And under the sun, this is now under your nose, or perhaps in points crossing at the bridge of your eyebrows, in front of your face. For all cases, we ourselves have for presentation something new for you. Pleasant readership, if I may presume (perhaps too much), please be yourselves. In that, I only presume to much anticipation your participation in this venture; by which we shall write and you may read. A New Publication, sirs. A New Publication.

Oh, the thrill of it all! All of this reminds of a jaunt in the African Congo with my Dutch comrade of much esteem (who you may recall was only recently outed as leading John of Mastricht). Your unfortunate duo had met little game that fateful Russian mistress of a summer, and had taken to passing the endless, sweaty days by dealing cards. Oh, I can say with little bravado that old Van Der Vandervan had met his match in my seasoned hands. I matched him Jack for Jack, and often had Queens to spare. And pleasant readers, a Queen to spare is truely...

elcome to 2-0: Your Lowest Common Denominator! You have managed to sift through most of the other dead weight on the Internet, and nestle yourselves right here. How about that! And if you're worried that we're just another bait & scam outfit, have no fear -- that's a long way off!

Our mission is to entertain. We live to move you the way that you want to be moved. You know what we want? It's just a little play-around, and you're invited. Yes you are, you cute little thing! Oh God, how we will cause you to be amused.

...1108OLE...reload...continue orientation program...

The sights you will see! Visit our various departments: Opinions, More Opinions, Marriage, and Links. Don't see what you like? Wish for it!

Above all, we are your best, and most loyal friends. Now, if you really love us, you'll stay. Please don't disappoint us. It's the only thing we've ever asked from you.

Louis Rosen has reason to rejoice. On Tuesday, at midnight, the Tulsa native will be given the greatest treat a trickster could ask for: his soul.

Rosen, a successful hardware store owner, will retake ownership of his soul 37 years after he gave it up to Satan as compensation for the businessman's prosperity. The two had entered into a contract whereby the Dark Prince would ensure the shop owner's success in exchange for his life, soul, and ultimate devotion. However, Satan appears to have changed His mind, agreeing to a breach in the contract, and giving His word to renege on the deal.

A representative for Beelzebub confirmed the new deal. She stated that although Satan would not issue a formal statement, He wished nothing but the best for Rosen and his family. "It was purely an act of generosity," she said, though later added that others in Rosen's situation ought not to expect the same soon.

Rosen could not be happier. "It took me completely by surprise...I never expected this, and am just glad to get a second chance."

The store owner has prospered during the void with his store, Handyman's House & Paint, going from a struggling, understocked local business, to a statewide chain of hardware outfits described last year in Consumer Advocate as the "best place to find just about anything you need to build and paint in Oklahoma."

"I tell you, this couldn't have come at a better time," said Rosen. "We've been under a lot of stress lately trying to launch several new units in North Texas and New Mexico, and this is a real pick-me-up." Rosen's wife Marietta added, "I've never seen him like this without coffee."

Rosen was born and raised in Tulsa, and has been married for 41 years. He and his wife will celebrate their anniversary in December, and plan to take a cruise in the Caribbean. Rosen says that he will never forget has servitude. "I'll be crossing my fingers while we're in the Bermuda Triangle that he doesn't take it back."