Jagmans Christmas Story

Scribbly Gum
FAQ

From: Jagman®

27/12/2001 20:23:48

Subject: Christmas Story

post id: 25631

G'day all, hope you had a good chrissy, or equivalent. I did, for the most part, but the least part, has provided one hell of a story (well a story at least).

I woke up on christmas morning, bright and early, and promptly went back to sleep. An hour later my youngest brother rang me up telling me to get my arse out of bed and up to my parents house so that everyone could open thier presents. I got up and complied in all haste, had the present swap, and had breakfast with my parents. All nice and boring so far. After brekky I retired back to my own house. I live on my parents farm, the house I am in at the moments was thier old one, six years ago they built a new house on another part of the farm, and moved up there, I moved with them until a bit more than a year ago I moved back down to this house. It is an old (started in the forties from what I can tell) fibro and wood house, with an old cement based wood stove. Now it just so happens that in the last couple of weeks, some of the stumps holding up the wooden part of the floor seem to have subsided a little bit, nothing too much to worry about,happens all the time to houses this old (my grandmothers kitchen slopes up to the the wood stove from any direction). The reason that I noticed this had happened is because the cement in front of the stove was noticably clear of the floor boards, which after I did a big clean up this week, left a gap where you could see through to the ground underneath. I had seen a few mice pop in and out of the hole and resolved to block it up, but being christmas eve when I saw that, I put it off, holiday laziness having set in.

Anyway, getting back to it I was sitting around on chrissy morning waiting for lunchtime and the savoury pleasures attached to roll around, and sat down to read a new book I had recieved. I got a bit involved with it, and soon I noticed I was going to go and have a shower right now if I wasn't going to be late. So I went off to do this and then...... (continued next post, there is a point here I promise)

From: Jagman®

27/12/2001 20:34:27

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25633

(continued).... I got out, towelled off and wandered into my bedroom stark naked to get dressed. Just as I got into the room I noticed a rustling in some stuff I had sitting on the far side of the room, I thought nothing of it, mice being as plentiful as they are here, until I heard a sustained smooth rustle, this intrigued me and I walked around the bed.........

... to find my self face to face with a six foot brown snake!!!! I was completly bereft of any protection, in a room with a large and active snake that had umpteen places to hide!!!

Thoughts raced through my mind, my eyes flicked to my 30-30 which was sitting on the other side of the snake where I had left it the day before, that's no good, even if I can get to it without sending the snake burrowing into some part of the house where I can't get at it, it would blow a hole in the floor so large that any number of snakes could get in, that and there were only two shots in the magazine. I discarded that idea and scampered out of the room in search of another weapon. I quickly found two .22 rifles, but I couldn't find a shovel (in case I missed) so I pulled some gumboots on and raced over to the shed, but all I could find was one with half a handle, I needed something so I grabbed it and ran back to the house for the showdown......
(cont. below)

From: Jagman®

27/12/2001 20:56:44

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25635

I got inside and mustered my courage, then faced an agony of indicision, did I use the single shot .22 with open sights, perfect for very close range, or the .22 with a ten shot magazine, that had a scope, so I would have to sight down the barrel, and be less accurate... I chose the single shot, but put the other outside the door fully loaded.

I should mention here that I didn't reall have much option but to kill the snake or move out. This house is full of car parts, wardrobes, gaps in the skirting boards, all of which make it perfect for hiding mice, and therefore snakes, if I let it find it's own way out, I could have found it a few days later with it's tail under my foot and it's fangs in my leg. The quarters were too close to try and handle the snake with a curved stick, quite apart from the fact that I was scared s***less ( I hate eastern browns, I'd rather a red-belly black any day) so I had to get rid of it somehow, and I didn't want to put something outside that knew what good pickings were to be had inside.

I stuck my head into the room, I couldn't see the snake where it was, so I scanned around,.... and found it right behid the door and almost next to my feet!!! So I closed that door and ran around the house to the other door (my bedroom has two doors), but the snake had moved again, I crept into the room, adrenalin making me shake and wonder how accurate a shot that would make me, I looked around, even lying on the floor to look under the wardrobe, until I found it back where it had started.

(talking on the phone, continued in a few minutes)

From: Boris®

27/12/2001 21:00:03

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25636

"(talking on the phone, continued in a few minutes)"

WHAT!!! You're a cruel man Jagman keeping us all in suspenders. ;-)

From: pigman®

27/12/2001 21:04:49

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25637

will Jagman survive...

will he save the girl...

tune in next week, same jag time, same jag channel...

From: jj®

27/12/2001 21:05:26

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25639

yeah , here I am popping back to check ... this beats even MY story of the snake in MY bedroom!
jj

From: jj®

27/12/2001 21:07:19

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25641

bet he doesn't even THINK of getting the ferret ...

From: Jagman®

27/12/2001 21:08:10

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25642

mwaha haa haa haaa, that's the way I planned it Boris!!

anyway cont......

I could see it alright, the only problem was that it was the middle of the snake that I could see, which way was it facing? If I missed, would it be coming straight towards me or away, and was what I could see close to the head or the tail, if I got it in the tail all that would do is p**s it off. I ummed and aaahed for a few seconds waiting for it to move, but I didn't want it to move away from such a good angle so I sighted, breathed out, took up the slack, pulled and......

BLAM!!............got it, blood everywhere, but I didn't break it's back and it is moving, fast, and the head was pointing towards me.

All senses on over-load, I jump out of the way, only to find that the snake has doubled back and gone under the bed.....

gonna keep you waiting a bit more!!

From: jj®

27/12/2001 21:10:48

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25643

the ferret!
the ferret!
GET THE FERRET!!!

From: pigman®

27/12/2001 21:11:43

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25644

banana man...
banana man...

From: Boris®

27/12/2001 21:12:03

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25645

Or put salt on its tail. ;-)

From: pigman®

27/12/2001 21:12:06

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25646

;~)

From: boxhead®

27/12/2001 21:19:14

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25647

You're a bloody tease Jagman!

Why didn't you have it typed out and just past it in! Arrrrgh.

Any new people around may like to contribute to the Who Are We thread. It's not compulsory, just a bit of fun :)

sheepman

From: The Phantom Menace®

27/12/2001 21:20:31

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25648

Jagman's a goner this time. There's no way he can get out of this one!

From: pigman®

27/12/2001 21:21:57

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25650

time to call in the A-team...

or maybe Steve Irwin...crikey it's a monster...

From: Jagman®

27/12/2001 21:22:28

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25652

cont....

Now comes the search, trembling with nerves, I check both sides of the bed, I didn't kill it, and it hasn't come out, but I can hear movement, what do I do?, do I get down on my stomach? I could see it then,but there is no room to lie down away from the bed, unless I was a ferret, and god forbid, and I would put my neck right a biting hieght and without quick movement(not feeling like dying today), 100 kilos is hard to move really quickly from the floor, esp when you have to lift it 6 foot 3 inches (or for the pedants 190 cm). Just then I see a small flash of brown, it ferret man and he's come to the rescue!! but no! it was actually the head of the snake poking out for a look, and now all I could see was about 4 square cm of smooth, scaly snake head, and it was up off the ground, this was not the position of a dying snake, just a pissed off one.

I wait to see if it moves, but it keeps perfectly still, looking at me, and poking it's tongue out every few seconds to smell the way of thingsssss (yeah I know, how bad a joke do I want), so I slowly lift the reloaded gun again, trying not to let the snake know it was in danger again, cock it, aim, and aim again, this is a very small target, and if I miss the snake will take off into a frezy trying to get away, how am I supposed to shoot it then? I breath out and squeeze the trigger, not pull.........

From: boxhead®

27/12/2001 21:23:26

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25653

I'm with you TPM, I reckon he's finally succumed to the poison... this story will forever remain an unfinished work.

From: pigman®

27/12/2001 21:24:33

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25654

hang on, the gun will jam...

what next for our singular duo...

From: Boris®

27/12/2001 21:26:24

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25656

After the way he is treating us I hope the bl**dy snake gets him and a sloooow lingering death is his reward.;-)

From: Woman PoPping

27/12/2001 21:26:47

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25657

Jagman:) if you are still alife...hurry up before Davidavid gets here,..he will be on the side of the snake....

....you *are* a storyteller!!!...

...the snake might be killing you...the suspense is killing me....

From: pigman®

27/12/2001 21:29:45

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25661

I'm going to open a book...

the snake 6:4

jagman 2:1

banana man 7:2

From: The Phantom Menace®

27/12/2001 21:31:48

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25663

If this story ends with the words "it was all a dream" Jagman really will be in mortal danger.

From: Boris®

27/12/2001 21:32:34

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25664

"I'm going to open a book..."

War and Peace is a good read and plenty of time. ;-)

From: Jagman®

27/12/2001 21:32:43

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25665

BLAM!!!!

My ears are ringing from the blast in such confined quarters, and the head is gone, did I hit it? The head was gone instantly, but I can't hear any thrashing, and that is normally what a mortally wounded snake does, from what I have learnt from the few snakes I've had on my front step (blurry eyes in the morning, walk out, don't look where I'm going, anything that might be there I get rid of). It hasn't shot out the other side of the bed, and I can see that the bullet came out of the barrel, my favourite edition of "Street Machine" has copped it, all there is is a deafening silence broken only by my heart trying it's best to crawl out my mouth........

From: pigman®

27/12/2001 21:34:44

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25666

well TPM, thank god it didn't start...

I've always read these stories but never thought it would happen to me...

no not the street machine...

snake has drifted to 5:2

From: Woman PoPping

27/12/2001 21:35:55

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25669

....If this story ends with the words "it was all a dream".......

...we'll hide Jagman's clothes and let him walk back to the new house all naked ;-p

From: The Phantom Menace®

27/12/2001 21:41:07

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25671

"I've always read these stories but never thought it would happen to me..."

Remember Jagman is still naked (except for his gumboots) at this point, surely those busty twins from down the road would have heard those shots...

From: Jagman®

27/12/2001 21:43:11

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25673

It hasn't come out, and I can't hear it so I lower my head to the edge of the bed..... and there it is, lying perfectly still, but I can't see it's head! Is it dead or just stunned from the blast? Will it start moving as soon as I disturb ?it? There is only one thing for it, I have to get down on the ground and risk another shot from there, any way of getting close enough to see the head will put me within striking range, so I get down, sight, pull the trigger and..BLAM .... it is blown into the wall, spraying it with blood in the process, but it doesn't thrash and now I know, finally that it is dead, I pull the bed back and I can see that the reason it didn't thrash is because I caught it right behind the skull with the last shot, severing the spine and any movement. SO I grab the shovel and pick it up and throw it out the window, but not before nearly soiling myself when it started moving again and almost got off the shovel with it's residual reflex movement.

So that's that bit done, my main worry now is that I have blood all over my bedroom carpet,three holes in the floor, I am due up at christmas lunch and my girlfriend is due to turn up after lunch. Not such a problem, except that she has an unreasoning phobia of snakes, and would refuse to enter the house again if one had been in the bedroom, I most definitely don't want that......

not finished yet, not by a long shot

From: pigman®

27/12/2001 21:45:23

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25675

oh hang on fella's...

we have a snake and now a girlfriend...

From: sarahs mum®

27/12/2001 21:46:28

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25677

there is always more than one of them, you know that, don't you, jagman.?

From: boxhead®

27/12/2001 21:47:45

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25678

We want ferrets Jagman, use poetic licence if you have to, but we need the ferret to get a run ;)

From: pigman®

27/12/2001 21:48:40

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25680

bugger the ferret...I want a mongoose

From: jj®

27/12/2001 21:49:13

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25681

and we all know that he doesn't want the girlfriend afraid of entering the bedroom ... kitchen maybe but NOT the bedroom ... no ... hang on ... chrisy's nearly here ...

From: Woman PoPping

27/12/2001 21:50:10

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25683

...there is always more than one of them, you know that, don't you, jagman.?....

snakes? girlfriends? ferrets? mongooses?

What's a mongoose?

(I can relax now, that the romantic part of the story is starting....;-)

From: Jagman®

27/12/2001 21:54:21

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25685

cont..... again, I'm getting hungry, maybe I should leave off;)

I put some clothes on and dispose of the snake out of the yard, not forgetting to use the shovel to hit it like a cricket bat, and go inside to get a bucket and sponge and get the blood out of the carpet, no mean feat where the shots went through the floor with the sinew and guts there. This takes me at least ten minutes of frantic scrubbing and rearranging of carpet fibres to hide the holes, all the while jumping at every little rustle because the adrenaline hasn't quite let me down onto my feet yet.

By this time I am nearly an hour late, and all the best bits of food are sure to be gone, so I start to run out the door but pause in the kitchen, seeing the hole that the snake must have come in, surely that can wait until after lunch, if Jagwoman asks me what I'm doing I'll just say it is to stop the mice and the draft. So I head on up to lunch and am pleasantly surprised to find they haven't started ye, so I sit down and get the good stuff into me.

After another two hours I get a call from J'woman, she is in Narrendera and will be there in about half an hour or so. I say seeyou then and go to say good bye to everyone, which takes about ten minutes before I can drive down to the house to check I got rid of all the evidence (it was bloody hard to not tell anyone)

cont. as soon as I finish writing it, plenty to go!!

From: The Phantom Menace®

27/12/2001 21:54:33

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25686

(I can relax now, that the romantic part of the story is starting....;-)

He's just lulling you into a false sense of security, it's a common device in these kind of stories.

Take my word for it - that snake AIN'T DEAD YET!

From: pigman®

27/12/2001 21:58:19

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25688

c'mon jagman...

I've got an appointment with St. Peter in the next 75 years...

From: boxhead®

27/12/2001 22:03:13

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25689

You ought to put some adds in the breaks Jagman, you've got a captive audience :)

Any new people around may like to contribute to the Who Are We thread. It's not compulsory, just a bit of fun :)

sheepman

From: Woman PoPping

27/12/2001 22:03:52

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25690

have to dash out...dont let the clothed Jagman off the hook, Gang, nor Jagwoman get away...we want "closure" tonight;)

back later:)

From: chrisy®

27/12/2001 22:06:44

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25692

"and we all know that he doesn't want the girlfriend afraid of entering the bedroom ... kitchen maybe but NOT the bedroom ... no ... hang on ... chrisy's nearly here ... "

are you refering to me or Christmas?

From: Jagman®

27/12/2001 22:10:50

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25695

I change down gears as I get to the end of the drive way (no mean feat, I have to hold the gearlever in so it doesn't pop out in my hand(and the drive way is more than half a km long)) and as I pull up I have a bit of a think about how scared I was, if I met a snake in a paddock even under what would have been my next step, I just jump and swear, then get over it and watch the snake go about it's business like I would any other piece of wildlife I come across. But the thought of a snake in my bedroom, which is supposed to be the place where I relax, and stop worrying about stuff like that, just gives me a cold shiver.

Anyway, pondering this interesting philosophical point, I wander across the front yard to the door. And push it open (well actually hip and shoulder it, a bit tight) step inside, and as I did that I wondered what that plastic bag was doing sliding across the floor in the breeze that I could hear, because I had cleaned up every scrap on the floor in anticipation of Jagwomans arival( just a side point, I am the one that does the cooking when she is here, so it doesn't really matter if she was scared of it) until I closed the door and realised there was no breeze.......

it gets good again!!

From: boxhead®

27/12/2001 22:17:41

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25698

ZOMBIE SNAKE ATTACK!!!

Hurry up Jagman, I've got crutching to do in the morning, you sadistic story teller!

From: G-wiz

27/12/2001 22:25:45

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25702

Oy. Whats going on 'ere.
J'man you big blouse. What'd the poor little bugger ever do to you? Say's it was 2m pah. We want proof. It was probably about the size of a pencil.
Why didn't you just pick it up and carry it outside. A real man woulda done it like that.
Truly disappointed in this story so far. It's not the snakes fault there was room for mice to get in and it could smell them so it came in for a feed. It's your fault for not patching up the holes in the first place and now the snake paid the ultimate price.

Not happy jan. <8-(

From: Jagman®

27/12/2001 22:29:15

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25703

......cont.....

I have to be hearing things, it can't be true, but I turn around and I can still hear the noise, and then there it is.....

......another ****ing brown snake the same size sliding out from behind the fridge, and into the room where all of the interior carpet and door trims from my Jaguar are piled, one big hiding place,not to mention next to my bedroom, and ontop of that, Jagwoman, the snake phobia queen, is due in fifteen minutes now!!!

I run to the old phone at the other end of the kitchen, adn try to dial mum and dad's house, because my uncle who is about my age is still there and can give me a hand to get rid of the snake before J.w. gets here, the trouble is that it is one of the old ones where you have to stick your finger in the ring and dial it around, wait for it to come back, then do the next number, very difficult when you are in a hurry and your hands are shaking. I get my mum, and she won't be put off to get my uncle until I tell her what it is that is the emergency is but I can't tell her because that is the first thing that she will tell J'woman as soon as she walks in the door to say hello before coming down to my house, after much cajoling she guesses anyway, I refuse to answer such a scurrilous rumour, thus proving her right, and she goes off to get my uncle, I tell him the story, and a minute later he does a Colin McRae out the front.

I have sprinkled flour across the two doorways into the Jag room so I know that the snake hasn't gone out, but the gun is no good in there, so we have to rely on the old shovel with the half broken handle, with now only ten minutes to go. So my uncle (I am too far past it now to attempt a snake search) gets suited up in full length overalls, gumboots and leather gloves, I get jeans and boots and follow with the video camera (hey we have to get proof this actually happened) and we venture into the fray....

I promise this will be finished tonight, I'm reliving this as fast as I can and I haven't had tea yet....

From: G-wiz

27/12/2001 22:31:03

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25704

Here's how it should be done.

From: Mouse (M. musculus)

27/12/2001 22:36:24

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25705

g-wiz, you cruel man, one of my fellows you use as a stalking horse.

That makes me a sad mouse musculus :'(

pfft, pfft, peep :(

ohhh the humanity...From: Mouse (M. musculus)

From: Jagman®

27/12/2001 22:41:47

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25710

...cont.... and I adressed your concerns earlier G-wiz, and how was I supposed to get a mouse to stay in the same room as a snake? They can get around any door here.

I stuck my head into the door that the snake had gone through, I couldn't see it, so I theorised that it had travelled along the wall and was now safely ensconsed (it had been as frightened as me by the look of it) in the pile of carpet there.

So I climb up on the chest of drawers so that I can get a full view of the room with the video camera, while Jaguncle starts carefully turning the room upside down. We slowly peice by peice dismantley the carpet pile, only to find nothing, the clock it ticking down and we now have to search the rest of the room. This is done post haste, but after two passes there is nothing, not even in the chest of drawers I was on. Very worrying, will I have to tell J.w? we can't spend the night in a house with a rogue snake?

Juncle starts to walk out the door to the room, and the jumps back, it was in the sheepskin seat cover right next to the door that we had walked past and nearly trodden on looking under the carpet!! And again the same problem, which part of the snake is it that we can see? (I'm losing my suspense now, I'm getting tired)

nearly the last post!!

From: boxhead®

27/12/2001 22:42:33

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25711

And taffy makes out she doesn't visit scribbly,bull ;)

Hi Taffy :-p

sheepman

From: Taffy Wake®

27/12/2001 22:45:10

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25712

hey boxy.... sarah's mum sent me here for the story of a life time!!!!!! i'm almost peeing myself over this one....
i cant wait!!!
taffy

From: G-wiz

27/12/2001 22:46:12

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25713

"and I adressed your concerns earlier G-wiz"
I would have found a way but I also would have fixed the holes first.
Until you do fix the holes it's going to keep happening too. They're creatures of habit looking for a feed.

Very not happy <8-(

From: Courtney®

27/12/2001 22:46:22

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25714

More! More!

I'm lovin' this! :o)

So many things to do... but I can't walk away from this story.

From: boxhead®

27/12/2001 22:48:48

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25715

No worries Taffy, lurk away (that's what I was doing on sssf), or better still give some cheek ;)

Come on Jagman, cant you get the Jagwoman to type a bit faster? It's getting light outside :)

From: joey®

27/12/2001 22:54:46

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25721

if he leaves it hanging till tomorrow we'll tell jagwoman!

cheers jo

From: Jagman®

27/12/2001 22:55:47

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25722

....continued, and welcome to any SSSFers, let me remind you that this story is true, and all happened on christmas day.

Then the snake moves and we can't see any of it. There is now less than five minutes until J.woman arrives and finds us trying to remove her worst nightmare. I'm still filming from on top of the chest of drawers (it's for the camera angle I'm telling you, and there is only one shovel!!), I have the gun still, but I have nothing to aim at, and the same with the shovel, what is J'uncle misses, breaks the shovel and gets an angry snake in his face?

But the moment has nearly arrived, Jagwoman (who has now gone back to Wagga which is why I have time to write this)will be here in a minute, if she is on time, there are some raodworks on the way, which might buy us a few more minutes, so the decision is made.

I load the gun, although it will be no use, pick the camera up, and Jaguncle get's the heft of the shovel, is it up to the task? Now we're filming and.....

WHACK!! a miss!!, frantic movement inside the cover, but the shovel survives

WHACK!!! A sickening cunch, the shovel handle breaks and the head of it goes flying back over J'uncles head into the jag parts.......

From: Jagman®

27/12/2001 23:04:27

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25728

...into the jag parts, that could be pretty funny if it was referring to me and not the car pieces.....

The snake is thrashing inside the cover, a part of it comes out, and spurts blood on the carpet again, then goes back inside the cover, thrashes a bit more, threatens to come out at J'uncle who is now armed with no more than half a broken shovel handle, and then....

...finally it is still. J'uncle whacks it on the head with the shovel handle for good measure then pins the head down and picks it up for the camera. My original estimate was slightly coloured by disbelief and it turns out to be more like five feet, yeah, that's all *dripping sarcasm*. Just then the phone rings, I put down the camera and go to the phone, and it is....

....Mum, thank god it wasn't J'woman, oh, what's that, she's there? and you just told her what we were doing?

From: sue®

27/12/2001 23:04:44

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25729

dont stop here!!!!!

Where's 1/2 hr from narrandra? which direction?

cummmmon what happens next

From: summer®

27/12/2001 23:07:47

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25731

Thank you Jagman!

Your fear & adrenalin was our amusement & laughter.

:-)))

From: joey®

27/12/2001 23:08:07

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25732

okay ...no good threatening to tell jagwoman :0(

From: Jagman®

27/12/2001 23:10:31

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25735

...still a bit more to go...

From: G-wiz

27/12/2001 23:12:55

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25736

"one of my fellows you use as a stalking horse."
Crawl over dead comrades for a meal little (feral) mouse.

From: mr squiggles blackboard

27/12/2001 23:14:17

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25737

hurry up

From: still the blackboard

27/12/2001 23:18:03

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25740

you are in grave danger of being excommunicated jagman....we need an ending.

From: still the blackboard

27/12/2001 23:20:12

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25741

i cant believe i am staying up this late....just to read the ending when jagman has probably nicked off and started watching david attenborough videos....

From: sue®

27/12/2001 23:20:49

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25742

Hands off the Jagwoman til the story is finished!!!!

From: Jagman®

27/12/2001 23:20:53

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25743

"H,h,h,hello, J." I say, "uuum, it's okay, don't worry, it's dead, J'uncle is just disposing of it now." "are you sure it's dead" "yeah it's nearly in two pieces" are you sure you're sure" "Y,yes"
"okay then, I suppose I'm coming down there"
she says with a very large waver in her voice.

I run outside to make sure that J'uncle has removed the snake out of sight, and go back in to grab the blood soaked seat cover and remove it. The adrenalin is now making ne feel sick, esp. waiting to see how Jagwoman is going to take this.

She pulls up, opens the window and calls out "is it safe?". I assure her that it is (while jumping at the sound of a grrasshopper behind me) and she comes out of the car, through the door and takes her first tremulous steps into the battlefield. I am incredibly relieved at how well she is taking it, but I still neglect to mention that there was another one in the bedroom earlier, I decided that one was enough for her to deal with today. And to this point, the only people who know that there was two snakes are J'uncle and all of you.

We played back the video for her, and despite nearly jumping through the roof at the first sight of the snake, J'woman get's though it, and we discover that I missed the shovel head flying through the air, thus ruining some of the excitement, but it is still harrowing stuff.
So now apart from jumping at every little sound I hear and checking every room before I walk into it, there has been no more battles.

But there is a small epilogue of fear to this tale....

From: chrisy®

27/12/2001 23:21:22

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25744

good on ya G-wiz,

l'll join ya

GO THE SNAKE............

From: Mouse (M. musculus)

27/12/2001 23:21:23

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25745

Our fallen comrades would have understood g-wiz.

Your flagrant mouse torturing however...

We are not animals, we are meeeses, peep, peep.
From: Mouse (M. musculus)

From: sue®

27/12/2001 23:21:36

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25746

As long as he's not doing like they do it on the discovery channel

From: Pseudonaja textilis

27/12/2001 23:27:03

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25748

Thank you chrisy
I shall be holding a memorial service for fallen comrades at midnight.

Then we shall have our revenge. Muahahahahahahaha

From: chrisy®

27/12/2001 23:28:58

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25749

l too hope the storey gets better than this...

even for a brown snake, this is a bit sad.....

i mean who provided the habitat for the snakes,and then got shitty when the came in?

From: chrisy®

27/12/2001 23:29:37

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25750

5 mins jag and l am gone too

From: Jagman®

27/12/2001 23:30:20

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25751

.....cont..... cut to the bedroom, any activity that may be referenced to the discovery channel was over several hours ago and it is sleepy time in the Jaghouse (though now not technically christmas I will include this).

I am still a bit jumpy, and perhaps not sleeping very heavily,listening for that now dreaded sound.

Then something jolts me out of my restless slumber. It is the door to my bedroom, it has always been hard to open, and takes two attempts, esp. if you are unfamiliar with it.

The first attempt has just been made.

I am standing on the bed almost instantly yelling for the intruder to **** off as the door opens on the second attepmt to reveal......

I'm sorry I have to leave it too the next post just to emphasise how scared I was right then.....

From: still the blackboard

27/12/2001 23:30:36

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25752

maybe he is typing using the snake's tails......

From: Jagman®

27/12/2001 23:33:34

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25753

an empty corridor and a very frightened girlfriend, still inside the room, who had been trying to get out to go to the toilet but has blended into the wall so I couldn't see her in the dark. After collapsing with a heart attack, I went back to bed and there ended the most eventful christmas I have ever had.

Snake argument to ensue.

Hope that was good entertainment guys, and I didn't have to make anything up, that all happened.

From: chrisy®

27/12/2001 23:36:01

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25754

"Snake argument to ensue."

what did you guess?

to tired.....

tsk tsk naughty Jaggy, clean up your bloody house and saved some stress.... poor snake with its head bashed in with a shovel.

I hope karma isn't true or your stuffed, l'll buy you a bike helmet

see you tomorrow

From: summer®

27/12/2001 23:36:19

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25755

Many thanks Jagman!

I sincerely hope that Easter is just as good.

:-D

From: sue®

27/12/2001 23:36:56

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25756

ahhhh Jagman, thank you, heheheeeeee

for the smile that has given me this evening, may there be plenty of discovery channeling this holidays for you :))

BTW where are you??

My hubby grew up in a town 1/2hr from Narrendara

From: still the blackboard

27/12/2001 23:36:58

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25757

lurve that story... thanks for it...shall tell many others of it.

From: Jagman®

27/12/2001 23:44:32

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25759

I have since blocked up every hole that I could find, and am setting out mouse traps as often as I can. I wasn't happy to have killed the snakes, I go out of my way to save them normally, I stop the tractor so that they can get out of the way, I drive around them on the road, and if they are around someone elses place I will scare them away first, shoot later. I'm not even scared of them for the most parts, I've even picked one up once, when I found it in winter in a pile of wood that I needed to move, and it was too sluggish to be scared.

But when presented with them in my one place that is supposed to be where I can let down my guard and not watch my feet every step, I am not tolerant. Where they presented a potential danger to me and my girlfriends health/life ,even if thier being in the house was the result of my putting off a job for a day (read back to the start),and I couldn't find a way to remove them without seriously risking being bitten, then I'm afraid it's curtains for the unfortunate snake.

anyway have this out tomorrow

Sue, I live halfway between Leeton and Griffith. It's actually more like 45 minutes from narrandera, but I was too caught up in telling the story to go back and change it. Where did Hubby live?

From: sue®

27/12/2001 23:48:36

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25760

He's a Ganmain boy.
&
My mum & Dad met in Narranderra
:)

From: the gallery

27/12/2001 23:50:06

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25761

Hope that was good entertainment guys, and I didn't have to make anything up, that all happened.

Sue, I live halfway between Leeton and Griffith. It's actually more like 45 minutes from narrandera, but I was too caught up in telling the story to go back and change it. Where did Hubby live?

From: Hilbury®

27/12/2001 23:54:46

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25762

I know how you feel jagman, I'm the same way with spiders............. I they stay out of the house they can doo what they like, but inside... nup.... they gotta go.

From: Jagman®

28/12/2001 0:00:14

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25763

I dislike spiders much more than snakes, I just can't stand the way they move, but I allow them the run of the house, provided they don't set up shop too close to my bed, and then I just wreck their web until they get the hint. But a snake in the house, I went to hell twice in one day.

Hubby was on the opposite side to me Sue, it is heaps flatter out here, and more populated. Narrendera seems to pop up as a potential kevin bacon game type place a lot of the time, it's a smallish town but everyone seems to have had something to do with it if theyhave ever heard of it.

From: boxhead®

28/12/2001 0:05:15

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25764

I'm with Hillbilly¹, if it's that close to where you sleep, then it's gotta go. The most practicle meathod is...
...well we've just heard all about it.

Jag, you need a bit of rat shot I think, saves the holes in the floor ;)

Great story, Jagger. :)

¹ Just messin' with your name hilbury, feel free to have a go at mine, but G-wiz is the only one to come close to one that is worse than what I call myself ;)

From: Jagman®

28/12/2001 0:08:13

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25765

I had ratshot Boxy, just didn't think it was the ticket, I wanted it stopped straight away, not bled to death, thier skin is a bit tough for that too I think, not like rats. I'm glad you liked it, I had heaps of fun telling it, suspense is fun :P

From: joey®

28/12/2001 0:13:03

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25766

From: boxhead® 28/12/2001 0:05:15

Subject: re: Christmas Story post id: 25764

I'm with Hillbilly1, if it's that close to where you sleep, then it's gotta go. The most practicle meathod is...
...well we've just heard all about it.

Jag, you need a bit of rat shot I think, saves the holes in the floor ;)

Great story, Jagger. :)

BUT
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
a snake is a sentient creature !

cheers jo

From: joey®

28/12/2001 0:15:24

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25767

loved the story jagman, not conductive to getting jobs done though ... so please spare a thought for me now that I'll be up half the night ... sniff...sniff

cheers jo

From: boxhead®

28/12/2001 0:16:47

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25768

Yeah suspence is fun Jagger, but you took me past the 4hr internet cut-off your $&%^# ;)

Why didn't you use the 30-30? That would've made for a good yarn ;)

Isn't the jagwoman on the net yet? She'll find it oneday you know.

sheepman

From: boxhead®

28/12/2001 0:18:50

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25769

I know joey, but...

...looks like the DtA truce will be over eh ;)

Any new people around may like to contribute to the Who Are We thread. It's not compulsory, just a bit of fun :)

sheepman

From: Jagman®

28/12/2001 0:20:36

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25770

I'm sorry Jo,but spare a thought for me, I didn't go and get anything to eat until i finished the story, and I started at 8.23! without having had tea yet.

;) Boxy, I must have skills I didn't know I had if I can keep people on tenterhooks for three and a half hours, I was waiting for the next post my self!

And I seriously thought about the 30-30, but it would have taken out a whole board with the load I have in it at that range. WOuld have been a good talking point though, and I would have a had a story about chasing the head half around the house to tell.

From: Jagman®

28/12/2001 0:21:33

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25771

oh yeah, and ROFLMAO@joey, that was a call and a half, so asking for it, but very funny :)

From: joey®

28/12/2001 0:26:50

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25774

From: boxhead® 28/12/2001 0:18:50

Subject: re: Christmas Story post id: 25769

I know joey, but...

...looks like the DtA truce will be over eh ;)

could you be looking forward to it ? :P

cheers jo

From: boxhead®

28/12/2001 0:32:25

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25777

Hey, some things just come naturaly joey, why fight instinct :-p

Besides I didn't do a thing, it's all jaggers fault...

From: sarahs mum®

28/12/2001 0:53:02

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25790

hi jag

i loved the story too.
like you, i don't approve of snakes in the house.
i didn't like the one on the back door step either.

i quite happy for them to live anywhere else on the tiers.

now, i don't know what your gun laws are there..but i know someone who lost their entire gun collection and had it burnt up, because they had one gun out of the box and the box was unlocked. the clip wasn't in the gun, that was out of the box..and believe it or not, that was another charge.

From: geoff d®

28/12/2001 7:22:05

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25793

Watched Meet the Ancestors, and look what I missed! Bugger.

My question, Jaggers, is ... What model Jaguar?

From: chrisy®

28/12/2001 9:14:51

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25799

"I have since blocked up every hole that I could find, and am setting out mouse traps as often as I can. I wasn't happy to have killed the snakes, I go out of my way to save them normally, I stop the tractor so .........."

glad to hear it jaggy

From: mars

28/12/2001 9:24:04

Subject: re: Christmas Story

post id: 25800

THANKS, Jagman
...great entertainment: suspense and comedy - fantastic! Kept me up past my bedtime!

but NO thanks
...have snake phobia but since living in the bush have managed to sort of control it until now! Live in an old cottage with lots of holes and have been tip toeing around this morning, and my imagination going crazy!

Cheers ... all the best for the NEW YEAR.

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