Click Banner to go to main page

Well let me start by saying, nothing I’m going to say here is intended to take away any of the responsibility of marriage, of trying to make it work, or to make light of wedding vows. I am not going to try and hold you blameless for mistake either, or my self.

I think I understand the battle you fight because I have been there. I am not going to go through all my own problems are why the marriage didn’t make it. I take most of the blame on myself, if I would have done many things different maybe we would have made it. After all 26 years is a long time to be with someone, and to have three wonderful kids, to have spent all my life and my wife’s life in church, what went wrong? The bottom line is both of us failed, we took our eyes off God and focused on ourselves, no we didn’t know we were, we didn’t plan on it, yet we did. The last thing about my own failures is that once the bond of trust is broke you are on an up hill battle from there on. What breaks that bond of trust is not just a husband or wife cheating or flirting with the opposite sex, it can be with how you handle money, the lies you tell each other. Sin leads to disaster; it can be a sense of the other person not loving enough or lack of showing love. The reasons for the break up are many and the intent of what God is placed on my heart is not to try and tell you now how to fix the damage in a failing marriage but to address those that have are ready failed and are headed for the divorce courts. To talk to those that could still restore the home front.

First thing you have to do, do it right now. Is forgetting bout taking your own life. Why start there? Because two out of three Christians I talk to that are facing a broken marriage are also fighting deep depression and the urge to take their life.

Lets look at this kind of depression a moment, many do not understand it at all, they just can’t understand how anyone would ever consider this way of solving the problem. Most people that reach this place are people if you see them on the surface you won’t even know it. They sit in church ever week, they smile, they joke, they go to their jobs and perform well. They mostly aren’t out drinking or doing illegal drugs, they have kids and homes, and a broken heart, a marriage that has already failed or about too.

They don’t sit and plan to do it, it sort of sneaks up on them. In their hearts they no its wrong, but the head just won’t shut up. At first they are deeply hurting because they feel so alone inside, and then if left alone physically as well the weight becomes unbearable. So take the hint friends, learn to talk I mean really talk to each other, make time to listen, to hold, to show love and caring. You can say I care, I love you, but if you can’t talk, if you can’t listen, if you can’t feel the pain in your heart for your spouse you are in big trouble. And do not leave them alone, for long periods of time, you are asking for a failed marriage. If they have to relocate due to what ever reason go with them. If your husband has to drive over the road, and then you go with him, learn to drive a truck too. If you love your wife and Christ maybe you should consider a job in a factory, or selling shoes before you leave your spouse behind.

The depression slips in, the hours of watching TV, soon you don’t even know what was on, you don’t hear the words, then you find you don’t want to go to the store by yourself, you don’t want to eat, cause nothing is worse then eating alone. Who enjoys sitting in a restaurant with no one across from you? You find no joy in a movie or going any place so you sit alone. You find yourself reaching out to just talk to anyone, thus chat rooms, and ICQ, this is a sure way to end up getting hurt more, and if the marriage still has any hope you are headed for destroying that. You cling to the first person that seems to care bout you. You are so hungry to want to be loved and feel needed, trouble is most are dogs in worse places and shape then you are. Many lie to you and seek only what you can do for them physically, there are some wonderful people on the net, but I assure you most are not. Why be surprised, they are the same people you see in the grocery store and wouldn’t even consider to carry your bags to the car for you. Yet on the net you become invisible and so are they, you let go a side of you, you never show when eyes are upon you. You unload your heart, then you find out the truth too late, and are even more crushed. You find the words of love and all the sweet messages, the small gifts exchanged, even the casual meeting were all to meet a need of being alone or wanting sex and not so much really wanting you. A fact is that you will end up being hurt at least three to five times by people you think love you on the net before you find one that is sincere. Well that doesn’t mean the net is not a way to find someone in your life, just face it knowing they are on the net looking for the same reasons you are. They are hiding in a way from the world; this is a easy way to cover something up.

You say how can I be so sure? Experience and the words of so many that have been there. I met a person that just want a friend, sends me a picture, weeks later after in fact we found we could be friends, said gee I’m sorry I didn’t send you my real picture. I asked why? Because I am only 5 feet tall and weigh 260 pounds. The point is any relationship that has to start with deceit or a lie is one bound for failure even friendship.

Why am I saying all this, because it leads to deep sense of lost inside, you end up feeling you can trust no one at all. No one really cared bout the real you. So lesson one: Be honest 100% from the beginning, and accept nothing less from those you talk to. Don’t add to the pain, the frustration and fear of the truth coming out. If you are fat, bald, bad eyes, no leg, been divorced ten times, gone to jail, what ever don’t hide it. If a person is worth being a friend to, if they are worth falling in love with you must be open and honest.

Next you find yourself afraid to even trust those that call them selves Christians for they let you down. Again why be surprised? These are the same people that sit in the church ever Sunday, sing there songs, preach, and smile at you and shake your hand hoping you sit in the back away from them. The same ones that see you in a short dress and think I wonder how she is in bed, while they shake your hand and smile and say oh God is so good, and its so good to see you. They hope you go to the choir and sit on the front bench and forget to put your knees together when you sit down. They are the same women that flirt with you with their eyes and hold your hand to long, the ones that you know and so does anyone else paying attention is in trouble at home with her hubby. They never talk, never are together and body language says for all to hear, I wish he would sit some place besides by me. Ok I’m being blunt and honest, let me go ahead, if I’m going to be in trouble let me go all the way. It’s the same preacher that while he’s praying for you, he really likes laying on of hands, he hopes you will fall out in a way that gives a good view, he wants to hug and you can feel he pulls you a little closer then he should. He’s the guy that can’t take his eyes off you while he preaches, and always seems to find a way to talk to you, oh asking such innocent questions. My advice is learning to read the signs in person and that will help you to read them on the net too. Its no wonder you feel so alone and lost and with out hope, 80% of the Christians should be called satians, for they are not truly of God. I’m sorry I have spent all my life in church and around preachers, I have learned more dirty and slanted jokes from them then on any job. I have them make more comment bout the ladies in a suggestive way then the guys at work, at least the ones at work do it in the open, and you know what they are.

Mat 7:15 Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.

Let me say preachers are human, just like you are, so they mess up. The problem isn’t messing up it’s the hypocrisies that’s the problem.

1 Pet 1:25 But the word of the Lord endureth forever. And this is the word which by the gospel is preached unto you.

1 Pet 2:1 Wherefore laying aside all malice, and all guile, and hypocrisies, and envies, and all evil speakings,

All this adds to a greater feeling of lost hope, you pray and God don’t hear you? Have you been there, I have and what do you do then?

Mat 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

Mat 5:45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

Mat 6:5 And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.

Mat 6:6 But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.

Mat 6:7 But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.

Mat 6:8 Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.

Mat 6:9 After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.

Mat 6:10 Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.

Mat 6:11 Give us this day our daily bread.

Mat 6:12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

Mat 6:13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever. Amen.

Mat 6:14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:

Mat 6:15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Mat 6:16 Moreover when ye fast, be not, as the hypocrites, of a sad countenance: for they disfigure their faces, that they may appear unto men to fast. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.

Mat 6:17 But thou, when thou fastest, anoint thine head, and wash thy face;

Mat 6:18 That thou appear not unto men to fast, but unto thy Father which is in secret: and thy Father, which seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly.

This next verse is one we should be doing before we get in trouble not wait till we are all ready. It’s a part of the preventive medicine.

Mat 26:41 Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.

Mark 11:24 Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.

Mark 11:25 And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

Mark 11:26 But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.

Ok here is a big key to why you can’t be heard. You are hurting, your husband, wife, friend, lover, or pastor, church member, son or daughter have all hurt you. You can’t receive anything from God till you forgive, how do you know you have really forgiven them? When the bitterness is gone, when the anger is gone, in its place you feel sorry for them. I know someone that went to a motel to meet a preacher, one that said he was in love with her. And being her marriage was over, and so was his, this was susupposed to be new beginning of life a spiritual marriage between to soul mates till the legal ones took place. Oh he was so hot to trot he paid for the rooms, they had talked on the phone and over the net and it was true love and happiness, till he kissed her and saw she weighed 200lbs. He left her there, sneak away, now he’s Dr. Tim ____________ and is still leading other ladies to the motel room. Thank God this lady was a little heavy and didn’t go to bed with him for it wasn’t a marriage of souls he wanted, he wanted a marriage of meeting the problem in his pants. If it were of souls would size have mattered, no. The shame is he might be your pastor right now, it destroyed her for long time. One day he will see he has failed his wife, and his church, and most of all God. So don’t hold on to it let God handle him or her. You seek God and let God show you what to do.

The thing is though when this happens something in you snaps, you feel so lost so alone, you grab a bottle of pills you just take em. You cut your wrists, you grab that old gun off the shelve, I should be dead today and many of you, but for some reason God saved us. The reason is you still have a work to do and he wants you happy.

Mark 13:33 Take ye heed, watch and pray: for ye know not when the time is.

Mark 13:34 For the Son of man is as a man taking a far journey, who left his house, and gave authority to his servants, and to every man his work, and commanded the porter to watch.

Mark 13:35 Watch ye therefore: for ye know not when the master of the house cometh, at even, or at midnight, or at the cockcrowing, or in the morning:

Mark 13:36 Lest coming suddenly he find you sleeping.

Mark 13:37 And what I say unto you I say unto all, Watch.

Ok do you really want to die in that condition, no. you know you don’t. Here it is folks, you can’t help it, and the body reacts as if on its own. Someone needs you, just like you needed someone. Be there for them, and trust God.

Luke 10:2 Therefore said he unto them, The harvest truly is great, but the labourers are few: pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he would send forth labourers into his harvest.

Luke 10:3 Go your ways: behold, I send you forth as lambs among wolves.

Now you have your mission in life. But I messed up my marriage is gone, my wife is gone, my husband is gone, I’m not happy. SO?

Mat 10:28 And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.

Gal 1:11 But I certify you, brethren, that the gospel which was preached of me is not after man.

Gal 1:12 For I neither received it of man, neither was I taught it, but by the revelation of Jesus Christ.

So why are you so worried bout those that haven’t learned to forgive or understand, those that think they stand so mighty and right, the only ones saved.

Mat 10:17 But beware of men: for they will deliver you up to the councils, and they will scourge you in their synagogues;

Mat 10:18 And ye shall be brought before governors and kings for my sake, for a testimony against them and the Gentiles.

Mat 10:19 But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak.

Mat 10:20 For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit of your Father which speaketh in you.

Mat 10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.

Mat 10:22 And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved.

Mat 10:23 But when they persecute you in this city, flee ye into another: for verily I say unto you, Ye shall not have gone over the cities of Israel, till the Son of man be come.

Mat 10:24 The disciple is not above his master, nor the servant above his lord.

Mat 10:25 It is enough for the disciple that he be as his master, and the servant as his lord. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebub, how much more shall they call them of his household?

Mat 10:26 Fear them not therefore: for there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; and hid, that shall not be known.

Mat 16:6 Then Jesus said unto them, Take heed and beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and of the Sadducees.

Mat 16:12 Then understood they how that he bade them not beware of the leaven of bread, but of the doctrine of the Pharisees and of the Sadducees.

Mark 12:38 And he said unto them in his doctrine, Beware of the scribes, which love to go in long clothing, and love salutations in the marketplaces,

Mark 12:39 And the chief seats in the synagogues, and the uppermost rooms at feasts:

Mark 12:40 Which devour widows' houses, and for a pretence make long prayers: these shall receive greater damnation.

Ok admit it was the way I once was too, I thought the rulebooks were the way to go, that I had the answers was always right. And don’t this sound a lot like your pastor? He can’t wait to lay hands on everyone, he can’t wait to put on his robe and sit in his big chair on the stage, he brags bout the people he knows, couldn’t say a real prayer cause he don’t know how to pray. Ok so you don’t like it the way I see it I’m sorry. I have been almost ever kind of church in America and those verses hit home with most pastors and preachers. In case I miss something look at this one, how many times do you hear bout money in the church? Look in the parking lot, what kind of car is your preacher driving while you can’t afford a good heap. What kind of suit does he have on, ever notice how many AG preachers that have big diamond rings?

Luke 12:15 And he said unto them, Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man’s life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth.

Word of advice to church members a preacher that also handles the church money your asking for trouble. Not because he means to be a theft, but why would you want your husband or wife to live with the opposite sex and them naked. You don’t think something would evenly happen that shouldn’t, wrong.

Phil 3:2 Beware of dogs, beware of evil workers, beware of the concision.

Col 2:8 Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.

Col 2:9 For in him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily.

Col 2:10 And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power:

Luke 6:37 Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:

Luke 6:38 Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.

John 3:17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

John 3:18 He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

God is not condemning you for messing up you are condemning yourself. Stop it. Who cares if others don’t know what God is telling you. You know!

Rom 8:8 So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.

Mat 12:41 The men of Nineveh shall rise in judgment with this generation, and shall condemn it: because they repented at the preaching of Jonas; and, behold, a greater than Jonas is here.

Mat 12:42 The queen of the south shall rise up in the judgment with this generation, and shall condemn it: for she came from the uttermost parts of the earth to hear the wisdom of Solomon; and, behold, a greater than Solomon is here.

Look Christ is out leader our savior, he loves you, he is whom you serve, and he is not here to condemn you. He is not here to say your life is over cause your marriage failed. You can’t undo what you did or your spouse did but you can go on and serve him.

1 John 3:20 For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.

1 John 3:21 Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God.

1 John 3:22 And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight.

1 John 3:23 And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment.

1 John 3:24 And he that keepeth his commandments dwelleth in him, and he in him. And hereby we know that he abideth in us, by the Spirit which he hath given us.

1 John 4:1 Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.

1 John 4:2 Hereby know ye the Spirit of God: Every spirit that confesseth that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is of God:

1 John 4:3 And every spirit that confesseth not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is not of God: and this is that spirit of antichrist, whereof ye have heard that it should come; and even now already is it in the world.

1 John 4:4 Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.

So where do we go how do we win? How can I get back right with God? You can not undo the wrongs you done. You can say you’re sorry, you can pay restitution, you can still not undo what is done, but you can go forward. You can learn from it and be better for the lessons you have learned.

I wrote this poem the other nite while talking to a friend that is just where this talk is. My heart bleeds for my friends who find them selves in this place. You see I was there and I need help, someone that would show me the right things. Instead I found the pastors I had known for years condemned me. I got email telling me how I was bound for hell. Funny they never asked if I had done all these things tossed at me, I was just guilty. You know they didn’t look to see what blame my wife may of shared, it was all me. I’m sure you have been there too. Then thank God there are Christians, who did reach out, they did the best thing they could do. Let me talk, listened and did not ever once condemn me, they prayed, I was on so many pray lists, and they loved me. Some called me long distance, some gave me there numbers and said just call collect. I cry now for these are real men and women of God. They never cared if it was she or I, they just wanted one thing, me to be right with God again and go forward. So thank you my friends, Thank you Dawn, and Hillary, Sabrina, Jezz, Terry, Brenda, Deena, Merry, Sharon, and so many more but most of all thank you God. You sent me Linda, and we make a great team serving you again.

What I had to do so will you! Forget bout blame, you are guilty as much as the one that hurt you.

Mat 3:2 And saying, Repent ye: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.

Mark 1:15 And saying, The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand: repent ye, and believe the gospel.

Luke 13:3 I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.

Luke 13:4 Or those eighteen, upon whom the tower in Siloam fell, and slew them, think ye that they were sinners above all men that dwelt in Jerusalem?

Luke 13:5 I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.

Acts 2:38 Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.

Acts 3:19 Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord;

Acts 3:20 And he shall send Jesus Christ, which before was preached unto you:

Acts 3:21 Whom the heaven must receive until the times of restitution of all things, which God hath spoken by the mouth of all his holy prophets since the world began.

Acts 3:26 Unto you first God, having raised up his Son Jesus, sent him to bless you, in turning away every one of you from his iniquities.

Acts 4:1 And as they spake unto the people, the priests, and the captain of the temple, and the Sadducees, came upon them,

Acts 4:2 Being grieved that they taught the people, and preached through Jesus the resurrection from the dead.

Acts 8:22 Repent therefore of this thy wickedness, and pray God, if perhaps the thought of thine heart may be forgiven thee.

Acts 8:23 For I perceive that thou art in the gall of bitterness, and in the bond of iniquity.

Rev 2:4 Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love.

Rev 2:5 Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent.

Rev 2:14 But I have a few things against thee, because thou hast there them that hold the doctrine of Balaam, who taught Balac to cast a stumblingblock before the children of Israel, to eat things sacrificed unto idols, and to commit fornication.

Rev 2:15 So hast thou also them that hold the doctrine of the Nicolaitanes, which thing I hate.

Rev 2:16 Repent; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will fight against them with the sword of my mouth.

Rev 2:20 Notwithstanding I have a few things against thee, because thou sufferest that woman Jezebel, which calleth herself a prophetess, to teach and to seduce my servants to commit fornication, and to eat things sacrificed unto idols.

Rev 2:21 And I gave her space to repent of her fornication; and she repented not.

Rev 2:22 Behold, I will cast her into a bed, and them that commit adultery with her into great tribulation, except they repent of their deeds.

Rev 2:23 And I will kill her children with death; and all the churches shall know that I am he which searcheth the reins and hearts: and I will give unto every one of you according to your works.

Rev 3:2 Be watchful, and strengthen the things which remain, that are ready to die: for I have not found thy works perfect before God.

Rev 3:3 Remember therefore how thou hast received and heard, and hold fast, and repent. If therefore thou shalt not watch, I will come on thee as a thief, and thou shalt not know what hour I will come upon thee.

Rev 3:18 I counsel thee to buy of me gold tried in the fire, that thou mayest be rich; and white raiment, that thou mayest be clothed, and that the shame of thy nakedness do not appear; and anoint thine eyes with eyesalve, that thou mayest see.

Rev 3:19 As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.

Rev 3:20 Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.

Luke 17:3 Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.

Luke 17:4 And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.

2 Pet 3:17 Ye therefore, beloved, seeing ye know these things before, beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own stedfastness.

2 Pet 3:18 But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen.

So what are you waiting for, you messed up, you failed, you thought and maybe even tried to take your life, you are mesreble, give it up go pray, pray what with repentance, without bitterness or anger, and you will win to be the best Christian u can be. In fact I think you can do more for God then most others because you have been there.

Remember you are loved, I love you and haven’t seen you, I care and know not your name, but we shall meet some day, we have much in common you and I, lets meet in a few years on the street of gold, you know the place by the crystal sea, we’ll sit down on the banks and not remember any of the pain we have here.

God Bless you my friend