The area of "critical injury" that a Band-Aid covers is approximatley .625 square inches. What the hell kind of wound is that? If you're going to get injured, at least do it in style:
- Step 1: Climb to the top of a ladder.
- Step 2: Fall off.
- Step 3: Land on a bed of rusty nails.
It's easy, but no, you little wussies do things like cut your finger while chopping carrots (notice I said carrots and not onions, because anyone who eats onions is smart enough not to slice their own flesh), then you cry and run to the cupboard for a Band-Aid, but wait, first you have to clean it out! Fuck that, when I get a cut, I always make sure to dump a vial of AIDS right on the wound, just so my immune system doesn't get bored and try to take over my brain. Your immune systems consist of a bunch of white-blood-cells that sit around with their pseudopods up their asses all day because "the Band-Aid will take care of it!!!" My immune system consists of robots. Each one carries nuclear warheads, just in case someone tries something funny. Whenever I get a cut and bleed, the robots grow to giant-size and stomp everyone's ass.
So if you want to be like me, use Band-Aids for what they're supposed to be used for, cutting people in half.
I rule.
Why can't everyone be cool, like pale-faced "eMo0" shits who go to the bathroom and cut their wrists? They don't use Band-Aids, they just wear those stupid long-sleeve striped shirts with holes in the end to stick their thumbs through so their parents and teachers don't see the cuts, but they can show it to all their clones (friends). Cutting your wrists is so $eXxXy, everyone should do it. You know what else is SeXaY? Penis piercings. Hell, even straight men are attracted to penis piercings. Only a real man will sever the only thing that makes him a man, and severely ruin his ability to fuck (which might be a good thing if it removes him from the gene pool). You know you're having a bad day when you decide to get a penis piercing. Imagine all the thoughts that must be going through your head. I'd imagine they would be thinking something like this:
People who spend money on Band-Aids, when they can use tape and toilet-paper (which still makes you a pussy), are just asking to be shot. Band-Aids are to people as Barney is to dinosaurs. You're all wimps, the kind who would lose a fight after punching somebody in the face because you hurt your hand. Grow some balls.
Fuck Band-Aids.
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