"Early to rise and early to bed, makes a man healthy and socially dead." Yakko Warner

"All we know is we like you. We have no taste, but we like you!" - Dot Warner

"There was supposed to be a morale to this story but because I'm dyslexic it is in fact... a marble." - Eddie Izzard

"Be happy, have fun, work and play hard, be good to your bodies and demanding on your brains" - Tony Slattery

"I'm not bald. I'm just taller then my hair." - Clive Anderson

"Give me liberty, or a bran muffin!" - Colin Mochrie

"Psychic convention cancelled because of unforseen circumstances." - Greg Proops

"Woo me!" - Brad Sherwood

gispatio: If he doesn't give you a good grade, tell him he can meet with me behind the cafiteria during recess and we'll "talk" about it.
SeeShelliRun: That's good - beat up my Missions & Evangelism teacher. gispatio: It's what I like to call "outreach"
SeeShelliRun: "My fist has a little bit of that 'love of Christ' to show you...."
gispatio: Christ came not to create peace, rather he came with a sword.

"MTV is to music, what KFC is to chicken." - Lewis Black

"Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn." - C.S. Lewis

"No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good." - C.S. Lewis

"I believe in Christianity as I believe in the rising sun; not because I see it, but by it I can see all else." - C.S. Lewis

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival." - C.S. Lewis

"There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way." " - C.S. Lewis

"I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education." - Wilson Mizner

"I myself do nothing. The Holy Spirit accomplishes all through me." - William Blake

"All that I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Just as a small fire is extinguished by the storm whereas a large fire is enhanced by it-likewise a weak faith is weakened by predicament and catastrophes whereas a strong faith is strengthened by them." - Viktor E. Frankl

"Attempt something so impossible that unless God is in it, it's doomed to failure." - John Haggai

"The Christianity which is shared is the Christianity which is convincing." - Lynn Harold Hough

"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." - Aristotle

"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." - William Congreve

"The church is not a museum for saints but a hospital for sinners." - Morton Kelsey

"When I look at that God, the God of Abraham, I feel I'm near a real God, not the sort of dignified, businesslike, Rotary Clib God we chatter about here on Sunday mornings. Abraham's God could blow a man to bits, give and then take a child, ask for everything from a person, and then want more. I want to know that God." - Anonymous.

"There we are - the multitude who so wanted to be faithful, who at times got defeated, soiled by life, and bested by trials, wearing the bloodied garments of life's tribulations, but through it all clung to the faith." - Brennan Manning

"...the open mind realizes that reality, truth and Jesus Christ are incredibly open-ended." - Brennan Manning

"We miss Jesus' point entirely when we use His words as weapons against others. They are to be taken personally by each of us." Brennan Manning

"Our huffing and puffing to impress God, our scrambling for brownie points, our thrashing about trying to fix ourselves while hiding our petiness and wallowing in guilt are nauseating to God and are a flat denial of the gospel of grace." - Brennan Manning

"Grace has to be drunk straight: no water, no ice and certainly no ginger ale; neither goodness, nor badness, nor the flowers that bloom in the spring of super spirituality could be allowed to enter into the case." - Brennan Manning

"Although truth is not always humilty, humility is always truth: the blunt acknowledgement that I owe my life, being and salvation to Another." - Brennan Manning

"...repentance is not what we do in order to earn forgiveness; it is what we do because we have been forgiven." - Brennan Manning

"...the experience of absence does not mean the absence of experience." - Brennan Manning

"A Philistine will stand before a Claude Monet painting and pick his nose; a person filled with wonder wil lstand there fighting back the tears." - Brennan Manning

"Justice says: "I owe you nothing, for you have broken the contract." But where Justice ends, love begins, and reveals that God is not interested merely in the dividends of the covenant." - Brennan Manning

"Trust at the mercy of the response it receives is a bogus trust." - Brennan Manning

"...death is simply a transition into the one experience worthy of being called life" - Brennan Manning

"Faith means you want God and want to want nothing else." - Brennan Manning

"Ignorant, weak, sinful person that I am, with easy rationalizations for my sinful behavior, I am being told anew in the unmistakably language of love, "I am with you, I am for you, I am in you. I expect more failure from you than you expect from yourself"." - Brennan Manning

"Christianity is not primarily a moral code but a grace-laden mystery; it is not essentially a philosophy of love but a love affair; it is not keeping rules with clenched fists but receiving a gift with open hands." - Brennan Manning

"Grace tells us that we are accepted just as we are. We may not be the kind of people we want to be, we may be a long way from our goals, we may have more failures than achievements, wa may not be wealthy or powerful or spiritual, we may not even be happy, but we are nonetheless accepted by God, held in His hands. Such is his promise to us in Jesus Christ, a promise we can trust." - Donald W. McCullough

"More pleasing to me than all your prayers, works, and penances is that you would believe that I love you." - Jesus

"The world takes us to a silver screen on which flickering images of passion and romance play, and as we watch, the world says, "This is love." God takes us to the foot of a tree on which a naked and bloodied man hangs and says, "THIS is love." - Joshua Harris

"...men will always be making mistakes as long as they are striving after something." - Max Planck

"That for those who love God everything works unto good, even sin." - St. Augustine

"...the right thing at the wrong time IS the wrong thing." - Joshua Harris

"We develop patience as we trust that God denies us good things in the present only because He has something better for us in the future." - Joshua Harris

"The path you take with your feet should never contradict the conviction of your heart." - Joshua Harris

"Purity doesn't happen by accident; it requires obedience to God." - Joshua Harris

"Don't come down here and cry about it. Go home and live it!" - A.W. Tozer, said instead of delivering an alter call after a particularly convicting sermon.

"...the problem with a LIVING sacrifice is that it can crawl off the altar, and we often do that. We sing 'Onward, Christian Soldiers' on Sunday, then go AWOL on Monday." - Rick Warren

Homer: "Moe! Gimme a beer!" Moe Ghost: "No! Not unless you kill your family!" Homer: "Why should I kill my family?" Moe: "Because..uhh..they'd be much happier as ghosts." Homer: "You don't look very happy." Moe: "Oh I'm happy, I'm very happy. La la la la la, see? Now waste you're family and I'll give you a beer."

"But the most offensive report is that you're doing surgeries with a knife and fork!" "But I cleaned them with my napkin!"

"Dear Miss Hoover, you have Lymes Disease. We miss you. Kevin's biting me. Come back soon. Here's a drawing of spyrokeet. Love, Ralph."

Ralph: "Prinskimper Skimple! Prinipple Skimpster! I found something! It's a spear head!" Ms. Hoover: "That's your trowel blade Ralph. It fell of the handle." Ralph: "And I found it!"

Ralph: "And when the doctor told me I didn't have worms anymore, that was the happiest day of my life." Ms. Hoover: "Thank you Ralph. Very graphic."

"So the doctor told me I wouldn't have so many nosebleeds if I would just keep my finger out of there."

"So...You like....stuff?"

"Don't worry, you won't feel a thing.....'Til I jam this down you're throat!"

Chalmers: "....My God! Is that your kitchen on fire?" Skinner: "Err, no. It's Aurora Borealus." Chalmers: "An Aurora Borealus?" Skinner: "Yes." Chalmers: "At this time of the day, at this time of year, in this part of the country, localized entirely in your kitchen?!" Skinner: ".....Yes." Chalmers: "....Can I see it?" Skinner: ".....No."

Willie: "I'll kidnapp them for fifty, deprogram them for one hundred, and kill them for 500." Marge: "NO NO! Just the first two!" Willie: "Alright, I thrown in the killing for free."

"Mustn't crush! Musn't kill! Whoo..Made it!" *Squish* "Oh..I wish, I wish I hadn't killed that fish."

"Grease me up, woman!"

"The most rewarding part was when he gave me my money."

"Hey, did you go to Upstairs Hollywood Medical School, too?"

"Look, I don't care if Ned Flanders is the nicest guy in the world, he's a jerk! End of story!"

Don't you like ice cream better when it's covered in hot fudge?... and mounds of whipped cream?... chopped nuts... OH! And those crumpled up cookie things they put on top!....Mmm... crumpled up cookie things."

Carl: "That's it?" Lenny: "Yeah, I've got a magic bat too!" Carl: "And I have an enchanting jockstrap, hehehe."

"Give it back, or we'll bust in there and take it!" "Bust in here and take it? You must be stupider than you look!" "Stupider like a FOX!"

"Mmmm....64 slices of American Cheese....63......62......" (much later) "....2.....1..." Marge: "Homer, have you been up all night eating cheese?!" "I think I'm blind!"

"I probably shouldn't have eaten that packet of powdered gravy I found in the parking lot!"

"You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel."

Lionel Huzt: "Well, he's had it in for me since I kinda ran over his dog." Marge: "...You did?" Lionel: "Well, replace the word 'kinda' with the word 'repeatedly', and the word 'dog' with 'son'."

"Buenos-ding-dong-diddly-dias, senor!"

"Aaaack, my pile! It's been raped of its boniness!"

"Sweet merciful crap!"

"How much is this free resort weekend?" "It's free!" "And when is this 'weekend'?" "It's THIS weekend." "Uh huh, and how much does it cost?" "Um...its free." "I see and when is it?" "It's....this weekend." "And how much are you charging for this weekend?"

"Here are your messages. 'You have thirty minutes to move your car.' 'You have ten minutes.' 'Your car has been impounded.' 'Your car has been crushed into a cube.' 'You have thirty minutes to move your cube.' "

"My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist, but he is NOT a porn star!"

"Hey look what I got, Bart, a Tickle Me Krusty!" DOLL: "(Krusty laugh) Hey kid, get your finger outta there!"

"It's Craptacular!

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