Before I begin with any of what I'm going to say to the negative I want to say this first; I love Foggy with all my heart. I truly do. I just feel very confused about where to go with our relationship at this point in the life of it. I often times feel as if it's dying; in that it just doesn't often seem to have the pizzazz that it did in the beginning. I'm not saying that I don't want to be with him anymore; it's not that at all. I just want it to be more exciting that it seems to often be.

I feel neglected a lot of the time. I have a difficult time understanding him having such a confusing sex drive; I admit that. How is it that not having sex often enough can have the same affect on how much he's in the mood for it as getting it too much? That's something I really don't get. I really relish the times when I do at least get to cuddle and snuggle with him because even those times don't seem to come around a lot anymore without him falling asleep, or the position were in making us both physically uncomfortable.

There are often times these days when I feel so many needs that I have are going unmet so often, that I really feel at the same time like saying "To Hell with what he doesn't want to agree to". If I can't get my needs met by him then I'll get them met by somebody." He doesn't have to know about everything I do with other men when he's not around." What he doesn't know can't hurt him." The thing is I don't really want be sneaky and deceptive about it; I really don't. If he can't or won't put more effort into meeting my needs for sex and companionship; I want to have access to someone or ones who can do a little better job of it.

Foggy seems to feel that, being in a dissatisfying relationship is somehow better than not being in one at all; I disagree completely. I learned a long time ago that if your not satisfied with the way things are and they don't look like their going to change; there's no point in waiting around for things to change if you can see early on that they probably won't.

Still I wonder if maybe I'm not putting too much pressure him to be for me what I should perhaps learn how to be for myself. Maybe I need to acquire some interests outside of him. Perhaps if I give myself a little something more to do in my spare time that I will truly enjoy outside of him; I won't feel such a great need for him to be a part of whatever it is that I do, that he doesn't want to be a part of. Well I am going to get off here now; it looks like "Old Boy" is getting inpatient about getting to work to get the Buick.

Be patient; there's more to come later. There always is.