Author: Love’s Bitch, a.k.a. Kristin L. M.
Email for Feedback: Better than drugs! Will you help feed my addiction? miserychastain@hotmail.com
Summary: After another shared dream, Buffy thinks that Spike has turned her, and that's why she's back from the dead. And she's mad as hell. What happens when she realizes the truth? Spoilers: Third part in my Enthralled series, takes place after my fics Enthralled and Embraced. HINT: GO READ THEM. Rating:PG-13
Disclaimer: Joss's creation, my obsession. Lyrics belong to Billy Joel's "And So It Goes".
Distribution: If you like it that much, you are my new best friend! Just let me know where it's going.

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Spike jumped, startled at the sound of someone pounding on his front door. He almost dropped the bottle of JD he was sipping and cursed whoever might be out there. "Chip or no, I just may kill 'im," he growled on his way to the door. The thought cheered him a little. When Spike opened the crypt's door, he did drop the bottle, which shattered at his feet.

It was Buffy.

Dressed all in black, a dowdy dress Giles had picked for the funeral, she was covered in mud head to toe. But Spike knew instantly who it was. And that she was mightily brassed off. As if he needed confirmation of this, her right fist met his jaw, sending him flying across the room. He sat up, rubbing his cheek and sputtering, "Buffy? It's you! Is it you? You're dead," he knew he sounded daft, but his mind couldn't comprehend and his mouth wouldn't stop. "You're gone.no changing that."

Buffy stood over him, a hateful smirk on her face. "Hi, Spike. Yeah, you're right. I am dead." She cocked her head a little to the right as if thinking. "Wait, no. Undead, that's the word." She glared at him, and he could feel her anger burning holes into his skull.

"Und - a vampire? You're a - "

"Right again. But I expected you to know that since you're the one who CHANGED ME!" She yelled the last part at him, jumping on him, raining punches on his stomach and chest. Too stunned to fight back, Spike blocked the fists until he could hold both of her wrists together, restraining her.

"Slayer that was a dream!" he shouted, utterly confused, "It was my dream though.you couldn't have had it, you are.you were." And then he understood. She'd woken up from the dream, woken up from death, and thought that the dream had actually happened. "Pet, that was a dream, I had it too," he ground out, angry that she thought he would ever do that to her. Angry that she had front row seats to him changing her. She struggled against him, so he pushed her away, scrambling to one side so she wasn't in staking range. Both stood on opposite ends of the crypt, both breathing heavily, both glaring at each other.

That was when Spike heard it. Strong and steady, he wondered how the Slayer had missed it. Her heart beat. A large silly grin plastered itself across his face, the relief overwhelming.

"Buffy, it was just a dream. I can hear it. Your heart." He took a few steps forward and Buffy noticed the light in his eyes. She tried to place the look but couldn't just yet. He stood directly in front of her, taking one of her hands. She jumped a little at the contact, trying not to hit him out of habit. He raised her hand, placing it over her heart, which she instantly felt racing. "You're alive," he said, his voice choked with emotion.

Too confused to notice it before, too worked up, too wrapped up in the crawling out of her own grave, but there it was. The petite blonde's head shot up and she looked at him, a matching smile on her face. In that second, she realized two things. First, that his hand was still on top of hers, over her beating heart, and second that the look in his eyes was relief.

Buffy took a step back, away from the look and what it might mean, away from his touch that she enjoyed all too much. "Alive," she breathed; her hazel eyes never leaving Spike's blue ones. She was mesmerized by his sapphire stare as she remembered the other dreams, and blushed. The other dreams where he was dressed in blue silk and she cried out his name in pleasure. His face clouded slightly and she could tell he had shared those dreams as well.

And he knew it.

Her face flushed redder and Spike's silly grin turned into a heated look of passion, underlined by his most seductive smirk. He lowered his head slightly, looking up at her through his thick lashes.

"The others.you remember those, too?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," she turned to leave, unsure of where to go or what to do. Did anyone know she was back? Would they be glad? She suddenly felt claustrophobic, the weight of the nights events finally hitting her. But Spike caught her at the door, turning her to meet his gaze.

"You do remember," he almost whispered, and his theory was confirmed by her avoiding his gaze. He took her chin in his hand, forcing her to look at him. "I know this isn't the time. But there's a purpose here. Something's behind this, people don't just share dreams randomly. Especially undead people who aren't supposed to dream. There's gotta be a reason." He sighed, reining in his emotions, deciding to let it drop until she was ready to deal. She HAD just returned to life, after all. "Think about it, love. But not now. We should find the Scoobs and let them know you were just playing dead." He turned, going to get his duster so they could leave, but turned back around as he heard the door to his crypt close. All he found behind him was an empty crypt. "Bloody hell."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Alive," Buffy said to herself, making her way home from the cemetery. Home from Hell. She hugged herself against the cool evening air as she tried to take in everything that had happened. There were so many things she didn't understand, especially why she was back, and why she was sharing dreams with a vampire. The blushing slayer thought out loud, "Especially those kinds of dreams, and THAT vampire."

She walked up the path to her house, slowing her pace. She didn't know what to think let alone what to tell her friends, Dawn, Giles. Buffy didn't even know how long she'd been gone. What if no one even lived at her house now? What if she knocked and a stranger answered? She finally took a deep breath, trying to clear her head of all those questions. She knew in her heart that it was just nonsense, fear leftover from her journey into nothingness.

Gathering up her courage, Buffy knocked. She silently pleaded for a familiar face, and a moment later, her prayer was answered. The door opened revealing a smiling Willow. Her face fell slowly, all color draining from her cheeks. "Buf - Buffy? Is it really you?"

The Slayer nodded and smiled, not sure what to say. Words abandoned Willow as well, and in place of them, she fainted. Hearing her hit the floor the others flooded the foyer. Soon, Xander, Anya, Tara and Dawn stood silent with shocked faces, staring at her.

"Hi, guys," she said meekly, wanting to speak only to break the silence. "Should we maybe help Willow?" She was getting nervous waiting for them to say something, anything. Finally, it was Dawn who broke the silence, but not with words. She shrieked in obvious joy and jumped to where Buffy stood, pulling her into a tight hug. After a second of shock, Buffy let out the breath she'd been holding, and hugged her sister back.

She was home.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike was pacing around his crypt, chain-smoking and talking to himself. "Should have just kissed her," he was trying to be good, trying to let the Slayer come to him, but it had been ten days, and it got harder not to go looking for her with every second that passed. "She'll come back. She has to deal with this," he muttered, continuing to make laps around the small room. "Unless o'course she runs from this like she runs from every-bloody- thing else." Another long drag on his cigarette. "No, she can't. She had the same dreams, she has to know it meant something."

Suddenly there was a knock on his door, light and almost inaudible. Somehow, he knew it was her. He felt a pull low in his gut and his entire being cried out in joy. She had come. Unconsciously, a proud smirk crept across his face, and answered the door. He hadn't even realized it had been raining until he saw her, completely drenched, dark makeup running down her face, blonde hair matted to her head.

Before he could say anything, ask if she was all right, or even offer her a towel, she smiled wanly. "I've been standing here for an hour," she started. She held her smile and Spike's eyes, and he had never been more nervous. "I don't know why I'm back. And I don't know how. And I don't get the whole dreams thing. But here's what I do know. I do know that I am back. I know that I don't want to waste this chance I was given. And I know that," she hesitated and Spike held his breath, even though he didn't need to. She took another deep breath, her face resolved. "And I know that I can't keep running from my feelings." She took a step closer to Spike, cupping his cheek in her hand. "I know that when these dreams started, it made me realize that.that."

She tried desperately to continue, and Spike screamed in his mind for her to finish, but after a silent moment, the dream suddenly ended.

The vampire and the slayer woke up simultaneously, a town between them.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

An animalistic growl ripped through Spike's chest and out his throat, into the cold night air. The bleached vampire was beyond frustrated. It had indeed been ten days since the Slayer's miraculous return to life. And he was trying to wait for her to come to him. And it truly was getting harder as every moment passed. But the dreams were making it torture. All ten nights she had come to him, all ten nights she had been smiling, drenched from the rain, but able to admit how she felt. And all ten nights he had awoken, wanting nothing more than to see her at his door.

He walked into his crypt, trying to remind himself of what she'd been through, trying to tell himself to be patient, that romance was probably the last thing on her mind. But seeing her, in his dreams, every night telling him she wouldn't run away anymore, feeling her hand on his skin, it became very difficult to sit back and wait. It became almost impossible not to think about it.

But thinking was pretty much all Spike had been doing. He knew that Buffy was having the dreams, too, and it was all he could do not to analyze exactly what that meant. The last ten torturous dreams all went unfinished, unsettled, just like the first run of dreams that had gone for a week without resolution. It had to be because she wasn't ready to deal with her feelings yet. He liked this theory a great deal, because of what it meant for the first dreams they'd shared. It would mean that she did care for him, that she did want him as much as he wanted her.

But if these new unresolved dreams meant that she just wasn't ready to deal yet, he was afraid to even think about why. Because the depressed vampire was fairly sure he knew why.

Spike rummaged through his trunk and found his last bottle of whiskey. With a satisfied sigh, he ripped it open, chugging a third of it in one pull. He flopped down in his chair, wishing the thoughts of why out of his head, trying to sterilize his mind with alcohol. But the image of his fangs ripping into her neck flashed repeatedly on the movie screen in his mind, and the thought made him cringe. It was why she hadn't come to him; it was why she couldn't deal. It was why she would never come to him.

She thought he was a monster.

And how could she not believe that? After having seen him in action, after having seen how little convincing it took, after seeing the full extent of his demon up close and personal, it was no wonder she couldn't bear the sight of him.

Taking another deep breath and another pull from the bottle, he ignored the single tear of self-hatred that found its way down his cheek. He remembered with a shuddering sigh how the dream made him feel, the power of her asking for it, of her wanting him to change her. And he hated himself for it. Even though it was a dream, he hated the fact that he had given in, that he had betrayed her so completely.

'Maybe she's right,' he thought sadly, 'I am a monster.'

The thought made him angry, because of how hard he had worked to prove to her before she died that he wasn't a monster, that he had changed. If she had seen him after the dream, how torn up he had been, how utterly disgusted with himself he had been, she would see that he could never do that to her. She had to know that he wouldn't do that; she saw how relieved he was when they figured out that she was alive still.

With a jolt, Spike realized something. Maybe that was the point of the dream. Obviously whoever was giving them these dreams knew how Buffy would respond, knew that she would be out for Spike's ashes within moments of waking. Maybe the purpose of showing her what he was capable of was to also show her that he would never do such a thing. To show her the light of joy in his eyes when they realized that she was with heartbeat and breath.

To show her once and for all, that he wasn't a monster.

Damning himself for not figuring it out earlier, for waiting ten whole days for Buffy to come to him, Spike grabbed his duster and ran out of his crypt, in search of the very misinformed slayer.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy sat in her bed, thinking about her latest dream. She knew that Spike was still sharing them, and she could almost feel the frustration radiating from his crypt all the way on the other side of town. And yet, she couldn't go to him.

The blonde slayer leaned back against her pillows with a heavy sigh, closing her eyes. The first dreams had been so exasperating, but in the end they had helped her understand her feelings toward the neutered vampire. But before she could do anything, everything had changed; she had had to give up her life to save the world, and suddenly, her blossoming affection for the vampire had been pushed into the dark recesses of her mind. Waking up thinking she was a vampire and that the person she was beginning to care for had done it had caused so much anger in her, so much confusion.

Thinking back on what he had said, that all of the dreams had meaning, she struggled to find the point in that one. Had the Powers wanted her to see the worst of him? 'Too late,' she thought aimlessly. He'd tried to kill her so many times; she figured that the worst he was capable of. She battled with her mind over whether seeing him turn her into what she most feared, what she most hated, was worse, or if the situation made it better.

'I did ask for it,' she mused, 'begged for it.so I could be with him, no less.' Another aggravated sigh found its way out of her chest, just as she heard a light tapping on her bedroom window. She looked over to see a very worked up bleached vampire sitting outside.

"What could you possibly want at this hour?" She mumbled as she made her way over to where he waited. She opened the window and looked at him as if to say, 'what now?'

"I heard that, Slayer. We need to talk."

"Whatever, I need to sleep. You need to go away and be.away," she turned away from him and started back towards her bed, sitting back down.

To her dismay, Spike came right in and sat at the foot of her bed, using his passionate blue eyes to keep her quiet and still. She silently cursed him for having gorgeous blue eyes.

"Come on, pet, I know how maddening this is. Every night, seeing what could happen, if only."

"If only what, Spike? If only I have a moment of pure insanity?"

"Well in the dream, its at least an hour, cuz you're out in the rain that long - "

"Oh shut up. The point is, its not going to happen."

"Yet."

"Excuse me?"

"It will happen. You just aren't ready yet. At least, according to the other dreams, that's the case. Once you are willing to accept something, the dream carries through. Like the first dreams - "

"Lets not even go there. Those were flukes. I don't even remember them that well," she lied. He could tell, too, by the light flush that colored her features. Trying to cover, she continued, "They don't mean anything. At all."

Now the vampire sitting across from her was getting annoyed and she could tell. He was fidgeting, which always meant he was annoyed. "Come on, pet, you know they mean something. Why else would the two of us be sharing anything, especially dreams? I mean, honestly, since when do your dreams not mean anything, prophecy girl?"

Shooting Spike a look of ice to freeze even his cold blood, Buffy found herself speaking through clenched teeth before she could stop herself. "If you really want them to mean something, I've got the best interpretation for you. The only thing the dreams showed me was that you are still as much a monster as you've always been. Not to be trusted, not to be cared for, not to be loved. How could you possibly say you love me in one breath and take away my life in the next? Even if I begged you, you should have known better."

Rage forced the vampire to his feet and his voice came out in a dangerously quiet whisper. "It was just a dream!"

"If was just a dream, then it didn't - mean - anything!"

"But it did! Just not that!"

"Interpret it as you will. Either they didn't mean anything, or it means you are a monster. You pick. Either way, you are not welcome here. Get out, before I kick your undead ass out."

Spike stood speechless, staring at the enraged beauty that threatened his unlife with her very presence. Without another word, he dropped himself out her window, only to have it slammed behind him. He sat on the overhang under her window, and let the anger subside and the sadness overwhelm him. "Back to the bottle, then," he muttered to himself, jumping down to the ground below.

Inside, Buffy found herself unable to stop the tears she shed into her pillow. Clutching Mr. Gordo tightly, she replayed what she'd said in her mind. She hadn't meant it, really, but he couldn't just keep showing up like he did, expecting her to understand everything already. True she'd made him wait a week and a half already, and true she hadn't been planning on making the trip over to his home anytime soon, but there was no need to come charging into her life making her see reason when all she really wanted to do was let the answer come to her in its own sweet time.

Letting out a low growl of her own, Buffy threw Mr. Gordo across the room. Why did he always do that? Showing up in the middle of the night with the answer, a solution that solved everything. First, when Angelus tried to end the world, second when Riley tried the unhealthy habit of feeding the local vamps, and now.now. He couldn't ever let her solve these things by herself.

"Oh, no, Slayer, here's the answer, why didn't you already see it, you silly bint?" She mocked his accent. "Bloody hell and bloody poofter. URGH! Get out of my head!" She yelled at the ceiling. A small knock on her bedroom door brought her attention back to the present. "Uh, come in."

Dawn stuck her head in tentatively, "You okay, Buffy? I heard yelling."

"Yeah, Dawnie, go back to bed," the slayer sighed, sitting back down on her bed.

Picking up Mr. Gordo from his place on the floor on her way over to the bed, the dark haired girl sat down next to Buffy. "It's about Spike isn't it?"

Buffy looked up, surprised. She hadn't told anyone about the dreams. "How do you know?"

"I heard his voice in here earlier," she admitted, blushing.

"Eavesdropping, young lady?" Buffy teased, then, dropping her head, she got serious. "I just don't know what to think about him."

A little giggle made Buffy's head snap up again. "I'm sorry Buff, but really. You don't know what to think about him? You've known him how long, and you still haven't figured it out? That's your whole problem." When Buffy continued to look at her younger, wiser, sister with a look of complete confusion, Dawn continued. "Who cares what you think about him. How do you FEEL about him?"

The petite blonde sat back against her pillows, holding her sister's eyes. With a wink, the girl across from her stood up and started walking out of the room. "Think about it, Buffy," she called over her shoulder.

As the door slipped shut behind her, Dawn heard her sister's voice, just above a whisper. "That I will."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A brand new case of Jack Daniels in hand and lit Camel in his mouth, Spike made his way back to his crypt. He'd tried reason. He'd tried yelling. "The only thing left, is my good friend Jack."

Approaching his home, he could tell immediately that someone was inside, because of the shadows dancing across the walls. "Bloody hell, as if I don't have enough to deal with. Can't a bloke get pissed in peace these days?" He put on his game face and set the box down away from where it might get trampled. Without another thought in his head, he burst into his crypt, all fists and fangs, and searching for someone to beat on.

At first he saw nothing, but a second later, he felt her. It was if she was everywhere, he could hear her heart beating, he could smell the vanilla that followed her everywhere, and he could almost taste her honey lips. His vampiric features slipped away as he turned to see her sitting on the edge of the bier he used as his bed, dressed again all in black. But this dress was far from dowdy. Candles softly lit her face, not smiling, but contemplative, and Spike knew that he should let her speak first, even though there were a thousand things he wanted to say to her.

After a moment of taking each other in, just soaking in the silent presence of one another, the blonde slayer finally spoke. She looked down at her lap as she did, her voice choked with emotion. "I know what I said was wrong. I know you aren't a monster. No monster would have looked so happy that I was alive. No monster would have cried at the thought of taking my life." Now she looked up, meeting his impatient gaze, "I was thinking about when I first showed up here, after.you know.well, when you opened your door, your eyes.they were all red and puffy, like you'd been crying. But I was so angry, so confused, I dismissed it."

Buffy stood up, and began walking towards the still silent vampire that stood at the door, "Demon, I said. Monster, I said. Because I didn't know what else to think. I was listening to my brain, my confused just-back-from- Hell brain, and I didn't know what to think. But I never once spared a thought for how I felt. I thought about that last night," at this point, Buffy had stopped directly in front of Spike, and she allowed herself to smile a little, "and it turns out, even though I don't know what to think, I know exactly how I feel."

Spike went to speak, but Buffy turned away again. His face fell slightly until he realized she was walking towards a CD player, which she pushed play on. Light strains of piano music began to fill the room, and the overwhelmed vampire took a second to recognize the song as a Billy Joel. He smiled at his love and walked to where she stood waiting for him.

"I know I've said this better, in every dream we've ever shared, but, I'll say it again." With a deep breath and a smile, she met cobalt eyes, "Spike, dance with me."

Spike's dead heart sung along with the music, as he swept Buffy into his arms, and held her tight. The double meaning of her words was not lost on him, and he was determined to show her that he would be a part of their dance until he met the wrong end of a pointed stick. The song swept over them as their bodies swayed in time with the simple chords, and listening to the words, Spike was sure he had never heard a more perfect expression of their relationship.

In every heart, there is a room,

A sanctuary, safe and strong

To heal the wounds from lovers past

Until a new one comes along.

As they danced, Buffy thought back on all the times she had been left by the man in her life. All too often she had been the one left standing alone, and she had discovered that that had been why it was so hard for her to realize her feelings for the vampire in her arms. But now that she had him there, she didn't plan on letting him go. She felt so safe in his strong arms, and with a smile, she realized that this was where she belonged.

I spoke to you in cautious tone
You answered me with no pretence
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self-defence.

And every time I held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose.

Spike could feel Buffy's warmth spreading into his own skin as they held each other close. He had never been happier than he was in that moment, surrounded by her scent, warmed by her very presence. He silently wished for the moment never to end.

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you

And you can have this heart to break.
And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen

And so it goes and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows.

Buffy pulled away slightly to look in the vampire's piercing blue eyes. She walked backwards away from him, pulling him by the hand towards his bier, where she sat down. Never breaking eye contact, she leaned back on the makeshift bed, and held her arms out to Spike, an invitation into her heart as well as her body.

So I will choose to be with you
As if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break
And so it goes and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Hours later, the lay in each other's arms, comfortable and spent, warm and glowing, neither happier in their lives. Both of them were lost in their own thoughts, but both would have been surprised at how alike their thoughts were.

"Buffy," Spike broke the silence, his soft voice tickling Buffy's senses, "are you awake, love?"

"Awake, but barely," she whispered back, her breath warm on Spike's chest.

"Promise me, pet. Promise me, if this is a dream, you'll come to me as soon as you wake. The moment you open your eyes." The urgency in his voice made her meet his eyes, and she gave him a reassuring smile.

"Spike, if this is a dream, I never want to open my eyes." She leaned down and met his lips in a passionate kiss that blew all the others from that night out of the water. And Spike knew, dream or not, that Buffy loved him. Almost as much as he loved her. With those thoughts in his head, he deepened the kiss; intent on showing her how much he loved her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The Powers sat back, smiling at the couple.

"Its about damn time," one said, "really, If I'd known her destiny would be THAT hard to fulfill, I wouldn't have come up with the idea all those millennia ago."

Another laughed, "Well, how could we know she would sacrifice herself? She really doesn't even bother sticking to her destiny; I don't know why we keep bothering to write it down. She was supposed to let the girl die."

The first smiled too, "Well it works out better this way anyway. Now that we know how much love she's capable of, we can be sure this will work out." She sighed, content, "Finally."

"They look so happy," a third contributed. "So peaceful. How long do you think it will take them to figure out the rest of their destiny?"

"Not long," the second explained, "In a few week there is an incident with sunlight. They discover it then."

"Well good," the third smiled, "I've always cheered for those two to get together. They were just addictive to watch."

The first smiled again, "Just wait. For those two, the best is yet to come."


The End




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