They believe it's cool. And they don't completely understand the sacrifices. Here's a scene between Buffy and Riley in The Real Me, after Dawn has been introduced. It deals with Dawn's desire to be Buffy. Prior to this scene Dawn announces in a voiceover narrative what she believes a superhero is, and it's not all that different from Willow and Xander's view if you think about it. If Dawn symbolizes Buffy's inner child, the non-slayer Buffy, then her comments are even more interesting: "*I* could so save the world if somebody handed me super powers... but I'd think of a cool name and wear a mask to protect my loved ones, which Buffy doesn't even. If this town wasn't so lame everyone would completely know what she does. And then I bet they wouldn't even be that impressed, because like, killing things with wood? Oh, scary vampires, they die from a splinter." Interesting. One wonders if this isn't what Buffy is thinking? Now here's her scene with Riley:
RILEY: You have super powers ... and college ... a studly yet sensitive boyfriend...
BUFFY: And a pesky life-or-death job that I can't quit or even take a break from.
RILEY: She doesn't get the sacrifices. She's a kid.
BUFFY: And that's what bugs. *She* gets to be a kid, and she acts like it's the biggest burden in the world. Sometimes *I* would like to just curl up in Mom's lap and not worry about the fate of the world. I'd like to be the one who's protected, who's waited on-
If Dawn wants to be the slayer, then Buffy wants to be the little kid. A desire that is oddly echoed a year later in Normal Again where her parents in the asylum world offer to let her curl up in Mommy's lap and be protected. It is interesting that in Fool For Love, when Dawn asks when she'll get to go on patrol - Buffy says never. Buffy is protecting her child self from her thankless life. A thankless life that the child, the normal girl, believes is cool. Now let's look at a scene between Xander and Dawn about what it entails being a slayer in Doublemeat Palace, Season 6.
DAWN: Buffy's never gonna be a lawyer, or a doctor. Anything big.
XANDER: She's a Slayer. She saves the whole world. That's way bigger.
DAWN: But that means she's gonna have like crap jobs her entire life, right? Minimum wage stuff. I mean, I could still grow up to be anything. But for her ... this is it.
XANDER: Okay, but maybe you'll be a lawyer or a doctor, and you can use all your money to support your deadbeat sister.
DAWN: (sarcastic) Oh, that's terrifically better. Thanks.
Interesting switch and isn't odd how Dawn, who I still think represents a part of Buffy this season, is the one who gets the hell of slayerdom, not Xander. Xander is still under the delusion that saving the world is reward in of itself. Why would Buffy want more? Xander is like us - we think the same thing. We would love to save the world but realize it's dangerous and are just as happy to be a sidekick. Xander unlike Willow, does not for a minute believe he can be the superhero, just as long as he gets to fight by her side, save her occasionally, and well…, a guy can dream right? Don't flame me Xander fans - I'm not saying Xander is wrong for feeling this way - we all feel like this, don't we? If we're really honest with ourselves. How many of us have written fan-fics or dreamed what Xander's dreamed? This is the safe fantasy. It's Willow's desire to make the fantasy real that's dangerous and potentially evil, because Willow wants to be the hero with the rewards, just as Jonathan did and I'm sorry that's not part of the package. And that's what Xander and Willow and everyone else doesn't get. They don't really see the whole picture- Buffy doesn't get paid. She doesn't get recognition. She has to do a crappy job so she can save the world at night. **An important distinction between Xander and Willow : Xander gets that Buffy doesn't get paid or any recognition, etc - but he believes that this shouldn't bother her. He believes that being the hero is enough. Willow on the other hand, is a bit like Jonathan in Superstar, she believes Buffy should be getting the recognition and does get it.
Here's a scene from Flooded that emphasizes this idea. In the scene Anya wonders why Buffy can't get paid, after all demons get paid, why don't slayers?
ANYA: Um ... i-i-if you wanna pay every bill here, and every bill coming, and ... have enough to start a nice college fund for Dawn? (big smile) Start charging.
BUFFY: (irritated) For what?
ANYA: Slaying vampires! (Xander looks embarrassed) Well, you're providing a valuable service to the whole community. I say cash in. BUFFY: (carefully) Well, that's an idea ... you would have. Any other suggestions?
ANYA: (softly) Well, I mean, it's, it's not *so* crazy.
DAWN: Yes it is! You can't charge innocent people for saving their lives.
ANYA: Spiderman does.
DAWN: Xander?
XANDER: (reluctantly) Action is his reward.
(Xander runs out after Anya. Willow watches them go with a small smile, then turns to Buffy. )
WILLOW: You're throwin' away a gold mine.
Notice that once again Xander states how Buffy can't get recognition or payment, she doesn't need it - action is her reward. But Willow considers payment as a possibility - "you're throwing away a gold mine". And isn't the Spiderman reference a nice touch? Spiderman unlike Buffy does have a rewarding career by the way - he's a newspaper photo-journalist. Poor Buffy is stuck working a double-shift and the Doublemeat. But Buffy always knew this was the case. As far back as high school, she knew that her future was sealed. Her friends could pick their careers, hers was already chosen. This is shown in WHAT's MY LINE: Notice how oblivious Xander and Willow truly are to Buffy's predicament. (It's paraphrased in places for length).
Buffy: Uhhh! I shouldn't even be bothering with this. It's all mootville for me. No matter what my aptitude test says, we already know my deal.
Xander: Yup, high risk, sub-minimum wage...
Buffy: Pointy wooden things...
Willow: You're not even a teensy weensy bit curious about what kinda career you could've had? I mean, if you weren't already the Slayer and all.
Buffy: Do the words 'sealed in fate' ring any bells for you, Will? Why go there?
(Willow is hurt by that comment.)
Xander: Y'know, with that kind of attitude you could've had a bright future as an employee at the DMV. (shakes his pencil at her)
Buffy: I'm sorry, it's just... unless Hell freezes over and every vamp in Sunnydale puts in for early retirement, I'd say my future is pretty much a non-issue.
They just don't get it. Nor for that matter does Buffy. She keeps thinking of slaying as a career. Something she can retire from and so do we, in a way. I remember a friend of mine saying a few months ago - well, Buff's done her thing, she can be a civilian now, right? Like she was in the military. No, that's Riley. Riley can stop at any time. Buffy can't. Here's a scene from What's My Line Part II, this one is with Kendra, another vampire slayer who has just helped the gang save the day.
Kendra: You talk about slaying like it's a job. It's not. It's who you are.
Buffy: Did you get that from your handbook?
Kendra: From you.
Buffy: I guess it's something I really can't fight. (smiles) I'm a freak.
But she keeps trying to fight it. As one poster (can't remember who) aptly put it - it's against Buffy's nature to surrender to anything, she's a fighter. From the very beginning in Welcome to the Hellmouth, she tries. This scene occurs after Giles does his speech about how Buffy's the chosen one with a sworn duty to protect the world.
Buffy: (interrupts and joins in) ...with the strength and skill to hunt the vampires, to stop the spread of their evil blah, blah, blah... I've heard it, okay?
Giles: I really don't understand this attitude. You, you've accepted
your duty, you, you've slain vampires before...
Buffy: Yeah, and I've both been there and done that, and I'm moving on.
In fact, if you pay attention, you can find a scene like this in just about every episode of BvTS. Here's one from Witch, where Buffy wants to try out for Cheerleading Squad:
Giles: You have a sacred birthright, Buffy. You were chosen to destroy vampires, not to... wave pompoms at people. And as the Watcher I forbid it.
Buffy: And you'll be stopping me how?
Giles: Well, I... By appealing to your common sense, if such a creature exists.
Buffy: I will still have time to fight the forces of evil, okay? I just
wanna have a life, I wanna do something normal. Something safe.
This is followed by scenes in Never Kill A Boy on The First Date - where Buffy tries to date and only ends up getting everyone including the poor date into danger. Buffy can't even have a normal guy.
Giles: (looks toward Owen) Seems like a nice lad.
Buffy: Yeah. But he wants to be danger man. You, Xander, Willow, you
guys... you guys know the score, you're careful. Two days in my world
and Owen really *would* get himself killed. Or I'd get him killed.
Gee, being the superhero doesn't look like that much fun, now does it? And this is just the first Season. It's in Season 3 that things get interesting. Buffy is suddenly faced with what she believes are "choices". She thinks, at least momentarily, that she can get off the hook. That she can go to Northwestern and go to college. She does not need to be the slayer. Her mother also believes this. Unfortunately, Buffy will always be the slayer - it's not a career choice. It's who she is. Who she will be until she dies. Willow doesn't get this, Willow believes it is a choice. And Willow envies it and wants to make the same one.
There are three major scenes from Choices, Season 3 that emphasize this. (sorry it's long but its important - because this episode truly shows the B/W parallel) This is a turning point episode. In it, Buffy learns she can never leave Sunnydale, she will always be the slayer, and her life will always be run by that. Willow on the other hand chooses to remain in Sunnydale as opposed to going to Oxford and chooses to use magic to be part of Buffy's evil fighting team. It is important to note here - what the choices are and who makes them. And who envies whom.
First scene happens towards the beginning of the episode where the gang is discussing College. Buffy has just realized that she can't hand the slayer duties over to Faith, who has become evil and has just mentioned how her Mom still wants her to go to Northwestern. Her Mom doesn't get the fact that she can't, that she doesn't have a choice. Willow apparently doesn't understand this either.
Willow: Sounds like your mom's in a state of denial.
Buffy: More like a continent. She just has to realize that I can't go away.
Willow: Well, maybe not now, but soon, maybe. Or maybe I too hail from Denial Land.
Buffy: Faith's turn to the dark side of the Force pretty much put the proverbial kibosh on any away plans for me. UC Sunnydale - at least I got in. You! I mean I can't believe you got into Oxford!
Poor Buffy. But she still has hope. Here's a scene with Wesley and Giles, where she is practically pleading for loophole, a way of moving on, of being something other than just the slayer. How she must envy Willow in this episode.
Buffy: I want to leave.
Wesley: What? Now?
Buffy: No, not now. After I graduate, you know, college?
Wesley: But, you're a Slayer.
Buffy: Yeah, I'm also a person. You can't just define me by my Slayer-ness. That's ... something-ism.
It's not until the end of the episode, after Buffy has failed to defeat Faith and the Mayor and barely rescued Willow from their clutches, that Buffy realizes she's stuck. She must stay in Sunnydale and follow her calling. Willow on the other hand has gleefully decided to stay in Sunnydale and help Buffy fight evil.
Buffy: I'm never getting out of here. I kept thinking if I stopped the Mayor or ... but I was kidding myself. I mean, there is always going to be something. I'm a Sunnydale girl, no other choice.
Willow: Must be tough. I mean, here I am, I can do anything I want. I can go to any college in the country, four or five in Europe if I want.
Buffy: Please tell me you're going somewhere with this?
Willow: No. (hands Buffy a letter) I'm not going anywhere.
Buffy: UC Sunnydale?
(Dialogue chopped for length)
Buffy: I can't believe it! Are you serious? Ah, wait, what am I saying? You can't.
Willow: What do you mean, I can't?
Buffy: I won't let you.
Willow: Of the two people here, which is the boss of me?
Buffy: There are better schools.
Willow: Sunnydale's not bad. A-And I can design my own curriculum.
Buffy: Okay, well, there are safer schools. There are safer prisons. I can't let you stay because of me.
Willow: Actually, this isn't about you. Although I'm fond, don't get me wrong, of you. The other night, you know, being captured and all, facing off with Faith. Things just, kind of, got clear. I mean, you've been fighting evil here for three years, and I've helped some, and now we're supposed to decide what we want to do with our lives. And I just realized that that's what I want to do. Fight evil, help people. I mean, I-I think it's worth doing. And I don't think you do it because you have to. It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in.
Interesting scene. In this scene - we clearly see what the characters want, what motivates them, what causes friction between them, and future parallels between them. It also clearly demonstrates that what is happening in Season 6 between Buffy and Willow has been going on since Season 3, if not before. Notice how Buffy struggles to suppress her jealously of Willow's comment: "Must be tough. I mean, here I am, I can do anything I want. I can go to any college in the country, four or five in Europe if I want." And how did Buffy respond? Please tell me you're going somewhere with this? How incredibly painful - yet Willow is oblivious. Because Willow is too busy envying Buffy's role as superhero. Willow is almost being sarcastic when she says "Must be tough."Willow wants Buffy's choice. And here in this scene, she believes she can make it too. " I don't think you do it because you have to," Willow says. She really does not understand what a slayer is. She doesn't get it. She thinks it's a choice. But Buffy's beginning too, it's just Buffy doesn't want to. Buffy wants to keep fighting it.
Someone - I believe it was Destiney - pointed out in a post - Buffy doesn't want to surrender to being the slayer. Destiney also brilliantly pointed out : Buffy sees Willow as having what she wants and Willow sees Buffy as having what she wants. But Willow doesn't understand. Neither does. They think the other's life is better than their's, but it isn't . And let's say they were able to switch, like Faith and Buffy did in Who Are You would they be happy? Doubtful.
Willow forgets the sacrifices Buffy has had to make, over and over again. Buffy as both Max and wwolf pointed out in previous posts- must rely on violence to act as the Slayer. It is part of her nature. It's part of who she is. The hands. After all we wouldn't want a 'Huggable Vampire Slayer'? But at what cost? Buffy herself wishes it wasn't a part of her, it scares her. She believes it drives people away. After all the men she loves leave her. In IWMTY - she tells Xander she drives them away with her self-involvement and violence. Here are two telling scenes dealing with how Buffy views the slayer and how others do.
The first is from the Replacement, this is the episode where Xander gets split in half. A weak Xander and a strong Xander. We learn that the demon meant to split Buffy in half - creating the pure slayer and the weak normal girl. It is an interesting episode - it states in very clear terms that the slayer is who Buffy is. Just as Xander can't kill off his weaker self and survive. Buffy can't kill off the slayer and survive. It's not a career. It's part of her. But part of her would like to erase it, chop it off.
BUFFY: Riley, do you wish-
RILEY: No. (some dialogue is chopped for length)
BUFFY: Well, you have been kind of rankly about the whole slayer gig. Instead of having slayer Buffy, you could have Buffy Buffy.
RILEY: Hey. I *have* Buffy Buffy. Being the slayer's part of who you are. You keep thinking I don't get that, but...
But does he get it, really? Riley doesn't understand why Buffy wants to erase that part of herself. He doesn't understand what she's saying. How can he? Here's a scene with Riley's wife, ahhh the irony. Buffy lost Riley even though he claimed to be fine with both parts of her. This is from As You Were:
SAM: I gotta tell you, Buffy, I'm a little bit intimidated. I mean, patrolling with the real live Slayer, you're like ... Santa Claus, or Buddha, or something.
BUFFY: Fat and jolly?
SAM: Legendary. And it's not just slayer status I'm talking about. It's you.
Gee, poor girl is a legend. She can't have the normal guy. The normal life. But hey, she's
Santa Clause. And she can't even save those she cares most about. She had to send Angel to hell. And what about Mom? The violence doesn't save Mom. The hitting, the kicks, even magic doesn't. Her slayer role means almost nothing. She can't save her mother. She can't avenge her. Here's the scene from Forever, following her mother's death. It's a dreamlike scene with Angel in the cemetery.
BUFFY: I can stick wood in vampires ... but Mom was the strong one in real life. She always knew how to make things better ... just what to say.
ANGEL: Yeah ... you'll find your way. I mean, not all at once, but...
BUFFY: (shakes her head) I don't know. I keep thinking about it ... when I found her. If I had just gotten there ten minutes earlier...
ANGEL: You said they told you it wouldn't have made a difference.
BUFFY: They said ... "probably" ... wouldn't have made a difference. The exact thing they said ... was "probably." I haven't told that to anyone.
ANGEL: Doesn't make it your fault. You couldn't have done anything different.
BUFFY: (annoyed sigh) I didn't even start CPR until they told me. I fell apart. That's how good I am at being a grownup.
She can kill vampires. She can kill demons. But she can't save her mother. She can't save lives. All she can do is kill. This feeling is really brought to the fore in the last episode of Season 5 -The Gift. Someone a few weeks back, can't remember who, made the comment that Buffy was selfish jumping in her sister's place, that Giles was the hero because he put the needs of the world first - that is what a hero does. A hero puts the world first. But heroes are people. They don't get to choose to be the hero. Here's the scene between Giles and Buffy:
BUFFY: This is how many apocalypses for us now?
GILES: Oh, uh, well... (sits, takes off his glasses) six, at least. (sits back slowly) Feels like a hundred.
BUFFY: I've always stopped them. Always won.
GILES: Yes.
BUFFY: I sacrificed Angel to save the world. I loved him so much. But I knew ... what was right. I don't have that any more. I don't understand. I don't know how to live in this world if these are the choices. If everything just gets stripped away. I don't see the point. I just wish that... (tearfully) I just wish my mom was here. BUFFY: The spirit guide told me ... that death is my gift. Guess that means a Slayer really is just a killer after all.
Now what is really happening in this scene? Buffy is telling Giles how tired she is. She has been fighting the same battles forever. It never stops. The others, Xander, Willow, Anya, Giles - they get to bow, they can leave. Giles proves this in Season 6 when he returns to England, not once but twice and both at inopportune times. Willow said as much in "Choices". Even Xander has said it. But Buffy? She can't leave. And she can't always save those she loves. Her mom is gone. So is Angel, who she had to send to hell. And Riley, who left her because she couldn't give him what he needed, her slayer duties took too much out of her. And now, she's being asked to save her sister - for what? The world? And what, Buffy wonders, has the world given her lately? What does she get in return? Is she just a killer? Someone created to kill whatever adversary the forces of darkness send at the forces of good? As she says way back in Season 1, "Been there, done that. Moving On." Is it any wonder, that now, in Season 6, she wants to quit? In Afterlife, she puts it perfectly in her discussion with Spike:
BUFFY: (still looking down) I was happy. Wherever I ... was ... I was happy. At peace. I knew that everyone I cared about was all right. I knew it. Time ... didn't mean anything ... nothing had form ... but I was still me, you know? (glances at him, then away) And I was warm ... and I was loved ... and I was finished. Complete.
And she does try to escape to that again in Normal Again. She resents Willow and Xander for pulling her out of it. For demanding she continue her chores as slayer while they get to live normal lives. She even tries to kill them. But the hero is part of her soul. She can't divorce it. She can't ignore it. Killing her friends won't erase it. It doesn't work that way. We can't change who we are. Willow can't hide or change who she is deep down with magic any more than Buffy can. At the end of Normal Again - Buffy comes to her senses and saves her friends from a demon she'd unchained in the basement. She stands solidly and asks for the antidote. Chooses the life of the slayer over the life of the normal girl in the asylum. Finally, after six seasons, Buffy has made a solid choice.
The question is will Willow? Thanks for reading. And really sorry for the length. Hope this adds to the discussion and isn't a retread. Looking forward to your comments.
:-) shadowkat
