Tabitha Dodson

I wanted to learn more about the WTO firsthand from the people that it was affecting, and get that perspective. That was really important, even though we didn’t attend any conferences. I don’t know, I felt really compelled just to take part in what was going to happen.

That the meetings would get shut down due to our actions, that’s what I was hoping for, and basically just a real sense of solidarity with international activists, and people of and in Mexico, and just a real sense of, I don’t know, maybe, power of, it sounds so tacky, but power of the people, you know, I know it sounds so tacky. So I mean I really was just expecting that there would be this overwhelming sense of solidarity with everyone and that there would be this real power to stop something that we all wanted to stop.

I was very nervous, and very anxious, and I was worried about how the police were going to treat us, and that really was my main concern was how the protestors were going to be treated, by the state. That really preoccupied my thoughts a lot, or, occupied my thoughts.

I remember being confused and surprised because when we arrived it was so low key, and the atmosphere was very different from what I expected it to be, and I was again just really anxious because it seemed like more would be happening, and then of course only later to find out that it was a really strange and crazy day so everyone was kind of laying low and reflecting on what had happened. But I felt very disoriented and very confused, and still anxious. Maybe even more so than on the plane.

The anxiety remained, and I guess it kind of came back. I remember how we were talking about, ‘Wow, this is so mellow.’ I had expected a lot more, and I remember thinking, ‘Wow, this isn’t as threatening as I thought it would be.’ And this and that, but then, of course, as various other events occurred, us being followed, and just the intense security, that whole day, walking around aimlessly. Oh, I have that video, let me give it to you… Did you see it! Did you see the spiral dance and how all that shit happened where people were jumping the fence! Where were we?! Seriously! Seriously.

Anyway, I just remember that I expected more, and then all of a sudden, I expected a lot less, and then it would change, and then we were marching with the students and then (laughs) and windows got broken. It was just a constant up and down. I would think I would know how the day was going to go, and it would go in a completely different way.

(the march with the students)

I thought since it started out very, so-called peaceful, or very calm, and it seemed like it was just a silent vigil type of thing, I was really excited at the fact that it turned out to be a lot more than that, and that was just really a lot of fun, marching with them. It was just like a street carnival, and it was wild and bright and beautiful, and everyone was so excited, and it was awesome to see the Pizza Hut windows get smashed in.

The convergence space was without a functioning toilet, which was pure evil, and a lot of the people there were so preoccupied, I mean, I didn’t get a sense of welcome there, really, the people we worked with, I mean, it was kind of strange, it was definitely strange at times, I didn’t feel really welcomed and, I don’t know, it was quite a convergence space, I guess. The whole thing was so unorganized. I mean, I can understand why it can be that way, but that was pretty frustrating, I thought it would have been a bit more organized, so I guess the convergence space kind of symbolizes all of that chaos for me, because it was supposed to be this point of reference and a meeting point, and it was so scattered and I didn’t really quite know what was going on. But it was definitely a place to meet up with people or whatever.

I don’t think that was a real problem actually, I don’t really see that as being a problem, because so many people were bilingual, and even just the basics of any kind of meeting or anything like that is pretty easy to comprehend I think, you know. I don’ necessarily think it was that.

Well, I was a bit confused, because, and I have little understanding of the Korean culture, however, I was confused because, as I understood it, it was a very honorable thing that he did, it was very respected, and it seemed like there was so much mourning going on when I thought that it would be, I didn’t think that it would be so, I don’t know, it had a negative connotation to it, whereas, and, even now, in the other things that I have read, and even when his family members talked about it, it didn’t really have that connotation. I mean, it definitely was serious and grave and all of that, but it wasn’t, I don’t know, it just seemed to, it was a constant presence, which I understand, but at the same time I was just confused by the atmosphere of it I guess.

(using it for media?)

I didn’t understand the immense sorrow, because I seemed like this was a good thing, and I can understand mourning someone’s death, but it seemed to go beyond that.

It might have been different had we actually witnessed it, or been there, but we were pretty disconnected I think.

I remember being annoyed at the constant just, yeah it was weird.

This is something that was I think probably my most profound realization, was the perception I felt, the glimpse of, I felt that I saw what others see when they think of Americans. I felt like I really kind of understood in my white American way at least partially what people think of Americans really. I mean, honestly I don’t think I will ever forget riding past all of those grand hotels and steakhouses and dance clubs and bars, and knowing that it is white Americans, and western Europeans and whatnot that go there to just have a good time, and to see all these people, you know, indigenous people, dressed in uniforms to cater to these ridiculous, frenzied, uugh, perverse actions, you know just this, yeah, it was really, really sobering. It was really, I mean I think that it is just so crazy because I really felt like I know how Americans are seen, really, because I know, you know, but to actually feel like, I just didn’t want to be confused as one of those people, I didn’t. It made me so sad and embarrassed.

That was the beautiful irony of the whole situation, but that’s what’s funny, is because, well I really wondered if any of the people, really, because you know that everyone knew that, of course, us activists were in town, so I couldn’t help but wonder if they could discern us from the other people. Not to mention that it is not a big touristy time anyway. It is off-season, right.

The other day, I was telling Eric about how you and I were talking about even being able to fly there, and how, in a sense we were contributing to everything that we were there to protest, and what a strange paradox that is.

(big march)

Well, I was holding a puppet, so [my thoughts] weren’t too profound, however it was nice, because, actually it was really a bunch of crap. It took us so long to find people to carry it with us, which really surprised me, you know, because it thought, well, certainly people will help, and be proud to carry this, and march with it, this beautiful puppet that everyone has worked so hard to make, and I was really pissed off actually, that we had such a hard time getting help.

And then, that was actually kind of nice, because, it was really cool, you know, when you know that you don’t there is this language barrier, right, because it was some of the students of course were the ones that ended up helping us. I am not sure if they were from Mexico City or not, but, anyway, and it was so great, because we couldn’t really speak to each other, but we just smiled, and they are like, ‘Yeah, we’ll help,’ or whatever. Just small things so that we all knew what we were talking about, but it was so nice, because it was just a reassuring smile, and then they grabbed part of it, and then we all marched together. And that was really cool, because it was so simple, but such a nice gesture, and very reassuring.

I was going to say [that I remember] the damn people from San Francisco, you know, the artists, and whoever that woman was, that was spearheading the, I think she was with the pagans, and she was at the convergence center with the art stuff, and she was at the front with the fence cutting, and she was the one that, I was talking to her, and I was trying to understand why we were cutting it down, because I thought we were going to try to systematically pull the rest of the wall down, and she was so intent on directing everyone, and she wasn’t listening to me, and she wasn’t communicating, you know, and that stands out to me a lot, because it just speaks volumes of, just white privilege, white privilege, white privilege, you know, and here it is, we are in Cancun, and look who is running the show, poorly of course. That stands out and just the fuckin’, the punk kids, the Mexican punk kids. The looked so great.

I don’t remember what Palapas is, oh yeah, the park. I loved the market, I mean, that was great, how they were all camped out there, that was awesome, and it definitely did seem like their space, but it didn’t seem like we were encroaching on their space. It seemed that was more welcoming than the convergence center, I felt. And a lot of those kids were really cool about just coming up to us and handing us things. Information, fliers, whatever, which was cool. Those banners were so great, too. They just looked awesome, it really added to the whole atmosphere, and all the things they had made, That was cool. That was a cool place.

What I was going to say was how I loved so much too was when we stayed with the students at the ballpark, and part of the thing too, why I think that was a profound experience, was again just being the minority, and how absolutely no one spoke English. I mean, the Australians would, here and there, but very little, and that was really cool, because, again, just experiencing what it is like knowing, really truly knowing, or at least sensing, having an understanding of being in that position, or being that person. So that was cool.

That was the absolute worst shit I have ever seen in my life, and I will forever equate Cancun with literal piles of shit. I mean, even in the showers, for chrissake. That was really unreal. That was really disgusting. Symbolic of Cancun.

The cops on the other side were just rows and rows, well, you know, I wasn’t really as scared when the fence first started getting cut, I was really more excited and surprised, and very elated that it was happening. I thought it was the greatest thing, ever, and it was definitely beyond liberating, just to even take part in that for a small amount of time. I remember I got frightened when they started pulling the fence down. That was scary, and then everyone saying, ‘Oh, they’ve got teargas at the end, and this and that.’ I couldn’t even believe that happened, that was so awesome.

[talks about being scared]

And then just to have all of this climax of emotion just be completely stopped with, ‘Let’s sit down, and say the same thing over, for forty minutes.’ Oh Christ. And then while doing that, now let’s put the vinegar on our bandanas. Yeah. Okaaay.

I just got my hair cut about two or three weeks ago, and there was still paint in my hair. Yes, yes, can you believe it? I don’t understand. What was the paint?

[talks about other circumstances with the haircut]

The flag burning was awesome, that was cool, that was great, that was another one of those experiences to feel like I was partially understanding how much Americans are hated worldwide, having just some concept of the pure hared of this country.

But, you know what, I was really pissed off and really annoyed. I was really disappointed and annoyed that it ended that way, and I didn’t understand why it did, and who had the say-so? And it was confusing, because it seemed that there were a few different people that just kind of decided that this was what we were going to do.

Honestly for a long time afterward I think that I was just so disenchanted with the entire experience, even though we did have some great moments, it really wasn’t what I expected it to be. I was I guess a bit disillusioned, and then, plus, right when we got back, school had just started. All of these things were happening, I was so busy, I didn’t really have time to reflect on it.