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update: 4.4.03

The Lebanese Boy has now taken to coming across the room whenever we get a break, falling down in the seat beside me and saying "Wassup, bitch?"

"Whose bitch am I?!" I holler, then we spar for a few minutes while innocent bystanders smirk.

Last week he invited me out for drinks. I complained that I had no money and he offered to pay. The talk centered around Kentucky Basketball (I had nothing to say to that, I assure you) and the proper way to say a Hail Mary (who knew there was any controversy?). I had a good time.

On Monday, he took me aside during Calc II and said he wasn't going to be in the Physics lab that night. He had things to do.

"Be a sweetheart," he cooed while handing me a piece of paper, "and turn this in for me."

"I'd rather be a bitch and tear it into pieces."

"Awww, come on!"

"Just give me the damned thing!" I shouted and snatched the lab from him.

He smiled and observed "If I didn't like you so much, I'd probably smack you."

"Smack me," I urged. "I dare you."

That night, I walked into the classroom and he was sitting front and center, obviously unable to resist my beauty. He made up some feeble excuse: "The plans fell through!"

As the class went along, the tall stoner dude beside me (another genius) harassed me and tried to beam illicit photos of cannibis to my Palm pilot without my permission.

"Fuck off and leave me alone! I'm trying to learn about the conservation of momentum!" I cried. Yeah, right.

"Why are you such a bitch?!" he asked.

"Genetics."

Just then the Lebanese Boy turned around to offer his input. "Oh, you don't know the half of it. He was in my Calculus class last semester and I didn't talk to him at all because I thought he was an asshole!"

"Yeah, well, he was in my programming class and sat right beside me but never said a word to me all semester."

I interrupted. "You know, maybe you two wouldn't be clinging to a C average if you paid more attention in class!"

"I got a 97 on the last test," the tall stoner boy bragged. "What did you get?"

"Turn around and shut up."

I am having the time of my life this semester. And all of these boys are going to be in my classes next semester...

.::Rob::.

update: 4.5.03

From the Lawrenceburg local comes the following headline:

"Reader Solves 50-Year-Old Mystery of Tyrone Toe"

"A 50-year-old mystery involving the discovery of a toe has been solved. The following story from the front page of The Anderson News in March 1953 was reprinted last month on The Way We Were page:

"A middle toe, believed to be from a man's foot, was found under the Tyrone traffic bridge by [a] farmer.

"[The farmer] was preparing a lettuce bed when he stepped on a bottle. The bottle broke and inside was the toe, which had been well preserved. The label on the bottle was badly damaged. The toe bore a large corn. The toe, label and parts of the bottle were taken [...] to Frankfort for an analysis at the state laboratory.

"The story sounded familiar to one reader. The man, who prefers to remain anonymous, had heard it before--from the woman who tossed the toe over the bridge. He called the woman [...] to tell her about the story and confirm the details.

"The woman, who also prefers to not have her identity revealed, was a young nursing student in Lexington in 1953 and lived in Lawrenceburg.

"She said the toe came from a diabetic who underwent surgery while she and her fellow students watched. She was presented the toe in a jar as a souvenir, but decided on the way home she didn't want to keep it.

"The caller said the woman and her brother decided to toss it off Tyrone Bridge, but it apparently hit land instead of water.

"'She told me this story about ten years ago,' the caller said, 'and she was very surprised to hear it was back in the news again.'"

I'll bet she was! And she would've gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for the investigative prowess of the Lawrenceburg Local.

.::Rob::.

update: 4.7.03

So last week I was eating lunch with the Genius and the Lebanese Boy. We were sitting under the shade of an oak tree and I was complaining...

Robert:
This seat is too small for my big ass! It's constricting my circulation!
The Lebanese Boy:
Maybe your ass is too big for the seat.
Robert:
Shaddup.

Suddenly this gorgeous young thing comes bounding over to our table.

Bouncing Girl:
Hi! I'm so sorry to bother you guys while you're eating but I was wondering if you were planning on voting in today's election?
The Genius:
Uh...is there an election going on today?
Bouncing Girl:
(Sweeps her arms around indicating all the political posters lining the wall...)
Sure!
The Lebanese Boy:
I dunno...I guess we will.
Bouncing Girl:
Well my name is Gorgeous Bouncing Girl and I'm running for president! I would really appreciate your vote!

Now this chick was attractive and vivacious, purposely I imagine, but you could sense the underlying seriousness and ambition. It was like meeting up with Reese Witherspoon in Election. I decided to grill her on the "issues."

Robert:
Now what is your platform? Where do you stand on the tuition hike?
Bouncing Girl:
(Suddenly very serious and concerned)
Well, I'll tell you. They decided to raise the tuition during spring break when everyone was away from campus and I just think that's wrong.
Robert:
Where were you?
Bouncing Girl:
The Bahamas.
Robert:
Ah. What about the student paper...didn't they give their support to someone else?
Bouncing Girl:
(Cringes for a moment, then composes herself)
Yes, the editorial board certainly did. But we were endorsed by GPAC.
Robert:
What's that?
The Genius:
The Greek Political Action Committee.
Bouncing Girl:
(Slyly)
You must not be a member of a Greek organization.
Robert:
Just the ultimate one...

She didn't understand but the Genius laughed. After twirling her hair, batting her eyes and deciding that she had secured our votes, she moved on to the next table. Our actually, she avoided the next table--it was filled with girls, after all--and descended on another collection of dudes, obviously working her advantage.

Unfortunately, she lost the election. It seems she was an integral part of the previous administration whose president was forced to resign in disgrace following the revelation that he improperly used his position. Don't ask me for details because I can't remember them. I just know it was scandalous and that his opponents thundered for weeks about his moral failings.

Who knew that the university political climate was so cutthroat? These people take no prisoners.

.::Rob::.

update: 4.9.03

How about a school report? I know, I know, I blab on about the Lebanese Boy and the Genius all the time but I rarely say anything about my classes anymore. I've kept you on the edge of your seat for far too long.

Anthropology 101 is a breeze, as it should be, although the freshmen whine and complain before and after every class. "It's so hard! I don't understand what he's talking about!" I am thrilled to be taking my final University Studies requirement this summer, meaning I will no longer have to endure dopes who shouldn't be in college. There is a vast gulf between the students in my engineering classes and the students in Cultural Diversity in the Modern World, as you might imagine.

Calculus II is going along nicely and I'm not finding it as difficult as legend would have you believe. I will acknowledge, however, that the general shift away from simple mathematics into something that is beginning to resemble pure theory can make a person uncomfortable at first. (Try infinite series on for size.) However, I am cruising along nicely and even received a compliment from my professor the other day. I am still madly in love with the subject, though who knows how I will react when we go multi-dimensional next semester.

Meanwhile, University Physics is hideous as always. I deeply wish that I had a better teacher. Whenever I finally figure a concept out, I enjoy the problems. But it takes two weeks to do that and if the professor would simply explain a concept rather than just copy an equation onto the board, he would make life much simpler.

For example, the other day we were learning about impulse. "What is impulse?" you might ask, and the professor would respond "Impulse is obviously the integral of force with regard to time." Well that clears everything up. It took me two days to discover that impulse is merely the change in momentum.

Finally, I have to say that I am very proud of myself. There were so many people who began the engineering program with me and subsequently dropped out. And a majority of people in my P&C classes have also gone the way of the dodo since the beginning of the semester. I can't believe I'm still alive and kicking.

.::Rob::.

update: 4.18.03

Sorry, but I've been sick again. I spent the early part of this week stretched out in my bed, nursing a fever and studying for my upcoming P&C tests. Why is it that professors decide to wait until the last two weeks of school to hit you with two tests and a final exam? Bastards!

Once I start feeling a little better (any day now), I'll update again, okay?

.::Rob::.

update: 4.23.03

I spent five hours studying on Sunday for my physics exam. This was our last test before the final and allegedly the toughest. Although I gave the studying process my all, I felt dejected and overwhelmed as I entered the classroom. As the professor reviewed administrative issues, we were all skittish and ready for the damned test to start. And then he finally sat it out before me. I looked it over and realized "This might not be so bad!" Everything was simple enough to comprehend and I rarely consulted the detailed cheat sheet I made. (Yes, we are allowed to use them in this class. Who could possibly memorize all those formulas?)

I have a Calc II exam this afternoon and I've been busily reciting the litany of tests one can use on infinite series all morning. It ain't no thang, though, I'm not worried.

Afterwards, I'm meeting Mary the Calculus Girl at an Indian restaurant for dinner. Now, I've been harassing my mother to make me a lasagne forever and, of course, I woke up to the smell of sauce drifting through the house this morning.

"I'm making you a lasagne for tonight!" she hollered when I came upstairs. "John and I are meeting his brother for dinner in Louisville."

"Thanks, Ma, but I already have dinner plans."

"So eat it tomorrow! Here, taste this!"

Italian sausage first thing in the morning...

Meanwhile, the Lebanese Boy and I are getting along famously. The other night we were working on a physics experiment and he suddenly looked thunderstruck.

"This is our last lab, Robert" he informed me, while pretending to wipe a tear away.

"It's such a tragedy," I answered.

"When are we going to go out again?"

"I suppose the next time you ask."

"What are you doing Wednesday night?"

Of course...the one night I make plans I get both a lasagne and an invitation to dinner with a cute dude. Perverse.

.::Rob::.

update: 4.25.03

It occurs to me that I haven't mentioned Big Red and his crew recently so I thought I'd bring you up to date. I know you live for these things...

For several weeks now Big Red has been missing in action and the Alpha/Beta male (There was some controversy...) and the Thug were the only ones in attendance. They had been struggling in the labs since it was just the two of them and they gradually began moving into my territory to ask questions. Of course I make myself out to be the Snarling Beast of Ghettopimpin.com but I am a simple country boy, after all, and generally more than happy to help.

Gradually the ice was broken and I finally asked Alpha/Beta about his friend.

"Oh, he had an accident. He slipped while mowing the grass and lost part of his foot. He won’t be back to school until next semester."

I was aghast and asked a hundred questions. He’ll not only eventually be fine, but he will also be able to take his third and final exams this summer and not lose credit for those classes. I was glad to hear that.

So we’ll forget that I spoke derisively of him, right?

.::Rob::.

update: 4.28.03

The other night I was peanuted up and slumbering happily on the sofa when the phone rang. Who should be on the other end but the Lebanese Boy? Meanwhile, I was groggy and an advertisement for a James Taylor anthology was blaring out of the television.

"Hey, Rob, wassup?"

"Mumph..."

"What's that music?!"

"Nothing, nothing..."

"Anyway, I'm down at the library with Bill and we have a question."

"Yeah?"

"What did you get for the last problem on the test?"

A moment of silence, and then I demanded "You are calling me in the middle of the night to ask me about physics?! Would you like to get cut now or later?"

Yes, yes, big words, but you know I was off the sofa and flipping through that ghastly physics book before finishing the sentence.

"What was the question? You think I just remember these things at two in the morning?"

After he read the problem aloud and then digested my icy response, he chuckled and observed "I see you're an ass no matter what time of day it is."

"Of course."

"Well, thanks for the help and I'm sorry for waking you up. Remind me to buy you a beer later."

"Make it a vodka..."

Then I went back to sleep.

.::Rob::.

update: 4.30.03

Well, I had a big long post prepared most of which I lost when the power went out... So look at these pics of a few rides I designed with NoLimitsCoaster in the meantime and I'll have something more exciting up later.

.::Rob::.