So, as Rocky and myself are barely awake watching tv, we see the one savior of television: Behind the Music: The Day the Music Died. This commemorates the day that Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and the Big Bopper all died in a plane crash. Reputedly, as the show ends, the Big Bopper lives on in any funny rock music, Ritchie Valens lives on in every rock band with any latino influence whatsoever, and Buddy Holly is everywhere. Let me say that again. Buddy Holly is everywhere.
This sparked us to ask Buddy some questions. Here is a dialogue of what we and Buddy spoke about. Remember, he WAS there.... He's everywhere. I've got these pictures to prove it.
SCUBA: So Buddy, when guys are like taking a piss, are you there? Because thats sort of sick.
BUDDY: .....
ROCKY: Where can I get a pair of glasses like that, Buddy? They're so cool looking.
BUDDY: .....
SCUBA: So Buddy, I guess you see a lot of naked chicks. You go Buddy!
BUDDY: .....
ROCKY: Doesn't it piss you off that you see all those chicks and you can't do anything? Being an ethereal form and all?
BUDDY: .....
SCUBA: So like, when 2 people are like having sex, and they want to be adventurous and bring in a third person, do you every hear guys say "But dear, theres already 3 of us. You, me, and Buddy Holly!"?
BUDDY: .....
ROCKY: Look, behind the music's doing Jerry Lee Louis now.
SCUBA: Didn't he marry his teenage cousin (an almost direct quote from an earlier episode of Behind the Music)?
ROCKY: Yeah.
SCUBA: What do you think about that, Buddy?
BUDDY: .....
ROCKY: So Buddy, do you think Elvis really died because he couldn't take a shit?
BUDDY: .....
SCUBA: You were there! Tell us about it.
BUDDY: .....
SCUBA: Aaah... my contact lens! So Buddy, why didn't you get contacts?
ROCKY: They weren't invented yet.
SCUBA: Buddy, did you say that?
ROCKY: Yeah he did.
BUDDY: .....
SCUBA: So did you like the song "Buddy Holly" by Weezer, Buddy?
BUDDY: .....
SCUBA: Was Mary Tyler Moore really that good looking?
BUDDY: .....
SCUBA: So Buddy, what is the afterlife like, anyway?
BUDDY: .....
ROCKY: Hmm... I never thought about it that way.
BUDDY: .....
SCUBA: So seriously, getting that ticket today sucked balls. You were with me Buddy, what did you think?
BUDDY: .....
ROCKY: Yeah, that cop was a dick, wasn't he?
BUDDY: .....
SCUBA: Yeah, I can't say it any better than that. You're truly prolific, Buddy.
ROCKY: So.... Buddy, can I get you anything to drink?
BUDDY: .....
SCUBA: Ah shit, Buddy, I got to apologize to you, I guess you must be in the room when Dave and his Man-lover do their man-lovin.
ROCKY: You ever get a face full of cum, from trying to get a closer look?
BUDDY: .....
ROCKY: So, Buddy, do you still have to shower?
BUDDY: .....
SCUBA: So, Buddy, what about this Don McLean character? I do believe he's a hack. What about that?
ROCKY: Yeah, he had that song about you, but the rest of his stuff sucks.
SCUBA: I think hes a total hack.
ROCKY: And then he did a duet with Garth Brooks. Now if asked, would YOU do a duet with Garth?
BUDDY: .....
ROCKY: Yeah, good point.
ROCKY: So I notice you don't stutter like Jerry Lee Louis. Is that because you're just cooler or because you didn't marry your 13 year old second cousin while still technically married to another woman?
BUDDY: .....
SCUBA: Whoa..
ROCKY: Buddy, do you think Jerry Lee Louis looks alot like Mike H.?
BUDDY: .....
SCUBA: Buddy, did you ever punch Jerry Lee Louis in the mouth just because he's a sick, perverted fuck?
BUDDY: .....
ROCKY: So Buddy, Scuba just bought a Dreamcast. Can you play a Dreamcast?
BUDDY: .....
ROCKY: Buddy, you're everywhere, so you would know. Doesn't Peggy Dettwiler look like a Hedgehog?
BUDDY: .....
SCUBA: Yeah, good thinking Buddy, we should call her Sonic from now on.
ROCKY: Do you still have to pee when your dead?
BUDDY: .....
ROCKY: So Buddy, what's your take on Mexicans?
SCUBA: Well, he DID tour with Ritchie Valens.
BUDDY: .....
ROCKY: Oh yeah.
SCUBA: Alright Buddy, I want to wrap this up so I can sleep. Any closing remarks for my readers?
BUDDY: .....
ROCKY: Yeah, Buddy. Silence is golden.
BUDDY: .....
So, in closing, it's a lot like Buddy Holly said. If you ever need someone to talk to, Buddy is there. If you ever need somebody, Buddy is there. If you're ever lonely, Buddy is there.
Buddy Holly is everywhere.
--Scuba Steve, March 1, 2001
--Special thanks to Rocky and my special guest, Buddy Holly. I know he's reading this....
This is a little bonus rant. Since I discovered Buddy Holly is everywhere, I've discovered exactly how much that bothers me. I don't have that much else to say, so it's not much of a bonus rant, but take a look at these pictures and you will realize how scary it is that Buddy is omniprescient.
