Grrr.... Its gonna be a while til I get to writing this actual article, because I’m rather pissed off and I still want to point out a few things first.
First off, I am pissed off, because I wrote most of this article already today, and my computer had a hernia and totally crapped out on me, erasing my work that I wrote on notepad (stop dissing me for using notepad, I like it because it is a pain). This will probably make this article much less pleasant.
Secondly, look at the title, that’s some righteous alliteration I got going on there, don’t you think? Go me.
Thirdly, I would like to point out how difficult it is to find a decent synopsis of the Wizard of Oz on the internet. I remember having to write a book report and finding multiple five plus page summaries of the obscure book the power and the glory in two minutes, but a simple synopsis of one of America’s most beloved films took over half an hour. And now I will have to find that stupid page again, just so I can RE-write this article. So I hope you all appreciate this.
Last, and this I added after writing the piece, I don’t mean to offend anyone of any nationality by writing this piece. Blame L. Frank Baum, the writer of the book. He’s the one that made this stuff up, I am just showing you all what he meant. So if you think ill of me, don’t blame me, it was his book
Now, to the actual piece...
When the Wizard of Oz was first released in 1939, people took its meaning at face value: a twister, a fantasy world, a witch - moral is, there’s no place like home. But then people began to do what in my opinion people do badly - interpret the movie and apply it to other things. Hoo boy, this is a mistake.
Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy interpreting movies and books. I was the one who finally made the connection that Stuart Little was about racism, and then when I told my mom she told me I was an idiot and it was about a mouse. But some people take the whole interpretation thing far too far. I hear that my old ex high school religion teacher is using the Wizard of Oz as a way of teaching the gifts of the Holy Spirit. Now that is too far. But then, she was always a psychopath. In fact, I think that’s where I originally got the idea for this article, so you should all thank the dirty ho for the amusing piece of literature that you are about to read.
I have decided that if other people can interpret things wrong, so can I, and thus this piece is the first in what will probably become a staple on SSVITU. Because I have watched the Wizard of Oz, and I have come to the conclusion that the Wizard of Oz is truly about the triumph of capitalism over communism, its one more of America’s sly ways of brainwashing us. Don’t just take my word on it though, I will provide you with my own views on the film itself.
The movie starts out in Kansas. Good old American, capitalist Kansas. Dorothy comes home to seek emotional support from her guardians, because her neighbor had yelled at her, but her aunt and uncle will have none of her whining, because both of these good capitalists are worried about the loss of profits from their broken incubator. She turns to the farmhands, but they are too busy doing their jobs. Again, how capitalist.
Anyway, Dorothy runs off, there’s a fortune teller, she goes back, there’s "a twister, a twister." Anyway, she ends up in the magical fantasy land of Oz, where her house falls on a witch. Now there are a lot of communism points at this point, so I will be doing some serious explaining right now without furthering the plot.
Now, ruby slippers. At first one would think that they are red, and must symbolize communism, like the red scare and such. It took me a while to figure this one out as well, but look at what else Dorothy is wearing: a blue dress and a white shirt. Put it all together and you've got red white and blue, all of a sudden, Judy Garland looks very American.
Next, the wicked witches were communists and the good witches were capitalists. Lets think about it for a sec. The good witches were from the north and south. Like North and South America. West and east could be China in the east and mother Russia in the west. Plus, check out the smoke whenever the wicked witch does magic. Yeah, that’s right, red, the color of commies everywhere.
Oh, and Toto the dog? He's man's best friend. That is another American ideal.
Now, I’ll start in on the munchkins. These little midgets were obviously capitalists. They had organized labor as is evident in the Lollipop Guild and the Lullaby League. They also had a mayor, a coroner, and lots of useless beaurocrats (Just a note as I spell check this, my spell check program accepts the word munchkins, but tries to change beaurocrats into bearcats. What a world, what a world.). Now if that doesn’t scream capitalism I don’t know what does. And they are overjoyed that they are freed from the communist regime of the Wicked Witch of the East.
Anyway, Glinda the Good Witch and the munchkins sent Dorothy down the yellow brick road. I can’t think of anything especially communist about the road, but I’m sure there is. Or maybe capitalist. It was yellow.
When she comes to a fork in the road, Dorothy doesn’t know what to do (apparently Glinda didn’t give Dorothy very good directions). She is helped by a ghetto looking character who calls himself the Scarecrow. He doesn’t have a brain. Don’t anybody take this the wrong way, but he looks Hispanic to me, so I have decided that he represents Mexico and Spain uniting with America against communism. Anyway, they head off towards the Emerald City, singing a little song.
They venture into a forest, and Dorothy tries to pick an apple. The tree then comes to life and yells at her. I know what you’re thinking, what is more American than apples, like apple pies. But think, Dorothy can’t get something for nothing, that wouldn’t be capitalist at all.
Anyway, the trees throw apples at Dorothy and she chases them to eat them because she’s a little beggar, and she finds the Tin Woodsman. After she and the Scarecrow oil him, he explains that he has no heart and then joins them on their journey to get the wizard to fix all their problems (the government will solve all our problems... Dad blame capitalists...). Now to me, if you look at the Woodsman, he’s got an axe, and to me that screams Canadian lumberjack. So what we see here is no innocent meeting of new friends. No, this is the aligning of nations around the world against communism.
So anyway, then they get the cowardly Lion. He’s France. You want an explanation? He’s a king, thus royalty, so some European country. And he’s cowardly. France. He even sort of look a bit French. Its frickin obvious. It just screams.
Then, while walking through a field of opium poppies, Dorothy and Toto and the Lion fall asleep because of the poppies. This is obviously symbolic of the hippies that dodged the draft because of all the drugs they did. This is a bold implication that the drug craze was just a ploy by communism to weaken America. Anyway, they wake up because Glinda makes it snow.
Anyway, they reach the Emerald City. Another stronghold of capitalism. Think: Emerald City becomes Emerald Isle and all of a sudden the Wizard of Oz is Great Britain, another of our allies against communism. And look at the little people inside. Obviously munchkin-like, but they also obey the Wizard. Its like a constitutional monarchy... Hmm, what is a country that has one of them...
Dorothy and the crew get sent to get the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West. They head off armed to the teeth to kill her (check out the Scarecrow's gun). She sends her winged monkies to kidnap Dorothy before they can get there. They do so, but I want to talk about said monkies for a moment.
Now at first I didn’t know exactly what they symbolized, but after much observation I decided that they are the Chinese. They wear vests. The vests look like they have Chinese or Japanese style writing on them. They are communists. The lead monkey that always hangs out with the Witch even looks sort of like Mao Tse Tsung.
Anyway, the Scarecrow, Tinman, Lion, and Toto then have to save Dorothy. I don’t really care too much about the plot at this point. Look at the guards. They look like Russians. Their song even sounds Russian. They wear those poofy hats. And they sing "All we own, we owe." That is some serious communism.
There’s a rescue and stuff. Dorothy throws water on the Witch. She melts and says "what a world what a world" because she knows that with her dies communism in the land of Oz.
The moment the Witch dies, her minions suddenly praise Dorothy and thank her for saving them from the communist regime. They instantly change. Much like what has happened to Russia now, since communism has ended. Well, sort of.
Anyway, they return to the Wizard with the broomstick, but instead of giving out what he promised, he basically gives them all medals and total bs. Now think about it, that is a great metaphor for capitalism. All you get is bs and after a huge victory, all the soldiers get is medals. Ain’t capitalism grand?
Then Dorothy can somehow transport herself home using the ruby slippers. She decided "There’s no place like home" and home is good old fashioned Kansas, in capitalist America. Capitalism triumphs over all in the end. This is just one more example of the capitalist system trying to brainwash us.
In conclusion, don’t trust innocent looking children’s stories. They can be America’s attempt at forcing your children into mindless service for their useless bs for the rest of their lives.
--Scuba Steve, November 21, 2000