Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have colour TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."
**********************
Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to
fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a sec," says the rep.
"Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.
**********************
Our Sardarji was filling up an application form for
a job. He
promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS
etc.
Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" : He
was not sure
as to what to be filled there. After much thought
he wrote :Yes
**********************
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you
bring me a pair of
crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and
disappears. Finally a
search
is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and
watch him killing
a huge one.
He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and
angrily exclaims "71st
and *again* barefoot!"
**********************
A Sardar goes into a store and sees a shining
object. He asks the
clerk,
"What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies,
"That is a thermos
flask."
The Sardar then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it
keeps cold things
cold."
The Sardar says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with his new
thermos.
His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that
shiny object with
you?"
He said, "It's a thermos flask."
The boss then says, "What does it do?"
He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things
cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
**********************
A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it
home somewhere
in
Punjab, but two days later disconnected it because
he was getting
complaints like
"Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
********************
What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ?
He will compare it with the original for spelling
mistakes !!
*********************
What will a Sardarji do if he wants an additional
white sheet of
paper?
(he already has one and he wants one more..)
He takes a photocopy of the white paper !!!
*******************
Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom
fighters. They were
planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a
point, "Oh..we'll get
Punjab
from India but how would we develop it?"
That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta
Singh replied,
"No
problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us and
then we would be
a
state of USA and we'll automatically get developed."
All the surds
became happy at this very simple solution but an old
surd did not
utter a
single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy.
The surd replied,
"OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY
CHANCE WE TAKE
OVER USA ?????"
**********************
Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a
bargain.
"I would like to buy this small TV," he told the
salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his
hair style,
and returned to tell the salesman
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.
"Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a
complete
disguise this time, haircut and new hair colour, new
outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days
before he
again approached the salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a
Sardar?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
**********************
Why did 18 Sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
**********************
How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
**********************
What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade
at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
**********************
What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his
mouth.
**********************
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
**********************
What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands
tightly over his
ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
**********************
Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
**********************
Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.
**********************
How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.
**********************
What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
**********************
What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.
**********************
What do you call a Sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
**********************
What do you call a Sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.
**********************
Why does Sardar always smile during lightning
storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
**********************
Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
**********************
How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
**********************
Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone
**********************
How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.
**********************
"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
**********************
What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
**********************
Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman
as
opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
**********************
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight
kilometres
a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At
the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to
report he
had lost
the weight, but he had a problem.
"What's the problem?" asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."
**********************
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway
station.
Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to
Ludhiana?"
"No," answers the Railway man.
"Can I?" asks Gani Singh.
**********************
A Sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when
the
Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his
seat when his
friend asks him
"Kyon Sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai
cinema hi to hai"
Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai
ki
cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "
**********************
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway
tracks and he
takesalong
some wine and chicken with him.
Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai ye sab kyon
leke baithe
ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai
kahin bhook se na
marjaun"
**********************
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt
sleepy so he gave
the guy
sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake
him up when the
station
arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for
20 Rupees, the
Sardarji
deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell
asleep, the barber
quietly
shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the
Sardarji was
woken up, and
he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his
face, and suddenly
screamed when he saw the mirror.
Said his wife " What's the matter?"
Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20
rupees and woken
up someone else"
**********************
Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his
knees and started
thanking God.
A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is
missing; what are you
thanking God for?"
The Sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing
to it that I
wasn't riding the donkey at
that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."
**********************
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the
birth certificate
"Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese."
"How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are
Sikh?"
" Aah, read a newspaper, it says that every 4th
person born on the
Earth now is a Chinese."
**********************
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to
the outer space.
The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!"
(it's the barking
sound)
"Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!"
"Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!"
"Sardarji!" "Woof."
"Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch
anything!"
**********************
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street
which has Clock Tower
when someone asks
him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a
ladder." The man took
the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for
several hours
the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On
the next day the
Sardarji is again
walking along the same street and the same man asks
him to buy the
clock.
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am
not a fool.This
time, you wait
and I'll go get a ladder."
**********************
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay.
They managed to get
into
a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to
get a bottom
seat,
But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a
while when the
rush was over,
Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He
met Banta in a bad
condition
clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared
to death. He
says,
"Arre Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on? Why
are you so scared ?
I was enjoying my ride down there ?
Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a
*driver.*"
**********************
Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked
him what
had happened to his ears and he answered, " I was
ironing a shirt and
the
phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I
accidentally
picked up the iron
and stuck it to my ear."
" Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But
..what happened
to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."
**********************
Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm.
He lands there
on time.
He is immediately hauled inside in front of the
interviewing officer.
Officer looks
at Santa Singh then goes through his certificates
and then starts
asking him questions.
Following is the transcript :
O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your
qualifications & credentials I
would like to ask you only some simple questions.If
you can answer
those
then you are selected. First we will start with some
opposites
S : Yes Sir.
Officer started asking questions
O : Above
S : Below
O : Front
S : Back
O : Left
S : Right
O : Male
S : Female
O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)
S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)
O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)
S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our Sardar also spells
it)
O : U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts)
S : P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L
..... Y......
Our Sardar also shouts)
Officer is now angry.
O : Get out
S : Come in.
O : Quiet please.
S : Talk please.
O : You are rejected.
S : I am selected
....... ....... and This is how Santa Singh got his
job.
**********************
A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After
eating
he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the
basin instead.
The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap
kya kar raheho?"
To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar
board lagaya hai,
"Wash Basin".
**********************
Santa Singh got up in the middle of the night to
answer the
telephone.
"Is this one one one one?", says the voice.
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?"
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the
middle of the
night."
"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer
the telephone
anyway."
**********************
Once Santa Singh broke his leg when he threw his
cigarette butt
down the manhole and tried to step on it.
**********************
Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette. He struck
the first
match on the seat of his pants, but it wouldn't
light.
He tried another. It wouldn't light. The third one
finally
lit. lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match out
and put it in
his vest pocket. "What for did you put that match in
your vest
pocket?"
"That's a good match. I'll use it again."
**************************
A Sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway.
Asks a bystander
as to why're the guys doing what they're doing. The
bystander: A
Marathon
race is going on Sardar: What do they get from that?
Bystander : The winner will get a prize
Sardar : Then why are the others running?!
**************************************************************
Then there's the one about the Sardarji who brought
his
binoculars to a funeral where they were going to
bury a
DISTANT relative of his...
*********************
One Sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping
in Burma
bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the Sardar that the
prices
will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for
half the price.
Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which
the vendor
told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for Rs.1000. vendor told
he can give
for Rs.1800 for which Sardar told no, no only
Rs.900.
Vendor told ok, I will give it for 1500 Rs. for
which Sardar
bargained for Rs.750. It was going on like this when
finally
vendor out of irritation said he will give the
Sardar the stereo free
of cost."Our Sardar asked whether he will give two."
**********************
A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes
to
Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket
number.
Our Sardar says, "I want my $20 million."The man
replied,
"No, Sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a
million today
and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next
19 years."
Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now!
I won it and I
want it."
Again, the man explained that he wouldonly get a
million that
day and the rest during the next 19 years.
Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I
want my
money! if you're not going to give me my $20 million
right now, then I want my 1 dollar back!"
**********************
Sardar Banta Singh went to the emergency room with
the tip of
his index finger blown off.
"How did this happen?" the doctor asked.
"Well I was trying to commit suicide," Banta Singh
replied.
The doctor asked, "Trying to commit suicide by
shooting your finger?"
"No, silly! First I put the gun on my head and I
thought my
face would look horrible, then I put it in my mouth
and I
thought I just paid Rs. 1,000 to get my teeth
straightened.
So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought this
is going
to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other
ear
before I pulled the trigger.
**********************
After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his
wife and his son
were
returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express. Santa
Singh was occupying
the
lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son
the top most berth
in the train.
When train stopped at one of the stations on the way
back the son
requested
Santa Singh to bring him a cup of i