| Birthdays. I really don’t look forward to the birthday rituals – the over priced cards (just give me the 4 bucks!) , cake with too much icing, and of course, the off kilter choir birthday song and everyone making a big deal out of you. Don’t get me wrong, I like attention as much as Paris Hilton likes getting nook from a goofy guy wearing Night Vision googles filming her make like a circus seal, but after you turn 21, things seem downhill in monumental figures.
Some notable birthdays of dubious distinction in my life: 6 months – ok, maybe this really isnt a birthday but when your at this age, it counts. I mean, when you ask a mother how old their child is, if he/she is under 2 years old, then its months…makes no real sense but test this out and let me know. Anyway, long story short, I am just glad I don’t remember my circumcision and thankful that Mr. Happy didn’t get more than 10% off. “So I told her to keep the tip…” 2 – I really don’t remember however I have seen the pictures with my so called other two year old friends. Yeah we were party animals. “Man, that learning to walk shit finally paid off – now I can really wreak havoc” or “2 sucks – you get all these shots in the ass for weird ass diseases” Gifts at two: bibs, creamed split pea by Gerber, likely a sailor outfit 4 – all I gotta say who is – who the fuck are these so called friends of mine! All I cared about at 4 was just being happy I didn’t have to wear diapers. Anyone remember their rager 4th birthday? Also at this age, puking on yourself isnt really ok either. Nor is it when you're 25 for that matter. Gifts at four: Underoos, more teeth, Bernstein Bears books 7 – I think this was likely at Chez McDonalds like every other kids. I give the Irish eatery credit though – whomever thought of those plastic ball filled play pens was genius though I really didn’t appreciate them until I was in high school where we would steal them and then throw them at other schools at track meets… Gifts at seven: Match Box cars, Legos, Jews in Sports book/brochure 11 – Now the Fishman family delivered big time here. I got Alladins – a video arcade palace with go-carts. This is one I actually remember. For years, I used the left over tokens at other arcades and got some pretty cool gifts. I scored cool points for a solid 2 weeks at recess. Gifts at 11: Transformers, GI Joe, baseball cards, hockey sticks. 13 – I didn’t get a party here by any means. What I got was a broken arm trying to impress this chick – check out the story if you want Anyway, this birthday was the pre-req for my Bar Mitzvah – a story all in its own right. 15 – yeah permit to drive however more importantly, I convinced my parents to get my own phone line. After the phone always ringing for me from a variety of characters, I think the last straw was a midnight call from a guy named Renegade (we all had Commodore 64 user aliases and often called each that in real life…scary, I know…and yes, another story too). Anyway, my folks felt like this was a good way to knock out my birthday gift and maintain their own sanity….and the days of 4-5 hour phone marathon phone calls began along with my illegal bulletin board with pirated software for the C-64….I’m such a bad boy! 21 – this wasn’t a one day event but more like a culmination of about 30 days worth since I went out almost every night for a month since if you went to a club or bar before 11, you were in free. The famous Seth line “Free drinks 9-11” was a tribute to the old Club Boca…and it was all down hill from there! Well that’s it for now – I am expecting a big gift this year though – a really big one. And perhaps its not what you’d expect or know about but I will let you in on that shortly. Until then, I am out like trout and ready to make 31 look damn good! www.myspace.com/myseth |