Author: Merzibelle
Email for feedback: Much appreciated, please send to: meribeth@aesiraven.com
Summary: Wes is depressed pondering what might have been. Spoilers: Set after ‘Dad’ & before ‘Provider’. Rating: PG13.
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Angel or any of its characters. They belong to creators of the show.

He had watched as friendship had become infatuation, then infatuation turn to love. The secretive smiles, quiet laughs and furtive looks. It hurt, but he could not deny that Fred was happy, so very happy now. Wesley turned a page in the book on the counter, watching as the pair cuddled on the couch. "Gunn and Winifred," he thought, "not a pairing I would have expected." He shook his head, sighing and returning his attention to the text before him.

It had only been a few days since they had admitted that they were seeing each other socially, but for Wesley it had been a lifetime, a lifetime of forcing aside the feelings he had for her, hiding the way that her very presence lightened his soul and his heart. Never having told her why he’d been so very devastated after the ‘Billy episode’, he should have known that this would happen, expected it even.

Another muffled giggle from the vicinity of the couch caused Wes to tense, tucking a paper in the book to hold his place as he gathered up the items he’d been working with, heading back into his office. "I can’t do this, can’t watch her with him," Wes thought, sliding the doors closed behind him. Setting the book on the desk, he dropped carelessly into his chair, leaning back and closing his eyes.

It was here in the dark sanctuary of his office where he pondered what could have been, the things he might have had with her. It was better to be here than in his apartment where the memory of her soft smile while watching Gunn and Angel play with his Playstation was so very vivid. "No, he’s my best friend, I won’t do that to him," he thought even as a tap on the door interrupted Wes’ less than honorable thoughts about trying to take Fred from Gunn. Sitting up, he opened the book on the desk, giving the pretense that he was working, before calling for whomever it was to come in.

The door opened enough to admit Cordelia, who closed it behind her and dropped into one of the chairs, propping her feet on his desk. "Is this a private sulk or can anyone join?"

"Cordelia!" Wes snapped before sighing, "I’m not sulking."

"They’ve left, you can come out now. It’s just Angel, Connor and me," Cordy stared at Wes intently. "You didn’t tell her, did you?"

"How could I?" Wes rose, circling the desk to lean against it, "I stalked her, tried to kill her. I’d rather she be happy with him, then constantly worry about me."

"Even if it kills you?" Cordy shook her head, "You are a far better person than I." She rose, hugging Wes briefly, before heading back out of the office. "Come on, play with your nephew." Cordy chuckled, ‘Angel swears he smiled today."

"Even then," Wes murmured, straightening to follow Cordelia.

 

The End

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