Check out how close these spoofs are to the actual quotes from A Few Good Men
"You see Danny, I can deal with the bullets, and the bombs, and the blood. I
don't want money, and I don't want medals. What I do want is for you to stand
there in that faggoty white uniform and with your Harvard mouth extend me some
f**king courtesy. You gotta ask me nicely."
"You see, I can deal with the crosschecks, and the cheapshots, and the blood.
I don't want money, and I don't want trophies. What I do want is for you to
stand there in that faggoty Ball Buster uniform and extend me some f**king
courtesy."
"You ever talk to a client of mine without permission, I'll have you disbarred."
"I had authorization."
"From who?"
"Ginny Miller. Louden's aunt on his mother's side."
"You got authorization from Aunt Ginny?"
"It's perfectly within my boundaries."
"Does Aunt Ginny have a barn? Maybe we could hold the trial there. I'll sew the
costumes and maybe Uncle Goober can be the judge."
"You ever talk to a player of mine without permission, I'll have you suspended
from the league."
"I had authorization."
"From who?"
"Ginny Miller. Applegate's aunt on his mother's side."
"You got authorization from Aunt Ginny? Does Aunt Ginny have a barn? Maybe we
could hold the game's there. I'll sew the uniforms and maybe Uncle Goober can
be the referee."
"Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by
men with guns. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinburg? I have more
responsibility here than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago, and
you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not
knowing what I know. That Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved
lives. And that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you,
saves lives. I know deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you
don't want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor,
code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending
something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the
inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket
of the very freedom I provide, then question the manner in which I provide it.
I prefer you said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you
pick up a weapon, and stand to post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you
think you are entitled to."
"Son, we live in a world that has goals, and those goals have to be guarded by
men with sticks. Whose gonna do it? You, Aversa? I have more responsibility
here than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Barbato, and you curse the
Night Stalkers. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing
what I know. That cutting Barbato, while tragic, probably saved goals. And
that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves goals. I
know deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you don't want me in
that goal, you need me in that goal. We use words like honor, code, loyalty.
We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You
use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain
myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very goaltending
I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it. I prefer you said
thank you, and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a stick, and
stand in goal. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled
to."
"Lt. Kaffee is considered to be the best litigator in our office. He
successfully plea bargained 44 cases in 9 months."
"One more and I get a set of steak knives."
"Frank Facciponti is considered to be the best goal scorer on our team. He
scored 29 goals in just two seasons."
"One more and I get a set of steak knives."
"I run my unit how I run my unit. You want to investigate me, roll the dice
and take your chances. I eat breakfast 300 yards from 4000 Cubans who are
trained to kill me, so don't think for one second that you can come down here,
flash a badge, and make me nervous."
"I run my team how I run my team. You want to penalize me, roll the dice and
take your chances. I play hockey six feet from twelve Ball Busters who are
trained to kill me, so don't think for one second that you can come over to my
bench, flash your stripes, and make me nervous."
"I have two books at my bedside, Lieutenant: the Marine Corps Code of
Conduct and the King James Bible. The only proper authorities I am aware of
are my commanding officer, Colonel Nathan R. Jessep, and the Lord our God.
"I have two books at my bedside. The Dek Hockey Player's Code of Conduct
and the King James Bible. The only proper authorities I am aware of are my
commanding officer, Captain Jim Gargiulo, and the Lord our God."
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